I'm exhausted.   Mentally.  Emotionally.

Life hit me with so many blows from Thanskgiving until now.  Some things were really tough, but not everything was so hard.  It's just that each thing added up over time.  I didn't realize just how affected I was until yesterday when my parents left at dawn after a long visit with us.  It was finally just our family and no holiday busyness. I would have thought that would motivate me to get started on the new year, but instead the weight of the weeks finally took their toll.  

Yesterday morning, after I crawled out of bed, I found a note in my mother's handwriting:

"I woke up this morning with Grandpa's verse going around in my head,

'Behold I will do a new thing, Shall Ye not know it? 

I will make a way in the wilderness; rivers in the desert.'

Isaiah 43, I think.  I love you most, Mom"

It doesn't take something "major" to empty our cups.  I recently read a journal entry from 2003 when I sounded utterly exhausted with a new baby and a 7yo, 5yo and 3yo underfoot.  My cup needed filled then, as it does now.  This is an ongoing part of life.

Missionary friends wrote the following in their recent prayer letter:

"What a blessing that even in the whirl of our lives, God's Word keeps our eyes and hearts focused on the never changing Truth that brings consistency to our often upside down world.
 
"The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart;

and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit."  Psm 34:18

Lately, I've needed this verse:   

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4:8)

This is not only the Year of Health (said with a booming voice, a bit of drama for effect) for our family, but for me personally 2008 is also the Year of the Just Pure Lovely (see those 3 in the above verse?).

This can be lived out in so many ways:

- Figuring out what drags me down, and filtering it out of my life.  One way I've done this:  My FreeHomeschool group has become a burden lately; I receive complaints no matter what I do with the postage rates.  So I'm making it a 100% free group now, which will of course make a few upset that they can no longer charge postage, but it was either that or close the group down.

- Figuring out who brings me up and who drag me down.   I will of course be friendly to everyone, but I need to be discerning about choosing positive people for the bulk of my outside-the-family time.  I need friends who move forward in all areas of their lives, and who motivate me to do so also.   I need friends who easily forgive, since we are all speaking and acting from our own perspective and cannot always know our friends' perspective.  I need friends who are true.  And I need to be that friend, not only to them but also - especially - to myself.

- Figuring out which extracurricular activities we should add.  This is an area I have worked on for years, so feel like it is already positive, but it's an area I must always protect.  It's too easy to get excited about a new activity offering, start something new, get overly busy running around.  But are those things so great that they are worth leaving home to do?  That's what I have to decide.

- Figuring out which t.v. shows, books, movies are positive, and watching only those.  This is a bit tough with movies, because I guess action movies aren't "just pure lovely," yet I like to watch them with my husband to spend time with him and to enjoy something together.  So I hope you know what I mean, when I say that I need to determine which t.v. shows, books, movie are "positive."  Those that add something of value to my life.  Some t.v. shows not only don't teach me anything educational, but they are relaxing or give us something to share as a family.  Other shows not only don't have any "take-away" value, but they also don't relax me.  Those shows don't need to take my time.  And books --books that teach me something, that are creative, or relaxing...those are the books worthy of my time.

- Even online, going to sites that teach me something or are, well, "lovely!"  Those sites that add something of value to my life.  Not sites full of gory news stories or arguments or "twaddle" (a Charlotte Mason term, meaning things of little to no value - this is my interpretation of "twaddle" anyway).  I'm adding more Crafty Blogs to my list of Favorites and more inspirational sites.  More photo blogs and more uplifting music sites have been added, too. 

I'm excited about a Year of the Just Pure Lovely!  It's kind of like I'm finally giving myself permission to do things like spinning and weaving and sewing and reading crafty blogs and time in my rocking chair soaking in the sunshine while watching birds.  And, imagine what our family life will be like if I only speak in a positive tone to Tim and the children! 

I'm writing all of this down for myself, for a record, but thought I'd share it with you, too.  Let me know what you're adding or removing from your life this year!

by Lori Seaborg 2008

p.s.  After writing this article, I started a new blog called "Just Pure Lovely" to fill with things that inspire me, like photography, art, and crafts.  Come visit!

