Living By Daily Grace

Jan. 9, 2009 - Sisterly Love

It always seems that the arrival of a new baby brings alot of sibling rivalry. Underdog and I have been talking alot of it recently. We are both wandering if perhaps we've set that up between them. For a long time we've set up our alone time with the children to include "special" things to do. It's not the simple reading a book or even just talking while you make a salad together. It's trips to Starbucks or Joann's with mommy. With the economy getting as bad as it is and Underdog venturing off in him own business we're having to cut back a lot. They aren't getting that much alone time anymore so we're having to rethink how to do this. It also means we have to retrain our children to understand that when we take 15 minutes to build a tower out of blocks that is good quality time. Truth be told, I miss the simple play that I used to do with my now older children. My two boys have brought back just how much fun that it especially when you get to knock the tower over. . . with your head (that would be K-heads ideas - he love using his head to bang into things.)

Today is supposed to be our co-op day but two of our morning classes aren't meeting so we've had some free time. I am working in my kitchen trying to close a few things down from last year (my Christmas inventory) and my children are scattered through our home. Two of them are outside on the trampoline. JB and K-head are jumping together. When I looked out a moment ago JB was on her back and Khead was sitting on top of her. Both were smiling at each other and laughing. I have been so weary with all the fighting. I pray alot these days. But that scene gave me hope for my children and their relationships. They are young. They are learning so much about Jesus but they are still young in their faith. Some do not yet have Christ as their Savior. Sanctification is often a slow process. And sometimes weariness can set in that they will never get it (sometimes I will never get it.) But I have great hope in the Lord that when they are all older, they will walk with Him and have strong relationships with their siblings as well.

What also struck me is just how good JB really is with her younger siblings. I took K-head to the dr yesterday because he's just got horrible eczema and I am at my whits end in finding the trigger point. I took him and Finale with me. . .alone. The last time I was alone with children that age was when JB was 2 yod. I realized just how much I depend on her help around here. She helps me change diapers on BOTH youger ones. She gets them into car seats. She entertains them when I am frantically trying to finish a job or deal with another discipline issue. She bakes our bread for us (with just a little help.) She does alot around here and I shamefully don't always recognize that in her. She growing to be quite a servant. I am very proud of her and need to be telling her that more often.

One other kuddos for her this week. I changed a few things up on Tuesday after our first day back to school didn't go so well. Basically, I set a timer for the amount of time I think it will take her to do a subject. If she's not finished with it at the end of that time she puts it away and finishes it during free time. Now don't get me wrong. I give her tons of time. This is to help her cut down on daydreaming and dawdling. She really stepped up to the plate on this one. There must be something about that timer hanging over her head that makes her concentrate. She even figured out that if she finishes early she can start another subject and possible finish before she ever has to start it. She gained alot of free time this week once she figured it out and acted on it. I saw her mature in this way. . .alot.

She will be 10 yod in May. She's still got lots of 9 left but I have learned that time flies much faster when you get older. She's growing up and I can't stop her. She's not my baby anymore. My only hope and prayer for her (outside of her salvation) is that she and I will have a strong relationship and friendship in the end. I crave that with all my girls. I pray most often to win her heart. She's certainly winning mine.

Comments (0) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Nov. 14, 2008 - The Finale is Finally Here!!!!!!!

Posted in Mothering in Grace

Long before I was ever born, it was written into one of God's books (so I imagine) that on November 11, 2008 at 11:24am, a deceptively large baby, 9lbs 12 oz to be exact (she doesn't look it), would be born into our family. She will be known as Finale on this blog as she is just that. . .The Finale.

I had been asking God throughout this pregnancy to either change my husbands heart about being done or to change mine. I wanted to be submissive to his desire to be finished with our family but I wrestled so much with many of the arguments I have seen against family planning and for allowing God to plan your family. I believe that God changed my heart though. The end of this pregnancy was not an easy one for any of us. I was unexpectantly put on bedrest. I had complications beyond just my liver backing up and causing me to itch. I was put on diet restrictions that were really, really hard to handle (especially when I was already an emotional wreck and extremely tired.) My body is, well, old. But I knew I would be done for good about half way through the labor. Here is my story.

We tried a couple of times before my due date to jump start labor. We tired it using a special herb formula. But I am firm believer in the idea that induction doesn't work unless the body is ready. And my body wasn't ready. As I finally came to realize and accept, it simply wasn't God's timing. I think I finally released her birthday into God's hands last Friday. That was the day after I took a immense amount of the herbs to start labor and had nothing happen.

As Sunday rolled around I had to drag myself to church. I love my church and I am finally beginning to realize that the people in this church love me. I find it so hard to let people love me. Like must pregnant women, I was reaching the end with the comments about how she hadn't arrived yet. I was beginning to feel like a watched pot that just wouldn't boil. HA!!!! But I got to church and had a great time. I prayed that morning that God would allow me to go into labor sometime that day but most importantly that I would go to church with my focus solely on Him. My worship time was great and I listened to a great sermon and was able to participate in the Lord's Supper that ended our series on the Atonement. Wow!!!!!

I came home and took a nap like always. I have been taking lots of naps hoping that I would wake up in active labor after resting. LOL!!!! Hope springs eternal. I woke up and found that my brother had come to visit. That was such a nice surprise. I noticed while we were talking that I was having contractions. I didn't want to pay attention to them so I ignored them. After he left I had this sudden feeling that we needed to go grocery shopping instead of saving it for Monday. I mostly needed to get out of the house. So we made our list and all filed into the car. Over the next 3 hours of shopping and driving around I managed to start labor. . .there were finally at 3-4 minutes when I called my midwife from Walmart. We agreed that I should go home and take more herbs and time them after the kids went to bed. i had a total of FIVE really hard contractions after getting home. . .then NOTHING!!!!! URGH!!!!! I wasn't too upset. My midwife called and I told her that I was just going to go to bed. I needed the rest rather than staying up and waiting.

I woke up the next morning rested but no contractions. I just simply and peacefully went through my day. It was my due date. LOL!!!! I was resting in the idea that God did not make me an elephant. They are pregnant for 2 years. YIKES!!!! My due date had come and I could see the end was near. I was healthy (having finally gotten my iron levels up and my liver cleaned out) and baby was healthy and strong. My midwife came that night for my appointment and we decided to strip my membranes. I had never done that before. Can't say that I would do it again. OWEEEE!!!! I did realize one thing as bedtime was nearing. For some reason I was having alot of fear around this labor and delivery. Normally birth doesn't bother me. But this had been building. The Lord gave me Joshua 1:9 as my verse to pray when I felt scared. I prayed as I turned out the light that God would allow me at least 4 hours of sleep before labor started (if that was His will.) Then I feel asleep.

I started having contractions through the night. According to Underdog I was pretty noisy but I had no idea I was really in labor. If a contraction started I just quoted Joshua 1:9 to myself and got through it. I finally woke at 3:45 starving. That was close enough to 4 hours sleep (did I mention that I had gone to bed at midnight?) My contractions were coming about 4 minutes apart after I got something to eat. I finally decided to get Underdog up at 5:30 and call my midwife. When I got upstairs they seemed to stop. Again, I was frustrated. I hate false alarms. My midwife wanted me to time them again for an hour and I agreed. Suddenly things changed. I started having contractions that I couldn't breathe through anymore. They were all in the back and they HURT. Emotions took over. I started crying. I couldn't control the crying. I was scared. The only time I have ever cried in labor like that was right at the end. There was no way I could be in transition. My midwife wasn't there. Underdog had gone to Starbucks. I was ALONE. He got back and felt better but still very emotional. I asked him to call my midwife and ask her to come NOW. Then I got in my tub.

The next several hours are kind of blur to me. I wasn't in transition. I was at a 5 when my midwife got there But I went from 5 to 7 cm in an hour. My kids were in and out checking on me. Schmoo was especially worried. The only thing I remember is that I was having intense back labor and would often find myself crying through them. I kept saying I couldn't do this anymore. But I never once asked for help. That was victory enough for me. As usual, my water didn't break until my midwife broke it at 8 cm. I figured out that it was another 45 minutes after that that she born. I kept feeling a pinch in my right side. Rose Marie told me that if I felt a pinch I probably wasn't finished dilating. So I didn't try to push too much. Honestly, I didn't feel much like it. The pain was so intense. Even baring down didn't help. I just wanted the whole experience to be over. All I wanted was to hold my baby. All of a sudden I had the overwhelming need to push. She came so fast. I had wanted to catch her out of the water. At that point I didn't care. My midwife reached down to check for the cord and then she slipped right out. I found out later that the pinch in my right side was from her little hand being up at her face (where is seems to be permanently attached as we try to nurse.) She had also done alot of wiggling during labor. All that wiggling had tangled her several times over in her cord. Silly girl. But she was here. And it was OVER!!!!

Have you ever received something from the Lord that you don't feel you deserve? What happened the day of my labor has left me feeling completely undeserving of His goodness and grace toward me. For one thing I had been such a baby through the end of my pregnancy. Instead of truly praying for the grace to endure the things that were coming my way, I begged Him often to bring it to an end and even tried to control the timing of her birth. I had also been humbled. I love all things birth. I have considered birth education and midwifery as possibilities in my future. My previous birth had been a very long labor but my son slipped peacefully into this world when I pushed him out with all the strength the Lord had given me. But that had created some pride in my heart. If was as if I had come to believe that I had a corner on the market for the perfect birth. This birth was nothing like I had pictured and in some ways I felt ashamed. In some ways I felt as if I had let God down.

I know now that isn't the case. I didn't let God down. It was exact opposite. He was there all along. He was giving me strength. He was holding me up. In most cases He was doing that through Underdog, who so faithfully stood by my side during that time. He has been there through my family who has served me during my recovery and in their love and adoration of Finale. God has even been there in the midst of my recovery. As hard as that birth was, He's blessed me immensely after it was all said and done. I have healed so quickly. I am no longer sore from the delivery. I only had a small tear that is healing beautifully. Nursing has been a breeze (although our night nursing still needs work.) This baby is a lovely little girl and such a blessing to me. I just keep thinking to myself that I don't deserve this at all.

