Living By Daily Grace

Feb. 19, 2008 - Suffering in(for) Christ vs finding a cure for what ails us!!!

Now how is that for a really big topic. I have been contemplating this question for a long time. Let me first say that when I say "ails" I don't mean like a cold. The common cold can't be sured. The immune system can be boosted but it can't be cured. That is true for many diseases. The kind of "ailments" I am talking about are chronic problems.

I am a long time Candida sufferer. In fact, it was the discovery of chronic Candida after my 5 yod was born that sent me on the road of natural living. Unfortunately, I have more downs than I have ups with this. And now I believe that I am developing symptoms of fibromyalia. I have been suffering with many of the symptoms of fibromyalgia for a while. I haven't seen a dr. Mostly because I fear them simply throwing medication at me, patting my head, and telling me they are sorry. URGH!!!! My symptoms are worse when I know that my Candida is overgrown again. It doesn't matter what I do. I can't get rid of the Candida. Several weeks ago I finally got to a point in my life where I gave up ever getting rid of it. It doesn't matter what I do. It's always there and it's always causing problems.

That was also about the time I began to wander about how we, as Christians, determine if it's right to run after a cure for chronic disease OR if we should simply allow our bodies to suffer as a means of being a testimony to the grace of Christ in our lives. I have read all the books and testimonies from Hallelujah Acres. Wow!!! But, um, in order to be "cured" you have to have a ton of money to afford all the supplements. I could get the supplement but their most basic supplements have either barley grass or flax seeds. I am allergic to both. Other "books" and "resources" for Christians out there usually have all the support of those that promote the health wealth Christianity (which isn't Christianity, if you ask me.)

What's the answer? Will God frown upon me using my resources to run after a "cure"? WILL I be wasting my resource to run after a "cure"? I will admit that I haven't done any deep study on this in scripture. I think I am rebelling against it. I don't want to know. I don't want to live with Candida the rest of my life. But is that God's will for Christians.

I supposed this is the theme of my life. As I study through The Lord's Table I become more and more aware of God's call on my life to accept the limitations in my diet. And I have rebelled against that idea for over 5 years now. There is nothing more frustrating than being in a group of people fellowshiping over food and you can't eat any of it. It's a lonely place to be. No one understands it. Frankly, I am not sure anyone cares. They can eat all that they want and nothing hurts them. These aren't just allergies we're talking about, although many of them play a roll. No, we're talking about most foods. Dairy feed Candida. Sweets obviously feed Candida. Yeast breads feed Candida. Most fruit feeds Candida. And if you have allergies and sensitivities to anything NOT in those categories, they will lower the immune system so your body can't fight the Candida. It's really a lose/lose situation.

Several years ago when I first found out that I have systemic Candida, I started taking all the necessarily supplements and went on that famous Candida diet. It was right after I had Schmoo. She was my first to breastfeed. So in the midst of breastfeeding and eating a Candida diet, I lost so much weight. I looked like death warmed over. I looked gross. My midwife and mom would "criticize" how I looked at the time. What was a I supposed to do? If I eat anything on the list of No-nos Schmoo and I would both have a flare up. Being with my dh was painful in more ways than just one. And fear took over. I began to fear that if I ate just the wrong food, I would somehow die. That wasn't helped by the anaphalaxic reactions I began to have to food I had eaten for years. I didn't know what moment I would be calling 911 to come help. I hated giving myself the EpiPen. I hate needles. I don't even look when they draw blood from my children let alone from my arm. But to have to smash a needle into my leg. I was able to give myself the EpiPen before my symptoms got too bad. I hated it though.

I looked far and wide for a "cure." Finally, after many months of failed attempts I met a woman who uses ElectroDermal screening to test her clients. She could pinpoint exactly where the Candida (and parasites - they also contribute to a weak immune system) was in my body. She used homeopathics and herb remedies. And it all worked. If I stayed away from the foods her tests said I was sensitive to and I stay faithful to taking the drops (they were liquid remedies) then the Candida was cured. . . .until the moment I decided it had been long enough for the Candida to have died off and all those great probiotics to recolonize my gut. One indiscretion and it all came charging back. OH, and the Candida would move. Plus the list of sensitivities would change every time I went to see her. I changed my diet to a more natural diet. I spent about $100 more every month to get good food for my family. I changed my diet to mostly vegetables and some fruits (in moderation for me.)

Yet here I sit. I ache all over right now. Granted, I spent most of my night in the bathroom sick from something that I ate last night (either that or it's a virus. Underdog seems to think it was something we ate because he had tummy trouble last night too. But BroncosFan wasn't sick and he ate everything we had.) So my achiness could be related to all that. But I have had this achiness before. I don't sleep well at all. I wake up tired even after a good nights sleep. My tongue has sores all over it (usually exacerbated by eating yeast bread or wheat.)

I am complaining, I know. I feel very alone right now. No one really understands any of this. I ask for prayers in my care group. They pray over me but really it's foreign to them.

I slept all afternoon trying to sleep off the achiness. It's only worse. I haven't eaten much all day because I wasn't sure if I could keep it down.

