• Mar. 14, 2008
Life is...

You've probably seen them.  "Life is good" shirts are popping up all over, and I'm a huge fan!  They feature a wide variety of interests with the simple caption, "Life is good" written beneath.  My guys know me and my heart.  They know my interests and my passions.  Last year for my birthday, they surprised me with a treasure chest of surprises, including a "Life is good" coffee shirt.  I wear it proudly, ever reminded of the simple pleasures of each new day.

But this week has been difficult in many ways. 

I learned that my dear sister-in-law's father has cancer...how I hurt for her.  A friend and classmate from high school was killed in a car accident.  She was only 35.  Then, of course, there was the painful goodbye to my heart friend as she moved far away...

Yesterday I learned that another friend of mine and her husband recently divorced.  And while traveling, we came upon another devastating car crash. 

On top of all this, when we arrived at my parents' home yesterday, we were greeted by a "For Sale" sign in their yard.  Oh, we knew it was coming.  They've been talking and planning and dreaming about their new home for the past few years.  And I'm excited for them...really.  But seeing this sign outside my childhood home just put me over the top. 

As we traveled with my parents and I was rehearsing this week's events in my mind, I got a bad case of what my grandma calls "PLOM Disease."  Poor Little Old Me.  And the thoughts swirling around in my head came right out. 

"Life stinks," I uttered.

I'm so thankful for my guys who keep me ever looking to Jesus; that when my focus is inward and set on the temporal, they direct my gaze back to Jesus.  A little voice from the backseat responded to my little outburst with some much-needed perspective:  "But Mom, if it wasn't for life, I wouldn't be here."  Convicted, I turned around and told him that he was right...that even in the midst of heartache, God is faithful; He can be trusted. 

And my husband, who regularly holds me and provides opportunity for me to cry, vent, and share my hurts with him, pointed me back to the Truth.  He lovingly reminded me that while life is hard...God is good.

My circumstances may change from day to day.  There may be days when life doesn't feel good; when the hurts and cares of this world weigh heavily on our hearts.  But even in those painful days, we can rest confidently that "Life is hard...God is good." 

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!  Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!  Psalm 34:8

For You, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon You."  Psalm 86:5

The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows those who take refuge in Him."  Nahum 1:7

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• Feb. 6, 2008
Snow Day

5am.  My surprised eyes fluttered open and my heart breathed such a deep sigh of contentment.  My husband, who had been out of state at a Pastor's Conference since Sunday, crawled into bed beside me.  He wasn't due home till tonight, but when he heard of the snowstorm that would be beating upon us all day, he and his friend made a decision to leave the conference late last night and drive all night long to get home.  As he took me in his arms, he told me he couldn't bear the thought of me having to dig out of this storm on my own.  Words can't express my joy and gratitude... 

Wired from his unexpected arrival, I got up and began running through a mental checklist of all that this day held.  This was to be my big cooking day for the weekend's Sweetheart Banquets.  I had a crew that was coming to help me, and today was the day.  Listening to the weather forecasts and the news, it didn't take me long to realize that I wasn't going anywhere today.  And strangely enough, I didn't panic.  I didn't lose it. 

I spoke to one of my friends who is part of the team that oversees and directs the music and drama for the Sweetheart Banquet.  Tonight was to be the big dress rehearsal.  When she, too, realized that there was no choice put to cancel the practice, I heard a content and quiet heart.  She wasn't frantic or lamenting the fact that there was still much work to do.  She quietly embraced this as part of God's plan. 

Oh, we all had our plans and our agendas.  We had our to-do lists and our goals.  But I love it that God's ways are so much higher than our own.  For whatever reason, He gave us this day to stop; to slow down; to cease striving and know that He is God.  This week has been a whirlwind of activity already.  Our family has been apart, and the coming days will be full, as well.  I have to admit that I was not happy about this latest snowstorm.  We've had sooo much snow already this season...I'm longing for spring as never before.  And yet today, I find myself thanking God that we're all hunkered down and 'stuck,' as the case may be.  We've done school, played games, read, danced...and simply slowed down and enjoyed being together.  God has spoken to me through various worship songs and poured courage into my heart. 