Taken December 2005.  Mary, who passed away last night is on the left.  April, who was pregnant in this photo and we did not know it!, is on the right.  April gave birth to Apricot on the day Mary died.  God blessed us good! 

See my homepage for last night's blog about the goats.

For those of you who are wondering, I'm telling you that God really does love you.  I know that in your pain you wonder if He cares.  He does truly care. I was witness to that today.    

Mary, our goat who was the gentle and sweet one, as opposed to fiesty and spunky April, passed away this evening.  She had been having some slight symptoms of I-don't-know-what over the past several days.  I thought we'd just keep a watch on her; it didn't seem too serious.  Today she was suddenly on her side, dying right before our eyes. 

I used to be in nursing school and can somewhat separate my emotions from the physical when it comes to sick things, but when I saw our sweet little girl wiping away her teary eyes when she thought I wasn't watching.....well, that was when I couldn't hold it in anymore.  And then when I went to the feed store to get a last resort effort of penicillin, and the lady behind the counter said, "I hope your goat gets better, hon," in the sweetest manner, well.....why can't people just say something rude when you're trying to hold back tears?  Saying it all nice like that makes me cry.  Right in the feed store! 

So I came home  from the feed store and paused for a chat with my husband, hoping to get a little boost of bravery from him because I haven't put a shot into something's muscle in a decade, and the last time it was an old man and is a goat different? 

As we were chatting up my courage, I heard yelling - the kind that makes a mama jump over things like high beds  - from the backyard, near the goat pen.  In panic, I fumbled with the back door and finally opened it to see our six-year-old flying up the hill and our eight-year-old shouting from the pen.  The six-year-old finally said something comprehensible: "Mama!  April laid a baby!" 

Impossibly, on the same day we were to lose our precious Mary Goat, we gained a surprise baby from April Goat.  Our children, who think goats "lay" their babies,  have named April's baby Apricot, although it is a billy goat with pure white Angora fleece.  He has lanky legs and a high-pitched bleat.  We are all, even barely-animal-tolerant Tim, absolutely in love with the little thing. 

The children and I stood in the goat pen today staring at Mary in one corner, breathing her last breath, and little Apricot in the other corner, suckling from his mama.  I said to the children, "There is a Bible verse for this day: 'The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord.'"

I'm going to pray for you tonight, that you see God's grace like we did today. 

God bless you,

Lori Seaborg

For those of you who are wondering, I'm telling you that God really does love you.  I know that in your pain you wonder if He cares.  He does truly care. I was witness to that today.    

Mary, our goat who was the gentle and sweet one, as opposed to fiesty and spunky April, passed away this evening.  She had been having some slight symptoms of I-don't-know-what over the past several days.  I thought we'd just keep a watch on her; it didn't seem too serious.  Today she was suddenly on her side, dying right before our eyes. 

I used to be in nursing school and can somewhat separate my emotions from the physical when it comes to sick things, but when I saw our sweet little girl wiping away her teary eyes when she thought I wasn't watching.....well, that was when I couldn't hold it in anymore.  And then when I went to the feed store to get a last resort effort of penicillin, and the lady behind the counter said, "I hope your goat gets better, hon," in the sweetest manner, well.....why can't people just say something rude when you're trying to hold back tears?  Saying it all nice like that makes me cry.  Right in the feed store! 

So I came home  from the feed store and paused for a chat with my husband, hoping to get a little boost of bravery from him because I haven't put a shot into something's muscle in a decade, and the last time it was an old man and is a goat different? 

As we were chatting up my courage, I heard yelling - the kind that makes a mama jump over things like high beds  - from the backyard, near the goat pen.  In panic, I fumbled with the back door and finally opened it to see our six-year-old flying up the hill and our eight-year-old shouting from the pen.  The six-year-old finally said something comprehensible: "Mama!  April laid a baby!" 