I have included a couple of pictures of my Finale. She looks like a difference sibling everyday. She did one of those reflex smiles a while ago and revealed that she has Schmoos crocked baby smile. She doesn't look like a 9 lb baby but she is. She's is well loved by everyone in this house. I think they are already ready for her to be up crawling around. hehehe!!! I think I need a bit of extra time before that takes place.

Underdog and I are looking at our future as a new chapter. What will God bring our way? Who knows? But Finale is the baby and as far as we know will stay that way.

The shirt says is all.

I call this "zonked". She spent the early morning nursing. . .ALOT. She was awake for so long that she couldn't go back to sleep. then she cried for 1 1/2 hours. This is what happens when you get overtired and can't go back to sleep.

Sleeping with daddy after being cleaned up and weighed.

Tomorrow I will try to post some picture of Finale with her siblings. They are so awesome with her.

Comments (4) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Sep. 28, 2008 - The Most Expensive Child?

Posted in Mothering in Grace

Does anyone have a child that just seems to run up medical bills with silly accidents? I have one of those. He's become known as K-Head (short for Knucklehead - affectionately named by his father, Underdog.) In the past 2 1/2 weeks, he's been to the ER with another head injury, an emergency pediatric clinic after having 1/2 a bottle of shampoo poured on his head and then rubbed in his eyes, and then his accident today.

Today was one of those "who-knew" moments for me. Schmoo has discovered that she was carry K-Head around. She loves it. She's practicing for the time with Baby ANT is old enough for her to carry. So K-head woke up kind of cranky this afternoon and she was trying to take care of him. But he weighs about 1/2 of what she does and it's all in his head. He's kind of hard to carry. So she picks him up and set him on the arm of the couch. She loses her grip on him and he falls backward. This is where the "who-knew" comes in. Did you know that if you are holding a sippy cup in you arms when you fall backwards onto a semi-hard surface you can get cut on your eye lid when it hits you in just the right spot? That's right!! K-head has a 1/2 inch gash on his left eye just below the eye brow.

I wavered back and forth on taking him to the clinic. Underdog and BroncoFan went to the Cowboy game this afternoon so I was home alone with 4 of the children. It didn't look bad and the bleeding had stopped. But everytime he blinked or rubbed it would bleed just a bit and slit open again. I finally decided to take him in. He's fine. But still. We are on COBRA right now and really have no idea right now what our coverage is. So I imagine K-head has cost us about $800 in medical bills in less than 3 weeks. That might be a bit of an exaggeration but the MRI at the ER will definitely send the cost up. Don't get me wrong. He's definitely worth it. He's still too young to communicate with me so sometimes I just can't tell. The most frustrating part of all this is that he's been fine with each trip. We can't take the chances though. It's just part of having children.

Oh, I forgot to mention. After arriving home, JB started making us a salad so we could have salad wraps. K-Head was standing on a chair watching her. I don't know what he did but somehow he pushed the chair backward and went right over with the chair as it fell. He hit his head again (and scared the bejeebers out of the dog eating dinner where he fell.) All I can say is praise God that he was fine after that one. The little Knucklehead!!! It will be fun to see what other kind of damage he can do to himself. I always expected the Linebacker Starter Kit to be the one with all the injuries. I have been surprised to find that K-Head seems to be falling into all that. I wander if I can just wrap him in bubblewrap for a few years until he gets a bit more steady. I am sure he'd find a way to get hurt even in the bubble wrap.

Comments (3) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Sep. 25, 2008 - I Feel Like Crying

Posted in Mothering in Grace

This pregnancy continues to make life unpredictable. I can't remember if I blogged on this or not but my 31 week appointment with my midwife Baby ANT was in the breech position. Although it is still pretty early, my midwife did want me working on trying to turn her. She ended up turning on her own last week. I saw my chiropractor on Monday and found that she was, in fact, head down. I was very happy. But that was a bit clouded over by the fact that I began to itch this weekend. I did blog on that a few days ago. The itching goes in and out right now. When I do itch, it's bad but it's not continuous. Staying busying during that day seems to help with the itching. It's the worst in the morning and the evenings. The palms of my hands and soles of my feet hurt more than anything. They almost burn more than itch.

As I was sitting on our love seat this afternoon reading to my kids I started to have alot of Braxton Hicks contractions (still am.) No big deal until I noticed the shape of my abdomen when I had the contraction. Baby ANT is head up again. I can feel her head. She turned back around. I have alot of excess amniotic fluid right now because of the Cholestatis and the back up in the liver. That coupled with the fact that I have had many babies and there is lots of room to move make for a murky situation.

I feel so flusterd right now. I am struggling not to worry about her health and safety. I know in my heart that this is a burden and concern that needs to be placed at the foot of the cross. Where is that perfect peace that I wrote about a few days ago? Oh yea, my eyes must be fixed on Him.

I am supposed to go to a Pamper Chef party tonight. I am not really in the party mood but think it will be good to get out of the house. I have been a bit irritable with my children this afternoon. It didn't help that everytime I started to read from one of our read alouds someone would have a question. And the only good question that one of them asked was about the War of 1812. I don't remember the question but it was actually the one that made me just put it all away for the day. we have plenty of time to finish next week. I told BroncoFan, who asked the question, that his War of 1812 question was such a good question that only someone in college could answer it. LOL!!! I had to apologize to him later. He really did have a good question but I told him that it was just bad timing. But I know that my irritation is from worry. I shouldn't be worry. For how many hours can I add to my day when I don't worry. I need time to go pray. That should have been my first response before I got irritated with my kids. <> I hate sin.

Comments (2) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Sep. 10, 2008 - Struggling

Posted in Mothering in Grace

This won't be a long post. I think I just need to put how I am feeling into words and my journal isn't available right now.

I am struggling so much with the latter part of this pregnancy. I am sure you could go back into my archives and see the same type of post with my previous pregnancy. What is it about the last trimester that causes me to simply withdrawal from life? My kitchen is still waiting for the dinner dishes to be loaded. It's so hard to stand at the sink to wash dishes when there is a extra 30lb lump in the way. My 19 mod wants to wrestle at every chance he gets. Wrestle? He obviously doesn't notice that I don't move much anymore. My little 5 yod has been hinting all evening that she just simply needs my undivided attention for even a few minutes. I have been shooing her off to play or what have you. URGH!!!!!! On top of this, we are so tired and waiting to see if the colds that are starting with my children will turn into chicken pox. I told my children yesterday and a watched pot doesn't boil. It's hard to not to watch though. BroncosFan is miserable right now. Schmoo didn't feel well today. The LineBacker Starter Kick started to complain that his tummy hurt and then he told me this throat hurt. K-Head is just being a toddler boy and he's rather agreesive about it. Jennibear seems to be skipping over it and it wanting peole to play with. I got tired just watching everyone be sick today.

We found out on Monday night that the baby is in a breech position. I am only 31 weeks so there is still plenty of room and time for the baby to turn. I must admit there is concern there. I have wrestled for a long time with worry over this baby. She's my last. My experience with my friend and her loss haven't helped me. Part of me wanders if she's secretly praying that I would lose my baby just to spite me. I don't mean that as a judgment on her. I mean that as a judgment on my lack of faith in the Sovereignty of God. I suppose that is where I stand right now. I am having a bit of faith crisis. I am fearful of preterm labor. I am fearful that I will wake one morning and not receive the happy "Good Morning Mommy" kicks that I receive from this little girl right now. I am fearful that when she's born something will be wrong. . .and I will reject her. How could a mother reject her child but I am afraid that I will. I am now fearful that she won't turn and I will end up with a breech baby for the first time. I know that woman can give birth to a breech baby and that midwives do deliver that way. But I will admit, I am not sure I would take the chance. That would put me right back in the very position I have fought so hard to avoid. All in God's Sovereign will but my evil pride doesn't want to end up on an operating room table because I am such an advocate for natural home births. In that scenerio, I am fearful of her not nursing well just like her oldest sister. I LOVE nursing. I don't want to loose that relationship. I have friends who are supplementing with formula. It's been necessary for these women. But I just can't do it. I almost supplemented my 3rd baby (first to nurse) with formula. I cried through that whole almost feeding (she fought the bottle the whole time as well.) I mean no judgement against those that bottlefeed their babies. But my heart is to have my babies at my breast exclusively for as long as possible. That is me as a mother. Home birthing is what I am as a mother. While I have strong opinions and I do blog on them every once in a while, I would hope my opinions would never offend anyone. I just want to make women think. But they are my passions. They are who I am. Perhaps I fear loosing ME. Isn't that what we're supposed to do though. . .loose ourselves? We're to die to ourselves? This life isn't about me. It's about glorifying God.

Does the above paragraph express in anyway that I lost about 2 hours of sleep last night with terrible heartburn? The last time I had heartburn like that I had my appendix removed the following evening. I was also pregnant then. That won't be happening this time because there is nothing to remove. Orange juice mixed with alot of an herbal iron supplement do not make for happy sleep at night. I suppose the large bowl of buttered popcorn I had before that didn't help either. Needless to say, I am pretty tired and probably not thinking clearly. What I am most confident in right now is that I sense the Holy Spirit calling me to foot of cross. . .and I am being terribly rebellious. I need my Jesus and I need His grace to get me through the next 8 weeks or so. I am already tired. I am already big. I am already extremely uncomfortable. My hips will not stay in alignment. This precious girl has a mind of her own and it doesn't include sitting in the most comfortable position for Mommy. And my heart has one of the worst attitudes I think I have ever had in the midst of pregnancy. Sin abounds. . .grace abounds more. I think it's time I end this post and leave to go rest in the arms of my Savior.

