Jun. 2, 2008 - Mommy in Training & more Rambling
I have not blogged much at all, I have good intentions, but I just never make the time to just sit and type. I have been soaking up all kinds of information lately. From God's word, various books, blogs, and Podcast. I am beginning to see how I can allow myself to move away from textbooks so much for my children's education and rely on God and other resources to teach my children. I am learning to relax a little, I mean really how much I mess up my 5 yr old? She can read and write, she knows her phonics, she can can to 100 by 1s, 5s, and 10s, she can count to 20 by 2s, and she can add single digit numbers. She has accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as her savior this year (which is the most important), and she is helping me around the house more and more. She has learned numerous Bible verses this year!! So are we learning - YES, have we done school everyday? NO, have we done school every week, NO, have we been consistent this year at all, NOT REALLY!! At the beginning of the year I thought I had to follow my A Beka curriculum to a T in order for my child to get a good kindergarten education. I guess maybe God has been teaching me through my inconsistency that I don't have to follow a curriculum day by day to a T, I am still striving for a routine, something will show some consistency in what we do, something for my children to be able to know what to expect next...but I have learned that through all my ups and downs, unorganization, hormone rampages, having a baby, trying to keep my house neat, and trying to raise my 2 preschoolers, my kindergartener has still learned a great deal this year, and she did not have to sit in a public school all day everyday!!
On the other hand, it is still hard, or should I say I am hard on myself....we are not even close to finishing our A Beka curriculum, I have not even read through all lessons, and I am still worried about going on to our 1st grade curriculum without covering all the lessons, I still think I am failing by not coving reading, phonics, writing and math everyday - just to prove that I can be consistent, and if I would just find the time, it would take less than 1 hour a day...so why is it so hard to find that time...well that has been my question all year, how to find 1 hour of uninterupted time everyday to dedicated to Chloe's school, well maybe no completely uninterupted, but at least little interuptions, and a peaceful house during the process, and trying to figure out how to do school and not hear "I don't wannnnaaaaaaa doooooo schooooollllllllll"!! But I know I have learned a lot already and by the grace of God learning is happening, so why am I so hard on myself, should I be???? That has been the question....not sure if I know the answer yet....but God has been teaching me a lot about His grace (Mommy in Training)...although I may not do everything right, and we don't have a routine and I don't have this mommy thing down pat, God still loves me, forgives me the many times I mess up everyday (and there are many)....although I look in very place for guidance sometimes before going to His word, He still gently guides me and holds my hand, even when it feels like He is no where around, but then like today I can look back and see where He has been working in my life and the life of my family.
Back to the A Beka stuff, I can feel God telling me to give myself a break, not be so hard on myself, and that feels wonderful, then I see another child Chloe's age and wonder how much more they know than Chloe, have I taught her everything she needs to know, have I kept her up to speed, to the speed of the public school, to the speed of the private school that teaches A Beka? These thoughts haunt me sometimes, it is like I feel God showing me His way to school my children, and I feel relief, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but then I jump back into the moment and try to compare my child to another child, wonder if my teaching is measuring up to all these other children's education...and at these times I can see my list of accomplishments and I am proud...but then I ask but is it enough? is the list enough, do the other children know more??? I know I will get over this in time...
Send me advice I would love to hear, tell me how you felt when you first started homeschooling did you feel the same??
The Mommy in Training stuff, well God is leading me and I am learning all kinds of stuff, a little of what I have touched on here...I am learning about grace, I am learning more about homeschool, classical education, Charlotte Mason...Rountines...the list goes on, but through it all God is guiding me gently and He is holding my hand, even when I blow it, even when I don't listen to Him, even when my priorities are out of wack!!
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