Thank You, Father, for the snow that still falls outside my window.  Thank You carving out this day for me to slow down...to rest...and to find my joy and comfort in You.  Thank You for the amazing four guys with whom I get to share life.  My heart overflows, God.  Thank You.  

A look outside our window (earlier in the day)

The stairs leading up to our house

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• Jan. 20, 2008
The Source of Life

"For you formed my inward parts;

You knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are Your works;

my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from You,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in Your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there were none of them.

How precious are Your thoughts to me, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

If I would count them, they are more than the sand.

I awake, and I am still with You."

Psalm 139:13-18

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• Dec. 31, 2007
Year-End Reflections

It's generally around Thanksgiving time that I begin reflecting on the previous year and prayerfully considering what it was that God was doing in my heart and life over the previous 12 months. 

A few years ago, it was easy.  Throughout our journey of secondary infertility, God used the ongoing pain and the questions and the doubts to press me into Him and remind me of His faithfulness.  Though at the time it was the most heart-wrenching experience of my life, God used it for our good and His glory.  No, He didn't give us another child...but He gave us joy and contentment and complete satisfaction in Him.  I thank Him for Blessings, Trials, and God's Grace...

As we closed out last year, the theme resounding in my heart was Surrender.  Though I rebelliously dug my heels into the ground and insisted upon my own way, God continued tilling up the soil of my heart.  He broke me and refined me and purified me.  He lifted my eyes off of myself till I saw only Him...

As this November rolled around and I started pondering how God had changed me this year, I kind of drew a blank.  Oh, it's often easy to see God at work in the midst of trials...but this has been a relatively "carefree" year.  How had I grown this year?  The answer wasn't immediately noticeable.  My heart began to panic. 

"Oh, God...don't let me end this year the same as I started."

But then God lovingly reminded me of how He'd been actively working in my heart.  Though there weren't any "major" trials, He was at work in the everyday moments of life.  He impressed on me the over-arching theme "Abiding in Him." 

Oh, I blow it so many times.  I react to my circumstances and respond in a way that exalts myself, rather than my Maker.   I'm selfish and impatient and prideful and arrogant...yet, while I fail, He does not.

Throughout seemingly ordinary days and events, God is teaching me that I can't do a thing without Him.   And throughout frightening, uncertain times, He's showing me that He is my refuge...my shelter...my home.  He's teaching me what it means to be hidden in Him. 

As a new year is about to dawn, I'm filled with such excitement and longing.  It's not about stuff or events or material gain.  I want as never before for God to capture my heart and life.  I want to release to Him those areas that I try to horde for myself...those areas that I think don't really matter.  I want Him to radically change my heart and conform me to His image. 

Oh, God...this new year is Yours.  May I wisely invest each day...each moment...for Your fame.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!  According to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.  In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, as was necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith---more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire---may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.  Though you have not seen Him, you love Him.  Though you do not now see Him, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls."  1 Peter 1:3-9

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• Oct. 16, 2007
A Heart of Thanks

I've been thinking a lot in recent days about prayer...specifically about when God doesn't answer prayer in the way we'd desired.  I admit that sometimes...when I view life through my own earthly perspective...I've felt forgotten by God. 

Two families may be praying for the exact same thing.  In one case, God gives them exactly what they'd prayed for.  They joyfully give Him thanks for answering their prayers!  In another case, He doesn't give them what they'd asked for, but something else they'd not anticipated.  He gives grace...reminders of His faithfulness...a sense of being held securely in His strong, protective, tender arms.  He brings unexpected growth and depth and richness.  And they, too, give Him thanks that He knows their needs; that He knows what is best.  And He is that need...He is the best thing for them. 

Nichole Nordeman sings a song which has touched my heart and ministered to me in profound ways in recent weeks.  It's called "Gratitude," and with God's grace and strength, this is my prayer:

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please...

