Jan. 24, 2010 - wondering...
I wonder why I struggle so much with my emotions. Anger, resentment, unhappiness...these things just creep in every so often.
Maybe at times I feel emotionally miserable because of the whole premenopause thing.
But on the other hand, maybe I feel this way because I am becoming more aware of my own sin, selfishness and jerkiness. Perhaps it is a sign of spiritual growth. (I hope!)
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Jan. 24, 2010 - The Agony of Sundays
Sundays are the worst day of the week for me. Here I am right now, in the middle of a Sunday, feeling miserable. I know I need to be responsible for my own feelings, so I guess I am choosing the miserableness.
Every Sunday (except the weekends I serve on worship team) has the same pattern. While my family sleeps, I get up, get dressed and make breakfast for them all. Then I wake them up. They come to the table, eat breakfast, and then lay around or even go back to bed. I sit in the living room and wait. Fifteen minutes before it is time to leave, people get in the shower and throw on some clothes. Then we drive to church.
Even though my daughters went to the bathroom right before we left for the ten minute drive to church, they have to go to the bathroom again. So I stand and wait for them. Then we attend church.
After church, Abby is a crab. Emily snaps at me while we walk through the crowd. Steve and I stand and talk to friends while the girls sulk and fight with each other.
Then we get in the car to drive home. And I tell my family how tired I am of this routine. Then everyone is cold and silent the whole way home.
As soon as we get home, the girls fight for computer time. The tv gets turned on from now til bedtime. The girls fight and Steve gets angry because the fighting is interrupting what he's watching.
So right now we are home from church and I have closed myself in the classroom. It is literally like this every single week. I've tried other solutions, but am at the point where I want to just attend church by myself for awhile. Sorry, family, you're on your own.
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Dec. 3, 2009 - Half Empty/Half Full
Today, at Abby's suggestion, I gave a quiz in history. I typed up ten true or false questions as a way to review our reading from this week. I think we'll keep doing it from now on.
Abby was so proud of herself. "Mom," she proudly said after we corrected it, "I got FIVE RIGHT!"
Yes, dear Abby, but that was five out of TEN. I guess some people see the glass as half full.
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Oct. 14, 2009 - Keep Your Hands To Yourself
One reason I don't blog as often anymore is because I've run out of fun and funny things to share. Now that my girls are older, I just don't have all of those funny moments with them. But I'll share one that I recently remembered from when they were small.
I was in Walmart with the two girls - Emily age four and Abby age eight months or so. Emily walked alongside the cart while Abby rode in the seat.
I turned away for a second and suddenly heard Abby scream out in pain. I turned around to see her crying, holding her hand to her eye.
I asked Emily what happened to her sister. She replied, "Well, I've always wanted to know what an eyeball felt like, so I put my finger in Abby's eye."
Nothing left to say.
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Oct. 14, 2009 - The Long Routine
The older I get, the longer it takes for me to get ready for bed. Here is what I do as of now at age 42:
1. take out contact lenses
2. scrub face
3. moisturize face
4. rinse with plaque remover
5. brush teeth
6. floss
7. put in oral splint (tmj)
8. sometimes apply progesterone cream
9. do ten minutes of stretching (also tmj related)
10. apply moist heat to neck and shoulders (t m j)
11. write in journal
12. pray
13. Lay out clothes for the next day. I know - it's weird but it helps me a lot when I get up in the morning.
I forgot to add that I also take vitamins every night.
There's no such thing as just falling into bed anymore!
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Sep. 17, 2009 - Bad Editing
The other day while reading a book, I came across a misspelled word. "Mannequin" was spelled "manikin."
I know "mannequin" is kind of a difficult word, but really? They didn't run spell check before publishing this thing?
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Aug. 6, 2009 - An Update on How To NOT Motivate Your Child
Two blog entries ago, I wrote about a mom at swimming lessons who had a very negative attitude towards her son.
This morning was our last swimming lesson. I was sitting near this mom, and on the other side of her was an older man and his wife who had been there to swim laps but then stayed to watch some swimming lessons.
I was very blessed to listen to this man make small talk with the mom. He ended up telling her about his faith and how he found Jesus at a Billy Graham crusade. She told him that she doesn't go to church, but maybe he planted some seeds. He was on her left, telling her about Jesus, and I was on her right, praying for her. What a great morning.
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Aug. 5, 2009 - So, how is your summer going?
Please don't ask me that. Unless you REALLY want to hear about all the ups and downs.
What's up? How are you doing?
I don't like those questions right now. I"ll dedicate another blog entry to outlining the ups and downs.
