Now that the baby is no longer a machine that just eats, sleeps and cries, all her siblings are busy trying to elicit a laugh from her.

The sound of a baby laughing is just so sweet. It can't help but make you smile too. Well, unless you are one hardened mom!

So far, everyone has been able to make her laugh except the adults! Lol! Shame on us, huh?

Babies find many things amusing. Just yesterday night, the 2.5yr old toddler made her laugh just by jumping up and down! And now the 5yr old is mking her cackle by thumping a squeaky toy on the floor.

These are sweet moments to savour as a mom - seeing the older siblings love the baby so. They even read to her and talk to her while playing card games! Talk about including her in everything they do!

But the one thing that freaks them out is when she regurgitates her milk!  Now that she prefers to be on her tummy, often in a "flying" pose, rather than lying on her back, she often spits up her milk after a while even after being burped.

We even have a code name for this regurgitation phenomenon - "breaack breaack". Calling regurgitation "breaack breaack" started when we had child #2 coz that's what  #1 would say when #2 spat up. You could even call it an onomatopoeia since that's the sound the baby makes as she spits up. Lol! And to make things funnier, #4 calls the baby, the "breaack breaack monster"!  

So that's the only time the older ones run a mile away from the baby. Well, except my #2 who has self-assigned herself as the "cleaner"! She'll make a good mother - totally unsqueamish about the whole thing.

As an aside, 4 out of 6 of our babies spat up a lot till they were 4 - 6months old! The amount was seemingly copious and the frequency so regular (even up to 2 hrs after their feed!) that dh & I often joked that we should have bought shares in Kleenex! Going out was a challenge - I would have to make sure that I bought along 5 - 6 packets of tissues and hand towels too. #3 & #6 spat up the least.

I keep telling new moms to Enjoy Their Babies because they really grow out of their baby-dom so fast!

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Ah! It's amazing how short term my memory is nowadays. I have forgotten how fast a rolling baby can be! Sometimes when I have some free time (ha!) I marvel at how someone so tiny and who yet can't crawl can move from one part of the living room to the other if I leave her alone long enough!

She has been able to flip over onto her tummy since she was 4 mths but only in one direction (towards her left). But ever since she could flip herself back from a prone position, she has been going places!

We had bought a small playpen-sized mattress for her to lie on downstairs. But she has more often than not, rolled off it much to the amusement of her older siblings. Now you see her, now you don't!

But ah! The luxury of having older children now. The 2 older ones take turns to place her back on the mattress while I continue with whatever I am doing. Now that she is no longer a floppy newborn baby, her older siblngs have had much fun carrying her.

So blessed is she to have so many siblings clamouring to play ith her! Who ever says that babies will get neglected in large families obviously haven't been to our home!

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As most of you know, I have 6 children - 2 boys and 4 girls - thus far!  It has been a source of constant amazement to me how very different each of them are.

To protect the not-so-innocent, I shall not name names or birth order!

In the past week, I have been rather exasperated by this particular child who keeps on misplacing her  personal items. I was  so frustrated that I said out loud, to the amusement of her other siblings, that if her head wasn't attached to her, it would be lost as well!  Really, really frustrating! To make matters more annoying for me, she would often insist that she did return an item to its place! "But mom! I did put it back in the box/pencil case/shelf...." To which I would reply, "If you did, then the item would be there. But it obviously isn't!"

Sigh......................

Then I have another one who is so conscientious about keeping her stuff that it knocks my socks off! If she took out 4 books from her homeschool box, she would make sure all 4 books are kept after school is done. If a book goes missing, she would on her own initiative look for it high & low till she found it.

It is so hard to not compare but there you go - siblings raised in the same home with such different personalities.

Makes life varied and very interesting. Who says staying home is boring?

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...It pleases me to no end!  

Recently, I introduced my 2yr old to the world of Sandra Boynton (*) books.  She absolutely adores it and insists that I read her the entire collection we have (and that's a lot!) before her bedtime! We were introduced to Sandra Boynton 9 years ago when a friend blessed us with 2 of her titles when our 1st born child turned 1. We have not looked back since!

What's really cute (to me ) is to see her sitting on the sofa and "reading" to herself. Ah! The rewards of reading the same books to her 20 times a day! Lol!

