Jan. 5, 2006 - Wives roles - where we've gone wrong.
I am writing this in direct response to a post on TamAZ's blog. I started to write her a comment but realized that it was getting waaay too long so I thought I'd just write my entire perspective here instead of piggy-backing on Tammi's wonderful thoughts.
I agree that a major concern in our Christian women today is the wrong way they view their relationships with their husbands - they tend to see their husbands as THEIR helpmates, rather than the other way around. I think it is part of the lack of real discipleship in our churches (not to bash the church today, but discipleship is where I feel we have fallen down).
When I was first saved I was privileged to be in a wonderful church of disciplers. I was trained in the basics of the Christian faith, in how to study the Word of God, how to share my faith, how to disciple others, how to persevere in prayer, how to live a life of faith and joy. What I DIDN'T learn was practically how to look at my life as a woman with joy and acceptance. Part of it was my own sin that God hadn't touched on yet, but part of it was a real independant spirit that was almost built into me.
Well, our past 2 decades have seen Christian women come to a greater conviction of being stay-at-home moms (but they wouldn't do this if their children were grown) BUT they still don't have such a deep understanding of their real roles as wives. They see themselves as helpmates to their CHILDREN, meeting all of their needs and placing their children first and foremost in their lives. They are on the right track but have gotten off the path and are stalled down a dead-end. This has led to a great build up of frustration and resentment - and that tends to focus on the husband. BUT this resentment and frustration is merely a result of a misunderstanding of our roles and purpose.
We (wives) were CREATED to be helpers to our husbands. That sounds so wimpy, doesn't it? But we are created as helpmates in the same way that the Holy Spirit is called the Parakletos. This word is translated: comforter, helper, counselor, advocate. It means 'to come along side' or literally 'called to one's side'. The word used to describe the wife as the helpmate is used in only two ways in scripture: of the wife and of the Lord!! This makes for a very powerful affect that our help is to bring to our husbands. Our job of being a help, support, comfort, counsel for our husbands is in reality a very high and honorable calling.
A real and deep understanding of this truth can cause a complete change of our views. We now see that all that we do (including raising our children for God's glory) is to be ministering to our husbands. Our goals and vision for our family should be our HUSBANDS' goals and vision; we should be like ducks-in-a-row lined up behind our husbands (metaphorically speaking) following the way he leads and having our family be a visible expression of his heart and purpose before the Lord.
Of course this raises all sorts of questions:
-why do I have to be the slave?
-when do I get what I want?
-how come I don't get any voice?
-how do I get my needs met?
-what about when I'm burning out and need a break?
-how am I supposed to get it all done?
The key element in all these questions is "I". But the longer I walk with the Lord the more my heart cries out like John the Baptist "He must increase, I must decrease." My life has been bought by Christ by the weightiest cost - His precious life. He owns me now, He controls what I do, how I serve, whom I serve and my very purpose in exsisting. My life is poured out as a drink offering before the throne of grace. And if He has chosen to use my life in ministry to my husband, placing his needs above my own, then I am honored and blessed to be able to glorify Him. And I know that in doing so, God Himself will meet every need I have (and many that I don't even know that I have!)...sometimes through my husband or children and sometimes in ways I can't even begin to imagine. The point is, when we do things HIS way, we NEVER lose out!! He can even choose to exalt us with earthly glory if that is His best for us.
So, learning to stay home and raise our children for the Lord is just the beginning of the journey the Lord has for us. Next He wants to restore to us the joy in our creation that was lost at the fall but was redeemed at the cross. We just haven't always learned how to walk in that redemption. The first step to learning to honor our husbands in our speech is to understand how to honor them in our hearts by embracing our roles as ministers/servants in our homes to our husbands. It IS a joyful journey of freedom!
Comments
Jan. 5, 2006 - Terrific post Kate!
Posted by TamInAz
I've been waiting ever since I read your comment on my blog to read what you had to say :)
Blessings,
Tam
Jan. 5, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by DandelionSeeds
AMEN! Please stop by my blog, as I spoke of being helpmets also...
Also, please stop by my blog (same post) and read my prayer request for a woman's blog I came across... she needs prayer.
Blessings,
Amy
Jan. 5, 2006 - Husband's Chart
Posted by Anonymous
Hey there! I found your site through Tam in AZ. She mentioned a chart you created to help find your husbands likes/dislikes. Is there any way you could post that or email it to me? Thanks for the help and encouragement!
Blessings,
Eliz
Jan. 5, 2006 - well said
Posted by GratefulForGrace
You said some great things. I've struggled with this. In the last year or so, I've released my 'need' for 'me time'. It's been hard, but good. He is blessing it.
I, too, would really like your chart.
Jan. 6, 2006 - Well Said!!!
Posted by 4beachbabies
Amen! You said this so well. I just touched on the subject a few weeks ago, but you really know how to sum something up. Thank you, there are so many wives and mommies out there that are in desparate need of teaching.
I am adding you as a friend.
Many Blessings,
Andrea
Jan. 7, 2006 - Wonderful entry-
Posted by CityCricket
I found you throgh Tam as well and I'm glad I did. I am trying to change my thoughts and actions and attitudes to bea a better wife and mother and find it so helpful to immerse myself in thoughtfula nd thought provoking blogs such as this. :) It's awesome when the Lord directs us towards those who can support and encourage us in what we have alreadylearned or know is true.
Blessings!
Jan. 11, 2006 - More questions
Posted by Phyllis
Thank you for that! I was raised with the teaching that a wife's priorities should be God, husband, children, and I believe it, but I'm having trouble working it out in real life. My small children take so much time and energy, that I feel almost like I have to put my husband on a back burner sometimes.
A concrete example is one that I asked Tam about. You can read the story here. My husband just mentioned that he would like to have me go somewhere with him, when I had planned to stay home with the children. I tried to put him first by taking the children and going. It didn't work very well. I couldn't get the children to sleep, like I had thought I would be able to, and then I fell asleep myself and never got to spend any time with my husband or anyone else at the party. Tam basically said that she wouldn't have gone; she wouldn't take the children out. What would you do? It seems like I have situations like this all the time! (Praise the Lord that I have a very understanding husband!)
Oh, that's another issue. My husband very firmly believes that his mission in life is to serve me. He's always asking how HE can help ME. I try to turn it around, but that makes him uncomfortable. Do you have any wisdom for us in this?
