• Mar. 27, 2008 - Calm my Anxious Heart
I think that God is continuing to train and teach me in the area of anxiety. As I think about it, however, I don't really worry, per se' about things that many people worry about. When Carl was in Iraq for a year I really didn't worry about HIM and his safety at all. God just granted me a perfect peace that he would be ok and home with his family--although at the time---even up until just four days in advance, it wouldn't be soon enough. I will readily admit and be proud of the fact that I'm a woman who needs her man. :)
What I worry about are things that I find to be much more dangerous. I find that I experience intense anxiety over the fear of man. What people are thinking......am I doing enough, am I BEING enough.....am I serving enough and in the right way......etc. It's disabling really because I feel that it does not encourage me to be the woman that God truly wants me to be.
So, as this is a homeschooling site, I find myself once again wondering the same old question that most homeschool moms I know ask themselves all the time.......am I doing enough with my children........ I wonder sometimes if this is a product of the public school system that most of us were exposed to. I am not going to go into a step by step scheduling of our school day as the is not the direction I am interested in going into with this blog. I think the direction I desire to take is this thought: WHEN will we come to the point in which we remember (not realize because we KNOW the truth) that God has called us to this task and He will see us through if we will look to HIM for the guidance and the answers. There are so many approaches to homeschooling. I can only praise the Lord for that because we are such unique and different individuals. One size does not fit all.
So I will admit to being an anxiety sufferer but I will appreciate God's perfect working through this. Which leads me to the next point. A friend told me recently that the concept of balance isn't really biblical but I measure life by it regardless. A BALANCE in anxiety. So, say we come to the point in which we worry little but we also act little......... We become so contented with life that we just get into a rut. No change, no worry? Right? Wrong. I am a firm believer that if we are truly in tuned with the Holy Spirit we will see the needs around us and He will motivate us to act. I'm speaking to myself here...... I seek that balance.
Can I share for a moment? We struggle with the issue of seeing needs. When we lived overseas we saw a group of individuals who had a great need for the Lord. Without going into detail, it involved the mafia and human trafficking. Horrible, awful stuff. We would SEE this with out eyes on nearly a daily basis. We had SUCH a heart for these women and deeply desired an outreach for them. We sought out opportunities to serve them in small ways such as bringing them bread and such like that but when it came down to actually seeking opportunities for greater outreach we found that there was nothing. Now, we know that God is MUCH bigger than what we can see with our eyes but the fact was.....there were these women.....and NOONE was reaching out to them. All attempts at reaching out to them were thwarted in the past and we were discouraged on every front.
Now, for me being at the time a young mother of 2 babies.....I was in over my head with life in general. For my sweet husband, though......this was a great frustration. HOW could God place such a burden on our hearts without giving us the opportunity to do something GREAT and GRAND with it. I might add that we were reading "Fox's book of Martyrs" at the time.
So the years go by......and it's revealed to us that this is still an issue on the forefront of our minds...... Could it be that sometimes God can give you a great burden for somebody.....simply to pray? In our world of doing it seems so "inactive". However, isn't prayer the most powerful thing there is? Can we really trust God to answer our prayers as thousands of men, women and children suffer daily from the affects of the atrocities in this world? Can we trust the God sees them and cares for them as much as He cares about those of us who have plenty and waste our time worrying about whether or not we are doing enough math with our children?
I would like to think the answer is "yes". But......to wrap it up in a neat, tidy package.....there HAS to be a balance. Prayerfully seeking HIS permission to act.....and perhaps our prayers......just perhaps they are needed by the person or persons who WILL be involved in the acting.......perhaps.....God......can......be.....trusted.....after.....all.......and I don't have to be the one to physically see the result...... Just perhaps......
Pray, please, for my sweet husband who still struggles in this area. And pray for me as well that I will have the will to act when God calls me too. |
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