When “Phil” Goes Bad...? (Continued)

12:34 PM - Jun. 13, 2006 - Add to the Wildness

Perhaps the worst life-training I’ve ever personally witnessed was from a pastor and his wife. They were the kind of people who cause Child Protective employees to slap a label on "Christian fundamentalists." I never did have any respect for that dumb-eared guy, and I couldn’t figure out why for quite awhile. Then I realized it was because he was always walking around like the big man of the house, all the while his wife was totally manipulating his every move. He was a big ol’ Nebraskan puppet on a string. Probably still is, I don’t know. We quit talking to them when they started playing head games with family members.

It came out in the fruits of the parenting. When you feel the need to spank your sixteen-year-old daughter, something’s amiss. A kid that age is two years from being a contributing citizen, and by that point, if you can’t reason with ‘em, you can’t reason. Now if she’d been drinking, drugging, sleeping around, and throwing it in her parents’ face, that’d be something to crack down on. All she did was try to stand up for the right to independent personhood. The kid was silently screaming, "Let me try to be an adult, please...." The utter lack of trust, coupled with the utter lack of fostering independent reasoning, was deadly. At eighteen, the girl moved out and shacked up with someone.

So, there you go. The worst parenting I’ve ever personally seen was Christian, homeschooled, and pastoral to top it off. I’ve heard much worse from others, of course. We all have. The question, ultimately, is "How do I evaluate my own parenting?"

You can have all the "Biblical" standards in the world, but I learned from that pastor’s family that if you have not love, if you have no reality in the cross, if it’s all about "putting on the best face," you are nothing. (1 Cor. 13) None of us knew what a high calling parenting would be until we were in the middle of it, did we?

"I protest.... I die daily." - The Apostle Paul (1 Cor. 15:31)

Untitled Comment

Having done foster care, I have seen worse. But I think you have a great point. Barbara Curtis has a book called The Mommy Manual: Planting Roots That Give Your Children Wings. I haven't read the book, but the title is a real turn-off for me!

If we take this analogy out farther, baby birds are born with wings. Wings are not something that are "given" to them. All along, our kids are meant to be independent and we selfishly hold them close. We think we are raising children, but really we are molding adults.

Great blog topic ~

AcceptanceWithJoy - 8:34 AM - Jun. 14, 2006

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