Lately, the past 5 - 6 years, I have been coming into a new realization of a very gross thing in the eyes of God.  Actually it was the very first sin, it was the very second, third, fourth sin, and so forth.  It is somehting that I have come to learn that I battle, not just on an occassional basis either.  Pride.  Even in its "simplest" terms of "I'm better than you," it is a sly hunter, seeking any who are vulnerable.  Adam and Eve, showed us that even those whose relationship with God is intimate and personal, we are all vulnerable to the tricks of the tempter.  Well, over the past three months, my esteme has been severely tried and tested, and in many ways, I lost my sense of purpose.  Now that is coming from someone who always has a plan, always has a purpose, a vision, a direction.  So when I lost my sense of purpose, and my feet had been knocked out from under me, it scared my wife and family.  Well, about a month ago, my esteme started to improve.  The Lord started showing me who I am in His eyes, and where my true purpose lies.  One thing that I forgot about was that my family needed me and that I had taken my eyes off of the Lord and my family and turned them to good 'ol me.  Asking myself, "Why aren't I happy?" or "Where am I going in life?" or "What am I supposed to do now?"  Very selfish thinking, when that is all I was thinking huh?  So as I was saying, the Lord started waking me up and opening my eyes, and showing me that it isn't my goals, it isn't my desires I need to be seeking, but HIS.  So while things started to improve in my psycological / spiritual life, pride started it's sly tricks again, and my self-esteme started to blossom.  Pretty soon, I had proven to myself, that I was sufficient and that things were going good, not because of what the Lord had done, but because of what I had done. 

So, last night while keeping sleepless hours, from 3:30 AM to 6:30 AM (which it seemed like a near life time instead of just three hours), but any ways, the Lord was kind enough to open my eyes again and remind me of my need of Him.  Over the past couple of days, my ego was livin' large, eating at fine restaraunts, eating rich foods, and then topping it off last night at the local mexican restaraunt by ordering the "Especial Miguel" which contained grilled shrimp and chicken, carne asada, and the famous mexican sausage, chorizo, all grilled with onion, and peppers.  It turned out to be a very meat filled fajita dish.  Well, because I am a frugal fella , my wife and I shared this enormous dish, so we used it as a dip, with chips.  Well, lets keep this story short and know that I put away four baskets of chips.  My days of eating lots of rich foods out of a careless thought came quickly to an end this morning about 3:30.  I awoke to the worst cramps I have ever experienced.  My bowels were in all kinds of knots.  I won't go into detail, but I tried everything I new to do, a hot bath, peppermint, tea, soda, even something I had never done before, self-induced throwing up, I was miserable.  I was litterally rolling around on the floor, and when that would do it, I was curled up in fetal position, and when that wouldn't work, I would walk the floors, anything to rid myself of the pain.  While down on my knees this song came to my mind, "Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord, and He shall lift you up."  Over and over that verse rolled through my head, continuing to build upon itself, the importance of being humble before the Lord.

So, what can be learned by a sleepless night?  Humility.  Last night, I was brought low, literally.  It is my prayer that the Lord will continue to show me my areas of pride and self-inflated egotism.

Well, that is all for now, I have spent too much time on this silly contraption called a computer and not enough with my four sweet children, here is is a beautiful Satureday and I am spending it with you.  So, please don't be offended if I would rather spend my day with my family instead of you  .

So, until next time, have a great day and remember that it is the Lord who gives us our increase, I Cor 3:6-7.