• Jul. 26, 2007
Ahem, yes, I have a blog...

Not that I've written anything recently.  Got a bit sidetracked after the birth of blessing #5, our second son.  But I've been feeling the need to get back to this, so here I am.

Lots to share. The biggest change is that we moved, because my MIL finally couldn't stand our lifestyle anymore and decided to sell the house we rented from her.  It's a long long story I will share soon, but not now. 

Suffice to say we love our new place.  We are away from the urban city we were in.  We have a huge huge yard in which my blessings found a lovely garden snake today. 

I want to make this blog a real place...a place where I share real feelings, even ones that are less than pretty, less than complimentary.  I need a place to share all my frustrations and concerns and, of course, the blessings and praises from our Lord.

I've been reminded today that my utmost goal is to be more like Jesus.  Being a loving wife and mother is goal number two.  Because if everything in my life was stripped away, I would still have Jesus.

"Everyday, it's you I live for...everyday, I'll follow after you, my Lord."

(1 Comments) (Post A Comment!) (Permanent Link)

• May. 26, 2006
The Joy of Waiting on the Lord

"Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD." Psalm 27:14 KJV.

Waiting is not my favorite pastime, especially when I don't know how long the wait will be.  If I have to be on hold, I prefer one of those soulless computer voices to tell me what my estimated wait time is.  Or at least some music.  The worst waiting is when the other end of the line is silent and you're not sure you're still on the line.

Do you ever feel that way with God?  You've prayed about something, and you are waiting for an answer, and instead of hearing "okay, just wait for x day/weeks, etc", you don't hear anything?  I sometimes wish prayers could be tracked like a UPS package:  at least I'd know they'd arrived.

It's been about five years since my faith went from being something I flung on before church on Sunday to being an integral part of my life.  During that first year, as my faith was growing like a newborn baby, jumping from one size to the next, I had several specific things I began to pray about.  Little did I know how long I would have to wait for the Lord's answer.

One was a job for my husband.  And not just any job.  THE job.  A job that suited his temperment, his abilities, his desires and that would pay enough to support our family.  It seemed for a while that God was busy the day that prayer went up...as we endured a three year long period of job mis-matches and lay-offs.  Our situation got to the point where we had lost our house and I was working nights to supplement my husband's unemployment benefits.  Finally, after giving up what seemed to us to be the last thing we had (our church family), we moved about 70 miles away, and within a month and just days before his benefits would run out, my husband got THE job.

While waiting for the job was very hard, we had no choice.  We knew we couldn't rush THE job, all we could do was trust in the Lord's timing and keep ourselves open to His leadings.  But what about smaller things?  Things that are generally easier to get? Things like...a digital camera.

Our old film camera broke about 3 years ago.  There was no way we could afford to either replace it or upgrade to a digital.  And I really wanted that digital camera.  I was tired of developing an entire roll of film to get one or two decent pictures.  It seemed like such a waste of money.  Money that we didn't have, so I prayed.

A year went by.  We occaisionally bought a one-use camera to record special moments, but the quality was so poor.  I continued to wait, but I was getting impatient.

Whenever it seemed like we might have an extra couple hundred bucks that I could use to buy a camera, something more urgent, usually a car repair, would come up.  And so I continued to wait.

Just a few weeks ago, I was at Wal-Mart, looking at the cameras.  The one I've wanted was in stock and on sale.  But I would have had to charge it, I didn't have that much cash.  And my husband is opposed to charging things we can live without...and even some things we can't.  So I put it back and walked away.

Last week, a friend told me they were upgrading their digital camera, would I like to buy their older one?  I'd seen this camera, a nice Kodak, 4 mp, plenty of features.  I said of course, I'd love it!  I babysit several days a week for this friend and she just took the price of the camera out of my pay.  It was so easy and now, voila!, I have a digital camera that cost me far less than a comparable one in the store.

The Lord let me wait for three years to get my camera.  It was about three years, too, that we waited for THE job.  Other things have come sooner and some will probably take longer.  Like the big house on a couple of acres I pray for and dream about.  Meanwhile, the Lord gives me the courage to wait, my heart has been strengthened in my waiting, and I've never regretted the decision to wait for His perfect timing.

