I hate to admit it, but things went so smoothly after our initial LoveDown that I got a bit lax again.  By Sunday, I think there was a little more sassiness in responses to parents, more sluggish listening to parents, more complaining, more greed, more dissatisfaction.  Last night my wake up call was when I was on the phone with my sister, and heard the children respectively hollering commandingly about what must be done, and responsive explosive shrieking about perceived victimization and oppression.  I have also noticed the creeping disrespect and distancing from Christopher that is surely more dangerous and distressing than shrieking and hollering.  Sigh.

When will I learn?  At least the children are consistent in their response to my inconsistency.  I wish I could be that consistent (let's reward Mommy with her inconsistency by bossing, shrieking and not considering each other.  Every time. Let's add really sluggish obedience and pretend like we can't hear her voice when it's not about icecream, too, and so on).   Maybe they will train me to be a more faithful mom!

Last week, I also got up about 15 minutes earlier to work on paperwork--my Life Nemesis.  Amazingly, I finished an annual project in about 7 days of teeny bits of time before the kids get up.  Normally this project is something that I procrastinate for months, hating it all the while, and usually tempts--I said tempts--me to swear while I am at it.  It's done--packaged, and ready to go.  I have to consider seriously whether or not this 15 minute earlier rule should be implemented as a regular way of life to manage this despised abominable dismal portion of my life called "information management".  

This little habit also pushed my daily devotions later and shorter, by default.  It also helped me to be more consistent with my devotions, but they were less meaningful.

This morning, after my wake-up call last night, I did my devotions first, and what a blessing it was to sit at Jesus' feet and pour out my troubles to Him, repent of my sins, and receive His grace.   I then did my paperwork, and still got the kids up in time to spend about 15 minutes with Christopher just talking and snuggling, and finding out what is in his heart these days.  What a blessing to fbe restored and joyful.

After Christopher left for the historic farm camp he is attending this week, I had some time to restore Natalie to her pleasant self by having do chores until she could obey cheerfully and happily.  We are in harmony again.

Thank-you, Jesus.  Help us to walk in You--the Light--while we still have breath.  Help me to be faithful, and not become lazy so quickly.  Thank-You for using our children to face me up to my responsibilities and to my weakness of character, so that I might grow stronger and more graceful.

Well, today seems anticlimactic.  Yesterday, we had three long battles with Natalie over small things, which we kept up until she had given up and was her sweet self again.  

Yesterday, when we got back from BJs, Christopher offered to take all the groceries in--a very big job--because he is concerned that I am having contractions again, and he is interested in keeping the baby in Mommy's tummy for as long as possible.  At first I insisted that I help, but after one trip up the steps to the porch, I was having a rather hard contraction, so I let him do the work.  He was amazing.  Normally, he hates carrying groceries in, but he worked incessantly and enthusiastically without ceasing, until his work was done.  Natalie, who is normally my grocery-carrying trooper, slacked off a lot, and took some detours to our little playground.   Boy, did I feel cared for and loved!  I let him wear our medal of honor, and bragged up the cahoozies to Daddy when he came home.

Today seems anti-climactic.  I have had almost no opportunities for conflict, and have had a nice quiet day so far.  This (when things are going well) is when I tend to lose my vigilance and let things slide because I am so enjoying our awesome kids--and "how can I nitpick over this stupid little misdemeanor?!" mentality sets in, but it fools me every time.

I am enjoying our quiet summer.

This past week, I have been working on expressing love to our children when I discipline them.  Last night, I watched Shepherding  A Child's Heart  Video #2, the third session, and my main take away from that was to say, "I am not mad at you, I love you, and I love you too much to ignore that behavior."  Today I put it into practice, and I realized there were one or two times when I had to pause before I could say "I am not mad at you," because I really was frustrated.  It forced me to get control of my spirit and even then saying the words reminded me how much I love our kids, and why it's important to be faithful to discipline them. 

I am amazed at the heart response of our oldest son, especially.  He expressed so much love and responded so warmly the whole day.  At one point, both children were playing "kiss" with me. They would kiss me, and I would shriek, "Oh, NO! They GOT me!!" and they would laugh and kiss me again.  At some point, I said, "Well, we'd better finish cleaning up the jars and pots, or we won't be able to make the buttercream frosting!"  and I got up, and Christopher began crawling around, acting like his favorite ktity (Satsup), and was following me around, kissing my shins and knees.   One time, both were crowding around me, and I dropped a large lid on Christopher's head, and he began to cry.  I felt so terrible!  I picked him up and hugged him, expressed how sorry I was and asked him to forgive me (for being careless)."  He said, "Mommy, I forgave you already, right when you did it."   He is an incredibly dear child.