Comments (1) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Aug. 27, 2008 - Pregnancy Update and a sad loss

Posted in Mothering in Grace

Well, it turns out I am anemic. My midwife took a blood sample. She was able to check my iron levels and my glucose.

I am a pretty strict regimen of supplement now. Not only am I taking the chlorophyll for iron but now I have to force myself to take the nasty Floradix. I had to order them online so they haven't arrived yet. I am sooooo tired right now.

My glucose was a little low but nothing to concern her. I doing pretty good with my diet and have stopped gaining weight so quickly.

I can't remember if I had blogged before about our name. We have chosen to name our last little girl Ashley Nicole. I have been forbidden by my brother to name her this but it's because he dated a girl with that exact name. All I can say is, "get over it." We've been calling her Ashley for weeks now. It's weird already having named her. It's been over 9 years since we found out the sex of a baby. We found out this time so logistical reasons. It would be really hard to have 4 boys in a small room so we needed time to rearrange if it was needed. Besides, I have been dying to fill this house with pink again and I wanted to get started early on it. :)

Ashley is growing well. She loves strawberry chocolate smoothies. Her liveliest time of the night is around 9pm when Underdog and I sit down to watch a little TV. We ended up getting a DISH a few weeks ago because it was going to lower our bill for the internet and cable. It's actually been great because now we dictate when we sit to watch. We can also record with the DVR so we're in even more control. With the Olympics we just kind of fell into an enjoyable evening on the couch together watching "The Closer" or an older movie we've recorded. We also just enjoy watching Ashley's acrobatics. I can't wait to hold her but I must not let myself run off too far with that. That will just make time go by too slow.

There is a young couple at our church who lost their baby at 17 weeks. She caught me in the bathroom Sunday and asked me about bleeding. It didn't sound good but I wasn't sure what to tell her without scaring her. I simply told her that if it happens again she needed to call her dr. I suppose she started bleeding again in the middle of service because they left early. I found out on Monday night they were keeping her overnight to induce labor.

I haven't slept well since I found out. This is such a precious family. They have 3 little girls and were just so excited to add to their quiver. I even had a dream about them last night. But what I have struggled with most is what happened several weeks ago. I have a friend (close I thought) from college who lost her baby 26 weeks about 2 years ago. I simply cannot fathom ever going through that myself. I have tried to place myself in others shoes when it does happen. But even having a compassionate heart will never bring me to a point of knowing that kind of pain. So a few years ago I was honest with my friend and told her that I didn't want to say anything that hurt her and asked her to educate me on how to love another family through the loss. I have respected her space and have been sensitive toward her in all this. She asked me not to tell her with my youngest was born, and I didn't. Last year I mentioned that I was sewing baby blankets for other people and she asked me to sew one for her baby that died. She was to be involved in a walk with a group called MEND in her area to remember the short lives of the babies they've lost. They set up booths to show off their babies. I thought it was kind of cute idea. So I agree and was in the planning process. Things changed dramatically several weeks ago.

When I posted several weeks ago that we were having a girl, I sent the link to my blog through a mass email to all my friends. I received an email back from my friend telling me that she didn't feel I was being sensitive to her needs and that she didn't think we should be friends anymore. I was shocked. I think I cried for 2 hours after that. All I did was send an email out to all my friends asking them to rejoice with me over the news that we are having another little girl. I honestly didn't think I was asking too much when I asked everyone to rejoice with us over our news.

The reason that I didn't link the MEND page is that I have a very bad taste in my mouth concerning them. They are supposed to be a Christian organization. But from what I can tell they certainly don't teach the idea of forgiveness. I will fully admit that I possibly made a mistake when I sent my link to her. I made an honest mistake though. I thought she might rejoice with me because she is my friend. I didn't even get a chance to apologize for my error. She cut me off immediately and gave me no room to be forgiven. I suspect that MEND (at least the branch she is involved with) teach and encourage them to put up boundaries even if that means cutting people off, then do it. Does this group teach you to forgive when mistakes are made that might hurt you. People really do have the best of intentions when they are trying to comfort others who have been through a tragic loss. It's not like they set out wander how they can hurt people that day. And while I understand the need for boundaries, this seemed extreme to me. I haven't gone through her pain. I can't fathom it. But I had been nothing but sensitive. And to be honest, I have walked on egg shells around her for more than just this area of her life. (I know nothing about MEND and mean no offense to others who have benefited from their care and have give room for others to make mistakes. But my friend seems to have worshipped this group she's been in and it's honestly left a bad taste in my mouth.)

How is this related to the couple at church? Well, it's brought of bit pain to the surface for me. But the loss has helped me realize that I have built up some bitterness toward my friend. I was a lot more angry about it than I realized. It's not an anger or bitterness I want to hold onto so I have been in prayer over it all day. Although I love my friend, I don't want to hold her in a bondage that she's held me in for so long. And if I truly believe that God is Sovereign, then He planned for this to happen and He's in complete control of it. I have prayed He might convict her but mostly I have prayed He would heal her broken heart that pushes me away so often (this isn't the first time.) I have put up a boundary myself and will no longer have any contact with her (per her own request but to the relief of Underdog whose wanted me to do this for a long time so I don't get hurt anymore by this friend.) But what I really desire most is to see my friend come to understand the gospel as I have come to understand it over the past few years. We deserve nothing. We all, as sinners, deserving death. To have any unforgiveness toward people is to forget all that the Savior has done for us. The lack of forgiveness on both our parts is simply ungratefulness for Christ's sacrifice and pride on our parts. We deserve nothing.

I have been praying that God would give me words to speak encouragement and life into the lives of this family at church. I don't want to say anything to hurt them. But there is grace to cover me even if I did accidently say something hurtful. But this has done another thing for me. It's caused me to look at ALL my children with a more grateful heart. I deserve none of the little lives I have been given to nurture and love. They are gifts to me. They are on loan. God could easily take one of them from me. . .or all. And the little life within me has yet to arrive safely in this world. So much can change over night (as we've been reading this day of the family that lost their little 3 yod in a drowning.) My dh could be taken this night as he drives home from a late dinner meeting he's attending. I have spent too many years fearing that very thing. But I can't anymore. I trust the Father with it all now. I must hold them loosely and trust them in the hands of our Almighty God.

Before anyone would misunderstand, I love and desperately miss my friend. I think of her often and pray for her each time. I wish she would allow herself to share in the joy of other people. But God must work out that bitterness in her heart as much as he must work out the bitterness and hurt in my heart. OH, to see her walk in victory. To love that precious baby that she never nursed but to move on and relish in the joy of the Lord. That is truly where our joy should be found. If we find joy in anything but the Lord, then we've created an idol that very thing we seek joy in. Our joy needs to be found only in the Lord. And when it's hard to do that, then we MUST be on our knees in repentance for placing anything above Him. I need that lesson as much as my precious friend does.

I will be 30 weeks on Monday. I was hoping time wold be going by a bit faster as I am pretty, well, uncomfortable right now. But I am relishing this pregnancy right now. I love this baby already and trust her in the hands of the Father. Time will be hear soon enough and then I will move into another season of my life. . .simply raising the children I have been given. There will be no more pregnancies. There will be no more nursing after this baby. Our quiver is full unless we're called to adopt later on. The next time I will hold a baby close in my arms will be my grandchildren. I am struggling to except that season but Lord has been gracious to me. Mostly He's patient with me as I learn to submit to Underdog and his desires to be finished. The learning is so hard but I know that the Lord is building so much in me in this process of sanctification.

Comments (0) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Aug. 27, 2008 - It's Worse than I Thought - protecting our daughters

Posted in Mothering in Grace

School has started around our area again. It doesn't really effect my family, obviously, but it did effect my mom. She's a 1st grade teacher. She's been faithfully teaching for 24 years. She calls me yesterday with a story. I forgot to call her after the first day and I felt kind of bad. Just as I was thinking about how stupid I had been for not calling she calls me. She just HAD to tell me something because she knew I would appreciate her story.

She begins to tell me about how kids these days are not like they used to be. They aren't afraid of teachers. ALL of them talk. It's not just a few that talk, ALL of them talk. And the parents are even worse. She and her team teachers decided yesterday that they needed some extra time to get a few things done and they figured the kids were getting tired of having the rules pounded into their heads. So they opted for an afternoon educational video. Believe it or not, she told that videos no longer entertain kids. I was kind of blown away with that one. Gone are the days when a video was the most exciting part of the day. We used to LIVE for videos when I was in school (this is the same district I grew up in.)

During the movie there are a couple of girls who just kept talking. My mom gave them "the look" telling them to be quiet. One of the little girls just looked at my mom and kept talking. How rude!!!!!!! I would have come out of my chair with that kind of disrespect. My mother calmly calls her to her desk to address the situation. She asked her what was so important that they had to keep talking during the movie. Are you ready for this? They were talking. . . .ABOUT THE BRAS THEY WERE WEARING!!!!!!!!!! Yes, ladies and gentleman, these two little 1st graders were discussing the bras they were talking about. Now what was kind of funny about all this is that my mom wasn't surprised by this. I guess this has been going on for a couple of years now. Last year one of her team teacher had a girl wearing a padded bra. She was more shocked at the blatant disrespect they were giving my mom. Naturally. But I think my mouth would have completely dropped to the floor if a 6 yod had told me to my face that she was talking about the bra she was wearing.

I have a 9 and 5 yod little girls. And yes, I do refer to them as little girls. That is just what they are. . .little girls. They have absolutely no anatomy they would require an undergarment such as that. They don't even know they exist for their age. So what in the world are these parents thinking? Nothing at all, I guess.