(1 Comments) (Post A Comment!) (Permanent Link)

• May. 2, 2006
Passionate Faith Saturday Night

"Putting My Faith Into Action"

What is your faith in?  When you need to make a decision, where do you go?  Is your faith in your self, your feelings, your friends?  Or is your faith in God?  Do you go to Him for advice first?

Because faith in not a feeling, it's not a noun, it's a verb.  Faith is an action.  Faith is believing in what God says is true, and then acting on it.

This is how Donna started off Saturday night's session.  We'd spent a beautiful spring day doing all kinds of fun things, but she grabbed our attention right away with this challenge:  What is your faith in?

(She grabbed my attention so completely, my notes are a little sketchy, but I think I can get the main message across. :) )

Knowing that we should be living by faith, why do we, especially those of us who consider ourselves "strong Christian women", still disobey and fail to live by our faith?  Three reasons and the solution to each problem can be found in I Peter 5:5-9.

First, our PRIDE.  We want to control our own lives.  This is an especially difficult area for me.  My parents always told me that I could do whatever I wanted with my life, that there were no limits for me.  That a woman was as good as a man.  That I should never feel less important or less valuable than a man.  And in theory, they weren't too far off.  I am valuable and important.  I don't measure my worth against a mans.  I *can* do whatever I want...but the question is: should I?

Who knows what is best for me?  Me?  Looking back at some of the mistakes I've made, it's clear to me that I'm often completely clueless here.  My friends?  I have some wonderful friends, and I do seek wise council from them sometimes, but do they really know what is best for me or do they just think they do?

I Peter 5:5b-6 says:  "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.  Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time."  Only the Lord knows what is best for me and my faith tells me that I must rely on Him to show me the way.  He may do that through His word or through wise council from other Christians, but to rely on my self and my feelings only gets me in trouble.

Next, our FEAR.  It's the "what if" syndrome.  What if I fail?  What if I look foolish?  What if I'm not wanted? What if? What if?

Here are some of the what ifs I've faced lately: 

What if my friends laugh when I say I don't want to watch a movie because it's rated R? 

What if my parents think I'll become a doormat because I desire to be a godly submitting wife to my husband? 

What if his parents think it's foolish to trust the Lord with your fertility and family size when your husband has a low paying job? 

What if the people at our church think I'm silly for having myself and my daughters wear only modest dresses and for me to cover my head?

The fear of what others may think, say or do can be paralyzing to living a life of passionate faith.  Feeling fear is not wrong...it's just a feeling...but bowing to the fear and allowing it to prevent us from acting...that is what is wrong.  Sometimes, we just have to "do it afraid".

I Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."  So simple, yet so difficult!  I often have to remind myself that there is only one person who will judge my life and determine my eternal future.  And that person is not anyone I know on this earth. 

Lastly, our ENEMY.  Yes, we have an enemy among us.  As Christians, we tend to forget that the enemy is still trying to trip us up, still trying to deceive us.   But our struggle is not with our own flesh, but with the powers of darkness.  They are all around us, but we have the most powerful weapon:  our faith.

I Peter 5:8-9a "Be self-controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith"   When you know the enemy is trying to distract you, to draw you away, just stand on your faith.

Remember, faith is believing what God says is true and acting on it.  My faith tells me to stay away from R rated movies and other impure entertainment, to follow His desires by submitting to my godly husband, to trust Him with every part of my life, even the biggie: fertility, to be modest in my appearance and obedient to His commands. 

Do it afraid if you have to, but just do it!!

Next, the final session, Sunday morning:  Lessons From A Woman Like Us:  developing real life faith by studying Mary's interaction with the Angel.

In other words:  Life Lessons:  When God Changes Your Plans.

(0 Comments) (Post A Comment!) (Permanent Link)

• Apr. 29, 2006
Passionate Faith Saturday Morning

The second main session was Saturday morning after breakfast.  Donna's lesson was subtitled:  Experiencing the Faith of God.  You can build your faith by increasing your awareness of the faithfulness of God.

