Posted in Family Life
I seem to be struggling with order in the home a lot lately! And not just in the area of physical order, but spiritual order with my children.I'll try to make this brief, I'm spent for the day!
I know what God has called me to do - be a wife, a mother, and a teacher. I'm not talking homeschooling here, even though I know He has called me to that as well - I'm talking teaching. Isn't it interesting how we homeschool to teach our children the Word (well many of us do, at least) and how it seems that academics can easily become more of a priority than just living for and loving Jesus!
These are verses that most of us are all aware of and yet I don't think I've really ever read them as I do tonight. Taking them in deeply and letting them penetrate my heart, change me, and teach me.
Deuteronomy 6:5-9
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
Wow - those are powerful words. Not only is God telling me to love the Lord with all of my heart, but I am responsible for teaching my children the same!
I haven't been doing that as I should have been. Life (and everything involved in life) has become more important than teaching my children to love the Lord. How sad! The state of our home is horrible right now - or I should say that it was - until I had a wake-up call.
My children are well behaved outside of our home and they are even semi-well behaved inside of our home. Their actions don't grieve me nearly as much as the state of their souls right now. And it really all comes down to one fact - I haven't been the kind of Mama that God has called me to be. Their precious little hearts need my attention and my discipleship, more so when Big P is away at work.
I've been frustrated lately because of Big P's hours at work. They are rough! Yes, he has a 4 day workweek. It helps a lot with gas because he drives soooo far to work, and that is one less day that he doesn't have to drive. It helps financially, because he also works evenings and gets a little extra for that. But, it has become a thorn in my side in the last week. It just seems like we are always rushing. Rushing to get lunch ready and eaten so that he can get to work on time. Rushing for this and rushing for that. Our evenings used to be spent as family time, but with him home during the day, our days are supposed to be our family time and we are always busy! He drives a total of 3 hours a day to and from work. That's 12 hours per week on the road. Man, I'd do quite a few things for an extra 12 hours - or even 6 hours - extra with my husband every week!!
So, all this time I've been trying to blame the state of our home and lack of family time on his job. But, that isn't the problem at all. Do I wish things were different? Yes, I'd be lying if I said otherwise. But, I'm extremely thankful that my husband has a job and longs to support his family without being a workaholic. He is a trooper! He's not a workaholic. He does his job well and doesn't have to be babysat like many others he works with - but he longs to be with us more than he does them! :) I'm so thankful for that!
So, it really comes down to me. And yet, I know that there are things physically that I can do and should do to make the atmosphere in our home better and I'm so spent at the end of the day, that doing those things seems almost impossible.
- I really want to get some laundry done tonight.
- I really want to spend some time working on our chore schedule - which I know would be a major benefit in our home and relieve much of the stress of no one knowing what they need to do and me having to think for them.
- I really have some dishes that need to be washed.
- I am really eager to start a new Bible study.
- I have a week's worth of papers that need to be graded.
Tonight I called Big P about my desperation. He agrees and we both realize that we need to spend some time in prayer and talking and making a "plan" on what steps need to be taken in our home to really teach our children about loving the Lord. And yet, with his schedule, getting some uninterrupted one-on-one time with Big P is pretty close to impossible. And so, I'm thankful for the phone company (of course, he works for the phone company! LOL)
I went in the boy's room to tuck them in and C.10.B. asked if I was mad at him. I'm not mad at him, I'm grieved by the state of his heart. And it just crushes me to know that Jesus hurts so much more than that when I dishonor Him. I put Big P on the speaker phone and we talked to C.10.B. about his heart. His actions are just a manifestation of his heart. His heart broke and I really think that he wants to change and be loving to his siblings and serve his family. Now, it's up to us. It's our job to teach him how to serve the Lord in these areas and how to honor him. Big P prayed on speaker phone with him.
Then I went to P.7.G.s room. We did the same and prayed with her and she started crying. She wants a sister so bad!!! We talked about how if she would help us more and we would have to tell her a little less about all the things that she leaves out all over the place, that I would have more energy and time to do girly things with her. I did tell her that I feel like God has a sister in store for her someday.
And so, I'm sorting out all my thoughts on the WWW and this blog! LOL And I'm seaking the Lord for a plan. I need a checklist (I'm a list girl) of what I need to do to accomplish all that He needs me to do. (See* I'm feeling the need for a schedule * here - I need to dust of MOTH!).
Right now I'm going to go do the dishes, then I'm going to work more on that chore thing!
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