Recently I wrote an article Choosing Friends for my website Building Up Moms.

I mentioned that it is important to choose friends wisely or we could be pulled down by thoughts of coveteousness and envy. Also, a godly friend provides godly counsel but a worldly friend provides worldly counsel. To read more, click HERE.

I bring this up coz I recently learnt of a dilemma my cousin* is experiencing. When she first had her baby, she was stressed over babysitting arrangements. She thought her mom would look after her baby but her mom said, "no". She didn't want to stop work to look after her grandchild. Since my cousin couldn't trust a stranger to stay home with her baby alone, she was willing to stop work to look after the baby herself.

But everyone around her told her that that was a silly idea, especially since she had been selected to attend a course as part of her job. Apparently this course was a tough one to get into and she had been dreaming about it for ages.

So she put aside her maternal instincts to want to look after her baby herself and got a live-in maid. She then managed to persuade her mil to watch over the maid while she was out working. All was working well, or so she thought.

Then came a bombshell - due to a misunderstanding, her mil quit on her! So she was back to square one. Again, she said she would stop work and look after the baby herself. And again, a huge chorus of voices told her not to!

So she continued working and attending her course and meanwhile her baby is farmed out to her mom's place where her mom's maid and her maid will look after the baby till her mom comes home from work. She will visit the baby after she finishes work but the baby stays on in her mom's home from Mondays to Fridays and only goes home with her over the weekend!

Confused, yet?

I know that I, personally, would not be able to stomach this arrangement. Leaving your baby to go to work is hard enough but to leave the baby behind and only take him home on Saturdays and Sundays??? And this is not to be a short term arrangement either. This arrangement is to last a minimum of 2 years till her course is over.

Her heart cries out to want to care for her baby herself, but the voices around her told her it is silly, that she is wasting the chance of lifetime to give up on the course and work. And that this is the best arrangement.  

Who benefits from this so-called best arrangement??? The mother who is stressed? The baby who is torn apart from the mother? The grandmother who now has to look afer her grandchild? It doesn't seem best to me at all! This is what happens when one takes counsel from the world!

How can it be the best arrangement when mother and child are separated day and night and meet only for a few hours each day? And for what? For a course? For work? Is it worth it???

Some people may say - ah! but it was her mom who let her down coz if her mom had agreed to look after the baby, none of this would have happened. But let me ask - whose baby is it? Why should the grandmother stop work to look after the grandchild?!?! Why is it ok for the grandmother to stop work and not the mother? Is it because the grandmother draws a lower salary than the mother? Is it because the mother has a graduate's degree and the grandmother doesn't?

The world has gone crazy if they can think that this sort of arrangement is best.

And you know what is sad? My mom is one of those voices who told her not to stop work!

I told my mom - tell her that her baby's well-being is more important than any course. She can always take up the course later on in her life. But my mom kept quiet and obviously did not relay the my message to her.

The main consensus seem to be : her work and her course are far more important than the baby's bond with the mother. And even though her heart tells her it is not right, the general consensus around her tell her it is right and good and so she listens and acts on the advice given. And you know what else? No one asked her dh his opinion!

Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!  

* I have many, many cousins (my mom comes from a family 10 siblings!) but sadly are not in contact with any of them. Many times, updates I hear of them are through my mom.

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Posted by tiarali79

I also have many cousins that I don't know, my Mum is the youngest of nine.

I was just wondering, could you get her address from your mother and send her a friendly note saying how lovely it was to hear that she desired to spend time with her child, and how much of a blessing it has been for you to spend time with your children, so that you're some sort of encouragement without actually addressing the issue?

I don't know. Family is so hard! You don't want to offend anyone, and when you don't know someone you just don't know what to say! I just wonder, maybe she's just waiting for one voice to agree with her. Maybe not.

Aargh! The poor child. The poor mum!

Posted by Eve

When i decided to quit after my maid got pregnant and I had to send her home, everyone told me i was being silly and stubborn too. Why not just get another maid? Not all maids are like that? you worked so hard to get where you are now, etc etc etc. I love my job, but sure I won't love my job more than my baby? So I told my boss i was going to quit because I've made a decision to look after the baby myself. And guess what? God is really very kind to me. My boss eventually let me work from home while I look after the baby. Now, who says you can't have two cakes and eat it?