Jul. 2, 2008
My Mom
This entry will be dedicated to my mom who is a strong, awesome woman of God.
My mom is an awesome woman. She has been the strong one of the family. She might not think she is.
She has kept this family together. She has also helped me not to hate the guy that killed my dad. I had so much hatred that if he would still be alive I would go and give him a piece of my mind. But I can’t cause he is gone.
She has been a wonderful wife, mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, sister-in-law and so on. She has blessed so many people that she doesn’t even know it. For the funeral, right before it was finished she went up and call all of her kids and spoke maybe for 15 minutes and those 15 minutes was awesome. She ministered on how wives if you love your husbands tell them that cause you never know when it will be the last you hear from them. When she was finished she had a standing ovation. She said that it was God. I believe her cause she had a speech all prepared and she didn’t even use it.
Since we have been home, she has blessed us. She has ministered to us. She has shown us how to love her mate till the end. She still loves him and it hurts to see her in so much pain. A lot of times she is so strong that her emotions don’t show, but there are days that we talk and then cry cause it hurts so much that I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.
My days have been sitting around mom and absorbing her love for God and for her family. I keep thinking that this is a nightmare and that we will wake up and dad will be walking in the door saying “What’s for supper? And sorry that I worried everybody and that I was alright.” And then I realize that day will never happen again. But I know that I will see him again and I will still be able to learn the stuff that he wasn’t able to show me.
My 6 year old daughter had a dream one nite not long after dad’s accident. That her and Grandpa was sitting in a hallway and that they were visiting each other and that he told her to let us know that he was alright and not to worry that he was in a better place and that he was not hurting and that he loves us and he will see us soon. And then she got up and started walking away and that she was crying and that her heart was hurting. And then he went away. So when I’m down and out I think of her dream and have reassurance that I will see him.
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Jun. 16, 2008
A New Month
I will be here (Al.) for 1 month and then we should be going home. We will try to go home that day depends on how we feel the day we leave. Please keep our family in your prayers.
I pray that this hurting that I feel will go away. It has been hard for me to be at mom’s. Usually when we are here, dad was always with us. He is suppose to be coming home in the morning, but we know that will not happen. The first 3weeks went by so fast. It seems like it was just yesterday that the accident happened. Since we have been here at mom’s, which has only been 5 days, has felt like 2 months.
Father’s Day we were suppose to be celebrating it with the family. Mom and the girls were suppose to be coming down with dad on the 13th to spend Father’s Day with us. I bought him a card and wrote in it so I couldn’t bring it back. I told mom bout it and she will put it in a scrapbook that she bought to put all dad’s things that we found at the crash site.
I think of you often,
And always with love.
I think about
How hard you work,
And how much you do
For the family.
I remember
Things you’ve taught me
And times you’ve encouraged me,
And I see how your wisdom and caring
Have helped shape my life.
I look back
On favorite memories
That remind me how much
We’ve always meant to each other,
And always will….
There are so many times
When I think of you, Dad,
And feel proud
And thankful
And very lucky
You’re my father.
Happy Father’s Day
With Love,
Sandy
I could not have picked out a better card than the one that I got for dad.
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May. 26, 2008
Way to much stuff
Since I last wrote we have now finished the classroom. We just need to get in there and start. The day we were to start we got some really bad news, my dad was killed in a head on collision. Can't believe it. We were just having lunch with him on Mother's Day and now we are grieving so much that it hurts. The thing that gets me is how we don't know our appointed time to go. If we did I would not have let my dad go on that run that day. He would be here with us laughing and celebrating his 52nd birthday.
The day before dad's funeral I started to write a letter that was suppose to be read in front of everybody. I didn't finish it so it wasn't read. Mom kept telling me that I need to finish it. Well here it is. It is very long.
My dad is an awesome man. He is a loving husband, father, grandfather, brother, brother-in-law, uncle, friend, a hero. He was taken from us at an early age in a car accident. He would have been 52 on May 23. I am blessed that God has given me my father. He was an inspiration. He was my friend.
I remember when I was younger that one time I was bad for mom and when dad got home, dad had to discipline me. Mom was the one who usually did the discipline, but this time dad had to. He walked into my room and said that this is gonna hurt me more than it’s gonna hurt you. He barley spanked me and I cried like he would have beat me.
In high school, I was to go to homecoming and 2 days before I was suppose to go I got grounded. Mom said that I couldn’t go. Well dad being dad talked mom into letting me go. So when mom told me that I could go, but my dad had to be date. I was like if that is the only way I could go that was fine with me.
