Posted in Spiritual Life

I am not a patient person.  The hardest part of pregnancy for me is having to wait for nine months to actually get to hold that little blessing growing inside of me.  I get extremely frustrated with my dial-up internet connection.  I bring a book with me everywhere I go, a habit I began long before I had children because I couldn't stand not having anything productive to do if I ever had to wait at a stoplight or the bank drive-thru.

This particular area of my life seems to be a place the Lord has been especially at work in refining over the last couple of years.  I've had to do a lot of waiting.  My husband has had many a pep-talk with me in recent weeks, reminding that God's timing is not ours, that we need to keep our eyes on the long-term vision, that He sees the bigger picture.  It is so easy for me to forget that.  I so often find myself asking why I can't have what I want right now.  Why does the Lord continue to ask me to wait?  And then I realize again that perhaps He is making me wait because I am still so bad at it.  Because, as my husband says, He sees the bigger picture and knows the end from the beginning.  He knows what is best for me and as His child, it is my job to simply trust Him and wait on Him.  Easier said than done, I'm afraid.

Patience, my mother always told me, is a virtue.  It is one I would like to have.  It is one I have had plenty of opportunity to work on developing.  I think, however, it is going to be a very long process.  *sigh*  I can see it's going to be a long wait.

Posted in Spiritual Life

 Obviously, it is very important to keep my harp in tune.  In fact, it is absolutely essential to the ultimate enjoyment of the music.  Anyone who has ever played a stringed instrument knows just how much the quality of the music depends upon the proper tuning of the instrument.  In the same way, Christians must allow the Lord to tune our hearts. 

 My very favorite hymn (and incidentally the first song I learned to play on the harp) is "Come Thou Fount".  The first line reads "Come thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy grace."  God wants to tune our hearts to His.  He wants to stretch us, just as the strings are stretched against the sound board of my harp.  Yes, the sound board strains under the pressure of the strings pulling against it.  The strings are under great stress.  But that is when they have the sweetest sound.  That is when the tone is clearest and the song is truest.  The song that comes forth from the strings of a well-tuned harp is bright and lovely and pleasant.  May our lives ring true like a finely tuned instrument of His grace.  May the pressure of the trials of life make the tone of our hearts clear and bright.  May the sounds that emanate from our lives be sweet and lovely and reflect the beauty of His work in our lives.

Posted in Spiritual Life

Several years ago, my husband and I made the conscious choice to limit outside-of-the-home activities.  At the time, our sons were involved in music lessons, martial arts classes, children's choir, Missions club, as well as other activities.  My husband and I sang in the church choir, taught Sunday school classes, participated in drama productions, and several other "ministries".  All the while, our family was literally falling apart.  What looked nice and normal and even attractive on the outside was miserable and displeasing to the Lord on the inside.  We appeared to have it all together--we were doing all the things Christians are "supposed" to do, but the Lord knew the truth, and eventually, so did everyone else.  Praise be to God, He showed us the error of our ways.  He shed light on our sinful hearts, and gave us the grace to turn it all around for Him.  Since that time, we have been very careful to keep our home and our family life at the center of our activities.  The Lord has brought us through a major family reformation, and He is now building our family into a strong force for Him and our home into a vibrant place of ministry.

For a long time, I was under the impression that pleasing the Lord meant doing church-related "ministries".  I thought that as long as I was involved in all the right programs and doing all the right activities, God would be pleased with my service.  I believed that the only way He could really use me was if I were teaching Sunday school or singing in the choir.  What I didn't realize at the time (but what He has taught over the last few years) is that I can be used of God much more effectively if I am doing it in the sphere He has designed me for.  Reaching out to others from the joyful, peace-filled environs of my home, and seeing my home as the center of ministry it truly is, has helped me to understand and fill my role as a Christian woman in a much more complete way.

The sweet, strong, wonderful relationship my husband and I are building is a clear testimony of what the power of the Lord can do in changing the lives of those yielded to Him.  Looking at our marriage, anyone can see the hand of God at work in two sinful human hearts, bringing us together in Him and making us truly "one".  God has used us to minister to others in ways we never expected; what a privilege it is to be able to point to Him and show the work He has done in us.

For us, rethinking what it truly means to "serve the Lord" has opened up opportunities for service we never would have dreamed of.  And our children are involved in ministry with us in a way that would not have been possible with our former mindset.  Our children, after all, are our greatest and most important area of ministry.  Building a godly family is the most important thing we can do for the Lord.  It is the surest way to have a multi-generational, far-reaching impact for His Kingdom.  Isn't that what ministry is really about?