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• Aug. 29, 2007
I Love N.O.

[When He saw the crowds, He had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.  Matthew 9:36]

I'm so thankful that God allows what we see with our eyes to affect our hearts.

That was my prayer as we went down to New Orleans in June. 

Oh, I'd heard of the 1,836 lives lost through Hurricane Katrina and the subsequent flooding.  I'd heard of the destruction.  But it was all so far removed.  It was somewhere else.  Some other people.  It didn't really affect me...did it?

On this 2 year anniversary since Hurricane Katrina hit the gulf coast, I can honestly say that my heart is filled with compassion for these people.  The faces of so many are imprinted on my heart.  I think of Tessa...Dingo...Kiki.  Some are still faceless, but their stories of survival resonate with me:  Rescues from rooftops by helicopters...families separated for days and joyfully reunited; some separated for days and not reunited.  There's the home that I worked in and gutted with my teammates. Shirley's home.  All her earthly stuff of life piled in a heap for the trash truck.  Everything stripped away. 

Father God, forgive me for my judgmental and calloused heart.  Teach me what it is to see people through Your eyes.  I pray for those so deeply affected by the flooding of 2 years ago.  While we want them to have a safe home and community to raise their families, we know their greatest need is You.  I pray for those who are ministering down there even now.  Enable them to bring not only physical relief, but give them opportunities to share the Hope that is You.

Move me with compassion for the lost, Father...

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• Jun. 5, 2007
Lesson in the Toy Box

The boys and I feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment this afternoon.  We tackled our downstairs toyroom this morning, and they were able to release many of the toys I've been longing to bid farewell for a loooong time. 

Does this happen at your house?  Every few months we go through their toys and I ask them what we can pass on to someone else, donate, or sell.  It has to be a unanimous decision.  Without fail, I come away with with a few token trinkets at the bottom of a bag...maybe a super ball, a broken truck, or a game with missing pieces.  Despite the fact that I know they've outgrown many of the toys and haven't touched them in years, they've rarely felt ready to part with them.  There was one red love bug in particular...a large VW bug that our middle son earned as a reward when we were potty training him.  Back in his "Herbie" days, he played with it while watching the movies.  He hasn't played with it in years, and every few months, I've tried to persuade him to pass it on to a loving new home.  He's never consented...until today.

Today I didn't even have to ask.  He was ready.  In fact, the boys surprised me and were ready to part with many of their childhood toys.  As we worked side by side and sorted through years of memories, I was struck again by the fact that my "little" boys are growing up. 

Our newly-turned 8-year-old keeps reminding me that he's halfway to 16.  And amidst countless graduations and graduation parties, I'm continually reminded that our oldest son graduates in just 6 years.  Our middle son and I were discussing the years of their graduations just a few days ago.  I think it was the first time I said it out loud...2013, 2015, 2017...

As I packed up the boys' Rescue Heroes this morning and nostalgically placed them in a bag, I started feeling a bit sad that this particular "season" was behind me.  But then God graciously impressed this verse on my heart:

"When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.  When I became a man, I gave up childish ways."  1 Corinthians 13:11

Don't get me wrong...I know our boys are still young.  But I'm ever mindful that they're growing and maturing...just as they should do.  It's good and right.  You'd be pretty shocked to visit me in my home and discover me playing (alone) with dolls or playing dress-up.  But far too often, I do the spiritual equivalent.  Rather than moving ahead and maturing in Christ, I cling to the past.  Rather than exalting Him, I exalt myself.  Rather than craving the solid food of God's Word, I desire to be bottle-fed. 

And so, while it sometimes causes a mama's heart to ache as we reach some of these new stages and milestones, I'm thankful that God is working in the hearts of our boys and their mom.  God used the physical parting of their toys to remind me of a spiritual truth.  As we grow, we need to be putting childish things behind us.  What's cute as a small child is no longer cute as a 30-something mom.  May I never rationalize my sin and make the excuse that "it's just the way I am."  Oh, that God would show me where I speak and think and reason like a child; that He would do His transforming work in my heart and life that I may be mature and complete. 

