Finally we're back in the cyber-world again! We moved four weeks ago and the day before yesterday was the big "back-on-the-internet"-day. I spend more than two hours in the darkest of night (really dark - most of our lamps have to short electric cord to use in this new apartment...) catching up on my favorite-blogs and e-mail-lists.
Still there are much to much things to find a place for, and a lot of boxes to unload, but we can live here and even do school. We finally have a school-room, with a table for the computer and bookshelfs for all the childrens books that I've collected through the years and a working table for me and the kids. There's even left a little spot on the floor for Mini-bror to play at.
I so much love to have more space around me. The kids still fuss, but not so much with each other anymore; they can find their own place when they want to be by them selves for a while.
The only problem is the outings. Lille-bror describs it like this: "Mom, can't we move back to our old place where the other children wasn't so angry and sad all the time?!"
I guess I'm the only mother (who's not on drugs or alcohol) that let my children out alone, sometimes it makes me feel like a bad mother - but hey, how to raise brave kids when you're afraid about everything all the time. But I will have to follow them much more here than I did were we lived before. On the other hand - Mini-bror will have to have outside time too, so I will have to go out with him anyway. |
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My parents in law have been here for four days to help us start the moving to our new apartment.
It has been three days of hard work with cleaning the new flat, packing most of our books into boxes and even moving about 25 boxes and some of the smaller furniture that we not really need to the new place.
I am so grateful that they offered to help us, but now when they on their way home again, I do enjoy the quietness of being just the five of us at home (and everybody less than 25 years tucked in to sleep... ).
The final move will be on saturday, 14 days from now, and hopefully my parents and my brothers 11-yo-twins, will be able to come and help us together with some of our friends to help us carry the piano and other heavy stuff.
The older of the twins is a big and really strong boy, while the younger one is much shorter and rather thin. My sister in law commented upon the fact that my boys look much more like each other though they are 17 month apart in age than her twin-boys that are just one minut apart. They don't even look like siblings!
The next two weeks will be rather busy with packing and trying to get everything ready for the big move. Let's hope for nice weather - then the boys can play outside while I'm packing boxes! |
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The past three years we have lived in the middle of the most beautiful parts of Sweden. In the middle of nature and still just thirty minutes of walk to reach the stone-city of Stockholm. So much room outside in the forest and the fields - and so little space in our tiny flat. A four room apartment (three bedrooms) and just 73 sq meters.
But now: A six room apartment with five bedrooms in two floors and 150 sq meters waits for us in an other part of town. But no forest, no lake, no sea-shore. Well, one usually can't have it all at the same time and for now we really need more space more than we need beautiful nature. There is nature within walking distance, just not so beautiful as we have now, so we can still do our nature-studies. We will have to learn different kinds of gras instead of trees. 
We have spent the entire month of June with my parents-in-law and my own parents at their places. Both of our families live in houses, not apartments, and both have big gardens around their houses - the boys have been running around all days. Now when we are back in our own little flat I can so much feel our need for more space. And the Lord is good - we're moving in three weeks. |
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Jun. 11, 2008 I'm so pleased
A little more than a year ago we lost a tiny baby, not much bigger then a thumb. I only saw him on an ultrasound screen, but he was the most beautiful and perfect little baby you can imagine - only one thing - there was no twinkling heart beat to be seen.
We lost a baby, I lost 2,5 litre blood (more than 50% of my blood), my husband almost lost his wife and Storebror and Lillebror were close to become motherless, though we never told them that.
The months that followed was hard. I was on bedrest for six weeks, with no ability for the simpliest multi-tasking - I couldn't even remember how to make breakfast for myself, much less for my children. Before my mother in law, and later my mother came to help me I started out by putting the plates on the table, got side-tracked and found the plates on the table half an hour later without knowing what to with them. It took two weeks with constant help until I was so much better that I actually could start to rest. The first weeks I was so tired and upset that I had to put the timer on 15 minutes and force myself to stay on the sofa and try to rest otherwise I would get up and start trying to do something again after just a couple of minutes. My mind was so tensed that I couldn't even rest!
During the summer my body recoverd, but in my mind I had a lot of fear:
Fear of death, thinking about what might had happen if...