Posted in Spiritual Life

We had the blessing of having overnight guests in our home this past weekend.  While we were so thankful to have the opportunity to open our home to these dear, like-minded friends in the Lord (greetings, T. family!), we did not have a chance to properly prepare our children for this experience.  Our seven year old son in particular struggled with having to share his bed with our guests.  I was sorry to see that he was not very kind about the sacrifice he was required to make.  It made me a bit sad--and a bit embarrassed--to have my child behave in this manner.  We spoke to him about it and he was "encouraged" to apologize to our friends and repent of his bad attitude.  Yet, we weren't quite satisfied that he had completely repented.

Yesterday, the children and I were listening to a CD of Scripture verses set to music.  After hearing the song about how "God loves a cheerful giver", my son, with sincere regret and repentance in his voice, admitted that he had not been a cheerful giver.  "I should have been cheerful in sharing my room with the people that came to visit us.  I'm sorry I had a bad attitude.  I'll be willing to share next time."

What a blessing to hear my child confess wrongdoing and commit himself to rightousness in the future.  It is evidence of God's working in his heart.  It gives me so much joy to know that the training and correction my children are receiving is beginning to bear fruit in their lives.  Praise the Lord for little episodes like this one that show that my husband and I need to continue about the business of winning our children's hearts.  Too many Christian parents focus on the ourward behaviour and miss the root issues in the heart attitude.  My husband and I fall short in our child-training in many ways, but the Lord has shown us that having their hearts is the key.  One of our deepest desires is to see our children give their whole hearts to the Lord and allow Him to work in their lives.  They can't go wrong in life if they are following Him completely and if they allow His Word to have it cleansing effect in their hearts.

Glorifying God in our child raising is really about reaching their hearts.  It is about leading them to a point of closeness to the Lord so that He can work in their hearts.  It is about teaching them of the power of Scripture to transform lives.  As He works in their hearts, good behaviour will naturally follow.  Glimpses of this working, like the one I saw in my son yesterday, make all the hard work of taining worth-while.

Posted in Spiritual Life

It seems that when God brings trials into our lives, He doesn't bring them one at a time.  Rather, He tends to send several all at once--at least in my life.  Maybe He just has more refining to do in me, or maybe that's just the way He works.  Right now, my family is in a season of testing.  While I know this season is just that--a season--and will not last forever, it sure is hard to go through when you're in the midst of it.  Between the flu that has swept through our family, leaving me with a sinus infection, financial concerns, and other more spiritual-related matters, it's difficult not to wonder exactly what God is doing.   when I begin to ask Him, "Lord, what are you trying to teach me?"  in my heart I can hear Him respond with "Just rest in Me and trust that the answers will come in My time."

Believe it or not, simply knowing that God has a purpose and is working that purpose out for His glory and my good is comforting as I lay in bed for the fifth day in a row with a sinus infection (not fun under any circumstances, but quite miserable when the sufferer is eight-and-a-half months pregnant).  It is comforting as we pray over a difficult church-related situation.  It is comforting as we struggle alongside some dear friends, seeking Him and trusting Him to give wisdom and guidance.  It is comforting as we face some uncertain circumstances, unsure of what the future holds.  He knows what He is doing, and that is enough for now.

I have to be honest, at times it is hard to have faith in middle of the trials.  And even though none of it is very enjoyable,  as I mentioned before, there is comfort in trusting Him for the outcome.

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,   knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.   But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."     James 1:2-4

Posted in Spiritual Life

I guess God thought I had some pride that needed to be rooted out.  See, I have long been a confident, and competent, musician, at least when it comes to certain instruments.  I have been playing the flute for almost two decades, so by now I can play any piece of music put in front of me (provided it is written for a C instrument, of course).  After playing the harp for several years, I can now write my own arrangements, and find practicing to be a very relaxing, almost theraputic activity.  I can also play the piccolo.  I even sing a little.  However, after about two years of lessons (which were several years ago now) I still struggle at the piano.  To echo Elizabeth Bennett, who replied when asked if she played, "Very little, and ill indeed!"

And so, in recent weeks, though I have performed music on a regular basis for the past sixteen years, the Lord has seen fit to use this area to cleanse me of any pride I might have in my own abilities.  You see, I am the designated pianist for our little church fellowship.  This means that every Sunday morning, I have the privilege of completely humiliating myself as a fumble through the accompaniment of the hymns.  Most weeks, I feel as if I have ten extra fingers on each hand.  I feel a little sorry for my husband and the other elder in the church, who take turns leading the singing, because I am sure it is difficult listening to a pianist plunk out an accompaniment that may or may not sound like the hymn they are supposed to be leading.  As a perfectionist by nature, I have a very hard time just shrugging off my own inadequacies.  This is an area of pride in me, and God has definitely been working on it over the past couple of months.  I simply can't feel like I've got it all together when I can barely plunk out the melody of a hymn along with a few simple chords.