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• May. 3, 2007
National Day of Prayer

I'm exceedingly grateful that God doesn't leave us as we are, but is regularly prodding us on to new growth and deeper, richer communion with Him. 

God has taken my husband and me on a journey of sorts throughout the past couple of years.  He's ignited in us a passion to pray.  I'll be the first to say that, while I received Christ as my Savior at an early age and recommitted my life to Him in Jr. High, prayer had never been a consistent, vibrant part of my walk with Christ.  Oh sure, I went to Him with my list of needs and requests, but I was somewhat clueless when it came to praising and worshiping Him for Who He is.  I rarely took the time simply to linger in His presence.  I failed to be still before Him and allow Him to whisper in my ear.  My heart has been so encouraged by the request of one of Jesus' disciples...one of the men who walked with Him and knew Him most closely.  He said, "Lord, teach us to pray..."  That has been my prayer, as well.

Throughout the past couple of years, God has been speaking to me.  He's been telling me what He wants.  It's no secret.  I've clearly heard Him calling me to prayer.  I liken it to Him gently placing His hand beneath my chin and lifting it to Him so that He's all I see.  And over the past year, we've watched Him doing the same thing in the lives of our church family and friends.  One by one, God's people are standing up and agreeing that there's more...so much more...that God longs to do in and through us!  God has even used people whom we otherwise would have never met to motivate, challenge, and encourage us to seek God's face!  As I see this ripple effect among our church family and friends, my heart is gladdened and exuberant!  As I've frequently told my husband, I believe we're on the cusp of God doing some unbelievable, miraculous things within the Body!  It blesses my heart to see believers gathered together in prayer and ascribing worth to Jesus Christ! 

Today, on this National Day of Prayer, I'm excited to gather with our church family this evening for a Concert of Prayer.  My heart is further elated that some of our high school students will be joining the pastoral staff in leading this service.  These are the students we love and do life with; the students who are passionately following after God with their hearts and lives.  I'm thankful that our three young sons are hearing and seeing what it means to seek God's face, and I pray that God will ignite in them a passion to know Him intimately and deeply. 

"A great emphasis in prayer is what God desires to do in us.  He desires to get us under His loving authority, dependent on His Spirit, walking in the Light, motivated by His love, and living for His glory." ~ William Thrasher

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• Apr. 11, 2007
Spring Cleaning

Not long ago, I made a startling realization.  I was, perhaps, the last member of my family to make this discovery.  One day while working in the kitchen beside my husband, I simply stated, "I'm a messy cook," to which he non-judgmentally replied, "Yeah, I noticed that." 

And here began a discovery of deeper and greater proportion. 

I love being a homemaker.  I love caring for my men, creating a nest of comfort, cooking delicious meals, and decorating in ways that celebrate family and tradition.  It's my heartbeat...what makes me tick. 

I do not, however, enjoy cleaning.  In fact, I put it off.  I avoid it...sometimes at all cost.  I fill my days with self-made distractions that will keep me from cleaning the bathroom.  I avoid reaching into the far reaches of the refrigerator so that I don't pull out that unidentifiable fuzzy green "something" that we once called dinner.  I've been known to "hide" clutter in a drawer or closet when company's coming.  Oh sure, every once in a while I'll get a sudden burst of enthusiasm and tackle a cleaning project with gusto, but I've only recently become aware how habitually I put off cleaning in favor of something more desirable. 

A couple of days ago I was struggling.  There were relational issues whirling around in my heart and mind.  Attitudes of selfishness and bitterness were taking root in my soul.  I was feeling burdened by the "stuff" of life...the heartache of loved ones, the illnesses of dear friends and family, the unknown futures of others.  I was feeling conflicted...restless...uneasy.  Oh, I plowed through.  I kept busy.  All day long my heart was in turmoil.  Would you believe it wasn't till almost 9:00 that night when I finally heard the still small whisper of my Savior calling me to come away with Him? 