Fear of life, thinking about what might happen if...
Every night when the fear caught me, my husband had to hold me and pray until the fear lost its grip.
Finally I came to the conclusion that I couldn't live in fear any more, or I would turn crazy. The Lord reminded me that I never had, nor will have, a promise of a long, healthy life on earth, only a promise of eternal life in heaven. I realised that my fear was lack of trust in Gods mercy and goodness. And at last I decided I had to let God be God and start living among the living again... A couple of weeks later we found out that we once again were expecting a child.
On the 30:th of April our fourth child was born. The delivery was easy, the child healthy and the only emotion in my heart was a strong feeling of satisfaction. I am so pleased, so pleased with the boy the Lord in His mercy has given me, so pleased! Please celebrate with me the goodness of His mercies, the splendor of his works, for everything He does is beautiful in its time. There was a time for mourning, now is a time for celebration!
"He turned my mourning into dancing again, he lifted my sorrow. I can't stay silent, I must sing for His joy has come." |
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Jun. 10, 2008 I'm a blessed woman!
Two days after our third son was born I met some of the other women at the playground outside our house. As women often do, we came to talk about pregnancy and childbirth. They asked about my last delivery and when I told them that I woke up at 2.00 a.m. and that he was born at 4.04 am, one of the women said: "You're a really blessed women!" (Both her deliveries were more then 20 hours,,,)
And yes, I am a blessed woman!! Two hours of labour and then an other two hours of rest with my precious newborn son and my dear husband, a nice warm shower and then I felt in better shape than for the last two month of my pregnancy! I could even walk without crutches again. |
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Jun. 9, 2008 Let me introduce "Minibror"...
... our third son, baby brother to Storebror and Lillebror.
Born on Wednesday 30 April at 04.04 in the morning.
54 cm and 4200 gram.
Today he is 40 days and I've decided it is time to start my normal routines again including the internet ;)
We have named him just like his two older brothers with one typically old swedish name, one name from our families and one name that is just his own. In a later post I will write more about naming our children, but for now I just tell you the meaning of his own name: "The Lord has given" And that is how we feel about him - the Lord has given him to us to love and cherish. We are so thankful! |
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Mar. 7, 2008 Answer to Phyllis
Phyllis, I've been lurking on your blog the whole winter, following your way from Russia to USA. I enjoy your blog a lot, but I haven't had energy to update my own... I borrow your format if you don't mind!
/Malgomaj
Good news: The baby (due on April 23) is kicking a lot and obviously alive!!
Bad news: I'm to old to be pregnant ;) My joints can't take the extra weight so well, and for the moment I'm a boring mother to my two boys, since my hips refuse to go out for long walks...
Good news: From easter and on I will have relatives here to help me with the boys!!
Bad news: We're also going through what seems to be a constant cold. A nose rinning, a sore throat, an ear in pain. We take turn on having the symptoms one at a time...
Good news: It's almost spring in the air! Praise God: the colds will be gone in a month as the sun comes back to the Nordic countries!!
Bad news: Boys behave bad when mother is to tired to "homeschool" them enough. Too little stimuli makes two boys too busy with mischiefs...
Good news: That can, ought and will be changed!
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Sep. 13, 2007 No pictures yet!
| I've just added a flickr-link, but I haven't had the time yet to fill my flickr-account with any "public" pictures, so you'll better wait a couple of days before you try it... |
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Sep. 11, 2007 Finally back on track again!
Well, my cold turned out to be a loooong one! Thursday was the first day I felt ok in two weeks. But at the same time Storebror got a children's disease that we call "Vattkoppor". I haven't been able to find its english namne. He got a ligth fever, but small spots on the body with "water" in them that are very, very itchy, so he couldn't sleep for two nights. And guess what? I couldn't neather...
But yesterday everybody was OK again. We're waiting for Lillebror to take his turn with those itchy spots, but it could take up to 20 days, so we probably got about week first with everybody feeling ok.
We didn't go to "swimming-school" though, I guess the other parents would have found it unpleasant with the look of Storebror's scratched body... Next week his skin should have healed though, and probably without any scars left.