I don't think it must be stated just how important it is to protect our little girls. Pushing them to grow up faster than they are ready to grow up is just flat out dangerous. My 9 yod is already starting to show signs of the "growing up" beginning and I am resisting it as much as possible. We have practical things we've had to do for her but beyond that, I am in no hurry. None of us should be. They will grow up. Let's not encourage them to grow too fast.

I have been very interested in getting my oldest dd the magazine "The Girlhood Home Companion". I have held off just simply because I wanted her to be closer to 10 when she reaches the recommended age for the magazine. What intrigues me most about this magazine is their reason for calling it "The Girlhood Home Companion." I'll quote the editor here:

"During the Victorian era, when life moved at a much slower pace, there were distinct periods of development in a girl’s life: babyhood, childhood, girlhood, and womanhood. I have seen a marked difference between the girl my oldest daughter used to be, and the lovely woman she has become in Christ. One thing I firmly believe is that girlhood is a priceless training ground that should not be rushed." Jill Novak

Did you notice there is no mention of the word "adolescence?" It's missing because it's a word that wasn't coined until early last century. And now is has nothing but a negative connotation. My dd and I decided that we will not call these years coming up for her, adolescence. Instead, she is going to go through girlhood, as will my 5 yod and their not yet born baby sister. This will be a time of preparation. It will be a time of change. Most important , it will be a time to develop a close relationship with mom and hopefully their Savior. Rebellion, while possible, isn't an option. I have no unrealistic expectation here. I know my girls could rebel. But that, I believe, is where some of the guardianship of the parents come in. If we've won their hearts, there is less likely to be rebellion. Winning their hearts opens up a trust in our children that most teenagers don't have with their parents. This is what I am working on right now with my oldest. Our relationship is growing daily. We have a weekly breakfast that we go to together. Sometimes we study scripture and other times we just talk about what lies ahead in our week. She's a part of my life and I am part of hers. She's not exposed to Hannah Montana and other annoying preteen trends. In fact, she's more annoyed by all the HM junk around than any of us. She's kept from the computer right now and when it's time will be walked through how to discern the right places to be (with a trust filter to help in that area of well.)

The point of all this is that we simply must protect them. Our daughters are very precious to our families. It's important that we guard their hearts. Most importantly we must lead them to the cross. They must be daily reminded of the meaning of the gospel in their lives. Right now, that usually comes when discipline and correction are needed. It will eventually come when there is rejection from friends or hardships hit. They must be given the gift of the gospel to remember during those times just what the Savior did on their behalf.

This post turned out longer than I expected. I suppose it's what was on my heart. My mom was naturally very annoyed by those girls in her classroom. I would be as well. But I feel most sorry for them. They don't have a mother who will protect them and keep them as innocent as possible. My mom was never one to be overly protective but she did give me some direction. She doesn't often understand how extreme I tend to be and I can understand that. But I feel such a burden for my girls to be protected in ways I now wish I had been. I didn't make terrible mistakes in my teen years but made mistakes nonetheless. My parents honestly did the best they could. I am thankful for the guidance they did give me. I supposed being a mom now, I want just a bit more for my girls. They are so precious.

Comments (0) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Jul. 12, 2008 - Building Modesty in a Girl Begins Early

Posted in Mothering in Grace

I believe it is very important to build modesty into girls even at a young age. Underdog and I have emphasized modesty with both of our girls since they were very little. Most of it started by simply buying them only dresses to wear. Now, we don't have a problem with wearing pants. But in order to express our femininity we feel it's important that dresses play a major roll in our wardrobe.   We wear dresses only to church and we try to wear them when we are out unless our destination warrants pants or modest swimsuits.

Although I totally believe that modesty is a matter of the heart, I honestly don't believe that young girls (at least most of them) truly grasp the meaning of modesty beginning in the heart. I guess I believe that because I struggle with that even as an adult walking with the Lord. Of course, I didn't grow up in a home that emphasized modesty as a means of honoring the Lord. Modesty was important but only because our bodies and s*x were taught as being shameful (of course, the core of that was that they were shameful outside of the marriage but the later wasn't taught. It was all shameful and it's taken me years to break free of that lie within my marriage.) But all children are tangible need something solid to put their hands on. When they are young, little girls just simply need the practical parts of modesty to be taught to them. Eventually, as they accept Christ and grow in relationship with Him, I believe that conviction about the specifics for each individual young girl will come.

I am beginning to witness this in my own 9 yod. She is quite a mature young lady for her age. But she's is only now beginning to develop a "style" of her own. She's probably more modest than I am as an adult.   She's very picky about her dress length (it's often longer than daddy requires) and she wouldn't be caught dead in a pair of shorts. These are her "rules" no necessarily ours. But she's also beginning to ask those important question that will grow her into a godly young woman and this will eventually lead to her questioning the standards that we've put in place for modesty. I welcome this questioning. I awnt her to make them her own or she will not be walking in freedom with Christ leading her.

We must start young, mothers. We can't expect them to dress in slinky little outfits when they have no curves and then expect them to accept that they can't wear them anymore when they do start to get curves. And for those of you with very young just out of babyhood girls, they grow FAST!!! I have been shocked at some of the physical and bodily changes my 9 yod has already started to go through. She's seem so little and yet. . . .   They do mature fast when they hit what is common called the 'tween ages. It's important that we be prepared ahead of time for things to begin changing early. We must be prepared to give them a very positive imagine of these changes taking place. I am not talking positive self-esteem. While I admire Dove's campaign to reach the average girls and give them a higher self-concept, that is missing the point. Self-esteem isn't the issue. As sinner as have enough self-esteem. We must first have an understanding of our utter depravity before God and our intense need for the Savior. As that concept is understood, then we need to give a positive image of who God created them be as a woman. That comes from giving them a positive view of their bodies. Most little girls were created for a special young man. He's has ordained that. She must view her womanhood as being a positive change in her life. For those of us who grew up thinking that our monthly cycles were a literal curse, we must rethink this. We must see it as a positive thing for without that monthly cycle you wouldn't have that precious daughter that you've been called to lead. But long before this message comes the need to teach them to guard their bodies and honor the men in the their lives by not causing them to stumble due to their immodest clothing choices. Not only that but it's a protection of her future relationship with her husband. It's a protection of her purity.   It must begin early or they will be sucked in by our society in thinking that they are only worth anything if they dress in all the current styles and look a certain way like a certain Hollywood star.   We see this everyday when we see young girls as young as 5 and 6 wearing immodest clothing.

Raising young girls to appreciate their womanhood and practice modesty is a passion of mine. I don't hesitate to help my girls see the immodesty around them and why it is wrong. I am careful not to judge. For must women who are dressed extremely immodestly have no relationship with Christ or concept of their depravity. They need our prayers and in some ways our godly example. And there so Christian woman who have just never been shown they are being immodest. They need godly older women to take them aside gently and help them to see this. The older woman in the lives of your little girl is YOU!!!
I pray that this will reach the heart of a young mom struggling with teaching modesty in a world that doesn't accept it. As the world (and unfortunately, church at times) turn more and more from godly living there will more and more pressure to compromise. This is a call to set your standard based on the Word of God and your relationship with Him (and you husbands) and stand strong. Do not waver because you are uncomfortable. Be strong and courageous. Protect those girls of yours. Protect yourself. Honor the men in your life. Seek modesty for your sake, your daughters sake, the men in your life and church. But most importantly, see modesty because we are encouraged in scripture to be modest and discreet and we are command, as the older women, to teach this to the younger. (Titus 2 and 1 Timothy 2:9-10)

Comments (4) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Jul. 7, 2008 - The Finale

Posted in Mothering in Grace

It's rare for me to write about the specifics of my day but it's been a very blessed day for our family and I just had to write about it this evening.

I knew today would be busy. But I had one of those sleeps that left me saying "Where am I? What day is it? What am I doing today? Oh yeah!" I was so dazed when I woke up. Finally I remembered the order of events and hopped out of bed. Today was going to full and I needed to spend time at the feet of Jesus preparing for it. I had such great intentions for that time. . .until I discovered I left my Bible in the car.

Being the modest person that I am and uncomfortable with walking outside in the PJs, I just spent time praying. Finally it was time to get up and get ready. I wasn't moving too fast despite the fact that I needed to get out of the house at 8:15am. For some reason my body and mind were about 30 minutes behind. I hate when I get like that.

When it was nearly 8am I sent my oldest down to make bowls of Cheerios for everyone so we could eat fast and run. You see, my children started swim lessons for the first time today. God was so gracious to provide some extra money a few months ago and then gracious opened up FOUR spots for summer swim lessons with the city for just the amount that I had to pay. I was praising God because we have so many people asking us to swim this summer and I just hate turning people down on fellowship because I am a basketcase around water. But I forgot one key figure in this whole process. Little Man was going to have to sit for 2 hours and watch everyone swim while he was tied down in his stroller. So I had to run to the grocery store to find food that would occupy him for 2 hours (YES, I do, in fact, occupy my children with food on occasion. Bad mother!!!!!) My brain finally caught up with the clock and I managed to run into the grocery store (while illegally leaving my children in the car. It was 8:20am. I also got out in the 5 minutes. JB timed me.) I got enough snacks for today AND tomorrow. Then we were off to swim lessons and got there with 10 minutes to spare. Finally, I could sit and relax.

Swim lessons went well. BroncoFan was so proud of being moved to a higher skill level than his sisters. Hmm, no pride there or anything.

JB and Schmoo ended up in the same class. I hated to tell BroncosFan that I think he was moved up simply because he's a daredevil and pretty much attempts to teach himself everything he wants to know. I have yet to convince Schmoo that she does in fact have to put her face under water when she swims. She trying though. And poor JB. She's doing her best to keep up with all this as she's not feeling well these days (more on that later.) The Linebacker Starter Kit (LBSK) had to wait 45 minutes before his class started. They told me they would split the class in to those that had put their head under water and those that hadn't. I asked if that was putting their head under on purpose or by accident. hehehe!!! He's good at the accident side of that. They put him the class that put their heads underwater easily. I was shocked. I didn't honestly think he would do it. He's the only little guy that's never been swimming before. I hope I get my money's worth. He did learn that he's not supposed to drink the water because it's yucky water. Good boy but suspect that I will need the cleanse the chlorine from his sister at the end of the summer. Bleech!!!! At least he left with something new today. (I admire thees kids that spend their summers teaching small children to do the impossible. They amaze me.)

