Posted in Spiritual Life

I guess God thought I had some pride that needed to be rooted out.  See, I have long been a confident, and competent, musician, at least when it comes to certain instruments.  I have been playing the flute for almost two decades, so by now I can play any piece of music put in front of me (provided it is written for a C instrument, of course).  After playing the harp for several years, I can now write my own arrangements, and find practicing to be a very relaxing, almost theraputic activity.  I can also play the piccolo.  I even sing a little.  However, after about two years of lessons (which were several years ago now) I still struggle at the piano.  To echo Elizabeth Bennett, who replied when asked if she played, "Very little, and ill indeed!"

And so, in recent weeks, though I have performed music on a regular basis for the past sixteen years, the Lord has seen fit to use this area to cleanse me of any pride I might have in my own abilities.  You see, I am the designated pianist for our little church fellowship.  This means that every Sunday morning, I have the privilege of completely humiliating myself as a fumble through the accompaniment of the hymns.  Most weeks, I feel as if I have ten extra fingers on each hand.  I feel a little sorry for my husband and the other elder in the church, who take turns leading the singing, because I am sure it is difficult listening to a pianist plunk out an accompaniment that may or may not sound like the hymn they are supposed to be leading.  As a perfectionist by nature, I have a very hard time just shrugging off my own inadequacies.  This is an area of pride in me, and God has definitely been working on it over the past couple of months.  I simply can't feel like I've got it all together when I can barely plunk out the melody of a hymn along with a few simple chords.

Actually, I am beginning to come to the place where I can be thankful for my lack of piano-related ability.  I am learning character traits like humility (which I already mentioned), diligence, and perseverance.  I am also learning that something doesn't have to be perfect to be pleasing to God.  Just like the pictures my little daughter draws for me--though I may not be able to tell what the subject of the drawing is--bring me delight, the Lord is delighted in the efforts, no matter how meager, of His children, if they are offering these with all their hearts.

I am going to continue to pound away at the keyboard each Sunday, no matter how tempting it may be to just give up and let everyone sing accapella.  I want God to finish teaching me whatever lessons He has for me.  It is a good example to my children, and it is an opportunity for me to grow in Him. 

I just wish the growing pains I'm having didn't hurt quite so much.