Apr. 11, 2007 - Showers
Our latest struggle with the twins with autism is getting them to take a shower.
"I took shower Monday," they say. Or, "I don't stink."
They are 12 now, and trust me, at the end of the day, they stink. But of course, when you are twelve, autistic, and hate baths and showers, you are going to come out smelling like a rose to yourself at all times. It doesn't matter that you rode your bike for miles or chased bunny rabbits and built forts in the yard. You smell good. You smell as good as the dog, and that's a great smell.
So, since 12-year-old boys with autism don't think they stink, this is my nightly speech. I say it with my eyes bugging out and my boys giving me an open-mouthed, blank stare:
"You aren't babies anymore. You are young men. Daddy takes a shower everyday, Mommy takes a shower everyday, your big brothers take a shower everyday, the doctor takes a shower everyday, the mail lady takes one everyday, and Miss Mary, your teacher, takes one every single day. That's what you get to do when you grow up! And you are almost all grown up now!"
Sometimes, after the speech is ofer, it gets a smile, and an embarrassed giggle, but other times they just continue to give me the blank stare.
I hate that blank stare. I hate it because it means, "I have shut down, I am back in my autistic world where I am safe from anything you might ask of me and I'm not coming out until I'm good and ready."
However, I'm beginning to think that they like hearing and watching Mom's bug-eyed speech about how they are young men and almost grown up. I think it's just a reflex to cry and complain about the shower and they love the predictable response of a spassed out, stressed out Mom. It is part of the structure they have grown to love wrapping themselves up in like a security blanket. If Mom isn't spassed out, then something is wrong, because Mom is usually spassed out when she talks to us, think they.
Sure, I know that they have always been tactile defensive when it comes to taking their shower. I know that since they were infants they would scream when the water would touch their skin. But it isn't as painful for them as it used to be. It does annoy them -- the water touching their skin -- but it doesn't hurt them. And they have got to learn now that being a stinky person isn't a good way to make friends and influence people!
It's not that they completely hate the water, either. Both boys are excellent swimmers, but Isaiah would just rather watch than actualty swim much of the time.
Isaac is part fish, I think.
The only reason they can swim is because we ahve always had access to a pool or had a pool. I don't even remember the moment they learned to swim. I don't even remember when they were not afraid to put their face in the water.
But I do remember when they were infants, babies and toddlers that I would just wash their hair as fast as I could using a cup to rinse their hair. It didn't matter how I did it because they were going to scream at the top of their lungs anyway. From the moment they heard the bathwater running until they were swaddled in a thinck, Downy-smelling towel in my arms, their screams filled the entire State of Iowa where we lived.
Can't the lawmakers hear these kids' cries? Can't they hear the parents weeping because they can't go anywhere, eat a meal as a family, or even open Christmas presents around the tree? Can't they see the many things we miss because we love children with autism? Aren't they hearing those nightly shower speeches every night? Where is the help we so desparately need?
I guess right now I should be thankful that my issues are pretty simple. Taking a shower will probably always be something the boys don't want to do. I understand from people who work in group homes that their clients don't like to shower, either.
I wonder if the water was bubble gum flavored if it would be any easier....
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Apr. 15, 2007 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by Anonymous |
| Your post gave me a chuckle; the blank stare part anyway, but I also nod in agreement to who is paying attention. Thankfully my autistic son does not have a problem with his bath, but he is not potty trained & no readiness yet, at 12yrs old. Things seem to get tougher as he gets older... <sigh> |
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Apr. 15, 2007 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by hugs4Him |
Ooops; this didn't work the first time so I'll try again, now signed in. Hopefully I won't have 2 comments!
Your post gave me a chuckle about the blank stare comment. But I also wonder who is paying attention most days. My son doesn't mind his bath but has no potty readiness yet at 12 yrs old; disturbing to me as a mom. <sigh> |
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Apr. 28, 2007 - Grandson |
| Posted by Anonymous |
| My Grandson, is fifteen. He is not potty trained. He loves getting in water, however he gets mad, when I have to clean him, and the tub first. He doesn't understand, I can't let him get in the dirty water. I have to clean him and the tub, before I can let him sat down. He is getting harder to clean. I think. |
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Apr. 29, 2007 - Radish Cure |
| Posted by Anonymous |
If your boys have a sense of humor, they might enjoy reading about the radish cure from "Mrs. Piggle Wiggle", http://www.best-childrens-books.com/mrs-piggle-wiggle.html
Tammy
http://aut2bhomeincarolina.blogspot.com |
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About Me
I have 5 children and three grandchildren. My oldest two children are married with children of their own. My youngest three are still at home. My middle child is 15 has bipolar, semantic-pragmatic disorder, hypothyroidism, adhd, dyslexia, giftedness and other issues. My youngest children, twins, are 11 and have autism, mental retardation, communication disorder, and all the behaviors that go with those lovely diagnoses!
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