After swim lessons we rushed home to get laundry started for the day and eat lunch so we could rush out and do our grocery shopping before my sonogram this afternoon. Again, I was running about 1 hour behind in my head. I was seeing the clock as noon but it was 1pm. URGH!!! I had to go to the bank and drive all the way to Whole Foods. I needed drops from my naturopath for JB so I decided to do the shopping so Underdog didn't have to worry about it. You know, there is something to be said for bribes. Either that or my children have their stomach as their god. HAHA!! I promised them a roll from the bakery at WF if they would help me get in and out of WF in 30 minutes. We were done shopping in 20 and in the car leaving in 30 minutes. My kids rock!!!!!

We arrived home hot and sweaty. That got worse after we brought the groceries in. The LBSK found the lock on the garage door to the house and decide it would be funny to lock everyone in the garage but himself. Oh, did I mentioned that I left my keys on the kitchen table when I walked in. That took 5 minutes of major threats before he opened it. (Hmmm, I never did discipline that little booger.)   We got all the groceries in and sat down to finally breath and we got a phone call that the technician running the sonogram had 3 cancellation and that we could come in a hour early. I don't think I have ever seen my children move faster. Even Underdog had a little bounce in his step.

We all voted on the way there. 6 for a girl, 1 for a another boy (I voted for Little Man. The LBSK wanted a purple "gril" but I am not sure I can produce the purple part.) We got there and got right in to start things up. This baby is so healthy. The head is perfect. Spine is closed. Placenta is low but that is normal for me. Cord is well attached and will make a good belly button. Everything else is functioning right. Then it was time to "look." Wouldn't you know, the feet were in the way. Smart technician. He sent me on a walk to see if the baby would change positions. So I went on my walk in the blazing heat while the girls talked to the baby as we walked. "Move, baby, move" was their plea. I prayed silently. We went back in and got back on the table.

Can I just say that technology has come along way since Underdog and I found out that JB was a girl.   We haven't found out again until now. We usually wait until the end. I really wanted to do that this time but my planners instinct took over this time and the sonogram won out. I needed to know so if we needed two boys rooms I could begin prepping for it. He was able to tell me that the baby had moved just right but there was still a little foot in the way. That was so awesome to see that little foot up against the little bum. And now for the Finale. . .the tech was 95% sure that we will be finishing our little family out with. . . . . . .

So did I share just how much I love technology and what it can do for us. LOL!!!! Just kidding. (I am trying to drive my brother crazy and he's reading and waiting to find out. That is unless mom already called him. Darn!! I am 34 and still love to bother my brother. Is that sinful? hehehe!!!)

The tech is 95% sure that we will have a BABY GIRL in November of 2008. I almost cried. I had really wanted a girl. I knew my girls had wanted a little sister to share their room with as well. I think wanted to cry for my girls. This is going to be one exciting time for them. I had been praying for weeks that God would prepare my heart to love and accept whomever He would bless me with. I fully expected another boy. So I felt overwhelmed at God giving me such a blessing as my heart's desires.

My little boys didn't care. Little Man still has no clue what is going on. LBSK, well, he wants a "gril" (BTW, he calls girls "grils" but get very offended if you outright correct him. The subtle corrections don't seem to be working though.) BroncosFan wasn't too happy. He was such a scowl on his face when we left that office. He finally came to talk to me after we arrived home. He confessed that he was upset because they weren't going to have even teams when they played football (apparently Dad doesn't count.) I had to feel for the little guy. He was also struggling a bit with the fact that he had been praying for a baby brother. Don't we all struggle to understand at times why God doesn't always answer our praer as we want them. He really had his heart set on this one. Underdog so carefully reminded him that although they wouldn't have even teams when they played football in the backyard, they would indeed have a foursome for a golf game. Ah, leave it to dad to help him find the bright side of all this.

But Underdog also reminded Bronco Fan that when we question this baby and it's value, we are question the Creator Himself. It is God who is knitting this baby together. It is God who decided that this baby would be a little girl. It is God that has willed that Bronco Fan will be a big protector brother to this little princess just as he is protector to JB and Schmoo. But I think this will be a special bonding for him.
He and I went to SAMs and Walmart to finish out the grocery shopping after dinner. I allowed him to pick the first little outfit out for his little sister to wear. Unfortunately, she'll have to wait until next summer since there were no fall and winter clothes out that he liked. We had a good bonding time and he's quickly coming around to being protector of this baby. I knew he would.

(WARNING!!!! Any guy reading this might want to skip the next paragraph. . .Uncle, that would be you.)

Our next journey will come at the end of this pregnancy when my older children will witness for the first time a baby enter the world. If all works out well, I will birth in the tub again so there will still be a mystery to birth. But I have dreamed for years that I would have children old enough to experience was I consider to real birth. This is my gift to my two older daughters. And hopefully, if JB or Schmoo are comfortable enough, they will be able to allow their baby sister the privilege to experience a birth done well. There is no better way to prepare a young lady for the beauty of her womanhood. If birth is done right (barring any complications.) Without the cycle that we women experience, there would be no babies. I have always hated my monthly friend. But I know realize that it is truly a blessing. It is that aspect of womanhood that literally nourishes our babies before there is a placenta in place to feed them. And the fact that there is only ONE time a month for life to take place, that is a miracle. Every woman every month gets one chance. All I can say that simple scientific fact is proof that there is a Creator God. He opens and closes the womb. That doesn't just happen by chance. And although many women are learning the value of fertility awareness and how their bodies truly work, only God makes that baby happen. I want my girls to see their womanhood in a positive light. (I would love to someday have a Bible study for my girls and their friends around this very idea. I have been blessed to find a wonderful curriculum around this topic. I plan to use it with my girls when we go on our weekend trip alone at around age 11.) Not only do I want them embrace being keepers at home, submissive to their husbands, loving their children, being pure, chaste, disciplined, etc. I want them to embrace the way God made them physically. To deny the physical beauty and value of our bodies to deny who God created us to be. To hate it defies His very Creation and calls into question His wisdom. We are nurturers by our very nature. Just look at our womb and how it works in the very beginning of life. It's just so amazing. Life is amazing.

So baby #6 is our Finale. That is her nickname until I can convince Underdog to have a serious conversation about names and he;s will stop coming up with Jefferky and Phillys (oh, wait, that one was from my BIL.) This has always been a running joke in our family. Underdog can only concentrate for about 10 minutes on serious baby names and then I lose him to "Darth Vader" and "Jezebel" type names. I have learned to save my most favorite and important names when he's in a serious mood and I only introduce 2-3 ideas at a time. That way if I lose him to silly name I at least know he heard my favorites. And sadly he's bringing his oldest ds into this. I feel so sorry my future daughters-in-law. I will have to sit down and have a serious talk about how to deal with these silly men. I have learned well to ignore Underdog. (But I secretly get a good laugh out of his nature. God has blessed me no only with an intelligent and serious man but he's given me on that truly makes me laugh. We get to go out tomorrow and celebrate 12 years together. I am excited.

One final thing. I know this is getting long. I wanted to ask those reading if they might pray for my oldest daughter. She's affectionately known on my blog as JB. She's been sick for almost 2 weeks now. She's gone through 3 different infections and has been having nightly fevers for nearly 10 days now. She waking with headaches and nausea that will only go away with drinking water. But I was doing her hair this morning and thought she's was really going to lose it right there. She's not eating much. . .even turning down special Grandma banana pudding. When her fevers spike she just looks like a wilted flower. I am desperately fighting my imagination and not letting it run wild. But I fear I have lost that fight. Mostly I am praying that God will give me wisdom and direct me down the right path for answers. . .and in the meantime, trusting my little girl in His hands. Would you please pray for her healing and/or answers to come to us this Friday as I take her to the dr. My pediatrician is so awesome. She allows me room to use my natural medicine at home and trusts me to come see her when I need help. I need help now but Friday is the earliest I can get there. In the meantime, we are bombing her body with stuff to kill viruses and all sorts of other nice pathogens that seem to have taking over her body. They are working on the infections but the fevers linger. And my worry over her grows. :(

Comments (1) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Mar. 31, 2008 - Burning the House Down, Tornadoes, & Newborn Babies

Posted in Mothering in Grace

This is an update to my previous post. The day only got more interesting!!!

*******************

Today has been a very typical Monday for us. We haven't done "school" in over 4 weeks so it was time to get back into it. My dh and I have been reading alot about Charlotte Mason's ideas so we've made some drastic changes to our school. Everything this morning was fairly new. Not the curriculum but the way we did things. Our day started off well until I discovered that my children had decided the standards for chores changed since Nana and Gramps were here. So I made them redo their chores this morning as a reminder that the standards haven't changed.

Before I called everyone back upstairs, one of my children decided that he/she were going to help me get our oatmeal started for the morning. I will let the older ones measure the oatmeal and water but never turn it on. It's been a long running rule that no one turns on the stove or oven on unless I say so. I definitely did not say to turn it on. After I called the children back to redo their chores, I noticed this one particular child go racing downstairs. I was smelling something "funny" by this time but my nose smells many "funny" things right now with the pregnancy so I didn't think anything of it. Then the child returned. . .devastated.