She started by asked us to write the first five things that came to mind when we thought about the Lord.  I wrote awesome, creator, redeemer, master, servant.

Then she read a verse from Exodus, where Moses is on the mountain and God tells Moses His name:  LORD.  "And He passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness".  Wow!! I want to be like God!  I'm going to write this verse on a big piece of paper and put it on the fridge, so I can be reminded of what God is and what I should be striving for.

(In an aside, in a later class, the leader pointed out the when you see a word repeated in the Old Testament, it repeats to show added emphasis.  Apparently, there isn't a Hebrew word for very, so whenever sometime is more than it is, it repeats.  "The hole, the hole" would mean a very deep hole.  "The Lord, the Lord" means the highest, "mostest" Lord.)

So when we see the faithfulness of God, when we see that He is indeed just like He said way back in Exodus, we don't have to hide from Him, we can fully enter His presence and live with Him.  And by living with Him, our own faith will increase.

But we try to hide from God.  We stand before Him, with our hands over our eyes, thinking that because we can't see Him, that He can't see us.  Of course, He sees us.  And waits patiently for us to uncover our eyes.

Why do we live outside the presence of God?  Why do we stay away from all the wonderful things He has promised us?  Here are Donna's ideas...

We only "try" to live a Christian life, we don't train for it.  If you wanted to run a marathon, you wouldn't just show up the day of the race and start running.  You'd train for it.  We need to train for the Christian life by doing those things that we all know we should be doing:  daily quiet time in the Word, prayer, fellowship with other believers, etc.

Ignorance:  We don't stir our chocolate milk.  Yes, we are supposed to be chocolate milk!!  We are the bland white milk, Jesus is the chocolate.  If you add Him to your life, but don't stir, He just sinks to the bottom and doesn't change the milk.  Also, if you stir for a bit, but then stop stirring, the chocolate will separate and again sink to the bottom.  We need to be constantly stirring our milk, constantly involving Jesus in our daily lives, not just on Sunday.

Presumption: Jesus is available 24/7.  Just because Jesus is always with us is no reason to ignore Him, only pulling Him into your life when trouble threatens.  He desires to be with us always, to drink deeply of His presence, not take tiny sips.

Deception: The enemy at work.  Our enemy is sneaky and knows that some believers think that by trusting in Jesus, the enemy is vanquished forever.  NO!  The enemy is always hard at work in a Christian's life.  He is always trying to turn us away from God.  Remember those old cartoons with the good voice on one shoulder and the bad voice on the other?  Well, that is exactly how the enemy works.  He whispers thoughts to distract us from our Christian life.  Remember that voices of condemnation are always the enemy speaking.  The Holy Spirit speaks in a whisper than convicts and uplifts, never condemns.

Distraction:  Stay in the canoe.  Donna related a story about the first time one of her daughters went in a canoe.  At first she was so scared she clung tightly to her brother who was paddling.  But slowly she relaxed and began to look around, then began trailing her fingers in the water.  Distracted by the water, she reached lower to dunk her hand in and SPLASH! over they went. 

That is EXACTLY what happens to us!  We are in the canoe with the Lord, our arms tightly around Him, clinging to His strength.  But then we relax, start looking around at the world.  Then we dip just our fingers into the world.  Distracted, we reach just a little farther and SPLASH, we are in the water.  We need to keep a tight grip on our Lord and keep our eyes on Him.  Don't let the glitter of the world distract you from faith in Him.

Live in God's presence, experience His faithfulness and your own faith will grow and become passionate faith!

Coming next:  Saturday night:  Putting My Faith Into Action

(0 Comments) (Post A Comment!) (Permanent Link)

• Apr. 26, 2006
Passionate Faith Friday Night

The theme of the retreat was Passionate Faith and our speaker, Donna Jones, began her 4 session presentation with Passionate Faith: Being Bumped Into Place.

She put forth the idea that in order to obtain Passionate Faith, we need to be sharpened by each other.  Proverbs 27:17 says "As iron sharpens iron, so one (wo)man sharpens another."  We are responsible to each other to hone the edges, to keep each other squarely on the path of Passionate Faith.

