I met a friend in the library earlier this week. I haven't seen this friend in awhile. She knew all about our little cancer bump, through hearing it via mutual friends. She asked me how I was feeling then said the old familiar words:
"I was going to call you but, of course, I didn't. I figured you wouldn't want to talk about it."
I had two immediate thoughts: 1) she made that decision (about whether I wanted to talk or not) for me and 2) the more accurate statement would be that she did not want to talk about it.
This has been a very common experience for me the last two months. People that I thought were my friends have avoided me like the plague. Some have even walked by me without acknowledging my exixtence. I know why they are acting like this: they don't know what to say, their uncomfortableness suffocates them into inaction. I totally understand this as I used to be like this as well.
I have been thinking about this very hard the last few days (it is at this point that my husband would back away in fear, so proceed with extreme caution,) and God has given me insight into this whole thing. I initially was hurt by the library incident (and every similar incident that I have encountered in the last two months) but now I just feel sadness for my friend. By avoiding me, she is missing out on amazing stories about how God has worked in my life and my children's lives in the past two months. She is missing out on glimpses of God's Glory. There have been so many ways that God has ministered to me in the past little while; ways of miracles. In avoiding me, people miss out on being encouraged by stories of God's healing, His comfort, His strength, His peace, etc. I could go on and on. The short of it is, though, that they are just plain missing out. They do not get to see glimpses of God. This saddens me.
An elderly gentleman from our church is in the hospital right now. He wants so desperately to die and be with His Father. He is having a very difficult time, as is his wife. B. C. (Before Cancer) I would have prayed for this couple but I would not have called or visited because my comfort zone would have held me back. Last night I called this lovely woman. I would have liked to have visited her husband in the hospital but he is deaf and is in a hallucinative state, I didn't want my kids to see that., so I called. We talked for half an hour. This wonderful woman told me story after story about how God has answered prayer, not just in this situation, but in times of the past. These stories were so encouraging to me. I thought later that if I had chosen to avoid that phone call, I would have missed out on all of those stories that gave my glimpses of God's glory and power. Her stories encouraged me.
Isn't it funny how God works? We make an effort to help someone or to encourage them and we end up being helped or encouraged. If we hadn't made that effort, we would miss out on all of that and so much more.