Actually, I am beginning to come to the place where I can be thankful for my lack of piano-related ability.  I am learning character traits like humility (which I already mentioned), diligence, and perseverance.  I am also learning that something doesn't have to be perfect to be pleasing to God.  Just like the pictures my little daughter draws for me--though I may not be able to tell what the subject of the drawing is--bring me delight, the Lord is delighted in the efforts, no matter how meager, of His children, if they are offering these with all their hearts.

I am going to continue to pound away at the keyboard each Sunday, no matter how tempting it may be to just give up and let everyone sing accapella.  I want God to finish teaching me whatever lessons He has for me.  It is a good example to my children, and it is an opportunity for me to grow in Him. 

I just wish the growing pains I'm having didn't hurt quite so much.

Posted in Spiritual Life

My oldest son and I are reading the same book right now, though I am a little more than two chapters ahead of him at this point.  The book we are reading simultaniously (which I am finding very enjoyable and conducive to wonderful discussions) is The Story of the Trapp Family Singers by Maria Augusta Trapp. 

In my own reading, I came across a quote I found especially relevant to what my family has experienced in recent weeks in our time of worship together each evening, and especially on Sundays within our little fellowship.  My husband and I were just discussing yesterday how much our children have taken in and grasped of God's Word since we began worshipping together as a family.  Even the younger ones have an understanding of the Scriptures and spiritual matters that is often not expected from young children.  And yet they, as well as the other children in our family-integrated fellowship, have risen to a new level of spiritual understanding in a very short time.  At the same time, we adults are being fed the Word in a way that has caused us to grow in our walk with the Lord as well.   The Scriptures are truly alive, and the Holy Spirit can use the Word of God to speak to each and every heart that is open to its message, no matter the age or maturity level.

Maria Trapp found this to be true in her own family as well:

"The reading of the Gospels together proved to be wonderful.  It proved to be the Book of Books, the only one in the whole world to which a four-year-old grl would listen with enraptured interest, while all the philosophers are not yet able to get to the bottom of its divine widom."

--Maria Augusta Trapp, from The Story of the Trapp Family Singers

A common misconception about family-integrated churches is that because we do not have "children's ministries", we do not minister to children.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  The Word of God and the Holy Spirit minister to children's hearts most effectively as they are guided in their spiritual walk by their parents.  This happens to a degree that cannot be achieved by a Sunday school class or youth group.  It is God's design for parents to lead their children in learning about spiritual matters.  Just as in homeschooling, parents are their own children's primary teachers and disciplers, so in family worship in the home and family-integrated corporate worship, parents oversee their own children's education in the things most important to all of life, the things of God.  The growth that comes as a result of loving discipleship and spiritual leadership in the home is a rare and wonderful blessing, one that will carry on to many generations to come.  The legacy of a love for the Word of God and a passion for serving and glorifying Him is the most important gift a parent can bestow on his or her children.

Posted in Spiritual Life

It seems as though I have taken a bit of an unplanned blogging hiatus as I have focused on spending time with my children and geting my summer schedule under control.  Since my last entry, I celebrated both my birthday and my wedding anniversary.  I had a lovely weekend get-away with my husband, as well as a nice little family birthday celebration.  Things seem to finally be winding down, and we have had plenty of days at home to get caught up on tasks that had been put off.  Life is pretty good.

On the other hand, I feel as though my family is at the gateway of an new and unfamiliar path, one that holds great promise, but also unknown obstacles.  Opportunity is like that.  Many times, when the Lord brings some new opportunity into our lives, there are sacrifices that are required. 

Take homeschooling for example.  For most families who choose to homeschool, there is an excitement, but also a fear in the beginning.  We are unsure where this journey will take us.  Will we be up to the challenge?  We must trade things like our own comfort, time, and convenience in order to gain the benefits that homeschooling provides.  We may have to give up a second income, or societal acceptance, or some of our own free time.  We may experience misunderstanding or even persecution from friends and family.  And yet, all the sacrifices we may have to make are worth the blessings and benefits we receive in exchange.  When we step out in obedience to and faith in the Lord, He blesses and guides us in ways we could not have forseen.

When my husband and I chose to go against the culture and even the majority of the Christian church in leaving our family size in God's hands, we made this choice knowing that we were giving up some things.  The blessing of a large family can also pose some challenges, and it often opens one up to criticism and rude comments from aquaintances and strangers alike.  The simple step of believing God when He says in the Bible that children are a blessing and a gift from Him can lead us to have to give up many comforts and luxuries deemed necessities in our culture.  Still, we are learning that the blessing of obeying God when He says to be fruitful and multiply is far greater than any of the sacrifices.