Well, I obviously didn't learn a lot vocabulary about being sick when I was in school... so I guess I stop now.
Have a nice day!
/Malgomaj |
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Aug. 30, 2007 It's ok for just one day...
Today I woke up late, at 7 am, with a temperature, red nose and a sore throat. I went with sleepy eyes to the washing room in the basement of our house. It's a shared washing room and I'm sure I scared the other lady almost to death by my pure existens. Un-washed, un-combed hair, unfitting clothes on and a big sack of dirty clothes with...
The rest of the morning I hardly remeber, I know I fell asleep on the couch after lunch while the kids played at the computer in the same room. Late in the afternoon, I woke up, gathered the boys and their helmets to go out to have some air. And sat myself in the autumn-sun while they cycled around the block for about one and a half hour.
Then we once again sat infront of the screen to see some christian childrens program. It was actually quite good, so we saw all there was to see. Ate some bread and butter and fruit and now the boys are sleeping, and me too in ten minutes...
Not a good day!
But:
We haven't been fighting, I've been sleeping and so I'm feeling better, the boys have behaved pretty well the whole day!
And:
Tomorrow's a new day - and I hope - a new day with a not-so-sick mother. It's time for this infection to heal now, please! |
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Aug. 28, 2007 Beautiful for its time
We've had a quite good week-end, though both me and DH have a sore throat and are very tired due to some simple infection that he caught on his last journey. I guess we'll both recover within a couple of days.
Yesterday I took the kids to the swimming-class again. While they practiced I got the chance to swim some on my own. I like to swim, but it's been years since last time so after 300 meters I was t-i-r-e-d and with my feet aching. The water was warm enough to swim but as soon as I stopped to swim I started to feel cold and my feet cramped so I had to go and sit in the sauna until it was time to pick the boys up again. Well, I like the sauna too, so I shouldn't complain about it ;)
Today we've been doing our "phonics" and our readings in the morning. At lunch both of the boys played their violins and then we ate together. So it seems like a good day, don't you think? The only problem is that we should be outside by now, but nobody wants to go out, not me and definitely not the boys. They are enjoying themselves with imaginary playing in the living room. I guess it'll take some time to bring the room back to shape before dinner, but it can't take more than 15 minutes and as FlyLady says: " You can do anything for 15 minutes!" so I guess it's alright ;)
For the first time in several weeks the sky is clouded with rain it's windy and the trees start to turn yellow and loose the leaves. Signs of autumn. Summers over for this year. But Storebror said yesterday: "Do you know mum, I start to long for winter when it is so many sunny and warm days at a row." So I guess everything is beautiful for its time.
When we started last term in January I was pregnant with the child we lost in May. He was due to be born in a about six weeks. Well, he's resting with the Lord. And we've started a new term and we're counting the weeks once again. For the moment I'm in "the diamond ring-stage". I just found the expression at Sprittibee, isn't it beautiful. (Look at Aug 24 on her homepage.) |
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Aug. 23, 2007 An other day
The boys had a play-date this afternoon. Two girls 3 and 5 yo that lives in our block was invited to come and play. We pick them up at day-care at 2.15 and went home to have an afternoon snack and to play until 4.45.
2,5 h is quite a long time, but they did great and got along very well. To night it was easy to tuck the boys to bed :) I guess we need to do this more this term. They need to play with other children in peace, without the constant rush that is at the play-ground.
Storebror still says that he miss day-care and that he wants to run away to day-care, but he has stopped to accually do it like he did last year. He is a very social child and he loves to be in the leading of a hole bunch of kids, but he is not mature enough yet to make it without being angry when somebody doesn't want to "dance to his pipe". At day-care he was in constant fights with the other kids and with the care-givers too. But this year at home has definately done a lot of good. I do wish we could go on at least 3-4 years until we have to send him to school. Well, he doesn't have to start school until he is 7 yo so that gives us at least an other two years at home, even though all of the kids in his age will start Year 0 next autumn. It will be hard though to explain to him why his friends at the play-ground take the bus in the morning to go to school and he doesn't...