Uh-huh.  I was doing it again.  Just as I avoid cleaning my house, it seems I often avoid the cleansing of my soul. 

God knows the real me...the real you.  Psalm 51:6 says that He delights in truth in the inward being.  Wow!  There's no hiding the fuzzy green leftovers in the fridge from Him.  He reaches into the inner recesses of our hearts and sees who we really are.  He sees us with all our filth, all our sin...and He loves us anyway!  As we humbly come before Him and allow Him to illuminate those areas of our hearts that are in such desperate disarray and cleaning...as we confess those sins to Him, He cleanses us!  And that is joy inexpressible---even better than a sparkly, fresh pine-scented house!   

And so today, I'm thanking God that He's in the business of cleaning.  I'm thanking Him for His mercy and steadfast love that cleanses me, refines me, and purifies my heart.

Happy Spring Cleaning ~

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• Apr. 6, 2007
Extravagant Grace

I was downloading and organizing some new digital photos this evening when I came across this picture that our 7-year-old son "painted" on the computer this afternoon.  How sweet is that?  I especially love the American flag on Golgotha. 

I'm thanking God tonight, not only for the work He's done and is doing in our son's heart, but for using him to remind his mom of His extravagant grace. 

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience---among whom we all once lived in the pasions of our flesh, carrying out the  desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ---by grace you have been saved---and raised us up with Him and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.  For by grace you have been saved through faith.  And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.  Ephesians 2:1-9

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• Jan. 8, 2007
Monday, Monday

Ah, Mondays.

The day started out simple enough.  I chose to skip my early morning run, opting instead to catch up on some much-needed sleep.  You see, we had a fantastic weekend at our district youth conference, praising and worshipping our great God with 3,000 youth and adult staff!  However, sleep was somewhat secondary throughout the weekend.  I figure I got about 9 hours total over the two nights.  Needless to say, I slept in this morning to catch up on my sleep.  This, of course, put me 3 hours behind my normal morning routine.  It also caused me to miss my quiet time with the Lord this morning. 

Not long after rising, our youngest son was found throwing up over the toilet.  Most of it made it in...some of it did not. 

Then I was unpacking my luggage from the weekend and realized I was missing my make-up bag.  Either I overlooked it in my hotel room or it fell out of my bag...but regardless, it's gone.  Needless to say, I have to make an emergency trip to the store to replace everything.  I suggested to my husband that perhaps he would like to do it for me so that I don't frighten all the other shoppers with my "natural" look, but unsurprisingly, he didn't take me up on my proposition. 

Next I attempted to take a shower, only to discover that we were out of hot water.  Due to the showers of my men and the load of whites that I'd just run through the washer, the hot water heater was empty.  So we commenced with school while I waited for my hot water. 

Once the boys were each working on their math, I went downstairs to run another load of laundry.  It was then that I discovered a "doggie pile" on the carpet of our toyroom. 

Argh! 

As I was whining, grumbling, and complaining in my head about the injustice of it all, (afterall, it wasn't yet 10AM), God confronted me with a simple, bold statement:  "It's not about you."  Gulp.  Here I was, feeling sorry for myself, losing perspective and focus.  I was thinking about what a rotten day this was already, and lamenting how all these little things had inconvenienced me.  But then those four brief words rang in my heart, "It's not about you." 

It started innocently enough.  Yes, I needed my sleep.  But I also need my time with God in the morning, and I quickly discovered how my day spins out of control when I don't seek Him first.  I'm not saying that the "inconveniences" of the day wouldn't have happened had I had my quiet time...but I am saying that perhaps my perspective on these circumstances would have changed. 

And so, before proceeding any further in the day, I sensed my Father calling me away to a solitary place with Him.  It was somewhat brief, but He used this time to speak His Truth into my heart and renew my strength and my focus.  He also gave me the ability to laugh about the morning's series of events which previously had seemed so unjust.  Our son is not sick (just a sensitive gag reflex)...God (and my husband) love my "natural" look...the water heated and I got my shower...the dog doo is cleaned up...and God has given me satisfaction and joy in Him, rather than my circumstances. 