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Aug. 5, 2009 - How To NOT Motivate Your Child
I've been sitting through Abby's swimming lessons for the last couple of weeks. There is a boy in her class who is struggling with some of his strokes. Here are some of the things I've heard his mom yell to him from the side of the pool:
"You keep swimming and don't you dare stop!"
"Come on! Don't be such a wimp!"
"Don't be such a drama queen!"
It makes me sad. Maybe this boy is difficult and high maintenance at home. That takes a lot of work for a mom - I get that. But how can you expect your child to improve when you're yelling negative things at him from the sidelines? I want to be a cheerleader.
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Jul. 6, 2009 - Dear Family
Dear family members,
I know it seems as if I don't need privacy but I do.
So if you answer then phone and it is for me, please don't bring it to me while I am on the toilet. It would be much better if you took a message.
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Jun. 9, 2009 - Dear Family
Dear Family Member Who Shall Remain Unnamed,
I appreciate the fact that when our cat vomited, you cleaned it up and told me about it later. As you know, I have been extremely tired lately and am thankful any time other people pitch in and help around the house.
Please use a paper towel next time, though, and not the kitchen sponge.
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May. 3, 2009 - Choices
There are many, many things I wish I had known when I was younger, and I try to pass those things on to my daughters.
One of those things has been the idea that we can choose our emotions and attitudes. I have spent most of my life believing that I am a victim of my emotions, but that just isn't true. Even in church today, our pastor said that being crabby is a choice we make. God keeps working with me on this issue and I want to model this for my giris.
Two weeks ago was the day of Abby's birthdy party with her friends. I woke up that morning and was simply exhausted. I had no idea how I was going to get through the day. But God gently reminded me that I had a choice to make: I could mope around and feel sorry for myself, which would put a damper on Abby's exciting day, or I could paste a smile on my face and let Abby know how excited I was for her party. I chose the latter. And you know what? We had a great day.
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Apr. 28, 2009 - Good News, Bad News
Good news: Emily was the only girl in her level one ballet and pointe class to pass to level 2 for next year. The girl is amazing.
Bad news: Next year's level 2 ballet and pointe class is on Tuesday evenings from 8:00 til 9:30. I'll have to wear my pajamas. Seriously, friends, this is going to be late for me.
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Apr. 27, 2009 - Vent
I know it's weird to blog about facebook but I've got to get this off my chest.
I was just unfriended by one of my high school friends. This person and I still have some mutual friends on facebook. I just don't get it.
I want to write a note to them and ask about it, but that would be so lame and awkward. I'll try my best to let it go.
End of vent.
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Apr. 7, 2009 - Public Confession
Today I was making a list for my Easter shopping and Emily saw me write "Cadbury eggs" on it. She asked me what they were.
I told her that I buy them every year and I was surprised she didn't know about them. I kept describing them but she still had no idea.
Then I realized that I do buy them every year, but my kids have never seen them because I hoard them and eat them all myself. Oops.
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Apr. 2, 2009 - Ding Dong
It was about a year ago when I did something that was a bad example to my girls. I try to be conscious of modeling healthy, safe boundaries. But on this evening, Steve was out of town and at 9:00 the doorbell rang. It was completely dark outside and there was a man at the door. I answered it. He was getting signatures for a petition.
When I told Steve about it, he was unhappy with me. I knew it was foolish, too. Even during the day, I told the girls, we don't need to answer the door to someone we don't know.
So this afternoon the doorbell rang. I peeked around the corner and saw a man in a unform. A Schwan's truck was parked in the street. He probably saw me through the window, but I wanted to show the girls that it doesn't matter. We can be home and not answer the door.
It's funny how hard it is. It feels like I'm hurting someone's feelings. But at the same time it feels kinda nice.
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Mar. 24, 2009 - Footloose
Today I saw an entertainment headline announcing that Zac Efron had pulled out of the remake of Footloose. That's too bad. I totally would have gone to see it. He would have been a perfect Ren.
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Mar. 16, 2009 - Peace and Quiet in the Kitchen
Tihs weekend I redecorated in the space above our kitchen cupboards. For seven years I had had a collection of all sorts of old, antique kitchen items in the space. It was kind of fun and interesting to look at. But lately I've wanted a clean, quiet look, so I went to Marshall's and brought home a collection of glassware.
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Mar. 9, 2009 - The S Word
We've been watching The Brady Bunch through Netflix. Here's what happened in the latest episode:
Greg: "Mom, Bobby has been a real stinker lately."
Mrs. Brady: "Greg, you know I don't like when you use that word!"
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Mar. 9, 2009 - Experiment Results
So we had the big time change over the weekend. I prepared for it by getting up a little earlier all week long.
Sunday morning wasn't so rough. I was glad I had prepared myself for the change. But today, Monday, it was rough. So did it help? A little.
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