Growing up I had really good memories of dad, but it wasn’t till Hurricane Katrina hit that dad and I's relationship was better. You see 12 hours before Katrina hit that dad moved mom and the girls to Al. Dad was still a truck driver and tried to get a job over there but was unable. So I talked to my husband and had dad move in with us. He has been here for almost 3 years now, but I loved it. If I needed something, I would call dad. A lot of the time, dad would make me do it. I have learned to put up ceiling fans, install dishwashers, washers, dryers, build a classroom. Dad and I have been working on building a classroom. He framed it up. He showed me and helped me put up the insulation for the walls, the beams for the ceiling. He showed me how to put up ceiling tiles and moldings and flooring. Anything I needed done in the house, dad stood by me and walked me through step by step. I thank God for allowing dad to stay with us and to allow him to show me so many thing that I need to know. I felt selfish that I got to spend like almost the whole month with dad and he would go up to visit mom and my sisters maybe 4 days sometimes 8 days a month, depending on how he worked.
He was something with the kids. Dad would sleep in the same room as Lil’ Mitchell. Dad had the bottom bunk and when Lil’ Mitchell would climb up on the ladder, he would grab his feet and Lil’ Mitchell would scream. Dad did that everynite and Lil’ Mitchell knew that but he would still screamed. Dad meant everything to him. He looked up to him. When he needed help doing something, he would wait for dad to come home and he would ask dad to help him. No matter how tired dad was he always spent time with him.
Heather was dad’s little tom boy. Wherever dad went, Heather was there with him. He would come home and she would say guess what grandpa and he would say what and she would tell him what happened for the day with her. She would get so excited when he would come early and she would get to help him in the classroom. He was her everything. There were times that she wanted to go and ride on the truck runs with him. She would help him cut grass, help work in the garden, help him when he had to work on things at the house, where ever he was, she was there.
Hannah was different with dad. She would go and sit on him and always say that she loved him and that when he would go home to mom she would always say that she missed him and wanted him to come back home to us. She would sometimes go and ride with him when he would go and visit mom. When we would go and eat or go to church she had to ride with him. When he would drive up from a run I would holler “Grandpa’s home” she would be the first to meet him at the door. He loved it. When she would be at her granny’s he would ask for her. He would leave his pennies on the table and she would always get it first.
There is so much that I didn’t get to say to him that day. He came to church with us and then he came eat lunch with us and we had a great time. When he left Lil’ Mitchell wanted to go home with him and he said that he wasn’t going home that he had a run to go do. Then Hannah was like Grandpa you can put me in the back of the truck and nobody would see me. He told her that he couldn’t bring her. When he left I said to him “See you later at the house.” Little did I know that would have been the last thing I said or saw him. It is so hard for me to write this.
May 23 is my dad’s b-day. I wish he was here right now, so I could say that I Love Him. Never take that word I Love You for granted. Say it often and every time you have a chance tell your love ones that you love them cause you never know if that will be the last time you see them.
When it happened, I asked God, “Why?” I still have not gotten an answer. When I got the call that Monday morning (5-12-08) and was told that my brother was killed in a wreck I was like NO cause we haven’t talked to each other in over a year. I wanted to make peace with him before he died. And then mom called that they had the wrong person I was like thank you Jesus and when mom said that it was dad I was like Oh No! I can’t believe it that it has been 11 days and it feels like it was yesterday. There is so much that I need him to teach me and he isn’t here to show me what to do. God how I miss him so much. Everywhere I look in my house I am reminded of him. He had stuff in Lil’ Mitchell’s room, the bathroom, his bible on the table, a glass of water on the snack bar that I would knock over and water would go all over, his dirty clothes at the washer, his log books on the computer table. You walk out the back door the awesome classroom that him and I got to build together. I am so bless that he was there to teach me hands on, on how to do all the stuff that he was able to show me. I am blessed that my kids got to spend the last 2 ½ years with him. He will be missed. Hannah had a dream bout her grandpa and they were sitting in a hallway and they were talking and he told her to tell us that he is ok and that he is happy and not to worry bout him. They were talking for a while and then she got up walked away and turned back and he was fading away. So I’m not to worry cause I know where my dad is but I wish he was here to celebrate his birthday and then Father’s Day next month. He wanted to take my 12 year old (Lil Mitchell) on that run. Everynite at 7:00 we knew not to call mom cause dad is on the phone with her and he was asking her if it would have been a good idea to take Lil’ Mitchell with him and mom was like it is Mother’s Day and that he needed to be home with me. If he would have asked me I would have said yes. Thank God that he didn’t ask cause I would not only have lost my dad, I would have lost my son also. I thank God everyday for my family and tell them that I Love them as much as I can cause you never know when you last breath would be or the last time you see or talk to them.
Since dad‘s death they have had 11 people get saved at his funeral, a couple that was separated is now working it through, it has brought this family so close together that it is so scary. For his funeral it didn’t feel like a funeral, it was more of a church service. A lot of people felt uplifted when they left, not down and out like most funerals. I am blessed to have had my dad in my life for 32 years. Some kids don’t even know their fathers. I am proud to be the daughter of Elgin Joseph Lirette Jr.
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