1.  God is amazing!  I am so thankful to Him for His grace.  I have been really floored by the magnitude of character it takes to raise children with good character.  Sometimes the word comes to my mind:  "Bankrupt".  It's me.  I don't have enough love, patience, consistency, strength, joy, discipine, imagination, creativity, to raise our precious children.  There are times when I am just going through the motions.  Yesterday, at the beginning of the day, both children were sleeping late, mercifully, and I just grabbed my Bible and meditated on Peter (1st or 2nd, I'm not sure).  I then prayed for two things--1 for parenting strength and wisdom, and two for help in controlling my eating.

All I can say is that God answered my prayer.  My love and affection for our children is refreshed, and I am reminded to MEAN WHAT I SAY AND SAY WHAT I MEAN!  It is so easy to slide into believing that "they really didn't hear that...they really can't obey the first time.....etc."   And how surprised our children were when I shortened the tether---the tether that I've been tugging at with all of my own strength for a long time, and losing my grip.  How His strength is so different!  He is full of power and love, and He enabled me for a full day.  I understand that I need about 6,570 days (18 more years) of days like this one. 

I can't stress out about whether or not I'm going to fail again, and if anyone has suggestions on how to strengthen my consistency, please let me know.  What I am doing right now is rejoicing that my Savior is still powerful and mighty to save and rescue me, that I can be a vessel, and not the main menu.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for reaching out to me, and blessing me and our house with Your grace and salvation.  I of all people do not deserve anything, and You have set my feet in a new place.  Please help me to stand in You and for You.  Please make my life worth something of eternal value.

In Jesus Precious Name,

Lori

2.  Christopher had soooooo many questions about Jesus tonight, and life, and death, and the resurrection.  I tried to answer everything straightforwardly, until he seemed satisfied.  I didn't just want him to have head knowledge without responding, so I asked him if he wanted to pray to Jesus, and he did.  I helped him to pray before going to sleep.   His heart is so much softer now, and I pray that God will continue to tug at his heart and help him to grow spiritually.

3.  If this isn't enough blessing for two days, Christopher has started to read!  We have been going over the '-at' family (cat, sat, bat, etc.).  He wanted to add 'o' and 'u', so we went over the "-ot" and '-ut' family, and then he switched it to the '-un' family spontaneously.  He is not reading books yet, but he is beginning to sound things out on a very simple level.  He's pretty excited to show off to daddy at supper time.

4.  We went biking today down the river, and stopped at  a public water fountain and waded around in it.  What fun!  I was relieved the security guard didn't seem to mind us wading. 

Good night!

Lori

Highlight from Sunday's sermon: Great detail was given to recording how Solomon's temple was built--many verses on the outer structure and a sudden message from God to Solomon to obey My commands, walk in them, and then back to the inner structure of the temple.  The temple was never in the running for the Seven Wonders of the World.  Its glory was not in its structure, but in God's presence.  God's promise to Solomon was (paraphrased) "If you obey my commands, I will be the God of Israel and will never forsake them."  Solomon, in fact, did not obey, and half the kingdom was wrested from him, and God indeed did scatter His people and abandon His temple.

So, what's the relevance?  I have been spending so much effort on the structure of routines.  The purpose is to glorify God through being a mom.  To teach our children His Word and ways, to build relationship, to honor my husband, to redeem the time so that they do not slip away before I know it.  Recently certain events have upset my routines, and I keep coming back to them, but I've been reminded that even routines can become an idol or a source of stinking pride.  Yes, structure is good, but if God's presence is not here, then the routines produce abject slavery.  I also need to obey God in every circumstance, not my routines.

Dear Heavenly Father, I confess that I would rather follow a set of rules than to worship You--to master my little world than to love the Master of the entire world.  I turn my heart towards You, knowing that unless You turn my heart also by Your Holy Spirit, my turning is futile.  Please work in my heart to be true to You--to unite my heart to fear Your name.  Place Your Word in my heart, and your love in my heart, that when I am stretched and jostled, that Your Love and Holiness would spill out.  I do not like being jostled.  I don't like to be stretched, but I ask that You would sanctify me according to Your Word.  Open my eyes to see wonderful things in Your Law, and in You.  Help me to know You, and open doors for me to serve and worship You, and then enable and empower me to do it.  Please help me to be faithful and eat only what is necessary for my body's health, and please help me to love my husband and children wisely, and please help me to find a way to be kind to the needy and to build your church.

Love,
Lori

Proverbs 12:24 "Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in slave labor."

Proverbs 31:15, 17, 18:  "She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls...She sets about her work diligently; her arms are strong for her tasks.  She sees that her trading is profitable and her lamp does not go out at night."

Dear God, please help me to learn consistent discipline.  I have wanted the fruits for twenty-two years, and I'm still trying to acquire this character quality.  It is time for me to stop playing, stopping/starting, and grow up in this area.  You know my weakness, and You love me still, yet I cannot break Your beautiful law of reaping what I sow--I can only break my household against the law with poor choices.    Please give me strength, wisdom, and consistency to bless my family, especially my husband; to be an example to my children, and to train and teach them faithfully, to be able to laugh at the days to come!  Imagine that!  In Jesus' name, Amen