I am not sure how to end this post. I don't know what to do anymore. Should I continue to seek a "cure" for the Candida? Is the Lord trying to tell me that the "cure" is in the obedience to His strict diet that He seems to have created for me at this point? If I could changed my diet and eat only vegetarian the rest of my life I would do it in a heart beat. The struggle right now is that I have such strong cravings for the foods that feed the Candida. That is where The Lord's Table comes in. I am working through my overeating as a sin now. And I believe that is where I should be. But in the meantime, I feel like I am simply going backwards. I am confused about the roll of the Candida in my life. I want to know what the Lord is trying to teach me. Most days I feel that He's just silent. I wait hopefully for Him. But I also suffer in silence. I wish I had the strength to spend just hours on my knees seeking His face. To be filled up with Him ONLY. To put all this behind me and accept His cup in my life. But I battle fatigue so much. I want to run after my Savior but I often feel too tired to do it.

My family is at Chick fil A tonight. Underdog is serving me tonight by getting them dinner and then coming home to clean my produce. I think I will take advantage of the quiet and run after my Savior.

Feb. 19, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous

Hi Karen
I am praying for you! I think you might have a virus. There is something going around people from church. I know about three people that felt really bad today too. Almost your same symptoms. I pray you feel better soon.God Bless you!
Solange

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Feb. 20, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by imasharp

All I can do is pray for you. I have problems that will require a hysterectomy and my hormones go nuts sometimes. I don't know anything about the other. My friend had massive problems with candida till she had a hysterectomy. I don't really know what the issue was. I will ask her if she knows of anything. God loves you. Pray till you get peace in what you need to do.
Hugs,
Christy

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Feb. 20, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by jsgay97

I will pray for you too. I don't know much about candida, and I can't really answer your question about suffering either. But I can say, I'm sure He has a lot of wonderful things for you to do on this planet, and you are already doing many of them. Take care of yourself (physically, mentally, and spiritually), so that you can continue to serve Him. You can't poor someone a drink of cold water from an empty pitcher. I'm sure that if you stay close to Him, He'll tell you what you need to know. Whatever it is, you can do it!

It also sounds like the depression/discouragement monster is creeping up on you. That's something I do have experience with. Don't let it in! Focus your mind on the good things. Give to others as much as you reasonably can. Rejoice in what you can do and what He's given you. Don't give up on a cure, but don't focus on the fact that you don't have one either. Being depressed is like walking through knee deep mud when everyone else is walking on the sidewalk. That's the last thing you need.

It is all going to be ok. Your situation may not be very common, but you are NEVER alone. Not only do you have your family, your church family, and your cyber family, but you have the Savior of the world and creator of the universe walking right beside you! You are gonna be just fine. :)

God bless you!
Jennifer

PS Message me anytime you need a pep talk. I check several times a day, so it won't take long to answer.

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Feb. 21, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous

I followed your link to your blog from the homeschool lounge, and wanted to let you know I am praying for you. I don't know what you are going through, but know many people with much smaller allergy, and food sensitivity issues, and can only imagine what it would be like with all that compounded and rolled into one. I have five children also and cannot imagine how difficult it must be to maintain them while feeling miserable yourself.

I'm also reminded of my verse of focus this week and pray that it might encourage you, II Corinthians 10:5. It talks about taking my thoughts captive. Obviously your situation is far beyond just your thoughts, but I pray that God would use your thoughts even to bring encouragement and strength.

Praying for you!
~Erin
http://delightinginhisrichness.blogspot.com/2008/02/verse-of-week_17.html

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Feb. 22, 2008 - Real comment

Posted by Anonymous

When I initially read your blog I was thinking about one thing, and then my comment took a different path after reading the other comments, and later I realized I never said what I started out to say.

I appreciate your openness in considering God's plan for illnesses in our life. A year ago my elderly grandfather passed away and I was thinking about the same thing. A different situation, but same issue.

He was 92 and his blood pressure started dropping drastically. He still lived at home, but relatives started popping in more often and eventually spending the night on a rotating basis. Doctors debated treatment, but I was thinking, "It's just his time."

I took my kids to visit one day and we enjoyed a simple talk and some lunch and the next day he was gone. I wasn't right there, but realized then what 'natural' death looked like. We focus on natural birth, but I wondered what part natural disease, natural aging and natural death should have in our world. It was sad to see him go, but in eternity we'll be reunited.

It has made me think about many illnesses and how I would respond if they were in my own home. Without facing something personally I don't know what I would do when faced with a seriously compromised quality of life vs. pursuing potential treatments for possible greater health happiness. But, that experience did make me consider the same way you are debating now, how much do we spend racing for a cure, and how much do we spend learning in the midst of what God is walking us through?

Unfortunately I don't have the answer to that, but I am understand your thinking and will continue to pray for you!
~Erin

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I love having a place on the web to simply write out my thoughts. I am a wife and mother to 5 very special blessings ages 6 months to 8 yod. As I am growing through this season of my life, I hope to share how the Lord is teaching me to live by His daily grace and not by my own strength.

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Feb. 19, 2008 - Suffering in(for) Christ vs finding a cure for what ails us!!!

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