"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."  Psalm 118:24

Evening update:  My missing make-up bag showed up in my husband's empty luggage before I went out to buy all new products!  I'm not sure how it made it in there, considering we weren't even rooming together, but I'm thankful nonetheless!  I guess it was all part of the lesson God was teaching me today...

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• Dec. 29, 2006
Surrender

As I reflect upon 2006, I believe the overriding theme is SURRENDER. No, it’s not because I’m some kind of noble example when it comes to surrender. It’s not because it comes easily for me. It’s because God, in His graciousness, gave me a better picture of surrender this year. Despite my initial insistence upon my own way, He loved me enough to continue piercing my heart with the truth of His words.

I can’t help but recognize how these past months have been uniquely used of Him to refine and purify my heart. As I reflect on this year’s events, I can see how God used these months to bring me to the end of myself. Oh, how I wrestled with Him, telling Him what I wanted Him to do. I told Him what I wanted to do for Him...and then I expected Him to bless it. I clung to my will all the while asking for Him to show me His.

But I learned something, albeit slowly. As long as I’m clinging to my will, He can’t show me His. It’s only when we release the grip we have on our wills...when we surrender ourselves and our lives to Him...that He will reveal His all-wise, loving, and perfect plan.

I distinctly remember the afternoon when He brought me to the end of myself. As I sat alone in the presence of God, I remember sprawling out across my desk with my hands open and outstretched. They were no longer clenched. Through the tears that freely flowed, I finally told God that I was willing to embrace His plan. In humility, I confessed my sin in demanding my own way, and I gladly accepted His plan. Such joy and freedom flooded my soul as I relinquished any rights to my life and gave my loving heavenly Father full access to my heart. It was at this time that the words of Clay Crosse’s song, "I Surrender All" began echoing in my ears and heart:

I surrender all my silent hopes and dreams

Though the cost to follow costs me everything

I surrender all my human soul desires

If sacrifice requires that all my kingdoms fall

I surrender all.

Oh, this was a process that my heart had to go through...a series of purification and refinement. I’m so thankful for the pain and the lessons of those months. I’m thankful that God reminded me that He’s always working for my good and His glory. There’s no better place to be than in the center of God’s will. 

As we're about to close the book on 2006, my heart is so overwhelmed.  It's been an incredible year...not because things were always carefree and easy; not because there were no trials.  It's been incredible because through the highs and the lows, the mountaintops and the valleys, God has been faithful.  He's brought new growth and taught me even more about who He is. 

May He continue to give each one of us a hunger and a desire to know Him and love Him; to be a vibrant reflection of Him in our families and our communities; to trust His heart even when we don't understand His purposes.

Happy New Year, Everybody.  I join you in anticipating all that God holds in store for each of us in the new year! 

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• Sep. 3, 2006
Who is my neighbor?

I could write a book about the lessons God has taught me through my husband, and yesterday was just another of the chapters I could write.  This one would be called "A Modern Day Tale of  the Good Samaritan." 

Yesterday was a day of extremes...grieving along with a friend whose sweet mom had unexpectedly passed away last week, then moments later honoring my in-laws at their 50th anniversary celebration.  The minutes between the two were short.  As we left the viewing, we had only a few short moments to return home to pick up our boys and all the party preparations, then head out to the party location for a family photo of all 45 of us.  A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. 

As we drove the short couple of miles home, we came across a man who was sitting in the middle of the road.  Beside him was a cooler of spilled ice.  We immediately started speculating what had happened.  Was he hit by a car ?  Did he fall?

My husband pulled over and got out to help the man over to the side of the road.  After speaking with him for a few moments, my husband returned to our van and told me that the man was drunk and that he needed to help him to his "home."   