Impossibly, on the same day we were to lose our precious Mary Goat, we gained a surprise baby from April Goat.  Our children, who think goats "lay" their babies,  have named April's baby Apricot, although it is a billy goat with pure white Angora fleece.  He has lanky legs and a high-pitched bleat.  We are all, even barely-animal-tolerant Tim, absolutely in love with the little thing. 

The children and I stood in the goat pen today staring at Mary in one corner, breathing her last breath, and little Apricot in the other corner, suckling from his mama.  I said to the children, "There is a Bible verse for this day: 'The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord.'"

I'm going to pray for you tonight, that you see God's grace like we did today. 

God bless you,

Lori Seaborg

This photo was taken in December.  Mary is on the left. April is on the right (Apricot, the baby, was with April at this time, but we didn't know it!)

by Lori Seaborg 2006

I'm back to blogging about "home" topics on this blog.  I didn't want to overwhelm you with hurricane posts.  I know that it is hard, sometimes, to identify with something that is so far away.  Go to my Hurricane Katrina blog to keep up with what's happening locally. 

This one really scared us who are here on the Gulf Coast.   We stayed for the storm, too.  She blew us around at about a Category 1-2 strength in our area, with 12 foot storm surge.  But, if Katrina had hopped East by just 40 miles, our family would be one of those with a flattened house....and maybe worse.  Only four miles away from my home there are gutted houses along Mobile Bay. 

That's just too close for comfort. 

Do you ever get to a low point when things just keep going wrong?  Like on one of those days when everything bad is happening, until you finally say, "What's next?". 

Well, I'm having one of those years...

Last August, Tim lost his job in a very unexpected way when a fellow employee sent an email to the district level, just packed full of lies, because she was in trouble herself and wanted to divert attention.  Tim was fired by that district guy, who had never met Tim, didn't look at his past record of working at the company for over 3 years without a single blemish, and didn't ask Tim any questions.  Out of the blue, the district guy sent an email back to Tim's store, and he was fired.  It's one of those big employers that won't reverse a decision like that, so we were out of our sole income, just like that.

The day after he was fired, our insurance policies were cancelled by the company.  But we didn't receive notice of that for a while.

Only 2 weeks later, Hurricane Ivan hits, causing over $9,000 in damage to our home in Alabama and to our house in Florida that was ready for sale (we moved six months before to be closer to Tim's new job - he'd just been promoted).  It was a Category 4 storm and crippled our area to the point that it is still very much in disrepair, a year later. 

In April, a record flood causes our entire back yard to flood, flooding our neighbors' house but thankfully not ours.  We only lost our chicken coop and a chicken.  More stress and worry, but we were okay.

In June, Tropical Storms Arlene and Cindy arrives.  More preparations; more excitement and a little stress.  We're getting tired of these storms. 

In July, Hurricane Dennis arrives, causing $6,000 in damage to our Florida home, which had just gotten fixed and ready to put on the market again.

Now, Hurricane Katrina.

Along with all of that has been the little things....like late bills and flat tires (hurricanes cause that) and all the other things that go wrong, nagging at your psyche until you want to become a hermit and hide away. 

Of course, there have been countless blessings, and we have not starved or been naked in all this time.  Our babies are healthy, we are happily married, we have a home....

But I feel that Hurricane Katrina was a last straw of sorts.  I just feel so beaten down.  I think that's why I'm focusing on helping her victims and refugees.  For one thing, I can identify with them.  But for another, it helps me to not focus on me. 

It's been hard to be upbeat for the children, who really have no idea of what just happened.  It's hard to be upbeat for Tim, or for me. 

When things get this tough, we know logically that God is still there. 

But sometimes we just can't feel Him.     

by Lori Seaborg

Below is one of my favorite Bible passages.  It is one that I turn to quite often, for I find it quite easy to worry. My worry is about finances. We have never starved or been without clothing, and yet I can worry the night away if I don't catch myself.

If it is at 3am, and something wakes me up, the devil often whispers worries in my ear. If I listen to him, I stay up all night, tossing and turning on my bed, worrying about taxes, bills, insurance, health, groceries, etc.