You have to understand that this child is very sensitive in his/her spirit. There isn't too much discipline required on the big stuff because they KNOW when they are wrong and NEVER make that type of mistake again. So when this child came into the room with tears running down his/her face I knew it was bad. And then I remember what the smell was. I didn't say anything I just ran. What I found when I got downstairs was worse than I thought. A burned pot of oatmeal I can handle. Oatmeal cooked to the surface of my stove can be scraped off. But this child didn't know that when you move a pot off the stove that you either move it to a cold burner OR you put a pot holder under it. There is now a forever reminder of the burn oatmeal incident BURNED into my kitchen cabinet. I always wandered what would happen if you put a really hot pot of food on the cabinet without a pot holder. I got to find out this morning.

Ah, Monday!! After my child burned breakfast (and ruined the only pot I had left to make anything in) we had no breakfast. Tomorrow is shopping day so the cupboards are bare. I ended up having to shuffle everyone into the car and run to Chick Fil A for hashbrowns. God seemed to know something was going to happen because I found an extra $15 in my purse that I didn't know I had this morning.

This morning provided me with the opportunity to remind my child of the gospel. And I got a great reminder. I remembered all the big mistakes I made as a child and wasn't shown much grace and mercy. And the other times when I was shown grace and mercy. Underdog hasn't seen the burned spot. And this child definitely went out of his/her own and created the mess in the first place. I don't know if there will be an earthly consequence for these actions. Nonetheless, I am not mad or upset. I never was. I was scared that wouldn't show grace and mercy. I was scared of my tendency NOT to be merciful. But God was merciful toward me and my family deserves nothing less. So I held myself back and showed as mercy and grace as I could.

*********************

Later in my day I had plans to make a great lentil and rice casserole and fold laundry. That changed suddenly when I got a massive headache and remembered we had a dry line headed our way. A dry line always means severe weather in Texas. So I checked the radar on the computer and notice that our area had a red box around it. Then the radar refreshed on it's own. Suddenly there was a purple box. I thought purple meant hail so I called my dh to see if he wanted me to try to pull the car into the garage so we didn't get anymore hail damage. He said yes so we headed to the garage to move things around so I could pull the car in. When I got back in, I sat down to check radar again. Then it struck me. Purples boxes don't mean hail. .. . . .THEY MEAN TORNADO WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My first though was don't panic and turn on the TV. Sure enough, we had a cell headed our way and it was "scheduled" to arrive in 20 minutes. The baby was still napping and both of my little boys were in cloth diapers and nothing else. I got the closet cleaned out and put some food and the first aid kit in there. The kids quickly caught on and panic set in. I asked JB to change her baby brother but she was so scared she could hardly think straight. I changed him and did convince her to help her other borhter get a new pull up on and some clothes on. Then the sirens went off. HELLO!!!!! It did not look that bad outside but I shuffled everyone into the closet anyway. I stayed out watching the weather on the TV and trying to convince one of our dogs that she needed to get in the closet. As I watched the TV the cell just kept getting smaller and smaller. By the time the most serious purple part of the cell got to us it was only rain. I don't think the funnel cloud ever touched the ground. Nonetheless, I was a little scared. I am now convinced that it would be a good idea to put together an emergency box even if we never use it. I just wasn't prepared for anything to happen. We prayed before the sirens went off that God would protect us. It was about that time that the cell began to fall apart. My children immediately recognized that and it was fun to watch their faith increase.

On a lighter note, I was invited to attend the home birth of a friend of mine. i have never seen a live birth besides my own, so she welcomed me to come. She wasn't getting started very fast so I assumed that I would miss it tonight. Then her water broke. He dh called me to come quick. I missed it by 3 minutes. She had the most beautiful petite little girl I have ever seen. They don't have a name for her yet. But little girl will be well loved in the family of 5 sisters and one big brother. I felt privileged to be apart of the family sharing in that miracle.

Although this day had ups and downs, it ended very well. I wander what tomorrow will hold?

Comments (2) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Mar. 21, 2008 - I am SOOOOOO Sick!!!!!

Posted in Mothering in Grace

It's 6:20am and I haven't done my quiet time. I am getting off in a moment to do that. I woke up this morning so sick to my stomach. It's been coming on gradually for the past 2 weeks. Today I hit the mark. The morning sickness has begun!!!!!!! (Yes that was my official announcement!!) I have had varying degrees of morning sickness with all of my babies. I think this one will match my first pregnancy though. I can remember literally running out of my classroom when I pregnant with m first. I was 3 doors from the teachers lounge and the English teacher on my team was pregnant. She understood so if she saw me run by she would step into the hall way to listen to my classroom.

This could be a rough pregnancy. Not only do I have morning sickness this time around, but there could be complication from the neglect of my previous midwife. She recommended last time that I not receive my Rhogam because I didn't tear during the birthing process. I found out much later, of course, that she wasn't licensed and I assume was trying to cover her trail of lies. Blood doesn't mix on the outside where a woman might tear, it mixes on the inside when the placenta separates. She was good enough to know that. She just had a crumby character. I am waiting to get my blood work done next week to find out if I have antibodies or not. I am not sure where we will go from there. I have to make it through my first trimester first. That could be the first (and last) problem with the possible antibodies and the potential for this baby to have A+ blood. (Although my biggest prayer is that God will allow us to have one more little girl. If He hears my heart's desire and she has A- blood like her sisters, then all will be well regardless of the antibodies.) The fact that my symptoms are growing is a good sign so far. But I am not out of the woods yet.

This baby will be our last. Our quiver is full now. I have had people tell me you just know. I knew!! So did Underdog. :) We love our little "big" family but we always felt something was missing. This one was missing. If it's in God's will for this baby to be born healthy at home, we will deliver our last baby sometime in November. And I was praising God for the reprieve from early winter babies. Three winter birthdays within 4 weeks of each other (not including my own) is stressful. It's my pleasure to celebrate my children but it's stressful nonetheless. Now I will have 3 snow (in TX?) babies, 1 spring chicken (she prefers chicken over pig - HA!), and two little pumpkins.

We will find out the sex of the baby this time around. We'll either do it through sonogram OR if there are antibodies, we will need to know the blood type of the baby (I think) to see if there will be any need for further monitoring in the womb. That will mean an amniocentesis. That is a big step for a woman that runs from intervention in pregnancy. But I will do what it takes to protest my baby. I have a tremendous amount of peace about all this right now. My prayers are simple - no antibodies and/or A- blood type for the baby.

I am off to do my quiet time. I finished my apple and my stomach is settled. . . at least until the apple wears off.

Oh, my in-laws are coming to visit today. I am really excited. It's been over a year since we've seen them. They've only seen PeePooh once and they've never met Little Bear. Everyone is excited. JB, BroncoFan, and Schmoo all made welcome signs of some sort to hang up before they get here. We have just a little cleaning to do left in the house. They land at 11:30am this morning.

God Bless and have a wonderful day!!!!!

Comments (3) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Mar. 12, 2008 - Shutting Some Things Down

Posted in Mothering in Grace

One of these days I am going to learn what I can and can't handle in my life. I deleted my last post from a few days ago indicating that I was working more on another blog. I decided not to do that anymore. I am keeping my blog up but I just not going to add to it right now. I am really not sure I have much to offer right now. While alot of that blog is intended to encourage women toward natural living, there is more to my life than just that. And I have forgotten about it.

I have been interviewing midwifes recently because I refuse to use an ObGyn anymore (unless it's absolutely necessary.) Midwives are gentle and more personal. I think that is what women need when it comes to their intimate issues. But as I have interviewed these midwives my passion for natural living had begun to grow again. My desire to someday be a midwife has also begun to grow again. But it's distracting me.

If fact, I have become very distracted by many things that aren't important. I have forgot my calling to be wife to Underdog and mother to the pups. I have been complaining recently that we have way too much junk in the house and that things are way too disorganized. I have begun to realize that I am responsible for that. I have allowed the junk because I have fallen back into being a pack rat. I haven't truly been training my children to put things away when they are finished with them. And then I gripe at them when they don't. I just simply haven't been doing that. I think I had fooled myself into believe that I hadn't allowed the computer to take over but it has. Hence the reason I am shutting down that other blog.

I greatly desire to be a wise woman but I am not right now. I have been praying that God would move me toward spending more time memorizing and studying His word. I can't do that when I am dsitracted by so much. I am not happy with school and I believe that we are out of God's will with what we've been doing. So I am praying for a new direction with school. But I can't discovered that direction when I have no time to pray, study scripture, or read.

I have lost joy. I want my joy back. But I want to find my joy where God has placed me. That means that I must die to all other desires in my life. Being a midwife is a dream of mine that won't come to fruition until my children are much older (or maybe even gone.) By that time the dream may have died. Having a blog that is running well and enjoyed by others is also a dream of mine. But how can I have anything to share that is worthwhile when I don't practice much that is worthwhile in my life.

Besides, there is a growing burden on my heart to begin focusing on my daughters training as young women. I read a blog recently on how most young women today just are not compelled to believe that being a wife and mother is a worthy calling. If they do, many believe that having a career is the priority and then they can pursue marriage and children. I have even struggled to embrace this calling and understand the value that I have. It's a thankless job. And then I think of my girls. If there is anything I don't want for my girls it is for them to struggle to believe and obey the truth that God gives them. God created them to be a helpmeet for someone (unless of course they are called to be single. That is a whole different ball game that we won't know for many years.) I want them to be prepared to faithfully embrace their calling when they do marry. It is my dream that they meet strong godly men who value family and value the role of their women. And I don't want them to feel ashamed to WANT to be wives and mothers and to be ONLY wives and mothers. I am in the position right now where I am having to remind myself daily that this is my calling and it's a noble one but if I can instill in them that Truth then being counter cultural won't be so difficult for them.

I will continue to blog on here at homeschool blogger. I don't have many readers though. That is probably good. If I had too many my pride would begin to take over. I also reserve the right not to blog everyday. I am a busy momma and it's only going to get busier around here. With the grace of God giving me strength, I will be focusing more on my dh, my children, my home, and my school.

