Posted in Prophetic Notes

Small Straws In A Soft Wind

Matthew 6:14-15 "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

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How very true this "now word" is.  Being the sensitive soul I am it is easy for me to fall into offense and unforgiveness, which leads to bitterness, if gone unchecked. 

 I'll never forget the time, about 8 years ago, when my husband took my daughter and I away to a little retreat in East Texas. We rented a log cabin that was in front of a lake.  There was a dock, and each morning I would go down to the dock, while Hugh and Kaitlin were sleeping and spend my time with the Lord.  It seemed, at that time, I was merely going through the motions of spending time with God.  For some reason I just couldn't hear His voice as clearly, and feel His peaceful presence.  At the time I was a SAHM, with a preschooler, and suffering numerous health problems that left me exhausted, worn down and empty both physically and spiritually. There were days I felt I just couldn't go on any longer. 

So it was at that point, while sitting on the dock, that I stared out over the calm water, with the sun rising in the distance.  Silently I asked God what was wrong with me, and why I was so empty, and full of disease. I had a great life, with a healthy daughter, loving husband, and plenty of great friends and a great church.  Why . . .why God am I so empty and dry, so parched and thirsty spiritually? Why was my soul completely lifeless? In all reality I should have been a vibrant young woman with only joy on my face and a skip in my step, based on the life I was living. However, I sat joyless . . . desperate . . . lonely . . . empty.

It was then I felt a gentle nudge to glance over the water one more time, before leaving the dock that morning. I looked and saw a tree coming out of the water. It's form desperately stretching out, twisting and reaching toward the sun.  A tree immersed in water, yet dry . . . brittle . . . lifeless, and unable to drink of the waters it lived in. I heard that still small voice, barely a whisper within my soul tell me that I was like that tree.  Somehow . . . bitterness had crept in, unforgiveness had taken root within my soul, and that was why I could no longer absorb the life-giving nutrients of God's word that surrounded me.  His prescence, though always with me was undetectable because of the hard shell I had allowed to form around my mind and spirit.  What was the root?  I asked God to show me, and He faithfully brought to the surface what was hidden all these years. Unforgiveness  that had grown into full blown bitterness. One by one each person came to my memory.  I thought I had forgiven each one . . at least went through the motions of what I thought forgiveness was.  However, one person in particular stood out more than the rest.  The very thought of her name brought hurt, pain and anger. I quickly cut off the emotion and numbed myself, but God wouldn't let me do that for long. It was time for the hard shell to break. 

God loved me enough that day to break through my hard shell and tenderize me through his gentle chastisment.  I sat on that dock and cried like I have never cried before and let it all out.  I allowed myself to feel the pain I had stuffed all these years. I brought this person's name before the Lord and in the midst of my tears, somehow chose to forgive her.  For the next few days each time this person's face would come before me and the enemy would try to torment me with it, I would say out loud, "I choose to forgive her . . . . I choose to forgive her . . . I choose to forgive her." 

Sometimes forgiveness is a journey, and doesn't happen overnight.  I still struggle with this particular person when I am around her, but just like I had to choose forgiveness . . . I have to choose love.  I can't allow anything to come between my Lord and me again.  Bitterness is a ravenous word-stealing weed within the soul, and the best way to stop it is through forgiveness. If you are feeling yourself parched and dry, and lifeless -- unable to drink of God's life-giving word and Spirit, -- then ask Him to show you if there is any unforgiveness.  He'll be faithful to show you, and bring healing to those areas of your soul that have been choked by bitter weeds, so you can feel His presence again, or maybe . . . for the first time.

<>< Kelly