But if I pick up my Bible and read Luke 12:22-31, Jesus speaks to me.  "Do not worry," He says. It is then that I remember that I am loved by a caring God.

This is God's promise for us:

"And He said to His disciples, "For this reason I say to you, do not worry about your life, as to what you will eat; nor for your body, as to what you will put on.

For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing."

Say that last line out loud. You know it's true!

"Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap; they have no storeroom nor barn, and {yet} God feeds them; how much more  valuable you are than the birds!"

Watch the birds that come to your yard. They do not store up their
food. They have to find it daily. God provides even for them.

He knows that you need these things.

by Lori Seaborg

Hurricane Ivan knocked our 20' tall crepe myrtle trees to the ground. Tim decided to prune the trees yesterday so they would stand up straight again, once they get their new leaves and flowers. I decided to be the pruning coach who directs the manual labor.

"Maybe," I suggested, "you could just prune them a little ways down and they'll spring back up."

Silent, Tim hacked a branch to about 8' off the ground.

"Well, okay, that's good," I said. "We'll just prune them all to about 8 or 10' and then they'll send out branches from those trunks."

He kept cutting lower.

"But, Tim," I heard a whine in my voice. "If you cut them too low then they'll be bushy and not tree-like. I don't want bushes, I want trees!"

He kept cutting, until all that remained were trunk-sticks, about 3' tall.

Finished with the job, my stubborn-yet-wise husband turned to me and said, "Every time I prune, you say those things, but six months later when the trees are beautiful, you tell me you were glad I did it."

"Every time?" I ask. I really doubt I question his pruning every time.

"Yep." Okay, so maybe I think my coaching is needed every time.

"Well, have you always been right?"

"Always," he says, turning to my Magnolia Tree....


God has been doing some pruning in my life lately - not on the trees, but on me. And I've been doing some coaching.

Today, in I Timothy 6:15, I read "He will bring about at the proper time--He who is the blessed and only Sovereign [that means "Controller"], the King of kings and Lord of lords,"

If God is the Blessed Controller, He probably doesn't need my coaching. Six months later, or maybe a day later or a year later, I will see that through His pruning, my life is more beautiful.

And I will remember that He is always right.

by Lori Seaborg

Several  years ago, I was feeling discontent in our 1200 square foot home with four children ages 6 and under. I wanted so desperately for God to move us to the country, to a bigger and better home, but we had just lost a business so moving was not an option. We wouldn't be able to get another home loan now that our credit rating was ruined.

Me, a country girl at heart, was stuck in the middle of a city with zoning codes that would not allow me to raise even a chicken. Although we had a yard, there were no climbing trees on our property for the children to enjoy. No tadpoles, snakes, bunnies. We had no garage, no shed, no basement, and no attic. In other words, every single thing the six of us owned had to fit into our 1200 square foot place. Not an easy task for Americans!

I was one discontent mama, living my days in that little house with so many small children around me. Tim drove a commute of an hour each way to work, taking our only car with him. For 11 hours each day, I was alone with the children, wallowing in my discontentment and self-pity.

One day I was at a Bible study (my mom invited me to go with her so we crammed the children into her car) and someone quoted these words:

* Never allow yourself to complain about anything - not even the weather.

* Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.

* Never compare your lot with another's.

* Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.

* Never dwell on tomorrow. Remember that tomorrow is God's - not ours.

I didn't hear any other words for the rest of that Bible study hour. In my mind, the above words were repeated over and over. As soon as the Bible study was over, I grabbed the woman who had quoted the words. She said she got them out of Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow and allowed me to borrow her book.

I did not go home and become immediately content that day. No, my discontent had grown over many years, so it was much too large to release in one day. It did decrease, though, when I focused less on things and more on God. I learned, over time, that contentment will bring you peace.

The peace that follows contentment is worth accepting your circumstances.

In Philippians 4:11-13, Paul says, "For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret to be content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do anything through him who gives me strength."

by Lori Seaborg

p.s.  If you are needing a bit of inspiration to get back into God's arms, or if you are feeling down, or if you are struggling with contentment and worry, then you may also benefit from this book.  Click on the link to read a few sample pages and reviews at Amazon.com:

Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow

I have not been having my morning God time.

