"It is, no doubt, impossible to prevent his praying for his mother, but we have means of rendering the prayers innocuous. Make sure that they are always very "spiritual", that he is always concerned with the state of her soul and never with her rheumatism." C.S. Lewis The Screwtape Letters 

I have been thinking all week about the school that I graduated from. Just trying to sort out all the memories and the way they taught us doctrine. At the same time this week, I have been reading a book called Dear Jennifer by Marylyn K. Stout. The book is written as a memoir from her mother. It's Jennifer's published journals and diaries. Jennifer went to be with the Lord in a car accident in early 1997. She was studying to be a missionary. I went to school with Jennifer. She was a year younger than me and we became friends the last four months before I graduated. Her father was a associate pastor so she was into the doctrine more than I was. Before I became her friend, I always thought of her as extremely devout and a goody-good and not good enough to be her friend. She always seemed so cheerful that it had to be fake. It wasn't. She was full of joy. She tried hard always to please the Lord. She became an inspiration to me in that short time. Then I graduated and left. A few months later, the senior pastor fired her father over some silly and unfounded accusations that he was never allowed to defend. She moved away with her family her senior year and eventually went to a series of colleges, trying to find God's purpose for her life. In the book she transforms from knowing about God to really knowing God. She matures and makes her faith her own, and falls in love with Jesus.

But in this book, I finally figured out what bothered me so much about the crazy theology. The church, school board, and staff all saw us as souls to save. Just a number to make God happy. It was out of duty rather than love that shared the Gospel. I never felt that they loved us completely. We were just sinners who needed saving. Now please don't get me wrong here. We do need God's salvation! But it should not begin there or end there. It should be loving the person. And when we love the person, we can't help but want to love them into the Kingdom. And then continue to love them to make disciples. It really reminds me of the C.S. Lewis quote above. We must be interested in the whole person. They said that God loved us but never had the love to share. So many of the kids saw right through it and rebelled. Perhaps that is why so many of my classmates turned their backs on God. Maybe it wasn't so much the crazy rules, but that they never felt loved and accepted and encouraged to grow in Him.