Jun. 26, 2007 - Waiting!!!
Posted in Gracefilled Education
I hate waiting!! In fact, impatience is my middle name. As I grow more mature, I am getting better at the waiting game. For instance, Christmas used to drive me crazy. I couldn't stand waiting to see what my dh was getting me. He loved my inablity to wait so he would torture me with clues all month. Then one year I just decided I didn't care anymore. LOL!!! I think I ruined Christmas for my dh that year.
Recently, I have found a place in my life where the Lord is causing me to wait on Him for answers. This journey of homeschooling has been a roller coaster in many ways. For one thing, we've added two babies since we began homeschooling. That doesn't make for a lot of consistency. Then there has been my problem with sticking with a curriculum. I have constantly changed and wasted a lot of money doing so. When I finally burnt out in May I decided that I had had it with buying curriculum and not finishing it.
My breakdown in May has caused me to take many baby step in the direction of change. My life is simply run on a whim. That really makes a person tired. And I have discovered that a large family cannot survive on a whim. There needs to be structure for everybody.
I have been working on the physical structure in our house for about a week and a half. We did hire a cleaning lady to clean out house for a while so I can work on other areas. Now it's time for me to take my extra time and go deeper. It feels so good to be decluttering my home. I wish I had taken pictures of it before I started. The two rooms I have completed so far look awesome. The playroom has me stumped so I am simply waiting for the solution to come to me. I don't like the way it's organized and set up.
The hardest part of my waiting right now is waiting on the Lord to guide my homeschool. I have just been praying about it. What do I do? Do i buy another curriculum that suits the Lord? Do i go back to one I already have? Do I do nothing at all? LOL!!! The resounding answer to these question is to keep reading Charlotte Mason and those who know her ways well. Oh how I do love the concept of a lifestyle of learning. But how does a former teacher do that? That is what I am waiting for. Sometimes He gives me little answers. Like the other day I was remembering that the Lord has called me to focus soully on the Three Rs in our academics for the summer (I was beginning to panic that I wasn't doing enough.) But I am terrible when it comes to planning our read alouds. I wasn't a reader as a child so I really don't know the good books. As I was falling asleep praying about it a few nights ago, the Lord gently reminded me that He put the Ambleside Online in my way to help me with our read alouds. Yea!!! That answered that question.
But I am still waiting for other answers. And I am very nervous. I am beginning to believe that the Lord wants me completely sold out to the ideas behind Charlotte Mason's teachings. It's so different than what I know. And that fear of man comes out in me when I think of my mom and MIL and what they will say about our school. But everytime I start to panic and think we can't do this, a peace comes over me. I am reminded to trust the Lord to do just as I asked Him to do. . .lead me in the right direction.
As I have prayed about our school and my own philosoophy of education, I have come to love and enjoy the writing that Cindy Rushton does on homeschooling the easy way. She's so bubbly and I love it. But she really does make homeschooling look easy. And her children are proof of that fact. She's been able to take something that I discovered as a teacher. . .notebooking. . .and teach me how to make it work for my own children. And they are so excited about it. But I keep having to remind myself that they can learn in this manner. I don't necessarily need a guide to get where they need to go. Especially with history. I was a history teacher. It used to be a great love for me. I can easily take my children where we need to go. And we can have a really good time hunting down really good resources OR simply create our own.
So I am waiting on the Lord as I take steps closer to a Charlotte Mason education. These are hard steps because I am going into territory I don't know. I guess that's why I am simply taking my time and waiting for very specific answers from the Lord. He's making me wait for those answers. But this journey is growing me in faith and trust of our Lord. And I am excited.
Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40: 28-31
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