I have been thinking for a few weeks about something.  I read a verse Hebrews 12:2  "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down and the right hand of the throne of God." It is simple and plain, yet it got me to thinking about His life.  Jesus lived for others...outside of Himself.  I wonder if He ever longed for a life of earthly contentment and "happiness."  I think I have looked for that.  Jesus did not live a "happy and fun" life.  He did not live for Himself.  Jesus really knew the joy that was before Him.  He knew His Father, and the joy that was waiting for Him.  He had peace and joy on earth too, but it was always because of what was before Him, not because of something great that was happening or some earthly contentment.  Another thought about that verse is how lonely I am most of the time.  I wonder if I would feel that way if I had a lot of people in my life.  I do think so.  I, along with many others search for "someone" to connect with, someone who finally understands me.  Well, when I read this awhile ago, I thought about the fact that Jesus had crowds around Him all the time, and 12 that were permanently fixed by His side for 3 years!  Not one of those earthly people really understood or knew Him...in fact it seemed at times he was frustrated with their lack of understanding and faith.  Yet, we have the Father....if we take the time to rest before Him and really know Him.  To really know a spouse takes time, and faithfulness.  A few days of no communicating makes for strange feelings between us.  We really have to dedicate and commit ourselves to spend time loving and talking and always getting to know that other person.  The same is with God.  It is our time. It is my time.  Do I want to give it up?  I truly desire that "knowing" God.  Yet, I know that it takes my time.  Time is precious.  I want to give it, well, learn to give it, because I long for one of those words in that verse above...FIXED.  I wander too much...my feelings wane...I get tired.  I long to be fixed...steadfast.  I know it will take my time.  In return the blessings are far beyond what I have ever known.