How do we do this?  Four ideas:

First, to notice and celebrate when others behave like Jesus!  Wow, what a concept!  Catch others doing good and let them know!  So often we spend too much time finding fault with other women.  Rather, we should be looking for the good in each other, and celebrating it!  Just a simple "way to go" or "I appreciate it" is all that is needed.

The next idea: factor accountability into our lives.  Do you have someone who can call you on the carpet when she sees you making a mistake?  Do you have someone to seek advice on difficult decisions from?  If not, you need someone.  Donna says we must have accountability to live a Christian life.

Accountability requires two things: love and honesty, both in the same person.  You must love the person enough to care what happens to them both here on earth and in eternity.  You must also be honest enough to  tell them hard truths.

How do you know when to say something to a friend you see taking a misstep?  Ask this question:  Do you WANT to say something?  If the answer is yes, then keep your mouth shut and pray for wisdom.  If the answer is no, then pray for wisdom and say it with love and honesty.

Thirdly, we must ourselves be willing to be held accountable.  This is a two way street.  Do not be defensive when a Christian friend approaches you in a loving and honest way.  Listen closely and pray at length over what they speak to you.

Lastly, to gain Passionate Faith, we must stay on the narrow path!  Be always aware that there may be others looking to you to see how a Christian life is led! What do others see when they look at your life? Do they see Passionate Faith?  Or grudging faith?  Do they see a women seeking God? or one running away?  There may be people following you...where are you leading them?

During her teaching, Donna related a story about her 10 year daughter who refused to bow to peer pressure to watch a PG13 movie at a sleepover.  When Donna asked her daughter why she was able to stand so firm in the face of pressure, teasing, pleading etc by her friends, her daughter said, "Duh, mom, those words you pray over me every night!"  Those words are:  "Lord, please help this child to choose to do right when everyone around her is doing wrong."

That is what we as Christians should be doing: choosing right when everyone else isn't.

Coming soon, Passionate Faith Saturday Morning:  Experiencing the Faithfullness of God.

(0 Comments) (Post A Comment!) (Permanent Link)

• Apr. 25, 2006
Passionate Faith intro

I am back from an awesome women's retreat.  It was a wonderful time of sharing, learning, fun and relaxation.  Every year is great and every year, within a month or two, the lessons learned fade away.  This year, I am determined to remember and incorporate the wisdoms I gleaned at the retreat.  So I am going to summarize each session from the main speaker (four in all) and the five workshops I attended.  I will also give a blow by blow account of my experience on a high ropes course!

Our main speaker this year was Donna Jones.  She is the author of a fabulous book called Taming the Family Zoo: Six Weeks to a Well-Mannered Child.  She and her husband have three children, live in Southern California and he is the founding pastor of their church Crossline Church. I've started reading the book and it's great...there will definately be an entry on that, too.

The theme for this year was Passionate Faith, the Bible verse was Psalm 63:1-8, which I like to summarize as "O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you...My soul clings to you".  Look it up, there's lots more good stuff in that passage.

The food was good (mostly because I didn't have anything to do but eat it!), the weather was great (especially considering its April in the Pacific Northwest) and the time spent with many friends old and new was a joy.

Only 360 days until the next retreat!!!

(0 Comments) (Post A Comment!) (Permanent Link)

• Apr. 3, 2006
Once a Treasure, Now Trash

I watched the thing that was once my pride and joy be hauled away today.  My first car.  My first new car, that was.  The car I paid way too much for because I didn't seek wise council, the car I didn't really need and couldn't really afford.  The car that was once the support of my fragile ego.  The car I gave away to be sold for scraps. I watched it be towed away without a tear or even a pang in my heart.

How often do we tie up our sense of self-worth with stuff?  Or with what we do?  Not too long ago, that car and the clothes and jewerly I wore were the most important things in my life:  they were my gods.  I relied on them for my happiness.  I thought that others would like me or think I was special because of them. 

