Jun. 6, 2008 - Nursing and Baby Cereal
Ok I am going to try this one more time, I have typed half of this message twice and somehow deleted it ...so here it goes. Yesterday I mentioned that Jonah has been fussy lately, usually the second half of the day. He nurses for a few minutes and then starts squirming around and we switch sides and this continues for a while and he get irritated. It makes me kinda depressed, see this has happened with all my children around this age, it is like I start having supply problems, I don't know if I just don't pay enough attention to their nursing demands at this age or what. I have always wanted to nurse my children until they were at least 1 year old. I have been praying about it, see the Bible says be anxious for nothing, and I have been anxious, so I did what the Bible tells me to do, I have prayed, begged God to keep the milk flowing, I have even tried to have faith that God would answer my prayer because he loves me so much and he knows the desires of my heart on this issue, after all this is how He created my body to be able to nourish my child, I have thanked Him for answering my prayer in advance and telling him that I know He has the power to keep the milk flowing...so why do I feel so down about this? This is how I have felt with every child, it is almost like a mourning, and I feel so inadequate, almost like the baby is rejecting me, or like I can no longer give him what he needs. I usually try to hold off on baby food or cereal until they are at least 8 months old (I was able to nurse 2 of the other kids until 8 months)...in my mind if I give them cereal or baby food then they are not going to want to nurse, so when I have this problem I just try to nurse nurse nurse all the time. I just started my cycle back this week, so could that have something to do with it? I don't remember if this happened with the other kids around the time my cycle started or not, I have never really been one to really keep a jounal, so I just remember how awful and depressing it is each time. I want them to nurse and maybe this is crazy but I want to hear my children ask to nurse, I don't them to be talking and stilling wanting that time with mommy.....so anyway I felt so sorry for my little baby tonight that after I nursed him, I broke down and gave him some baby cereal, and he seemed to love it, he has still been fussing some, but seems to be falling asleep now. It just makes me want to cry, cause I don't want this to end and I hate the feeling of not knowing why he is fussing and how to fix it, and not knowing if he is getting full...I don't want him to be starving cause I can't produce what he needs.
Any suggestions, or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated, I know it seems silly but my heart is breaking.
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