Living By Daily Grace

Nov. 14, 2008 - The Finale is Finally Here!!!!!!!

Long before I was ever born, it was written into one of God's books (so I imagine) that on November 11, 2008 at 11:24am, a deceptively large baby, 9lbs 12 oz to be exact (she doesn't look it), would be born into our family. She will be known as Finale on this blog as she is just that. . .The Finale.

I had been asking God throughout this pregnancy to either change my husbands heart about being done or to change mine. I wanted to be submissive to his desire to be finished with our family but I wrestled so much with many of the arguments I have seen against family planning and for allowing God to plan your family. I believe that God changed my heart though. The end of this pregnancy was not an easy one for any of us. I was unexpectantly put on bedrest. I had complications beyond just my liver backing up and causing me to itch. I was put on diet restrictions that were really, really hard to handle (especially when I was already an emotional wreck and extremely tired.) My body is, well, old. But I knew I would be done for good about half way through the labor. Here is my story.

We tried a couple of times before my due date to jump start labor. We tired it using a special herb formula. But I am firm believer in the idea that induction doesn't work unless the body is ready. And my body wasn't ready. As I finally came to realize and accept, it simply wasn't God's timing. I think I finally released her birthday into God's hands last Friday. That was the day after I took a immense amount of the herbs to start labor and had nothing happen.

As Sunday rolled around I had to drag myself to church. I love my church and I am finally beginning to realize that the people in this church love me. I find it so hard to let people love me. Like must pregnant women, I was reaching the end with the comments about how she hadn't arrived yet. I was beginning to feel like a watched pot that just wouldn't boil. HA!!!! But I got to church and had a great time. I prayed that morning that God would allow me to go into labor sometime that day but most importantly that I would go to church with my focus solely on Him. My worship time was great and I listened to a great sermon and was able to participate in the Lord's Supper that ended our series on the Atonement. Wow!!!!!

I came home and took a nap like always. I have been taking lots of naps hoping that I would wake up in active labor after resting. LOL!!!! Hope springs eternal. I woke up and found that my brother had come to visit. That was such a nice surprise. I noticed while we were talking that I was having contractions. I didn't want to pay attention to them so I ignored them. After he left I had this sudden feeling that we needed to go grocery shopping instead of saving it for Monday. I mostly needed to get out of the house. So we made our list and all filed into the car. Over the next 3 hours of shopping and driving around I managed to start labor. . .there were finally at 3-4 minutes when I called my midwife from Walmart. We agreed that I should go home and take more herbs and time them after the kids went to bed. i had a total of FIVE really hard contractions after getting home. . .then NOTHING!!!!! URGH!!!!! I wasn't too upset. My midwife called and I told her that I was just going to go to bed. I needed the rest rather than staying up and waiting.

I woke up the next morning rested but no contractions. I just simply and peacefully went through my day. It was my due date. LOL!!!! I was resting in the idea that God did not make me an elephant. They are pregnant for 2 years. YIKES!!!! My due date had come and I could see the end was near. I was healthy (having finally gotten my iron levels up and my liver cleaned out) and baby was healthy and strong. My midwife came that night for my appointment and we decided to strip my membranes. I had never done that before. Can't say that I would do it again. OWEEEE!!!! I did realize one thing as bedtime was nearing. For some reason I was having alot of fear around this labor and delivery. Normally birth doesn't bother me. But this had been building. The Lord gave me Joshua 1:9 as my verse to pray when I felt scared. I prayed as I turned out the light that God would allow me at least 4 hours of sleep before labor started (if that was His will.) Then I feel asleep.

I started having contractions through the night. According to Underdog I was pretty noisy but I had no idea I was really in labor. If a contraction started I just quoted Joshua 1:9 to myself and got through it. I finally woke at 3:45 starving. That was close enough to 4 hours sleep (did I mention that I had gone to bed at midnight?) My contractions were coming about 4 minutes apart after I got something to eat. I finally decided to get Underdog up at 5:30 and call my midwife. When I got upstairs they seemed to stop. Again, I was frustrated. I hate false alarms. My midwife wanted me to time them again for an hour and I agreed. Suddenly things changed. I started having contractions that I couldn't breathe through anymore. They were all in the back and they HURT. Emotions took over. I started crying. I couldn't control the crying. I was scared. The only time I have ever cried in labor like that was right at the end. There was no way I could be in transition. My midwife wasn't there. Underdog had gone to Starbucks. I was ALONE. He got back and felt better but still very emotional. I asked him to call my midwife and ask her to come NOW. Then I got in my tub.

