Homeschooling mom to be.

What have I gotten Myself Into?

Well, these adjustments are harder than I thought they would be.  Or maybe I just have unrealistic expectations.  I had a big homesickness issue on Monday night.  I wanted to go home!!!  I miss our independence as our own little family.  I think, no matter how old you get, when you live with your parents (or your husbands' parents) you feel this ingrained need to work extra hard and explain yourself all the time.

Anyway, I'm finding that it's going to be extremely difficult to teach my girls the delicate balance that sometimes needs to be kept in relationships.  The balance between keeping the peace, and asserting yourself when there's genuinely a problem.  The balance between speaking firmly, but in love when those problems do get addressed.  The difference between love bearing all things and becoming a doormat.  Not that I'm becoming a doormat, don't get me wrong.  But some personalities find it easier to become one than to deal with the dread of the inevitable confrontation and possible criticism, however founded or unfounded it may be.

Sigh, it's going to be a really, really long winter.  I really want to do what's right and make this work.  But I want to be on our own again too!  I'm also afraid of putting my husband in the middle if his parents and I don't agree.  Not that it would be intentional for me to do that, but he would naturally feel an obligation to be involved.  He would feel the need to defer to his parents because they're older, they were here first, they're his parents.  But he would feel the need to defend me if the fault does not lie with me.  It's really complicated, and there are so many facets that come up.  I truly want to keep the peace and do my duty as a wife and mother, but it is going to be really challenging.  I'm having to come up with ways to work around obstacles I never anticipated, and some of them make me shudder. 

However, having said all that, I am thankful that we have some breathing space during the summer months.  His parents go to their trailer to relax every weekend.  It's not that we don't get along, but of course, there's that old saying about too many cooks in the kitchen.  I realize this sounds like a lot of complaining, but it's really not.  I'm just beginning to grasp what lies ahead of me, and it's a little daunting.  I tend to be an overreactor, even if it is justified.  I'm an emotional person, and so it stands to reason that my reactions would be emotional as well.  I try to counter that by walking away, but unfortunately, that can be construed as rude by the other party.  So I often find myself blamed for things that were never my intention to put forth.

Ok, I'm going to stop now because it's beginning to sound too much like a teenaged "nobody understands me" sob story.  Lol, this was actually meant to be a positive thing, because as I realize these things, I can be better prepared to find a way to deal with them.  The children are adjusting slowly.  They sleep through the night, which they didn't after our last move.  They go to sleep later than usual, and wake up really, really early.  They don't have much appetite these days, and they don't seem to know what to do with themselves.  But that will work itself out as they become accustomed to the idea that this is their home now.

I've been asked to host our weekly Bible Study here tomorrow evening, so that will be another thing for us as a larger family to adjust to.  Thankfully this house has two livingrooms, so we can pretty much stay out of each other's way without inconveniencing each other as well.  I just have to be careful not to complain too much, and to remember to be thankful.  If you think about it, send up a little prayer for me....for us.  Thanks.

Mama J.

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2:15 PM, Jul. 9, 2008 .. Posted by Arby

It isn't that nobody understands you. Plenty of your readers understand you very well. If any of us had written to you, in advance of your moving, the things that you have shared here, you wouldn't have believed us. Not enough to stay in your own home, at least. Now you are where you are, and you have the wisdom to seek a fair balance in your dealings with your daughters, your in-laws, and your husband. My sincere hope for you is that all parties involved share that same desire for balance. As always, our best wished are for your success!

God is faithful

2:31 PM, Jul. 10, 2008 .. Posted by kcmyworld

and He will carry you through this season. That said, I know it must be difficult. I pray the benefits you gain from this time will far outweigh the problems.

Robin

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7:52 PM, Jul. 10, 2008 .. Posted by SandBetweenMyToes

I know this would be very difficult for me. Don't try to do it on your own. ASk the Lord EVERY morning (and mid day, afternoon, and night) how to respond, and how to help your family. He will faithfully show you. Yes, it will be hard. It will be a time of refinement for you. He will teach you things you don't particularly want to learn if you will let Him. He will make good out of the difficult.
I'm so glad you and your husband had a little get away. It sounded great. Try to continue to find time for yourselves~~go to the park, a drive, sit and watch the sunset. You'll need it over the next few months. Use that living room, and have your own family time every night. I'm sure your in-laws will appreciate it as much as you do. Use it for alone time during the day with your kids, too. Focus on giving and loving, and cry out to the Lord when it's hard.
Saying a prayer for you.
Letitia

Thanks

6:06 AM, Jul. 11, 2008 .. Posted by MamaJ

There is a lot of encouragement here, I thank you so much for that! It's nice to hear uplifting comments from people. Thank you all for taking the time to do that.

Mama J.

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8:08 AM, Jul. 11, 2008 .. Posted by Lilyofthevalley4

((((hugs)))) Will keep you in my prayers too. I can only imagine what struggles you are facing. Praying you will have good memories of this season when you look back to it.

For now take one day at a time... You are in my prayers.