Living By Daily Grace

Mar. 12, 2008 - Shutting Some Things Down

One of these days I am going to learn what I can and can't handle in my life. I deleted my last post from a few days ago indicating that I was working more on another blog. I decided not to do that anymore. I am keeping my blog up but I just not going to add to it right now. I am really not sure I have much to offer right now. While alot of that blog is intended to encourage women toward natural living, there is more to my life than just that. And I have forgotten about it.

I have been interviewing midwifes recently because I refuse to use an ObGyn anymore (unless it's absolutely necessary.) Midwives are gentle and more personal. I think that is what women need when it comes to their intimate issues. But as I have interviewed these midwives my passion for natural living had begun to grow again. My desire to someday be a midwife has also begun to grow again. But it's distracting me.

If fact, I have become very distracted by many things that aren't important. I have forgot my calling to be wife to Underdog and mother to the pups. I have been complaining recently that we have way too much junk in the house and that things are way too disorganized. I have begun to realize that I am responsible for that. I have allowed the junk because I have fallen back into being a pack rat. I haven't truly been training my children to put things away when they are finished with them. And then I gripe at them when they don't. I just simply haven't been doing that. I think I had fooled myself into believe that I hadn't allowed the computer to take over but it has. Hence the reason I am shutting down that other blog.

I greatly desire to be a wise woman but I am not right now. I have been praying that God would move me toward spending more time memorizing and studying His word. I can't do that when I am dsitracted by so much. I am not happy with school and I believe that we are out of God's will with what we've been doing. So I am praying for a new direction with school. But I can't discovered that direction when I have no time to pray, study scripture, or read.

I have lost joy. I want my joy back. But I want to find my joy where God has placed me. That means that I must die to all other desires in my life. Being a midwife is a dream of mine that won't come to fruition until my children are much older (or maybe even gone.) By that time the dream may have died. Having a blog that is running well and enjoyed by others is also a dream of mine. But how can I have anything to share that is worthwhile when I don't practice much that is worthwhile in my life.

Besides, there is a growing burden on my heart to begin focusing on my daughters training as young women. I read a blog recently on how most young women today just are not compelled to believe that being a wife and mother is a worthy calling. If they do, many believe that having a career is the priority and then they can pursue marriage and children. I have even struggled to embrace this calling and understand the value that I have. It's a thankless job. And then I think of my girls. If there is anything I don't want for my girls it is for them to struggle to believe and obey the truth that God gives them. God created them to be a helpmeet for someone (unless of course they are called to be single. That is a whole different ball game that we won't know for many years.) I want them to be prepared to faithfully embrace their calling when they do marry. It is my dream that they meet strong godly men who value family and value the role of their women. And I don't want them to feel ashamed to WANT to be wives and mothers and to be ONLY wives and mothers. I am in the position right now where I am having to remind myself daily that this is my calling and it's a noble one but if I can instill in them that Truth then being counter cultural won't be so difficult for them.

I will continue to blog on here at homeschool blogger. I don't have many readers though. That is probably good. If I had too many my pride would begin to take over. I also reserve the right not to blog everyday. I am a busy momma and it's only going to get busier around here. With the grace of God giving me strength, I will be focusing more on my dh, my children, my home, and my school.

Mar. 12, 2008 - I'm right there with you! :D

Posted by workinprogress

Other than being a mid-wife, I can really relate to what you wrote -- I have also been sucked in by the computer many a time and even though there is plenty of great information and encouragement out there for us homeschooling moms, its just not the BEST thing for me to be doing. I have a desire to minister to other mom's too but, as you said, it's God's will for us to start in our home and focus on our families especially with the little ones. It's so easy to get behind in our own daily tasks even though our motives are pure and good in wanting to help others! You have little ones even younger than mine (age 3) - I know it can be difficult to find that quite time. I've been there. Can I just share that Nancy Leigh DeMoss's bible studies have been a great blessing to me this past year? Her books are good too. I did the Seeking Him workbook last year and am currently going through "A 30 day Walk with God through the Psalms" (only I'm taking a 60 day walk!) .
She takes you through the scriptures and asks great questions to really get you thinking. There is Interpretation and also Application of the scriptures you read.

I could right more but this is getting long already, I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate your honest post and hope you do post when you get a chance! (I haven't posted since March 1st!!)

Be blessed in your high calling of wife and mother!
Amy

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Mar. 12, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by jsgay97

It's ok to only blog when you really have time. It's ok to not pursue that something extra right now, and it's ok not to know what to do next.

The word for lamp in "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet" refers to a lamp that would literally only show you enough light for your very next step. What you are doing is very brave. Rethinking the way you do things instead of just barreling ahead is a brave thing. He's shown you that first step, and you've taken it. Now He'll show you the next one.

I know this was kind of disjointed, but I just wanted you to know that I'm pulling for you and praying for you! You are gonna be just fine!
Jennifer

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Mar. 13, 2008 - What a lovely post....

Posted by Jaybird

May God bless you as you work on these things.

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I love having a place on the web to simply write out my thoughts. I am a wife and mother to 5 very special blessings ages 6 months to 8 yod. As I am growing through this season of my life, I hope to share how the Lord is teaching me to live by His daily grace and not by my own strength.

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Mar. 12, 2008 - Shutting Some Things Down

Mar. 12, 2008 - I'm right there with you! :D

Mar. 12, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Mar. 13, 2008 - What a lovely post....

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