Ashamedly, I wanted to keep going.  Afterall, we had a schedule to keep.  This once-in-a-lifetime family picture opportunity was looming ahead of us, and I didn't have time to be bothered by the woes of this man.  In my heart, I had "passed on the other side." 

But my husband went to the man, and when he saw him, he had compassion.  He listened to his story and offered Him the hope that He can have through Jesus.  As I watched the exchange between the two...as I watched my husband help the man to his feet and carry his belongings to the place where he was staying, I was convicted.

God gave me a picture of my calloused heart...the heart that doesn't want to love my neighbor as myself; the heart that is more concerned with my itinerary than the heart needs of a lost world.  Though ashamed, my eyes were enlightened and my heart stirred. 

As we begin a new school year this week, I pray that it will be my heart's desire to love the Lord my God with all my passion and prayer and muscle and intelligence...and to love my neighbor as well as I do myself (The Message).  May I model this command for our boys in such a way that it creates in them hearts of compassion for those who don't yet know Jesus.  This is our prayer. 

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• Aug. 20, 2006
Summer of Growth

Ah, summer is winding down. I feel almost like one of the kids as I mournfully bid farewell to the summer. We’ve had such great times and have grown in so many new ways throughout these past few months.

Our oldest son's paper route of last weekend was extended for a full week.  It was a joy to see him develop depth of character as he learned how to deal with those accidental errors.  He watched as his dad respectfully engaged and apologized to a man whose paper had not been delivered the previous day.  He's learning to cope with these things head-on in a respectful manner, rather than ditching his responsibility and avoiding the confrontation. 

Our middle son seems to have flourished over the summer, as well.  He's always been a little on the shy side...a bit hesitant to engage people.  But I've watched his confidence soar over the summer.  He has some natural ability in baseball, and that skill seemed to boost his confidence and give him wings to fly.  I'm finding that he's suddenly talking a mile a minute and shows little of the shyness that he'd previously displayed. 

Our youngest son, likewise, has grown in new ways this summer.  He's developing a heart for the lost, and this has brought great excitement to my heart.  The boys have a particular little friend who doesn't know Christ as his Savior, and the older two boys struggle with the language and behavior of this boy when he visits.  As I've discussed our role in this boy's life, our youngest son boldly proclaimed that God sends this boy to our house so that we can show Him Jesus' love and be a witness to him.  I'm thrilled that at the age of 7, our son has his eyes on the fields. 

This summer has been tough, too.  Sometimes my heart is so heavy and burdened.  I hear of those dear ones who are battling sickness, hurting in relationships, or dealing with the consequences of sin.  But then there's my own areas of sin...those areas where I repeatedly fail; those areas where I cling to sin because it's easy or comfortable.  I lash out in anger, I react when provoked, I waste time, I selfishly cry out for my wants, I exalt myself. 

Over the past several months, I (slowly) read through James MacDonald's book entitled, "Gripped by the Greatness of God."  Life-changing!  Throughout the pages of Isaiah, I was impacted by the stark contrast of God's holiness and my sinfulness.  I was confronted with the sin that I somehow manage to justify, and was awakened to the Ultimate, Sovereign Ruler over everything. 

I joined Isaiah in declaring, "Woe is me." 

How I thank God for His saving grace.  I thank Him for making me His.  My heart's longing is that He would ignite in me a passion for Him that will renew and transform my mind.  As He occupies my mind, I know that right actions will follow. 

So yes, it's been summer break, but the learning hasn't stopped.  God has been faithfully shaping, molding, and conforming us to look more like Him. 

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• Jun. 23, 2006
It shall not return empty...

Imagine the joy that welled up in my heart when I checked on our two younger boys this afternoon.  They had decided to build a "fort" in our play equipment, and once it was complete, they determined that it was the perfect reading place.  This is how I found them:

Lest you think that everyday is filled with these kind of moments, let me be the first to dispel that notion.  There are days of bickering, bad manners, selfishness, rowdiness, and total lack of control...and that's just me!   Seriously, though, there are days when I wonder if any of the biblical truths we're imparting to our boys are penetrating their hearts.  There are days when I'm discouraged by an apparent lack of character training and I feel like such a failure as a mom.  Yet today God has graciously provided encouragement and hope. 

