I have been pondering some things lately.  Things that have caused me to wonder why--why are people like this.  Most people would tell me to forget about it,  it's not worth stewing about,  but  I can't forget it  because  I am afraid that if I don't figure out the meaning of all of this, my feelings will turn to bitterness.  I don't need that right now. 

     I have decided to write this all out  to help me figure it out.  I hesitate to do this as I don't want my words and thoughts to be construed as criticism.  I am purely trying to figure out why this is happening.  I guess this where I confess  that I have been guilty  of the same behaviour  so I have no business casting stones.   I just want to understand why  so I can  turn things around for me,  although  I think the experience  that I have had in the last two months  have caused a change already.

     Okay,  getting on to my thoughts.   I have been a bit taken aback  by the lack of support from my church  during my cancer  situation.  Sure,  I have received  prayer support.  People are quite willing to tell me  that they have been praying for me  but that has been the extent of their contact with me.  Three women from my church  have called me to ask how I have been doing and how my surgery went.  No one else  has called.   Now,  when I say support  I mean  emotional support--calling me  to see how things went.   I got very little of that.   Actually, my Pastor  never contacted me either  until two and a half weeks after my sugery..    I went to church on Sunday  and the older women  talked to me and asked me how I was doing but the younger ones ignored me.   They didn't even talk to me.

      I have been wondering why this is.   As usual  I initially thought  that   they are angry  with me  because I haven't been going to church regularly this past year.  I have had a rough year and I needed time to sort things out, so I pulled out of my church obligations  and have only been attending church once or twice a month.  So I thought that these women might be  upset that I wasn't holding up my part of the church.   But  for six years  before,  I went to church every week  and was involved in many programs  so I hope they weren't begrudging  me  a bad year.  On further thought,  I don't think that is the reason for their avoidance.

     I was talking to a dear friend yesterday.  Her father died two weeks ago  and she  said she has experienced  the same thing  in her church. No one has acknowledged  her father's  death.   We were comparing notes and trying to figure out why this happens.   I noted that the women who did contact me were  older women.   Our thoughts on this  was that  the  older women  have experienced more  in their lives  and that experience has given them empathy  to understand  what is going on in other's  lives. 

     The younger women  have  busy lives.  They have families to take care of,  jobs to attend to  and  life is buzzing around them.   They don't have time to contact those that are hurting,  other than  praying for them.   Please don't misunderstand me,  prayer is important but tangible support is just as important  (when I say tangible I mean  human contact.)   I think another reason for the avoidance is that they just don't know what to say.   How do you talk to a person whose life just was turned upside down by life's happenings.   How can these women possibly  know  what I have been going through  if they haven't been through it?      How can they know the depth of emotion  if it has never visited them before?

     I have been thinking lots about this  as  I was like this as well.   When I heard that people were going through  a rough time,  I would either  a) avoid them  or b) tell them that I was praying for them  but then go on my merry way. My reasons for doing this  was because  I had no emotional knowledge of what it was like to experience these kinds of situations.  I had no idea of the depth of emotion one goes through during these times.  I know now.    I have been convicted  by this  throughout  my own situation.  God has given me empathy  for those  who are being tossed around by life's  waves.   I pray that that empathy will not fade as time goes on.   

      I recently read  the book  Tha Actor and the Housewife  by Shannon Hale.  This book was pure fluff but I came away from it with a great idea.   The main character in the book  would always make three pies once a week.  The first pie was for her own family.  The other two pies were to be given away to someone  who needed some encouragement,  someone who needed to know that they were being thought of and prayed for.   Becky (the character)  would ask God to bring  someone to mind  who needed a pie.  Every week God  would bring  people to her thoughts who needed  her kindness.   I really liked that idea. So  I made two pies yesterday, one for my family  and the other  for my friend.   I think that I will make that idea a part of my life. 

     It has helped to write this all out.  The thoughts were making my brain hurt.  It has helped to crowd out the bitterness in thinking why these things are happening and to recognize that I am guilty of the same things.   The time for thinking  and pondering  is over,  now it is time for  action,  for doing.

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Posted by Beloved8

Posted by Chris in NM