• May. 25, 2006
If You Give A Girl A Cookie...
expect it to get all over her face!
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• May. 20, 2006
How Far Do Apron Strings Stretch?
My oldest child, my daughter M, who is almost 7 years old, is going on a trip next week with my mother-in-law. They are flying to Ohio, for M's great-grandma's 93rd birthday party. M is named after this lovely lady and she is thrilled to be going....but I can't decide if I should be worried or excited. They will be gone for 6 days...and in exchange for letting my daughter fly more than halfway across the country without me, I get to console my almost 5 yo, who of course wanted to go, too, and I get to dog sit my mother-in-law's dog. I definately don't feel like I'm getting the better part of the deal.
I am very anxious about M being away. I worry about how she will handle the flight, will she be so nervous she'll have a potty accident? Will she refuse to eat the food, become very hungry and then be whiny and cranky? Will she remember her manners, especially at the big party, where several dozen members of my husband's family will be?
As these thoughts zip through my mind, I realize that my true concern is a fear of being judged on my parenting. I'm worried that people, especially family, will look at M's behavior and assign blame for whatever is lacking, on me. This is the same anxiety I feel when I take all four of my children out in public.
These thoughts have been swirling round my head all day, making me short-tempered and cranky myself. I finally figured out what was going on and fell to my knees in prayer. I asked the Lord to protect my baby, and to watch over her every step of the way. I gave all my fears and anxieties to the Lord and reaffirmed the trust I have in Him to make all things work together for good.
Now the trick will be to leave those fears and anxieties with the Lord! And to let go just enough to let my baby have a great time on her trip.
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• May. 11, 2006
My First Mother's Day: Empty Arms
I sat quietly on the edge of a large family celebration on Mother's Day, 1991, wishing I was somewhere else. The guest of honor was my paternal grandmother, who had raised six children with little money and great faith. The families of my aunt and uncles crowded the rooms of my aunt's home. My empty arms and broken heart ached for the baby I had given up at birth the year before. My first Mother's Day: physically and emotionally I was a mother, but in every other way, I wasn't.
I hadn't wanted to come, but my father insisted that my grandmother wanted to see me. I'd wanted to stay home, lose myself in a good book, and try to forget what day it was. My dad had reminded me of my grandmother's ill health and the loosening of her grip on reality. So I came, but with so many other grandchildren in the room, she seemed overwhelmed. The family knew about the baby I'd had and let go of, but no one said anything.
After the meal, as we all sat around talking about distant family members, my Dad, who had flown in from out of state just for this gathering, stood to proudly announce the birth of his first grandchild...my sister's new son.
Any hopes I had of getting through the day without weeping were shattered. Tears welled up and rolled down my silent, frozen face. People darted nervous glances at me and quickly looked away. As soon as the topic turned to other things, I quietly excused myself and escaped outside.
I stood under dark cloudy skies and bawled. All the grief and anger and heartache of the last year erupted from me. In sympathy, the skies wept with me.
That I had expected something different was foolish. From the moment I told my dad I was pregnant and planning to choose adoption, he never asked about the baby. The phone call announcing my baby's birth went something like this:
Me: Hi Dad, the baby's been born.
Dad: How are you?
Me: I'm okay. It's a girl.
Dad: Good, good, here's Rosemary. (his fiancee)
I'd told Rosemary all the vital stats and she'd then repeat them out loud. I'd asked if Dad was nearby and she'd said yes. And in the 10 months since then, he had maintained his silence completely.
After some time, I was able to gather my emotions and stuff them back into the deepest corner of my heart, dry my face and rejoin the gathering. I made my excuses to my grandmother and aunt and left.
It took my dad several years to acknowledge my daughter, to ask about her, to look at the pictures her parents generously sent me every few months. She was five years old before I received a Mother's Day card from him that said:
"Your daughter will always be my first grandchild"
And I bawled all over again.
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• Mar. 29, 2006
What Took So Long?
How could I have watched Disney's The Little Mermaid so many times in the last couple of years and not caught the many things that, now that I've finally noticed, are at best annoying and at worst, downright wrong.
To start, Ariel is only sixteen!! I definately don't want my girls (or my boys, for that matter) to be looking for their spouses starting at age 16! My oldest daughter is 6 1/2...the thought of her looking for a spouse in just ten years time send shiver down my spine.
Next, Ariel is, in many ways, everything I don't want my daughters to be. She is irresponsible (gets distracted and fails to show up for the concert). She is deceitful (fails to tell her father where she has been). Most of all, she is defiant and disobedient. She does exactly the opposite of what she is told to do. She doesn't seek wise counsel before making major life decisions, like signing that contract.
Then, there is the witchcraft aspect. No more needs to be said about that!
It's humbling to realize that this movie slipped by my "yucky" movie purge I did a couple of years ago, when we dumped all our R rated movies and lots of kids movies that we just thought weren't appropriate for our Christian home. Maybe it wasn't in the movie cabinet that day???
But now that I've finally figured out what this movie is really showing my children, it has been seen for the last time. And I will be taking a close look at what else might be lurking in our movie cabinet.
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Phillippians 4:8
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• Mar. 17, 2006
Baby's First X-ray
Well, our baby has set a new family record for youngest child to need an x-ray. The previous record was held by our now 6 yo daughter, who fell off a slide and broke her collar bone when she was 2 1/2.
S, who is 15 months on Sunday, slipped on the stairs this morning and twisted her left ankle. We've recently taught her to slide down the stairs on her tummy. So she was on the way down this am, my husband was standing right below her, and she decided to try walking down instead. She stood up and turned to look at Dean, who told her to turn back onto her tummy. She lost her balance and tumbled down two steps before he caught her.
At first, we were concerned about her head, she bonked it on the railing spindles. But within a few minutes, it became obvious that her leg was bothering her. She refused to put her weight on it. But we couldn't see any swelling, discoloration or anything that would indicate an injury. After a couple of hours, we could finally see the teeniest bit of swelling around her ankle. And she still wouldn't walk, so I called our ped. and off we went.
Our doctor thought it was just sprained, but wanted to "double check", of course. By this time, Dean had left for work and I had taken the other three children with me to the doctor. My best friend, the only person I could call on such short notice to babysit, is out of town. So then I had the dubious pleasure of taking four children under 7 to the Children's Hospital for an x-ray.
All in all, it went smoothly, and yes, it's just a sprain. But try telling a 15 month old she has to stay off her feet!