Comments (3) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Feb. 4, 2008 - Si-Bay wants to share his Birthday cake

Posted in Mothering in Grace

Si-Bay wants to share his birthday cake. "Here, taste this. It's yummy!!"

Comments (2) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Jan. 18, 2008 - Birth Story Entry #1

Posted in Mothering in Grace

Well I promised my birth stories and this is as good as time as any to start posting them. I hope you will enjoy. I hope you might find encouragement in them. God Bless!!

*****************************************************

January 18, 2001 started out very early for me. I was 37 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child. With my 1st child, I delivered her 4 week early. In my mind I should have had my baby by this time. My OB wanted to induce two weeks early because my daughter had been so big at 4 weeks early (7lb 14oz) and had supposedly got stuck on my pelvis. She didn't get stuck but that is a story for another time. But I did wake up out of a good sleep around 4am with contractions. They were very regular. I got out of bed to get a drink and decided to just stay up. I didn't know what it was like to be in labor. I have a fully medicated birth before my contractions ever got started last time. I didn't know what to expect. But I was kind of excited. After about an hour I decided to start timing them. That meant writing the times down, right? So I did. And then they stopped. I am not kidding. I wrote down the first time on my trusty Steno pad and never had another contraction. To be honest, I went to bed kind of mad. I really wanted all this to be over. I didn't want to be induced either.

When my alarm went off at 7am I went to the potty because that is what pregnant women do when they wake up. LOL!!!! When I was finished I discovered what I thought to be my mucus plug. I don't have confirmation on that but I could swear that's what it was. There was a lot of it. I woke my dh and ask asked if he could work from home that day. I was going to a MOPS meeting so he would have the house to himself all morning. He agreed.

One thing I remember about that morning was that it was deary. We were expecting a major cold front and possibly a freeze overnight. It doesn't snow is Texas. It only ices. But I got JenniBear up and got her ready for our MOPS meeting. She was ready to go play and I was ready to sit for a break.

I was having a really good time at my MOPS meeting but my back was killing me. We had a speaker that day so I got my seat ready to listen to her. But I just couldn't sit still. My back hurt really bad. If I had known then what I know now I would have immediately thought labor. I labor in my back regardless of the position of my babies. I even have all my menstrual cramps in my back (when I have them.) I finally decided to get up and go to the back to stand and stretch my back out some. I started pacing because I was so restless. It just occurred to me that all that pacing is probably what intensified the back pain. It finally occurred to me after 30 minutes that the pain was coming of going. I was having regular contractions. I decided to go home.

When I arrived home my dh was there. I called my OB because I didn't know what to do. My doctor had scheduled a weeks vacation during this time because I was the only patient he had due in early February and he was going to induce labor anyway. When I called the office I was transferred to the nurse. I can't remember the name of funny Southern lady that does all the baking. She's been on Oprah a few times. That is what the nurse looked and talked like. Now imagine her saying to me "Well, honey, he just took of fon a plain to Florida." I laugh about it now but I wasn't then. I knew he was leaving that day. I didn't mind though. I had grown to despise that man but I didn't know at the time that I could change doctors when my despise started. She told me to go to the L&D floor to be monitored.

If I had known then what I know now, I would have waited. But I didn't. And when they had me hooked up to monitors for an hour they declared me NOT in labor and sent me home. My cervix wasn't changing. They sent me home with a sleeping pill though.

Underdog and I stopped off at Blockbuster for a few movies to pass the time away. My contractions started up pretty intense at this point. I kept having to lean over move stands there in the store. He rented a few that I was interested in but didn't care if I saw them or not. I distinctly remember him watching "X-men" but don't remember a thing about the movie. When we finally watched it again years later is was a whole new movie to me. But I would remember some parts of it. Then 10 minutes later I wouldn't recognize the movie. That pattern continued through out the movie. I can only think that the points I didn't recognize were points I was having a contractions.

Finally about 5pm I wanted to go back to the hospital. I thought for sure I was in good labor. But when I got there I hadn't change at all. Talk about frustrating. This wasn't the prodromal labor I had with my later babies. It had been going on all day. I was in labor!!!!! The nurse told me she would give me an hour to see a change. I started praying right them and there that I would be in labor. Sure enough, when she returned I had changed half a centimeter and she declared me officially in labor. I was then admitted to the hospital.

I had every intention of having a natural childbirth. And I probably could have done it too if not for the well trained nurse. These are the nurses who are trained to come in a scare you into thinking that something might happen and so you might need an epidural. After all, you wouldn't want to have to be put out and miss the birth of your baby. URGH!!! So I got an epidural. I suppose it was best. By this time it was 10pm at night and I was tired. I went to sleep once I was "comfortable."

About 4am I hear a commotion in my room. Nurses were everywhere moving stuff. My bed was being taken apart. One of the nurses came up to me and said that I was complete and it was time to push. Talk about an easy labor. I slept through most of it. LOL!!!! By 4:30 I was pushing and the dr wasn't there yet. the dr on call finally walked in and said "Let's get this baby out of there." If I had known then what I know now I would closed my legs immediately. He pulled out the forceps. Only I didn't know it. I was a VBAC patient. I don't know if he knew that or not. Whatever it was, he was in a hurry. BroncoFan was born at 4:40am on the morning of January 19, 2001 via VBAC using forceps. But I got my VBAC and it set the stage for my future births.

One things I most remember about that early morning was the look on Underdogs face we they announced we had a boy. Pride. He was so proud of his son. I think he even had tears in his eyes but he'd never admit that. :) I kept thinking to myself that I did it. I conquered the statistics. I had my VBAC and I won. My dr did not get to take me under the knife. I found out through a newspaper article in the Dallas Morning News that he has the highest rate of elective c-section in the city. He's proud of it too. His willingness to give a trial of labor was just a way of putting me off. My prayer had been for a VBAC. God heard my prayers and took my dr out of town when BroncoFan's appointed time for birth had come. What a great God we serve.

BroncoFan is growing up so fast. He's a smart kid who is way beyond many of his peers. He taught himself to read and just keeps going at that pace. I remember how quiet he was as a little boy. After his younger sister was born I was so sure he'd learn to read at the same time she did. She was a bright little baby who seems to have slowed down and learns vastly different than I expected her to. BroncoFan proved me wrong. He continues to blow me away with his giftedness. I didn't get to mention that I was in a car accident during my 6th month of pregnancy with him. My air bag went off and left bruises all up and down my abdomen. I didn't feel him move for a couple of hours afterward. I was scared. Those kicks that he gave me in the ER were the most precious kicks to me. I knew then that God had something very special planned for him. I finally told him that before he turned 6. It made him cry. He would love to be a pastor or a missionary. Truth be told, I think he will probably be an artsy football player who plays the guitar in the church band and then goes to the pulput to preach to his congregation and then on the side serves as a missionary. He's that ambitions. LOL!!!!!! The most important thing is that he has a heart for Jesus. When he prays, he prays intentionally and he prays big. I am just amazed at this boy and love him dearly.

I didn't get to nurse him. I tried but he fought me all the way. Of course, I learned certain things about my anatomy that probably kept him from wanting to nurse. I also suffered pretty bad post partum depression after he was born. It was from the lingering effects of my car accident. It took me years to finally overcome the fears that were associated with my accident and the depression that followed. God set me free. But I felt for a long time that we just didn't have a connection as mother and son. I would get so irritated with him while I would love on his sisters. I didn't like that at all. So I began to pray that God would mend our relationship and bring us closer together. I believe God has answered that prayer. I have a very special relationship with him now.

While I am a strong advocate of home birthing now, I can't say this was necessarily a bad experience. I have great memories of my labor and delivery with him. And we have a special tradition every birthday that I tell that persons birth story. They love it. I am considering in the future taking these stories and turning them into a personalized book for each one of them. I don't do scrapbooks right now (no time) but that would be a fun project to make a scrapbook and tell their story in each one.

Next week I will be publishing my birth story for my youngest, Si-Bay, who is about to turn one next Saturday. I can't believe time has flown by so quickly.

Comments (0) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Dec. 17, 2007 - Christmas Faux Pas

Posted in Mothering in Grace

          My children are still young enough and never on the computer for me to write about this before the actual day. My inlaws sent the children gift certificates to Walmart this year. Instead of making a mad rush the day after Christmas to spend those gift cards (can you imagine dragging 5 small children to a Walmart on the December 26th?) we put all of them together and bought them a trampoline for the backyard. They have been asking for one and I finally broke down. So I ordered it a few weeks ago.

          Last Friday my two oldest had piano lessons. We did some running around and then got home around 4:30pm. My oldest stops on her way to the door and her mouth drops open. Next, my oldest ds does the same thing. My youngest dd gets to the crowd and says "Woaw!!!!!!!" By this time I had to see for myself. Sitting on our porch were two huge boxes with the word "TRAMPOLINE" written on the side. I played dumb. This was supposed to be a surprise. I acted like I didn't know what it was and made a big deal out of needing to talk to daddy. I even made myself look worried.

          We finally got into the house and my brain was moving a mile a minute. How do I spin this so I don't ruin the surprise? I finally decided that sinning was the best thing. I called Underdog and told him that he needed to come home and remind me that I had ordered those boxes for a family at church so they could surprise their children. That was the sin. I LIED!!!!   They went for it and haven't said anything since. Although JB did ask me which family it was at church. I told her she couldn't know because I didn't want her to tell the other children. I think she's on to me though. Oh well.

          Gone are the days when I can buy Christmas present right under their nose. Well, sort of. I did take them to a craft store and bought their new blocks of Sculpey with them right there. They even helped me pick the colors. I told them it was for a project I was planning to work on in the future. That wasn't a lie. My project is to teach my children how to work with polymer clay. hehehehe!!!! Oh yeah. I did buy their candy canes right under their noses last week. I guess I still have the touch.