I've been frustrated for the past couple of weeks with the housework (it seems to be multiplying), with my fatigue (always tired), with the children (who are always needing things like meals and clean socks), with Tim (who needs clean jeans for work, how dare he), with writing (because I'm not doing it), with homeschooling (guilt consumes me here) and with the animals (who need food every day instead of when I randomly feel like giving it to them).

In short, I've been annoyed and frustrated.

I've found that if I start my day out with God time -- a consistent God time, a time that is scheduled as if Jesus were sitting in my rocking chair in the library, waiting for me to join Him -- then the rest of the day goes much smoother.

Things get done, jeans get clean, animals are enjoyed, the children are happier, dh gets spoiled, I am less tired because I am more scheduled, and I am less frustrated with all the Earth and every person in it.

Sure, trouble still comes, but it is more tolerable because of the time with God where Scriptures have been memorized, even accidentally, and praises have been sung.

Most amazing to me, the little annoyances almost disappear.

With a song in my heart and a verse in my head, I'm not as upset about things like sticky tables or playdough in the carpet. My eternal perspective improves.

Have you had your time with God today?

by Lori Seaborg

"'...But Me she forgot,' says the Lord." ~ Hosea 2:13

God has a vulnerability when it comes to us. He truly cares about whether or not we love Him and go His way. When we reject Him, our great God's heart actually hurts from the loss.

Isn't it amazing that the Creator of all the Universe, where there are billions of other people, would get hurt when little me rejects Him?
He could have the love of the 99 yet still He would mourn the loss of the one. (Matthew 18:11-12)

"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15

by Lori Seaborg

I love this verse of David's:

"But I am poor and needy;
Yet the Lord thinks upon me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
Do not delay, O my God." (Psalm 40:17)

I love it that David was poor and needy, as I have been in my life.  I love it that God thinks about me no matter where I am in life. 

Take comfort that the Lord "thinks upon you."  He thinks about you, even little ol' you who might otherwise feel insignificant or needy.

Maybe you feel that you are no one of consequence, poor, homely (I doubt it!), and that you got the short end of the stick when it came to brains. 

Still, the God of all the Universe is thinking about you.  That's something!

David says, "Do not delay" to God.  Sometimes God seems snail-slow when it comes to dishing out the blessings. 

If that's the case for you, ask God to hurry it up a bit.  He just might agree, or - watch out for this - He might change your perspective. 

Maybe you are not as poor or needy (or as homely!) as you thought you were.

Stone told Brittany last night that Katie and Alyssa like her more than they like him.  Brittany is the one who repeated that to me.  She seemed a bit shaken with it, like she wasn't sure she should have people liking her more than they do someone else. 

Brittany is liked by everyone she meets.  The reason is that Brittany is friendly. 

Proverbs 18:24 states: "A man (and a 7-year-old girl) that has friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother." 

Today, Brittany walked out of Sunday School with two vanilla wafers in her hand.   Her big brother saw her cookies and immediately mentioned that "it's not fair", there weren't any cookies given in his Sunday School class. 

It was predictable what Britty would do.  Within a second, she said, "Here, Brenden.  I have two.  You can have one." 

We then walked downstairs to pick up the baby and then Stone, our four-year-old.  We we got to Stone's classroom, Brittany pushed us aside so she could be the first to see him as he came out of his class. 

"Here, Stone.  I have a cookie for you," she said, as she handed over her only remaining cookie.

Incidences like that, which happen frequently, are why Britty has as many friends as there are kids to meet. 

She "shows herself friendly."

Stephen held up the paper to them.  "Want this?" he asked, with another I-doubt-it look. The kids swarmed him with greed, jumping up and down, shouting over the paper and how many they each got to have.
 
With that, they all raced to their rooms and drew pictures for a long while (Uncle Stephen could only muster, "Wow.  That was intense.")
 
Oh, that adults were so easily pleased.
 
I bet God wishes we were.