Raising Kids of Character With Grace and Peace
Posted in Inspirational
|
I've tried so many different things to help me get and stay organized. Fly Lady, Motivated Moms, MOTH ... The truth is, I have to dig it up from somewhere inside me. If I'd been taught how to keep my home and family in the manner which I have now come to value, then I'd have the tools. However, that does not mean I'd have the drive, ambition, motivation, willingness - whatever you want to call it. It's a certain thing inside you that gets the job done.
I find myself lacking this. My husband has it. He gets up faithfully, early each day and heads to work until the waning of the day. He is in construction, and he's his own boss. Talk about self-motivation. This guy is totally a self-starter. I struggle here. What do you do when you don't have the will-power to fight your way through the dense jungle forest of your mind with that machete of focus? I'm sitting here singing to myself, "Life is a highway. I'm gonna ride it, all night long ..." But maybe life is more like a river. I can't help coming back to this analogy time and again. Perhaps it's the vision God knows will inspire me. We once went tubing down a small river in Tennessee. It took all day, and it was a mixture of rushing rapids and slow, almost motionless, meandering. The exciting rapids were very memorable. In fact, you found yourself just waiting all the time for the next one. "Is it coming up? Do you hear it?" How often our own lives are like that. We live for the holidays or special occassions or even ... tragedies. Some of us live drama to drama. I've heard it said that it's those times of trial that define us. However, that may be a mistake. Certainly the rushing moments are the times that our true nature often comes out un-restrained, but the fires that created that nature seem to me to exist in those meandering times. Either we're waiting for the next big thing or we're living in those times - enjoying the scenery and the sunshine. It is during these slow spans that our habits of character are fashioned or forgotten. How do you spend your time when life is barely moving along? Some prefer to escape with false or vicarious excitement like television, romance novels, other people's lives, internet, etc. We can all think of these excapes. That's not to say those things in and of themselves hold much vice. Rather, it's the temptation to divert attention from the real life that entails encumberment. So many times we don't recognize a real life because of our entrapment in the fantasy. So, what do we do during the lull? Create drama? Fight? When I'm in the middle of the chaos of life, I tend to function so much better. I've always done better under pressure or time constraints or busyness. But those darn slow parts ... When I get really behind ... ugh. Fight or flow? That is my question tonight. Fight my way through? Set a plan of attack. Make a list. Take each hill successively until the job is complete? This is my instinct, but I find myself unable to make that list. I cannot put my life into a mathmatical equation and get anything coherent from it just now. What about flowing? Perhaps it would do me more good (and my family more good as well) to put off the fight. Take each moment and contemplate the scenery, so to speak. Maybe my van does need cleaning out, not forgetting that, but studying it. Why is it a mess? Well we just returned from two funerals, one in MI and one in FL. We've had four ball games this week. Okay, time to adjust. I won't fight it. I will pick up one shoe, one cookie, one wrapper when I see it. Okay, my bedroom is a mess. Why? Well, I don't really honor my bedroom right now. That could indicate some want of honor for myself and my marriage. I'll have to pray about that. But some of it is overrun laundry from those same trips. It's gonna take a little time to recover from those funerals. I give myself the pleasure and privilege of time, right now. I already folded some of the laundry from the trips while attending to a sick baby. I made a step. It's a slow one, but that is the part of the river I'm on. Don't forget, Jen, you'll miss most of the trip if all your doing is rushing to get to the next rapids. You'll wear your legs out kicking and your arms out paddling, when you could have rested and reached your destination all the same. |
|
• Comments (1)
• Post A Comment!
•
Permanent Link
|
Posted in Inspirational
|
That is a phrase from the song, You Are My King. It's one of my very favorite songs. It goes:
I'm forgiven Because You were forsaken I'm accepted You were condemned I'm alive and well Your Spirit lives within me Because You died and rose again
Amazing Love How can it be That You my Kind would die for me Amazing Love I know it's true And it's my joy to honor You
In all I do I honor You
You are my King, Jesus, You are my King You are my King, Jesus, You are my King
Anyway, this song inspired me to draw the following. I'm looking for a way to re-create it on the wall of our youth room. If anyone knows a medium that would create the chalk-like look on a wall, PLEASE comment or email me to enlighten me!
|
|
• Comments (1)
• Post A Comment!
