May. 26, 2008 - New Beginnings...
I'm learning that I'm not the same person I was when I left home last June. I've been broken and spilled out. My heart isn't the same anymore. My cold, hard heart has been melted by God's love for me. He showed me a beautiful life that has peace and real happiness. I learned I can trust Him and that there is so much more to life when you give of yourself to others and spend time with them. He shows you His love and lets it shine out of you to others.
Before I left I must admit I was a pretty miserable person. I held a lot of grudges in my life and I didn't want to be hurt. I kept my heart closed to feeling. I hated to cry and I hated to show even happiness. I wanted to be unreadable. I didn't want anyone to know what was going on inside of me.
In Pinagbayanan I learned to love and be loved. I worked with those kids and I prayed with those kids. I tried to teach and be taught. I worried over them and prayed for them. I cried with them and for them. And when I left them they cried. As I walked away from my house the tears just poured from my eyes. "I'm leaving them."
My student Meriam...she lived with me, played with me, ate with me, cooked with me, worked with me...she begged me not to go. "Ma'am don't " she said one night at my door. "Don't what?" I said. "Don't Ma'am!" A little worried I replied again "Don't what?"--- "Don't GO Ma'am!" She hugged me and cried. "Your one of my best teachers Ma'am, I love you. Don't go please! If you have to go home...go, but come back! I want you to teach me next year!" This same thing happened two nights in a row. This time Meriam brought with her Jezzle my other second grader. "Don't forget us Ma'am" Over and over I heard those words as I said my goodbyes.
How can I forget them? I'm haunted by their memory every time I close my eyes. I want to see my kids again, I want to go back. I want to be with them. I don't want them to harden their hearts because it hurts to let someone you love go. I don't want them to be afraid to love because someone might leave them.
As our van pulled out of the driveway at LMN in Idaho I stuck my head out the window and waved to Jennie one last time. "Mahal Kita! At Ingat ka!" (I love you and take care!) Again tears rolled down my cheeks...
Let Your Heart be Broken
Let your heart be broken for a world in need:
Feed the mouths that hunger,
Soothe the wounds that bleed.
Give the cup of water, and the loaf of bread.
Be the hands of Jesus, serving in his stead.
Here on earth applying principles of love.
Visible expression, God still rules above.
Living illustration of the living word,
To the minds of all who've never seen or heard.
Blest to be a blessing, privileged to care,
Challenged be the need, apparent everywhere.
Where mankind is wanting, fill the vacant place.
Be the means through which
The Lord reveals His grace.
Add to your believing deeds that prove it true,
Knowing Christ as Savior, Make Him Master too.
Follow in His footsteps, go where he has trod;
In the worlds great trouble risk yourself for God.
Let your heart be tender and your vision clear;
See mankind as God sees, serve Him far and near.
Let your heart be broken by a brother's pain;
Share your rich resources, give and give again.
Words & music - Bryan Jeffery Leech
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