Brenden, age 6, was sitting on a stack of several bags of potting soil. Crying.  The kind of crying that makes my heart squeeze, not the kind of crying, loud and full of self-pity, which makes my eyes roll.  This was a sad cry.

The neighbor boy was being mean to him, he said.  Calling him names. 

For a moment, I focused on me - why didn't he tell me sooner, instead of crying alone like that?  Then I felt indignant - should I tell that kid what I think of him now?  Next, I wondered if Brenden had "done the family proud," and punched the mean child.  Somehow, miraculously perhaps, I kept quiet through these thoughts until Brenden was done with his story and had calmed down a bit.

Then, I gave Brenden a list of things to remember:

1.  Always remember that God loves you.  You are special to Him.  He loves you as much as He loves anyone.  He'll always be your friend.

2.  If someone causes you to feel bad about who you are, then leave.  You do not have to stay around someone who is making you feel that way.    

3.  (I had three fingers up to this point, until I realized he was distracted by them)  Your family loves you.  You can always come home, and here you will be welcomed.  We will not be mean to you.  We will be your friends.

4.  Do you feel awful inside?  (he nods) Good.  I want you to remember this feeling forever.  (at this, he looked up at me with a big "why" in his eyes)  When you think of being mean to someone else, even your brother and sister, remember how you felt when someone was mean to you. 

5.  I love you.  Do you want to do something with me?

At that, Brenden's disposition changed entirely (maybe it was because mama was finally done talking!).  He decided to have his own fun with me.  Within minutes, the offending neighbor boy came with an apology and wanted to join us. 

I had my happy boy back again.

Posted by Anonymous

What a great mom you are!! I hope I can remember all of that.

When my girls were little and someone would say something mean or tell them "if you don't do .... you're not my friend!" I would tell them to just say, "Well, that's too bad you feel that way. I'm a good friend to have and you're the one who will be losing" and simply walk away. I think there were times when they were amazed at how that changed the attitude of the offender.

Blessings from Ohio, Kim Wolf<><

Posted by takingthechallenge

You're little man is very blessed!

Posted by Donnabooshay

Hi!

About the apron. I just took that picture from Google images. I don't have the darling apron, nor the pattern :o(

I like your advice :o)

When I got a mean comment on my blog.
I just deleted the whole post.....and remembered that God loved me anyway!

Donna

Posted by JeannieFulbright

Will you be my mommy?

Posted by belindaletchford

What a beautiful progression! If you don't mind I am going to forward it to a mums group I lead.

It is so easy to miss these training times with the quick make me feel good answers but you taught Brenden so much in one conversation!

Posted by PatriciaWHunter

Your children are blessed!

Posted by KeepingtheHome

I'm just the gal walking right beside you all, remember? No better a mama than you are. It did me good to read the above for myself today, when I found it in a journal. Brenden is now 10 (at the time of writing he was 6). I sometimes myself forget to not "be mean".

Donna-- then make up a pattern and send it to me! I want that apron, I mean it!

Jeannie, yeah, sure. Thanks for the laugh!

Posted by redmom

I think I need to recite these nightly so they spring immediately to mind next time I'm faced with such a situation. What a perfect response!

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