• Feb. 22, 2008
My Fat Files
Inspired and challenged by one of my favorite authors, Elizabeth George, many years ago, I set out to create my Five Fat Files. What's a fat file, you ask? Well, mine are simple manila accordian files in which I collect articles, clippings, and stories about my passions. By now, these files have indeed grown fat...but they're ongoing encouragement as I seek to grow and become more like Jesus in each of these 5 areas.
It's probably no surprise that one of my fat files is devoted to family. As I often do, I was sifting through the contents of this file this morning. I find that mornings...particularly Monday mornings 
...are a good time for me to do this and re-gain some perspective. As I paged through the numerous papers this morning, I came across one of the parent letters my husband wrote to the parents of our Jr. and Sr. High students nearly two years ago. God evidently used it to speak to my heart back then...afterall, I saved it and put it in my "Family" Fat File. But now, with a teenager of our own, I was struck again by the words that my husband shared. They're so contrary to everything our society tells our kids..and us. But for those of you who are parenting teenagers...or one day will be...I hope you take courage from these words. I know I did...
Dear Parents,
When will your "kids" leave home? Have you been giving that lots of thought of late? I know there are days when you want them to stay forever and you can't imagine the day they will leave. And ther are other days in which you catch glimmers of your student making great choices and mature decisions and you think, "I can see it---they're ready." If you haven't had any of those kinds of days lately, they'll come (really!).
But when do they become independent? When do you stop worrying about them? When do they stop asking for money? Answer: never. There's some humor here, but you read correctly: they should never become independent. In fact, that's not even one of our goals as parents. In our world, independence means, "I'm relationally free from anyone who has the right to tell me what to do. I make all my own decisions." You are way ahead of me by now, but I'm sure you see that is not a biblical concept. We never get free of authority to such a degree that we become "free from anyone who has the right to tell me what to do." If you know Christ, you are discovering that real freedom comes when you embrace the truth that God has authority over the whole world, and those who follow Him must gladly choose to submit to His authority together. We are not only responsible to obey Him, we're also responsible to encourage one another to obey Him. We are our brother's keepers.
Young adulthood has a way of drawing our students' hearts away from us as parents. Whether your student is making plans to attend a university this fall or simply longing to have her driver's license, you are seeing the heart being drawn away. To where? How much should you fight it? Isn't this just a natural phase that all adolescents go through? Your student's heart will be drawn away to trust herself and you should fight against it hard. As much as our culture has defined adulthood as "18 years of age," God has spoken and disagrees. He tells us that our students are only ready to be redefined in terms of their identity when they make a marital covenant (Genesis 2:24). Until then, their identity comes from you. Until they get married, their whole world is in being your kid. People in their world will not tell them that, so you get to (and make it fun!).
You're going to have to start teaching this concept early. All the way through their adolescent years you'll have to remind them---not with words, but with time. As your students hit 16 and 17 and (gulp) 18, they need you, not just your words. And your presence and attitude about this issue will give them the security they are made to enjoy. Your student may get to vote when he turns 18, but your goal is most assuredly not "independence" at 18. It's dependence on God and relational maturity.
Comments
• Feb. 23, 2008
Untitled Comment
Posted by momofgirls
Wow! I have been wondering if anyone I knew did the fat files! I loved this part of Mrs. George's book. Thanks for sharing...I am just beginning and trying to figure out what 5 fat files I want.
Jen
• Feb. 23, 2008
Untitled Comment
Posted by momofgirls
By the way, that letter is really very good. Thank you for sharing it. It's definitely not something we hear very much, so I appreciate reading some truth on your blog today!
• Feb. 26, 2008
Untitled Comment
Posted by Melissa
What a neat idea!