Now it's 10.00 pm. Time to go to sleep! |
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I've made a chore-chart for my kids with 29 things they have to accomplish every day. I know it sounds awfully lot - at least if your swedish and don't even have a word for chores. But our chart has a lot of fun too, like playing a board-game with me in the evening and of course a lot of necessities like "go potty", "put on your clothes", "brush your teath". So it is only a couple of things that are new for them, like a simple daily cleaning mission and putting out tomorrow's cloths before they go to bed.
I made one for myself in that I've used since January, so they kind of knew what it was when they got them this morning. We've made a contest: Boys against mummy. it's pretty fair since I have about twice as many things on my list than they have. Today I woke up late, and so they won: 54-43...
I better go to bed now, if I'm gonna have any chance tomorrow!
Good night! |
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Aug. 20, 2007 School has begun
Today was the first day of our new school-year, the second year at home. Looking back they seem so much bigger now than a year ago.
Storebror is 5,5 y and reading almost fluent. He knows how to ride a bike. He can dial his grand-parents when he wants to. He can eat with fork and knife, but still refuses to do it... He has become a good teacher to his younger brother, and he seems to be content with his life.
Lillebror turned 4 in July and is no more a "Little brother" but a big boy. He is tall and slim. Most people understand most of what he says, but he still has great problem with f, sh and r (in swedish it is common with a "rolling" r - "tounge-tip-r"). If you remind him about it, he can say the s in "STockholm", but usually he just say "Tockholm" or "Tart" for "STart". That could be confusing at many times, but by now he understands that we don't understand him and he tries to either improve his speech or describe the word he can't pronaunce. Last year he just repeated the same word over and over again until he got angry or started to cry. He knows most of his letters, he likes to count, to sing, to jump, to climb and he talks, talks, talks...
So, what did we do for school? Not much since my mother was visiting, but we read a bible-story, a book about the skeleton and a easy-reader in english "A Big Car". And we took a look at the new phonics-books. Lillebror was very, very pleased to have his own book this year!
And then it was time for the big event: The SWIMMING-SCHOOL. I have enrolled them for a beginners swimming-class for ten Mondays. It was great fun! Both boys managed to behave and do as their teacher told them, well at least for the 42 first minutes... Then Storebrors patience was gone, but it was only three minutes left and he just didn't have time to do a great fuss ;)
Now, both sleep and so should I...
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Jun. 15, 2007 Six weeks later
Since my miscarrige six weeks ago, I've been on an hormonal roller-coaster with constant ups and downs. It is pretty funny though to realize that all those strong emotions are mostly chemically caused. (Not so funny for my dh to find me in tears in the most odd situations, trying to comfort me out of a grief that is more my body's than my heart's or thoughts'.)
I've been rather at peace with the tought that our child is with the Lord. We have even namned it "raised by the Lord" (Well, that's the meaning of the name, not the name itself.) Our boys sometimes talk about their "little sibbling at home in heaven". They didn't know I was pregnant but we decided to tell them what had happened while I was at the hospital. They would have been more confused about a mother crying for a un-known reason than to know why I was tired, tired, tired and why they had to be with grand-ma alldays while I was at home doing nothing.
Slowly my body is gaining strength and I'm on my way back to "normal". The hardest part has been to trust again. Trust the Lord to be willing to bless me or even to sustain me.
During that night at the hospital I literally heard my life dripping out of my body, (about 1 liter blood in 7 minutes while the doctor examined me) and I've had to work through the memories of being left to walk alone in the big, closed hospital with no-one to help me if I would faint. The taxi left me at the common emergency entrance and I had to walk through the hospital by myself, constantly bleeding, to get to the ob/gyn-entrance. On the other hand: I wasn't afraid that night, just determined to walk those corridors and stairs and reach the ob/gyn-emergency before it was too late.
I was well aware then of the Lords mercy and all the angels looking after me. But later on when I've told this to other people and seen their terrified faces I realised that I acctually was in great danger at least from a human point of view. I've felt a great need to being cared for and most nights my dh have held me like a child in his arms until I've fallen asleep.
