HOTM Magazine

Sep. 25, 2008 - I Feel Like Crying

Posted in Mothering in Grace


This pregnancy continues to make life unpredictable.  I can't remember if I blogged on this or not but my 31 week appointment with my midwife Baby ANT was in the breech position.  Although it is still pretty early, my midwife did want me working on trying to turn her.  She ended up turning on her own last week.  I saw my chiropractor on Monday and found that she was, in fact, head down.  I was very happy.  But that was a bit clouded over by the fact that I began to itch this weekend.  I did blog on that a few days ago.  The itching goes in and out right now.  When I do itch, it's bad but it's not continuous.  Staying busying during that day seems to help with the itching.  It's the worst in the morning and the evenings.  The palms of my hands and soles of my feet hurt more than anything.  They almost burn more than itch.

As I was sitting on our love seat this afternoon reading to my kids I started to have alot of Braxton Hicks contractions (still am.)  No big deal until I noticed the shape of my abdomen when I had the contraction.  Baby ANT is head up again.  I can feel her head.  She turned back around.  I have alot of excess amniotic fluid right now because of the Cholestatis and the back up in the liver.  That coupled with the fact that I have had many babies and there is lots of room to move make for a murky situation. 

I feel so flusterd right now.  I am struggling not to worry about her health and safety.  I know in my heart that this is a burden and concern that needs to be placed at the foot of the cross.   Where is that perfect peace that I wrote about a few days ago?  Oh yea, my eyes must be fixed on Him. 

I am supposed to go to a Pamper Chef party tonight.  I am not really in the party mood but think it will be good to get out of the house.  I have been a bit irritable with my children this afternoon.  It didn't help that everytime I started to read from one of our read alouds someone would have a question.  And the only good question that one of them asked was about the War of 1812.  I don't remember the question but it was actually the one that made me just put it all away for the day.  we have plenty of time to finish next week.  I told BroncoFan, who asked the question, that his War of 1812 question was such a good question that only someone in college could answer it.  LOL!!!  I had to apologize to him later.  He really did have a good question but I told him that it was just bad timing.  But I know that my irritation is from worry.  I shouldn't be worry.  For how many hours can I add to my day when I don't worry.  I need time to go pray.  That should have been my first response before I got irritated with my kids.  <>  I hate sin.   
Post A Comment!

Sep. 25, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous
I am praying for you!
Solange
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Sep. 26, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by mansemamma
I'm so sorry!! I'm sending you a big ole cyber hug!
Jennifer
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I love having a place on the web to simply write out my thoughts. I am a wife and mother to 5 very special blessings ages 19 months to 9 yod and our "Finale" due in November '08. As I am growing through this season of my life, I hope to share how the Lord is teaching me to live by His daily grace and not by my own strength.

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