The next several hours are kind of blur to me. I wasn't in transition. I was at a 5 when my midwife got there But I went from 5 to 7 cm in an hour. My kids were in and out checking on me. Schmoo was especially worried. The only thing I remember is that I was having intense back labor and would often find myself crying through them. I kept saying I couldn't do this anymore. But I never once asked for help. That was victory enough for me. As usual, my water didn't break until my midwife broke it at 8 cm. I figured out that it was another 45 minutes after that that she born. I kept feeling a pinch in my right side. Rose Marie told me that if I felt a pinch I probably wasn't finished dilating. So I didn't try to push too much. Honestly, I didn't feel much like it. The pain was so intense. Even baring down didn't help. I just wanted the whole experience to be over. All I wanted was to hold my baby. All of a sudden I had the overwhelming need to push. She came so fast. I had wanted to catch her out of the water. At that point I didn't care. My midwife reached down to check for the cord and then she slipped right out. I found out later that the pinch in my right side was from her little hand being up at her face (where is seems to be permanently attached as we try to nurse.) She had also done alot of wiggling during labor. All that wiggling had tangled her several times over in her cord. Silly girl. But she was here. And it was OVER!!!!

Have you ever received something from the Lord that you don't feel you deserve? What happened the day of my labor has left me feeling completely undeserving of His goodness and grace toward me. For one thing I had been such a baby through the end of my pregnancy. Instead of truly praying for the grace to endure the things that were coming my way, I begged Him often to bring it to an end and even tried to control the timing of her birth. I had also been humbled. I love all things birth. I have considered birth education and midwifery as possibilities in my future. My previous birth had been a very long labor but my son slipped peacefully into this world when I pushed him out with all the strength the Lord had given me. But that had created some pride in my heart. If was as if I had come to believe that I had a corner on the market for the perfect birth. This birth was nothing like I had pictured and in some ways I felt ashamed. In some ways I felt as if I had let God down.

I know now that isn't the case. I didn't let God down. It was exact opposite. He was there all along. He was giving me strength. He was holding me up. In most cases He was doing that through Underdog, who so faithfully stood by my side during that time. He has been there through my family who has served me during my recovery and in their love and adoration of Finale. God has even been there in the midst of my recovery. As hard as that birth was, He's blessed me immensely after it was all said and done. I have healed so quickly. I am no longer sore from the delivery. I only had a small tear that is healing beautifully. Nursing has been a breeze (although our night nursing still needs work.) This baby is a lovely little girl and such a blessing to me. I just keep thinking to myself that I don't deserve this at all.

I have included a couple of pictures of my Finale. She looks like a difference sibling everyday. She did one of those reflex smiles a while ago and revealed that she has Schmoos crocked baby smile. She doesn't look like a 9 lb baby but she is. She's is well loved by everyone in this house. I think they are already ready for her to be up crawling around. hehehe!!! I think I need a bit of extra time before that takes place.

Underdog and I are looking at our future as a new chapter. What will God bring our way? Who knows? But Finale is the baby and as far as we know will stay that way.

The shirt says is all.

I call this "zonked". She spent the early morning nursing. . .ALOT. She was awake for so long that she couldn't go back to sleep. then she cried for 1 1/2 hours. This is what happens when you get overtired and can't go back to sleep.

Sleeping with daddy after being cleaned up and weighed.

Tomorrow I will try to post some picture of Finale with her siblings. They are so awesome with her.

Nov. 14, 2008 - Look at that BEAUTIFUL baby!

Posted by Leah

She is just perfect and chubby! Good work, Mama :-) Thank you for sharing your story.

Leah from http://lifeaslou.blogsome.com

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Nov. 16, 2008 - Karen

Posted by Anonymous

Hi! Thank you for sharing your story.I see God's amazing love in your family. I admire you for your Love and Faith for God.I missed you at church today. I cannot wait to meet your baby girl.Love,
Solange

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Nov. 16, 2008 - Congratulations !!!!!!

Posted by Anonymous

Congratulations on your beautiful new little one!
Gorgeous!
Sharon

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Nov. 28, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by midwifemom

Thank you for posting your testimony!!! I have had a lot of fear over not my pregnancy or my labor, but my post partum period. I don't know if I am going to have much help afterward and have let fear build up in me over it.

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I love having a place on the web to simply write out my thoughts. I am a wife and mother to 5 very special blessings ages 19 months to 9 yod and our "Finale" due in November '08. As I am growing through this season of my life, I hope to share how the Lord is teaching me to live by His daily grace and not by my own strength.

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Nov. 14, 2008 - The Finale is Finally Here!!!!!!!

Nov. 14, 2008 - Look at that BEAUTIFUL baby!

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