People change.  I'm not who I was 10 years ago.  Probably not who I was 5 years ago.  I think it's the same with everyone.  Having just had my birthday and refusing to think of "age" as a defining factor in my life, however realizing that I am the mother of a 14 year old (and an almost 6 and 8 year old!) now...well it's been more difficult than in years past to not think of myself as "getting old." 

Before and just after my oldest was born my husband and I knew how to have fun.  It was simple, just shirk responsibility as much as you can and do pretty much whatever you wanted (within reason). 

As the years past we got more responsible.  Then we had two more children and got really really responsible.  With the added students into our little homschool, the workload tripled.  Now along with maintaining the house and chores that go with that comes the added work of planning, teaching, and all that goes with homeschooling three kids. 

My journey into chronic pelvic pain started just shortly after my youngest was born.  I've told the story, just realizing that she will be 6 next week reminds me of the years that I've spent dealing with this.  Having had a hysterectomy last summer was supposed to make the pain go away.  It didn't.  However, always trying to find the positive in things I can honestly say I don't miss my period.  It had gotten so bad I couldn't leave the house for 7-10 days a month.  Of course I also miss what having a period means....the ability to have more children.  But that's not what this particular post is about. 

It's about life with many responsibilities and with pain.  I had one of those "epiphany" moments recently.  I'm not much fun anymore.

Seriously, I was letting responsibility rule my life.  I've seen this happen in other people.  As they get older they forget how to have fun and are just all about the work.  Well...I happen to know that my kids will continue to grow too fast and in the blink of an eye be out on their own with their own families.  And where will I be?

I need to find the balance between the fun me and the responsible me.  For my birthday the kids went to their grandma's and hubby and I had had a blissful two days.  It was so fun.  I was fun!  There is no reason why it only has to be when the kids are away.  It can happen while their here.  It's just a mindset in "me."  Not them.  I need to balance all the work with some fun, so I don't forget how.

Having the pain being dealt with by a doctor who cares about the quality of my life more than any other doctor I've had helps a LOT!  I can begin to see that while the Lord has allowed this pain...it doesn't have to be the end of me.  I KNOW He doesn't want it to be the end of me!  It doesn't mean that I have to spend all my energy doing all the time to prove that I can take care of things so my husband won't feel like he has to!  Or to prove to the world that I can still be a good homeschool mom and wife/homemaker regardless of how I feel.

The point you may be asking?  Is this....I face duality...the homeschool teacher/mom/housewife/disciplinarian/mentor/etc.... vs Christina. I don't have to get lost in the other jobs I have.  I guess I just get too focused on one thing and so...I'm working on that!!!  It's my goal to find the balance!!

On to this week re: school.  It should be a fun week!  We are going to grow some beans for my littles to watch, name, draw, diagram, and ooh and ahh over.  And all of us will be making Valentines to send all over this country and a few others for our Sonlight Valentine Swap.  The kids are really really looking forward to that!!  I figure we'll do a few each day so they can all (around 50-60) be mailed around Feb. 8th to reach their destinations in time!  Also, there are about 30ish kids in our local homeschool group to make also!  We have a little more time for those though.

I hope that this week finds you happy and healthy and that blessings surround you!  I'll try to write again soon....been too neglecting to my poor blog. :)

Christina ~