Apr. 14, 2008 - drugs, drugs, drugs
ok, where did I leave off? Remember to read this entry after yesterdays if you want to begin from the beginning. In a nutshell, I was on and off so many drugs, was pushing the pain button every 5 minutes...They gave me morphine, demoral, on the pain pump and when I was still writhing they tried lortab and percoset. I remember feeling like I was in labor for the first few hours but then my pain turned to all over body hurt, shakes, fast heartbeat, and just all over discomfort.
I felt like I couldn't take it any more.
Then, I had a clarifying moment...I believe that the Lord let me take inventory of my body and I was able to go system by system and verify that it didn't hurt. Nothing in my body hurt any more (short of very mild menstrual like cramps). No pain. I was able to think, just for 10 seconds, long enough to tell my mother that I didn't hurt. I just wanted drugs. Then I went back to the craziness.
My mom was able to talk with the doctor and let him know. He didn't believe her I think but, took me off of the pain pumps and pills and just gave me 800 ibuprofin, By the next day I felt great. It took a lot to get there but I did it. I wanted those drugs so badly that I was ready to lie to the doctor and tell him I hurt again.
I was sweating like crazy and my heart was pounding.
When I came home I had to tell my husband (yell really, and I'm not a yeller) to get rid of the percoset! I told him that if he kept them there I would take them all. My body still needed them so much. I had to constantly tell myself that I felt fine. I would sit down, let myself feel my body, and know that I was fine with just the ibuprofin.
It also helped to remember that I stopped breathing with all the drugs. I was on oxygen at the hospital because I just forgot to breath. It was an interesting feeling and one that I will not repeat soon.
I'm so grateful that the Lord would help me by clearing my mind and prompting me to realize why I wanted the drugs.
I do know that they are needed and welcome, I'm grateful for the anesthesia during surgery, but I will know ahead of time if I ever need to do this again, what to talk with the staff about. I will know to try the minimum drugs, no pain pump unless I ask for it FOR PAIN, not just automatic, I'll know to have a relative there who can ask me real questions instead of just letting nurses pop pills.