During my quiet time this morning, I was reading Isaiah 55.  Verses 10 and 11 read like this:

"For as the rain and the snow

come down from heaven

and do not return there but

water the earth,

making it bring forth and sprout,

giving seed to the sower and

bread to the eater,

so shall my word be that goes

out from my mouth;

it shall not return to me empty,

but it shall accomplish that

which I purpose,

and shall succeed in the thing

for which I sent it."

Perhaps days or months or years go by with seemingly no results.  God simply tells us to scatter the seed and it will bear fruit.  That's not the work of me...it's the total work of Him.  So even during the discouraging days when it seems like the Truth of His Word isn't connecting with our children's hearts, we have the hope and the promise from God that He will keep His Word. 

I feel blessed that my devotions of this morning connected with the sweet moments of this afternoon and reminded me that it's all about God's work in our boys' lives.  And I thank Him for the little glimmer of hope He sent in the form of a couple of brothers building a fort and (quietly) sharing some peaceful moments reading together. 

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• Mar. 20, 2006
Welcome Spring

"...for behold, the winter is past;

the rain is over and gone.

The flowers appear on the earth,

the time of singing has come."

Song of Solomon 2:11-12

May '05 ~ Our son and nieces enjoying each another

and one of the wonders of spring...dandelions!

It's the day I've been longing for...it's finally spring!  I love spring for so many reasons...the spring rains, faint breezes, budding trees, and tulips pushing their way through the soil. 

I remember when I was in third grade and we made construction paper kites in the spring.  I vividly remember that my friend, Johnny, decorated his orange kite in honor of "The Dukes of Hazzard."  I remember discussions in class about March coming in as a lion and going out as a lamb...and cheering ourselves with the knowledge that April showers bring May flowers. 

Call me crazy, but as a teenager, I loved listening to Sandi Patty on my walkman while hanging laundry on the clothesline in the spring.  And perhaps best of all, spring always brings back fond memories of a blossoming love.  My husband and I began dating in April, and spring causes me to recall all those special firsts...first hug, first kiss, first "I love you."  All these things point to newness...refreshment...hope.

Yet with all this "newness," God has reminded me of the renewal that He desires to do in my heart and mind.  Just as I need to do spring cleaning in my home, He desires to clean out the filth and sin from my heart.  He knows the real me.  There's no use hoping that he won't open that despised junk drawer, notice the spider webs in the corner, or see that big wad of dog hair on the floor.  He sees my attitudes...my selfishness...my laziness...my sin.  And I marvel that He would take this sinful heart, cleanse it, and make it new. 

So on this first day of spring, I join David in praying,

"Create in me a clean heart,

O God, and renew a right spirit

within me.

Cast me not away from your

presence,

and take not your Holy Spirit

from me.

Restore to me the joy of your

salvation,

and uphold me with a willing

spirit."

Psalm 51:10-12

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• Aug. 23, 2005
Morning Reflections

Welcome to my little corner of the world.  After catching "blog fever" from several friends, I decided that keeping a blog could be a wonderful outlet for me to record my thoughts, dreams, and prayers...as well as lessons that God is teaching me. 

A precious friend of mine recently shared an article about the value of smiling.  I've pondered that thought often in the days since, asking myself what our boys see when they look at me.  Am I serious all the time?  Nagging at them to do their chores?  Am I stressed as I ponder and plan all the many events of the upcoming weeks?  Or when they look at me, do they see a joy that radiates from within?  Do my eyes sparkle and dance when their eyes connect with mine?  Do they know how deeply loved and cherished they are?  Am I ministering to their hearts at their point of need, pointing to our gracious heavenly Father as the Giver of all we need?  Proverbs 17:22 says, "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."  Oh, that my soul would be happy in God, for it's only then that I can truly minister joy and truth and hope to the lives of my husband and our three young men. 

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