Here we go again. There's been a huge discussion about using the cane on children over at the Asiaparents list. Every once in a while, this discussion comes up, as do the discussion on sleep training.

You'll hear the same arguments put forth by the same people unless they have left the group. Over and over, these hot topics keep coming up. Over and over the same points put forth.

In the beginning I used to put in my few words and cross swords with those who oppose using the cane and sleep training. After being on the list for many years (5? 6? I don't remember) I have learnt not to bother. It takes up too much of my effort to craft and write my response.

There is truly a wealth of information out there and if these parents are truly at their wits end over how to discipline their children, they can do their own research and come to their own conclusion.

I almost succumbed this time though.

Someone mentioned that they would cane the child if the child didn't get his schoolwork, like spelling!  I am all for biblical chastisement but vehemently disagree with using the cane to help the child learn!

Please! Use the cane for disobedience, not for schoolwork!

Then someone else mentioned that the cane worked when the kid is young and then fail when the kid grows up. Of course it fails by then. By the time the child is 8, the cane should be used very sparingly, if had at all.

There was also mention of the cane or any corporal punishment causing a rift between the parent and child due to the fear it creates. I personally believe that the cane administered correctly does not do that. Our children are afraid of the cane, not of me. And only when they have done something disobedient.

Look - they even use the cane as a "horse", riding it all over the house or brandishing it as swords!  

Our relationship has its ups and downs, as with all relationships between inperfect, sinful people. But my children are always free to tell me if they feel they have been unfairly treated. There was once they "ganged up" to tell me that I am as fierce as a tiger or a dragon. That my angry words are like the fire the dragon spews forth (this comes from watching too much Shrek, I tell you!). It was very funny.

They were most puzzled when I burst out laughing coz they thought that I may be upset with them. But I thought it was cool that they could tell me such things.

So no, I disagree with all the bad stuff associated with the cane BUT with a disclaimer. Use it CORRECTLY. Don't use it over every small little thing (like sleep or homework!) and never in anger. The child is a child. You are the adult. Learn self-control. Stop blaming everything around you.

Those against the use of the cane (and sleep training) can be very persuasive. But I stand my ground. I believe in both and have seen postive results in our children.

PS : Do note that this is my opinion on my blog. You are free to disagree but please don't be rude. And I still reserve the right to delete your comments.  

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Posted by Delci

Ha ha ha Serene... 2 hands 2 legs up!!! I totally agree with you.

There are so many points that I simply can't agree, but I thought, there is no point 'arguing'.

cheers,
Delci

Posted by Delci

I re-read my earlier comment and felt I may be misunderstood.

I meant there are many points mentioned in the forum that I disagree, but I chose not to voice out my opinions there cause I think there is no point arguing.

Posted by 10gal

I am not a part of that group however I am from Asia and a parent, too =) . As a child, I grew up getting spanked for actions I did to irate my parents and it really did confuse me as to what it was for - as no one told me why. Praise God for His grace and mercy, I became a Christian and later on a parent. I learned that using the rod is in the Bible and God has intended it to be used in a loving and right way - to discipline, to correct and save the child from folly - even death.

I am NOT for spanking when it is done in an uncontrolled manner and as an outburst of anger for whatever reason. Yes, I am not perfect and have been guilty of this at times. But God has been patiently teaching me really well...

I am FOR spanking, as mentioned in the BIble, to correct a child and lead him to the right path when he is disobedient and rebellious. - not for awful spelling. Spelling is corrected by practice =). And sleep.. tire the kid out with outdoor activities! It works!

In short, I agree with your points. Ted Tripp's book entitled Shepherding a Child's Heart has been very helpful to us, too.

Thanks for this post. It encourages me to know we are doing the right thing with our children according to His perfect will.

Just dropping by to say hi -- but got hooked =)
Maria

Posted by MamaLim

Thanks for dropping by. And yes, I have Ted Tripp's book too!

Serene