My husband and I are on the threshold of another opportunity of this kind.  The Lord has been speaking to us through His Word concerning some very important areas.  We are unsure exactly where He will take us as we follow Him in obedience, but we are making the choice to follow anyway, trusting Him to guide us and care for us along the way.  He is presenting the opportunity, and we are preparing to obey.  We believe in faith that the benefits will outweigh the sacrifices.  We believe that the Lord will bless us for trusting and following Him.

Posted in Spiritual Life

God has been doing a work in my husband, in my family, and in my own heart over the past two or three years.  It is amazing what God can do in a heart that is yielded to Him.  It is an unexpected work that is at times very exciting to be a part of.  I have watched my husband's vision for our family grow in ways I could never have imagined.  While this is truly thrilling, it is also quite scary at times.  I am a person who likes to plan ahead and to know what to expect, and many of the things God is doing in our hearts at this time have unsure results.  We really have little idea at this point what exactly God is calling us to and where it will lead, and so it is very hard for me to trust God and wait for Him to lead my husband. 

To have a God-given vision, purpose, or calling can at times be very lonely as well.  It is somewhat isolating to begin to think in new ways about things, especially when you realize that some of the things you assumed you were right about you may have actually had wrong.  A deep desire of both my husband and I is to think Biblically, and we are coming to realize through careful study of the Word of God that some of the beliefs we have held dear may not have been as close to what the Scriptures teach as we had once thought.  God has changed our thinking in many areas, and it is suprisingly freeing.  It is such a joyful thing to hunger for His Word, asking Him for wisdom and direction, and to learn and grow from reading and living that Word.  It is sweet to see the affect of this in our family life and in the individual lives of our children.

I must admit, at times I have fought against what God is trying to do with my husband and me--mainly because of fear.  I have asked God why, wondered at His wisdom in working in this way with us, and wished to have a break from all the learning and growth.  Growth and change can be painful, especially if it involves personal sacrifice or turning from sinful habits.  It is not always an enjoyable process.  What I have recently come to realize, however, is that it is a wonderful privilege to be used of God to bring about a work for Him.  As earthen vessels, we are greatly honoured each time God chooses to use us.  And so, I have resolved that instead of fighting against God's plan, I will embrace it with my whole being, joyfully following wherever He leads.  After all, He knows the end from the beginning, and my life could not be in better hands than His.

I do not know where this present journey will take me or my dearest loved ones.  I do know that I can not fail if I trust in the Lord and allow Him to finish the work He has begun.  It is a good work, of that I am sure.

Posted in Spiritual Life

There are so many times in my life when I have needed the sustaining grace that only God can give.  The trials I have endured may not have been as bad as some have experienced, but several of life's difficulties have been quite--well, difficult.  In the midst of the worst of those trials, I have felt the Lord's presence in my life in a way that gave me the strength to make it through.  At times, the harder the trial, the more I was able to lean on and trust in God to bring me through it.  His light shone even brighter in the darkest hours.

Of course, life doesn't always consist of major catastrophes.  There are plenty of times when we all experience those minor inconveniences (like leaking showers which cause water damage, resulting in a major bathroom renovation).  It seems that at those times, it is harder to trust the Lord's sovereignty than in the darkest storms of life.  It is in the little trials that I find myself most tempted to try and fix things on my own.  When facing a trial too big to deal with all alone, we are forced to rely on Someone stronger and wiser than us.  But when coming upon a seemingly insignificant difficulty, a "bump in the road" if you will, it is so much easier to assume that we must handle it on our own.  Wouldn't we save ourselves so much grief and aggravation if we gave all of life into God's hands, trusting Him with every aspect, even the things that may seem small and unimportant to us?  He is sovereign, and He allows even the "little" trials in our lives to refine us and to draw us closer to Him.

Enduring a major bathroom remodel (as a result of water damage from a leaky shower) while in the midst of morning sickness and the exhaustion of early pregnancy is so small compared to what so many other people live through every day of their lives.  And yet, God cares when a sparrow falls from the sky.  He gives strength for the stickiness of day-to-day living, as well as the weariness and pain of large, looming, insurmountable challenges.  He is loving, kind, and good, and He desires to give His best to His children, if we would but only look to Him at all times.

Maybe that's one of the hardest things in life to do--it takes humility and trust and a willingness to yield everything to Him.  But there's no one better to yield everything to.  His grace is sufficient even for the "little" things.