Homeschooling mom to be.

Graciousness....a lost art?

Wow, I've had a lot of thinking to do these past few days.  It all involves a couple I know in a really new relationship...as in the past two months new.  I'll have to give you a bit of background before I can properly explain.  The young man I've known for years and years.  He has always been extremely respectful and chivalrous.  This extended to all ages and groups and types.  It's simply in his nature.  He's also had a lifelong dream of buying some land and building his own house.  In the past year, he finally purchased a lot of land, designed a house, and had it approved for blueprints.  He was to start building this spring.

Ok, so here's where my concern comes in.  He was here to visit with his new girlfriend, and offered to take her dishes to the kitchen for her, since he was already up.  She turned her back on him, and said "no, I can do it myself".  That in itself is not a big problem, but it's not allowing him to do for her what is in his nature to do.  I did not find it a very gracious response in the least.  No one questioned whether or not she was capable of doing it herself, and would it have hurt her to graciously allow him to offer this service to her?

The other concern is this: after all that time, effort, money and excitement, it sounds as though he's not going to build his house after all.  It sounds as though she will finish her degree this fall, and she wishes to continue her education in another part of the country.  I suspect this is why he's not continuing with his plans, he wants to go where she's going to school.  I guess I just question how healthy this is.  Especially since the relationship is so new.  If it were a time-tested relationship where there was a lot of depth and committment, I could see how they might come to this compromise.  I'm just worried that he's doing all of this when it may not work out.  Perhaps I'm making more of it than I should, but I honestly have to question this.

I wonder if he's doing this to please her.  But I wonder also whether he'll be happy in the long run, having given up his dream.  I always thought that the woman followed her husband (if that's where this will lead them).  As I said, I do realize that I may be making too much of this.  The girl is really a very nice, friendly girl, very appreciative of services others do for her.  I find nothing wrong with her personally, I just wonder if they were really meant to be together.  Of course, it's not my place to question that if they have prayed about it and believe that to be the case.  I don't know if I should approach the man with my concerns, or just leave it be.  I do pray about it a LOT.  Hmmm...it's very confusing.

Mama J.

Untitled Comment

10:09 AM, May. 8, 2008 .. Posted by Arby

It's always tough to watch someone go through something like this. We watched a guy we know get married to a woman who was (and is) the poster child for Prudishness. The Boss and I decided that we could bring the entire wedding to a screeching halt if we just purchased him a girlfriend for one night. Obviously, we would never do that, and did not. They've been married for years and seem to be content. Not happy, but content. Sometimes we just have to live, and let other people live.