A few years ago, the Lord allowed my choices to bite me in the you-know-where.  I fell a long long way down, to a place where I could trust only one thing:  the love of my Creator, my Redeemer, my Lord.  He showed me that I could be happy without any of that stuff, if I would just trust in Him.  He would shower me with joy and contentment, with blessings and laughter.  And He has.

But how easy it is to start to slip back into old habits, old patterns.  Now I must fight against the temptation to base my value on what I do:  I stay home for my children, I homeschool them, I lead the MOPS group at church, etc.  All these are good things, but if they become the basis of what I am, rather than just what I am doing, then they become little gods and take the focus off the one true Awesome God.

After that painful correction, I can joyfully say:  My worth is solely as a child of God.  I am valuable, special, unique and ultimately priceless simply because the Lord loves me without reserve.  No thing on earth, even my precious children, makes me more loved by Him.  He could take it ALL away, and I would love Him the same.  And I would still be worthy to be His soldier.

Everyday, we must remind ourselves that our worth is based on the love the Lord God has for us, the love that sacrificed His Son for us.  We do what we do not to gain glory for ourselves, but out of love for the Lord, because He has asked it of us.  And in doing that work, we allow His glory to shine through us, for all the world to see.

(0 Comments) (Post A Comment!) (Permanent Link)

• Mar. 21, 2006
Becoming Quiverfull

Do some people just wake up one day and say, yes, Lord, I submit to you.  My womb is in your hands.  Well, that wasn't me.  It was a long road, like most in my life. :)

I first considered the then too radical thought of allowing the Lord control over my fertility when we were expecting our third child.  It was a bit of a surprise: we had planned to have another child, just not quite yet.  I thought about it, prayed a bit, and didn't say a word to anyone.  When our baby was born, and it was a boy to be a brother to our two older girls, our family seemed "complete".  My husband especially was on the "we are done" side of the issue.  He had been laid off during the pregnancy and we were eyebrow deep in debt and uncertainty.  Within the next year, we lost our house and declared bankruptcy.  And I got a job delivering the paper, working when the rest of my family slept.

So I pushed aside my fledgling convictions.  We were only waiting for Dean to get a job with benefits before going in for the big V.

It was quite a surprise, to say the least, to find ourselves expecting again in the spring of 2004.  We waited until the very last minute to tell our families.  Their reaction to baby #3 had been bad enough (ie. "oh, that's too bad", and "you can't possible take care of another child").  Now we were living in a rental duplex, Dean wasn't working and we had no insurance, no savings.  I was so scared of what they would say, I asked my husband to call them all (both our parents are divorced and remarried, so we have 4 sets of grandparents) with the good news.  To this day, he has not told me what they said and I thank him for that.

It was during this pregnancy that the Lord just moved my heart to trust Him.  Through all our troubles, my faith had grown so very much, it was now easy to trust in this area, too, for me.  And in that trust, the Lord worked mightily.  He brought us a house:  my mother in law offered to buy a house for us to live in and only charges us half the payment.  He brought us a job for Dean at a company that is the perfect fit for his strengths and weaknesses:  a job that he can have for the rest of his working life and enjoy every day.  And it pays just enough to cover our bills and have a teeny bit extra.  In other words, we are becoming very good stewards of our money!

And my husband?  How does he feel about having a bunch of babies?? Well, he understands my convictions, but struggles with the need to be a provider and is concerned about finances.  For him, it is a one at a time decision.  I am under submission to him on this.  I have explained that for me to use a hormonal birth control method or deny him during a fertile time for fear of pregnancy would be a personal sin.  If he desires to limit our family, he must provide the means or abstain when I am fertile.  We are in agreement over this, and I continue to pray the Lord will convict his heart the way He convicted mine.

Currently, we are not preventing. :)

So, pray for us, please, that the Lord will bless us with another child.  Our youngest is 15 months: I've never not been pregnant with a child of this age.  But I am peaceful, knowing the Lord's timing is perfect in all things.

And within two weeks, I will know if we are expecting blessing #5...and I'll post here with that news...after I tell Dean!

(1 Comments) (Post A Comment!) (Permanent Link)