It's like walking on a line. On one hand I need to be honest with the pain I've gone through, but on the other hand I need to be as honest with the fact that I wasn't forsaken for one single second. The Lord was caring for me that night just like He has cared for me all my life, since I was that twinkling heart-beat inside my mothers womb. Deep down I know that I do Him wrong when I say I was in danger. How can a human be in danger when the Allmighty is protecting her?
But what if He decides to stop protecting me? What if He decides that I'll loose next child, and next and next... For me that has been the hardest part - to remain trustful without knowing what the future will be. Now as I gain strength and my brain starts to work a little bit better I can see that nothing really has changed. I didn't now anything about the future six weeks ago either, and I'll have to live my life trusting Him to sustain me just as I did before. I have to trust Him to be faithful to His own words that His thoughts for me is love and peace, to give me future and hope.
I don't know why this happened to us. I only know that I want to live my life trusting and grateful to my Lord. I didn't choose this way - He chose it for me. I've learned many things about myself and my relatives during these weeks. But it still hurts when I see a woman with that "in-the-middle-of-pregnancy-beautiful-belly".
Since yesterday I'm supposed to be well again, as the six weeks of (bed-)rest the doctor ordered has passed. I must admit that I'm not as good at resting as I am at being lazy... So I guess I better try to re-establish my routines once again. It acctually is less hard to do what has to be done at once, instead of procrastinate the work until it almost is to late. |
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May. 27, 2007 My mother (and my grandmother!)
Today is Mother's day in Sweden, so here comes a little about my mother:
My mother was born as the fourth (and last) child of a police-man in northern Sweden 65 years ago. Her mother was the second wife of my grandfather, since his first wife had died, leaving two small children a boy and a girl. My Grand-father re-married and some years later an other pair of children was born, my mother and her four years older brother.
When my mother was about two and a half year her mother died, and my grandfather hired nurses to care for the small children. It didn't work out too well, so he advertised in the christian newpaper for a woman to come and stay in the family to "mother" the children, especially my mother who was very unsecure, in bad health and with no ability to eat by herself, in spite of her age (she was by then about four years).
A woman from Gothenburg came to be "the new Mrs Policeman" and became the mother my mother was in such desperate need of. The doctors told her that "if she could make a healthy child out of that girl, she would have done great work". My mother still remembers how she was fed spoon by spoon by her new "mamma".
At those days nobody talked much about this kind of trauma, and I guess my grand-mother just did her very best to love that little girl back to life, and I'm absolutely sure that she spend time and time again in prayer for her girl.
Twenty-two years later my mother met my father and they decided to marry after only six month of dating. But to submit to my mothers parents they didn't marry until she finished her education an other six month later. They celebrate their 40th anniversary this summer!
Two years later, I was born and then my younger brother. We were raised by a couple that had their ups and downs, but had promised each other to stay until last breath. The past ten years they have had to live in different villages due to work (in nothern Sweden you can't just "find a new job" in whatever village you want to) and still they are best friends. Now they finally are pensioners and enjoy each others company every day. They have two children, five grand-children, they have refugees from all over the world calling them "mom and dad in Sweden".
If the woman, who was willing to give up her life to become my grand-ma could see her little step-daughter now, I'm sure she would cry for joy. Her little girl, whom the doctors gave such little hope, have become an adult that has not only been able to care for her own children, but also have helped many other teens and young adults in her work as a high-school/pre-college teacher. She has a great heart for those kids that other teachers find hard to teach.
I'm proud of my mother. She could so easily have just accepted that she had a tough start in life and refused to become all that she actually became. I know she's been a very beloved teacher, especially to those with dyslexia, since she is dyslectic herself. Still she has about 10 years of university studies in different subjects after her first college-exam. Most of those courses has she taken at the same time as she worked nights at the hospital and took care of me and my brother. (When I was about 12 years I used to proof-read her papers, since it was no computers with spell-check in those days and my mothers spellig and grammar was rather weak.) And still as a senior-teacher she continued to educate herself in new areas to become a better teacher. She still helps the younger teachers at her school a couple of hours every other week with making curriculas etc. I admire her ability to work hard, and to achieve her goals.
Since 1992 we have lived in different parts of Sweden, and we have only met for holidays and vacations, but now as a pensioner she has the possibility to come and stay with us for two weeks as I recover from my mis-carrige. I love my mother and I am forever thankful to my grandmother for mothering her so well that she could become my mother!
