Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Pass the kleenex, please
Posted in Family Doings
Every so often, someone will say just exactly the wrong thing to me. They don't know it, but one innocent comment and I'm a teary mess for days.
Right now I'm nearing the end (I hope and pray) of a midlife crisis. I wasn't ready to be done having babies. I wasn't ready to start going gray and soft in the middle. I wasn't ready to see a son married. It has all kind of come to the forefront of my mind this week with Rose's sixth birthday.
We made a trip to the grocery store, to buy her cake and special meal items. She was very excited and was telling everyone she saw about her special day. The checkout clerk (who knows us but somehow doesn't hide when she sees us coming) said to me, "Well, I'll bet you're relieved to be done with the 'kid' part of your life!"
I immediately recognized the anti-child bias. "Diapers? Eww! Teething and potty training? Yuck! Get them to first grade and out of my hair!" is the unspoken meaning. No surprise. Sad, but common.
But for some reason it really hit me. If we participated in public schooling, this birthday would mark the end of my interrupted days. I could go back to work part time, I could have a hobby, a pet, a life. But are children an interruption? No, they are so much of my life that the thought of life without them is painful.
And painful is the thought of this transition. Rose - my baby - my very last baby - isn't my baby anymore, but a little girl. The temptation to keep her a baby is real and strong. But, to every purpose there is a season and holding on to summer doesn't keep the leaves from falling.
The past 12 months have held so many changes and transitions. Many have been painful and begrudging. I know I would be handling them much better if I could let go of what was and trust God for what will be.
But I'm not ready. Lord, make me ready.
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Comments
Wednesday, March 15, 2006 - Oh Anji
 Posted by MuckFootMom
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I'm not currently where you are, but I can see some of those things coming, in my future, and my prayer is the same ~ make me ready, Lord. ((((((((Anji))))))))
kim
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Thursday, March 16, 2006 - Untitled Comment
 Posted by familyfarm
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I understand....
I mentioned to my family that I do not know who I am if I am not a homeschooling mother. What will I do when they all leave? My youngest is 8...I only have 10 more years to hs him...and then what?
I guess I should also be praying, that my heart would be completely open to whatever God's will is for me. I've come quite a way, but I have a long way to go yet.
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Thursday, March 16, 2006 - Untitled Comment
 Posted by OreoSouza
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I was thinking about you this morning...and all that the Lord has set on your plate in the last years.
The picture in my mind I saw?
A woman dressed in mourning clothes from the top of her head to the soles of her shoes...smiling with the most beautiful, brilliant smile I've ever seen.
Gives me goosebumps and brings tears to my eyes.
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Friday, March 17, 2006 - No more babies?
 Posted by ktneis
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I feel for you as I have gone through what you are feeling. My youngest is 6yr and I lost a baby 11/2 yr ago. But I have settled my mind with prayer that I am going to enjoy what God has given me and not want more. Which is easier to say than feel. I needed to change my mindset and redo my future thinking and move ahead. Everyday it gets easier and now I have new goals and wants. Praying to God gives me the peace and reading the bible gives me different perspectives. I love where I am at now and I look forward to the many new adventures I will have with my family. Kelly
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Friday, March 17, 2006 - Untitled Comment
 Posted by MamaHen
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I don't remember how I found your blog, but I've enjoyed reading it. This last entry really tugged at my heart, especially the line, "...holding on to summer doesn't stop the leaves from falling." So true. My oldest is 7, I just can't imagine how it will be in another 7 years when our baby is a first grader.
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Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - {{{Hugs}}}
 Posted by flapjacks
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I'm so with you on this! How come my youngest is ten? I'm just about experienced enough to start having kids! At least that's how it feels :-) It has been a real crisis for me, realising there won't be another baby :-(((
I'm very aware though that they need my influence as much now as ever, though the issues have changed. I have the privilege of being in a Mums in Touch group (we pray for our kids and their schools - or not schools in DD's case!) and there I might be praying with Mums with younger childen, or with grandmothers. The grandmothers are amazing! They don't stop praying for their kids just because the kids have grown up! No, if anything they pray more, and they pray for the grandchildren too.
{{{Hugs}}}
Alice
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Sunday, March 26, 2006 - Untitled Comment
 Posted by bigredriver
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I'm 51 and my two bio. kids are grown and married and have delighted me with grandchildren, but I wasn't ready to stop being "Mom" either. We have adopted 8 and little and big ones keep coming into our home through foster care. I'm grey and soft in the middle but still loving it
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