Some days I really feel like this.  Just do the next thing.  There doesn't seem to be joy to be found anywhere.  Just do the next thing.  I think it must be the balance to the other days where there is SO much joy I feel I'll explode!

Today has been a tough day.  This is the first year that we are really able to stay on track with school.  Okay, so the holidays haven't hit yet!  Years past have held many interruptions to school...health issues for me, and before that was the births of my last two babies (2000 and 2002).  This year, I thought, would be better.  If anything we should be able to be more consistant with school!  And we have been.  Just that the days like today...just do the next thing....make me feel like I'm walking through mud...uphill!

I have my blessings that I try to continually focus on.  The ones that really bring me inner joy.

Last Sunday night we went to see Chonda Pierce.  She is too funny!  One thing I realized though is that a LOT of people struggle.  Even those you wouldn't normally think do...do.  Fact is everyone does at one time or another.  The one thing that keeps me going, aside from the Lord's grace, is my family.  If it weren't for them I could see me slipping to a dark place.  But they "need" me.  They need their mom.  One thing that Chonda mentioned was in her struggles a friend asked her "have you embraced your pain?"  Embraced.  That word really struck me.

I was angry when I realized that even after the hysterectomy I still had  pain.  I was down right livid!  Then I moved over to acceptance.  I guess that's where I am right now.  Could I ever "embrace" this?  I don't know.  It seems unfathomable at this moment.  I know that God has a purpose in everything, even in this pain.  I sure wish He would share with me what that purpose is!!

For now, I just try to think positive. To have a positive attitude.  It does make a difference to continually try to find the positives, even in situations that don't seem to have any...but if I look hard enough they are there.  So each day I pray for the strength to make it through one more day and God is good....He gives me that strength, and lo and behold I make it through one more day!

I told myself that I wouldn't post negative thoughts here on my blog.  That I would share the journey of a Life Ex-Ordinary!  Truth is, bad times and pain....well they highlight the good times and joy.  Without the bad how would we see the good shine so bright?

I pray that today finds you happy and full of joy.  If it doesn't...then look harder for the positives...they are there waiting to be found!

Blessings ~

Christina ~

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