Writing this post is my way to "stand up in the gates of the city and call her blessed". Proverbs 31:10-31
/Malgomaj |
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May. 23, 2007 Reasons to home-school #2
The usually over-crowded bath-house is almost empty!
We went to the bath-house yesterday. I'm not allowed to bath yet, but I sat at the pool and watched my kids and M-I-L having a great time in the water. The kids loved to have all the funny stuff for themselves. And at the same time they was really interested in the 10-y-o kids who was there with their teachers to learn to swim better. Storebror and Grandma made their own swimming-race to imitate the older kids, so much fun! |
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May. 23, 2007 On my way back
Today I managed to make pan-cakes and putting on the washing machine while I waited on the pancakes to bake in the pan. Go me!
You might think that it wasn't such a great achivement, but for three weeks it has been totally impossible for me to multi-task anything, really anything. If the telephone rang while I brushed my teeth I lost the tooth-brush and forgot what I was doing, and then later found it near the telephone wondering which of my sons to accuse for robbing it out of the bathroom...
My M-I-L is doing a great job with the boys, and I slowly start to feel that I'll be able to handle them and the house by myself again. She'll stay until Friday and then my mother will come on Mondayevening, but that was planned long before I lost the baby, and I'll attend a conference on music theory during her stay. But still it will be easier for me to sit on a chair, listening to interesting talks, than to chaise my dear sons when they (tri-)cycle around in the neighbourhood!
No, I usually don't chase them, but even Lillebror on his tri-cycle can ride pretty fast and far, so you'll have to have your best walking shoes on to catch up on them! ;)
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I know I'm supposed to bed-rest right now, but I just found this. I enjoy reading Mother Auma's blog "CM, Children and lots of Grace" and I would like to remember this question.
Now I'm off to bed. Promise.
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May. 17, 2007 Lord, I thank you for our families!
Yesterday my MIL came by train to visit us. She should have come today (it's a public holiday in Sweden), but when she heard how tired and sick I still am, she took a day off work and re-sheduled her tickets. I'm so grateful for my family. Just thinking about our current situation without our families makes me panic. But, thanks to God, they are here for us.
I've never before asekd my mother to come and help me with the kids and the house, but when I woke up from surgery I realised this has to be the first time. So ma and pa drove 10 h ( 800 km) and came late at night the same day and stayed for five days. She's been baby-sitting them once before, but then I was in good shape and everything was laid out to them... not this time. Our home was, if not a disaster, at least a good mess.
The same goes for my MIL, though she have had them more at her place. (She is 10 years younger than my mother and more fond of babies/toddlers.) So when she came yesterday it was hard for me to let her "take over". Just one little example: Since I was down-town to do my exam (se last entry) I went to meet her at the railway station and guide her through the sub-way jungle. At the first stairs I reached out to carry her lugage for her as I usually would. And it took me some seconds to realise why she didn't let me do it... Well, I'm glad she didn't let me - I was exhausted when we came home again.
Today my FIL and SIL (the kids beloved auntie) will join the crowd and everyone, but me, is gone to meet them at the railway. They'll stay just three days, till Saturday night, but MIL will stay at least until Wednesday and then my mother comes back on the Monday after that. So I won't have to endure so many days at home alone with the kids. And my husband won't have to take so much time off work.
He is the oldest at his workplace (27 y) and no one else has wife and kids. Just a few of them have a girlfriend at all, so to them this is crazy. Since he is project manager and the one to decide what everybody is going to do, it's hard for the rest to be producive. So his boss told him they rather hire an au-pair for me than have him use his legal right to take care of his children while I'm sick!
My DH, wisely answered that it was fine with him as long as the boss did a quality-check on the nursemaid first - and the boss realised that he just didn't now anything about children, and definitely nothing about how to evaluate a nursemaid. So I don't think they will object any more if DH has to take the kids sometimes the next week ;)
Now it's time for me to rest - laying on my bed, trying to sleep - it's boring, but I do realise it is necessary if I ever will be strong again.
I am so thankful for our families!
/Malgomaj |
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