Comments (1) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Nov. 28, 2007 - Boy Noises

Posted in Mothering in Grace

When I was an 8th grade teachers I heard some pretty gross stuff out of the mouths of the boys in my classroom. My brother and his friends could contribute to those noses as well. Since my oldest ds is only 6 I figured I had a few years before boy noises began. Nope!!!! Not only have they begun earlier, but they skipped a child. My 6 year has not found the oh so fun boy noises that he can make. The Linebacker Starter Kit (LSK) found them. He can drink his water and burp with the rest of those silly boys I had in my 8th grade classes. He's good too. He's not as loud. . .yet. He's work on that.

I have to admit that I am torn. For one thing, I think it's kind of cute. Now I would never tell him that. Why would I encourage such gross behavior? But there was a time in my life when I thought noises that our bodies made were funny. I supposed they are though. I think God was using His sense of humor when He made our bodies to make funny noises. It's also very likely that most of the noises our bodies make are a result of fall. I mean, it's usually our poor diet that causes a vast majority of the gas that causes such noises. But still, they can be funny at times. I find it so hard sometimes not to giggle when someone in our family who will remain nameless let's one go (accidently, of course,) But I don't. I usually look appalled that they would even consider making such a noise.

So now I am back to what to do with the LSK. I supposed I won't laugh at him. . . at least not to his face. But there will always be a part of me that will giggle in my heart as I watch my little boy become a man. And certainly, there will be plenty of time to train him that a proper gentleman doesn't just "let fly" wherever he stands. He'll learn how to conduct himself as a gentleman in due time. That will take training. It begins with me not laughing at his antics.

Oh, the LSK wants in to get a drink of water. Hmmm, I wander why?

Comments (0) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Nov. 19, 2007 - Five Things I am Thankful For this Holiday

Posted in Mothering in Grace

What more could I be thankful for?

Comments (4) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Sep. 18, 2007 - "Momsense" to start your morning

Posted in Mothering in Grace

I found this through my local homeschool group yahoo group. I hope you enjoy. I did.

NOW THAT IS TOTAL MOMSENSE

(This link takes you to youTube. I am sorry but I don't know how to embed it on my blog.)

Comments (1) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Sep. 11, 2007 - How to Know You are Maturing

Posted in Mothering in Grace

Well, I am on again tonight despite my previous post about living without the computer. It's been a rough day. I just got back from grocery shopping that should have been done this morning. But, I woke up to tummy sick kid and there was no way I was going to chance grocery shopping with her. So we stayed home and I decided to go tonight. Did you know that everyone in the world does their grocery shopping after 7pm on a week night (except for all the other working class people that shop on Saturday and Sunday.)

Ok, so I want to get to point of my blog tonight. I am discovering that by God's grace I am maturing. I used to be one of those people (used to be?) that would blow up if something didn't go my way. Ok, maybe blow up is a bit of an exaggeration. But still, I would get upset over pretty much nothing. In the past 24 hours, God has allowed me to see the distance He's brought me. (I will claim no credit for any of this. I am a bonehead most of the time and pretty selfish.)

Incident #1: I went to pick up my organic produce this morning and discovered that I had only the extra veggie share (which consisted of beets, red cabbage, green beans, and ONE head of lettuce.) I planned my whole menu for the next two weeks around the contents of my basic share every two weeks. This really messed things up. The lady that I order from had removed me off the regular share when she misinterpretted my email stating I only wanted an extra veggie share versus both an extra fruit AND veggie share. She thought I meant that I only wanted the veggie share and nothing else. I paniced. But I didn't get mad. I thought about getting mad. I could feel myself trying to figure out how to control the situation and potentially becoming angry. But the Holy Spirit showed me where I was wrong and helped me correct my thinking. All ended well.

Incident #2: I don't like going to the doctor and I am VERY fond of using alternative medicine to heal our bodies. So I brought out my homeopathic and herbal nausea tinctures (drops) that I get from my naturopath for my youngest dd who is sick. All you do is drop about 7 drops of each in a small amount of water and then drink it down. She spilled it. A year ago I would have really given her a bad time about that. It's irritating and those drops are expensive. But I didn't do that. She looked at me with her big blue eyes. I just smiled, said "oops", and poured her some more (while she graciously cleaned up her mess. What a great kid I have.)

Incident #3: This particilar incident would have sent me into hysterics, yelling and screaming, then talking under my breath as I complained about how irresponsible my children can be. Not this time. This one brought out the camera and a good laugh from the whole family.

Just in case you are wandering, that is Desitin diaper cream that I left on the floor of the Little Linebacker's bedroom. Duh mom!!!!!!! And yes, he did get it on the carpet. Underdog came to my rescue in that area and got it off the floor with soap and water. I was sort of upset but what can you do? My little Linebacker is in just such a cute stage right now. He came to me all worried about what he had done. How can you yell at such repentence? He got a special bath just with mommy before dinner last night.

I can only give glory to the Lord for His work in my life. He's really brought me so far. And I completely believe that I will be tested again tomorrow. I just pray that God's grace will rest on me then so I will pass the test. But I am bonehead and usually end up messing things up. But for the grace of God go I.

Comments (5) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

Sep. 6, 2007 - Bad Mother of the Year. . . .AGAIN

Posted in Mothering in Grace

Image Preview

I have officially been named the bad mother of the year. . .again. I have received this award not two years in a row but twice in one year. Now, many might be saying "Oh. she's just feeling sorry for herself. We all make mistakes." Granted. But this one is really quite unforgivable.

My oldest ds lost another tooth last night. He was so proud. He walks around with a slight lisp now. It's cute (in a manly sort of way.) He proudly came to me and asked if I would make sure that he gets the state quarters so he can add them to his collection book. I PROMISED he would.

I feel like I need to explain something here. Two days ago I made the huge mistake of drinking some organic type coffee that contained caffiene in it. Why is that a problem? Because I haven't had caffiene in over 4 years. I stopped drinking caffienated anything. Now, I do drink decaf but that doesn't count. So when I had this particular cup of coffee it was at 4pm in the afternoon. I was really tired that day and didn't realize that this special coffee contained any caffiene at all. So by 1am I was desperate for sleep. Josiah hasn't been sleeping well and I have been foolish enough to think I could go to bed at 11pm and still get up at 5am. In desperation, I took to chewable Benedryl. Another side bar is needed. Benedryl makes a special fastmelt tablet that I discovered doesn't cause me to have mood swings. Regular Benedryl does. And that is what I took. Then I got up the next morning (still early) in a haze of allergies and took another half dose. (Josiah slept really well that morning. HA!!) So by the end of day yesterday I was really ready for bed. I even planned to go to bed at 9:30pm, which I almost did.

Fast forward to this morning. My darling little boy comes downstairs very humble and says "Mommy, you forgot."

"I forgot what, son?" says me.

"You forgot my quarters." says my son.

I think I should probably add that I was reading a book called "Humility: True Greatness" by CJ Mahaney this morning. I didn't feel so great at that point. I humbly asked my ds if he would like his quarters now OR if he wanted to try again in the morning. He choose to wait. Hopefully I will remember.

I was very humbled this morning. I have had some things on my mind recently that relate specifically to my family. But these are issues that need to be left in the hands of my dh AND they are issues that are revealing some discontentment in my heart. I have forget the children that are before me. My pride was revealed to me this morning and I am can only say "thank you" to the Lord for opening my eyes. There have been others areas where my pride has shown strong and bright. Why am I always seeking my own? Why am I always wanting that attention and recognition? Why am I always trying to place myself above the supremacy of God (which is CJ Mahaney definition of pride, by the way?) Oh sinner that I am. I have such a sense of God's grace on me right now. If not for Christ, I would get what I do deserve because of my pride. I would receive death. But Christ took that death for me. For that, I am grateful.

I am only in chapter 2 of "Humility: True Greatness". I am reading it for my care group which meets this Friday. Humility is actually something I have been praying for myself. My prayer has been centered around Philippians 2 where we see Christ's humility demonstrated to us through Paul's words. It's one of my favorite chapters. Obviously, I need so much more work.

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Philipians 2:3-11

Comments (1) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link

<- Last Page :: Next Page ->

I love having a place on the web to simply write out my thoughts. I am a wife and mother to 5 very special blessings ages 19 months to 9 yod and our "Finale" due in November '08. As I am growing through this season of my life, I hope to share how the Lord is teaching me to live by His daily grace and not by my own strength.

Links

Home
View my profile
Archives
Email Me

Template design copyright

Photoshop Brushes Credited to These Sites

Jan. 9, 2009 - Sisterly Love

Nov. 14, 2008 - The Finale is Finally Here!!!!!!!

Sep. 28, 2008 - The Most Expensive Child?

Sep. 25, 2008 - I Feel Like Crying

Sep. 10, 2008 - Struggling

Aug. 27, 2008 - Pregnancy Update and a sad loss

Aug. 27, 2008 - It's Worse than I Thought - protecting our daughters

Jul. 12, 2008 - Building Modesty in a Girl Begins Early

Jul. 7, 2008 - The Finale

Mar. 31, 2008 - Burning the House Down, Tornadoes, & Newborn Babies

Mar. 21, 2008 - I am SOOOOOO Sick!!!!!

Mar. 12, 2008 - Shutting Some Things Down

Feb. 4, 2008 - Si-Bay wants to share his Birthday cake

Jan. 18, 2008 - Birth Story Entry #1

Dec. 17, 2007 - Christmas Faux Pas

Nov. 28, 2007 - Boy Noises

Nov. 19, 2007 - Five Things I am Thankful For this Holiday

Sep. 18, 2007 - "Momsense" to start your morning

Sep. 11, 2007 - How to Know You are Maturing

Sep. 6, 2007 - Bad Mother of the Year. . . .AGAIN

Recent Posts

Links

Friends

Template design copyright