•
Permanent Link
|
Posted in Inspirational
|
When life invades your sanity, it's important to know where you are looking. With laser accuracy, we can target the best and the worst, but the "in-between" seems to be the most dangerous. The Bible says that in the end, God will spit out the lukewarm. He'd rather you be hot or cold. Okay, that tells me something about life. Sometimes I try to play it safe, and in doing so, I risk more than if I'd chosen the bleakest of paths. I have moments of self doubt. Who doesn't? If I could put my thought life into a mathematical equation it would look like this: - ? + I am negative; I am positive; Or I am questioning. We all pretty well know how to deal with both the negative and the positive, but I want to discuss that question mark - the "in-between". It is so destructive! I go through these moments where I doubt everything I'm about. I'm sure I'm not the only one. At those moments, I ask everyone around me about it. I'm searching for authenticity. I find negativity AND I find positivity. I find discouragement AND I find encouragement. I cannot decide which becomes me more. But I've made a recent discovery. At my last questioning stance, I whined alot, but it took about a day before I just went on with my tasks. To use a tired metaphor, I pulled up my bootstraps, and got on with the business at hand. It felt really good. And I learned something valuable. I was looking at the water. Huh? You say. I'm referring to the story in the New Testament of Peter walking on the water. Jesus called him out of the boat, and Peter went. He kept his eyes on Jesus. At one point he realized that he shouldn't be walking on water. It wasn't done. So he looked down at the water ... and he began to sink. Now, most preachers at this point will pontificate about how we should keep our eyes on Jesus, and yes, I will agree to that, but I think there is more to it. Frankly, I don't know what Jesus would do when it comes to keeping up with the laundry. We can guess maybe he'd be terrific at it. That doesn't help. What I CAN get though is that if I take my eyes off my goal, my destiny, my source, then I begin to "see" life as it looks now - to my naked and untrained eyes. It LOOKS like I can't do this. I shouldn't be able to do it. My plate is too full. Well, that's fine if that's the life I want to live. But I want to walk on water. So then if looking at the water makes me sink, then I'd better focus on the thing that is keeping me going. For me, it is Jesus, but not just His face or His ideas. It's the way He sees me. It's the fact that He called me out of the boat apparently knowing I could walk on water! He sees me perfected, capable, amazing. Why the heck would I take my eyes off that and dabble in the "in-between". The questioning. Negative - I can recognize that and avoid it. Positive - I am aware that there are issues that need dealing with, and I must not be naive. However, the paradox is that the questioning is far worse than either of the extremes. Pick a point on the compass. Choose your destiny, and walk. My destiny is to raise people of character. My own kids and others. He's called me, and I need to keep walking. And NOT look down at the water swirling around my feet. Because it LOOKS like I shouldn't be doing this. I can't be doing this. I'm not able. It's too much. But that is the nature of grace. |
|
• Comments (1)
• Post A Comment!
•
Permanent Link
|
Posted in Inspirational
|
I want kids of character who grow into adults with amazing lives. This is my ultimate goal. In fact, this goal outweighs all my other ambitions. I have other dreams besides being a mom, but I like what Steve Martin said in "Cheaper By The Dozen". When asked if he was giving up on his dream, he said he was just going after a different one. Another line in that movie inspired me. It read, "If I screw up raising my kids, nothing I accomplish will mean very much." Or something to that effect. My apologies to the filmakers for not double-checking the accuracy of the quote.
I think of that often. Before I got married, I was preparing for a career. I mean, we're supposed to, right? And when I say preparing, I mean in every way - educationally and mentally. But during all that time while I was choosing a major and preparing for a career, people kept asking me what I wanted to do or be. I really didn't know. I was one of those people who was good at just about anything I tried and had way too many interests to excel in just one. So I inevitably answered, "I don't know. All I know is I want to be a mom." I thought that was a ubiquitous answer. I thought I was just saying, "Well, yeah, I want to be a mom. Don't we all?" But I was saying much more than I even realized.
It turns out I was being semi-prophetic - if there is such a thing. I really DID want to be a mom - and a good one - one they write books about. Selfless and meaningful. I soon discovered that I wanted to be a martyr. (tongue-in-cheek).
I graduated college a year after having my first-born. I already knew I'd be staying home with him. I didn't want anyone else to get to raise him. That was my privilege. So I stayed home and fought every minute for some kind of justification for doing it. It didn't fit with my paradigm. I don't really know why to this day. I think it has something to do with my mother and her mother. My mother worked and thrived as a professional hair designer. Her highlights were trips to New York to study design. She was a pretty good mom, but you could tell it didn't really fulfill her. My grandmother wanted a large family, but after several miscarriages and a cranky baby settled for one. She once told me she should have been a man. She felt more at home out in the field than in the kitchen. It could be genetic, but I struggled to find a fit.
I ended up with an amalgam of motherly instincts and martyrdom. I know it sounds wierd, but I was getting some fulfillment from being the BEST at something. My pastor once said, "A mother's love is a selfish love." That shook me to my core. But it got me to realize that I was wanting perfect kids so that I could show the world how good I was. That's sick, but it's a sickness that many of us share without even realizing it. It's the reason why so many of our children resent us as teenagers, shun us as adults, and snicker at us as we whither. There's no real respect, though we MADE them respect us because then they were good children and we were good parents.
I don't want that. I want my kids to look up to me. To see me as an example of the kind of person they WANT to be. Warm, friendly, fair, and firm. A person of character.
So being a mom is more than just producing good kids - we can do that in a factory. Being a mom is a high calling. Those aren't just words to me anymore - trying to make a mundane job sound noble - they're the truth. If I want kids of character, I have to be a person of character myself. When I fail, I have to fail with grace. When I achieve success, I have to show thankfulness. When it's just another day, I have to show exuberance and tolerance and creativity.
Wow, I need God's grace for that. So do my kids. |
|
• Comments (2)
• Post A Comment!
•
Permanent Link
|