Then there's a sense of great achievement when my 2 pre-schoolers mastered independent reading. After months of teaching phonics, something finally clicks in their heads and they take off reading like pros. Amazing how God created us and yet many cjhoose to believe we are descended from apes! In fact, just early this week, there was a snippet in The Straits Times headlined "Toddlers Are Smarter Than Chimps". I mean like duh?! Of course toddlers are smarter than chimps!

I have always loved to read and we are constantly having to declutter our bursting at the seams bookshelves. I am pleased that my children love to read but I tell the children that we need to learn to read not just for entertainment and information. It is important that they know how to read so that they can read the most important book - the Bible!

* You can get Sandra Boynton books from almost any bookshop. Or you can check out my friend Angie's online store, The Home Library.

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that support the Christian SAHM.

Wow! It sure is no joke bringing everyone out to a shopping mall on a Saturday night! What were we thinking!?!?!?

1stly there constant white noise in the shopping mall makes it very difficult for me to hear everyone and vice versa. So we ended up shouting at or ignoring each other!

Then there is the mass (and mess!) of people which is totally expected on a Saturday night, suburban mall or not. It just makes it very difficult to keep a lookout for all 6 of them especially since we have 3 that are waist height and below! The children have all been taught to stay close and they do but it is physically difficult since there are so many people milling around. And then there is the wriggly baby who refuses to be in the pram or even in the sling. So that means I have no hands to hold on to anyone. And dh has only 2 hands....

I guess that taught us a lesson - don't do any errands on a weekend when you have 6 children 9yrs old & under!

Anyhow, the reason we had to go out on a dreaded Saturday night was to shop for underpants for the toddler whom I need to toilet train. Have you ever wondered why it is so difficult, in Singapore at least, to find underpants for toddlers who are small sized???

Our children are born average sized (all above 3kg) and them they bloom into chubby babies but mysteriously thinned out by the time they start walking. So by the time they are toddlers, they are really petite. I don't have a problem with this ***but*** it makes buying undergarments for them extremely difficult! Especially for girls!

The last 2 girls I toilet trained had their small-sized panties brought over by grandma from the UK when she visited sil. But she hasn't been there since last year and the panties that the older ones wore can't be passed down coz the elastic has died.  So we went hunting for them at Kiddy Palace but nope, the smallest size was way too big for our 2yr old. SIGH.

So we had made this trip for nothing! Argh!  So who knows where to get small-sized undies for little girls???

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We also stock Christian books for Men, Women, Children and the Family at 
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This Sunday, 3rd June 2007, Brother Jacob Sim shared at our home church, Full Gospel Assembly. He spoke about how Man should be REAL. That a man should be real & not pretend to know everything.

But that got me thinking - as wives, do we allow our husbands to be real with us?

Let's ask ourselves some questions :

►Can our husbands tell us their deepest fears without us looking down on them?
►Can our husbands tell us their dreams without us laughing at them?
►Can our husbands tell us their weakness without us throwing it back into their faces the next time we have a disagreement?

Bottomline : Can our husbands be real to us???

Proverbs 31:11-12
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good  and not evil
All the days of her life.

►Are we like the Proverbs 31 woman? Her husband's heart safely trusts her!
►Are we fulfilling the role that God created us to be? In the beginning, God created woman out of man, to be his help meet (KJV) or a helper (NKJV). See Gen 2:18
►Are we an asset to our husbands or a burden?
►Are they proud to introduce us as their wives?

So many questions!

Sadly, many wives are not really interested in being a helper to their husbands. They are more interested in being better moms than wives. That is not wrong in itself but these women have got it upside down. We cannot be better moms if we are lousy wives!

And...

worse of all, we are passing these values down to our children who are watching how we relate to our husbands!

Food for thought I hope!

There are many biblically-based books on being a godly wife out in the market. Building Up Moms Resource Corner recommends The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace, A Wife After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George, Created To Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl and Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Click here for a full listing of the titles we carry under For Women.

Check out our website for articles for Christian SAHMs.
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We also stock Christian books for Men, Women, Children and the Family at 
Building Up Moms Resource Corner

As we celebrate Mother's Day in a few days time, I would like to ask - what does a mother look like?

This was triggered by the usual comments from people throughout my last 9 years as a mother that goes somewhere along the lines of firstly, "You don't behave/look like a mother" to "you don't look like a mother of 5".

I suppose they are  meant to be compliments?!

It does beg the follow-up question of "How or what is a mother supposed to look like?" Then I came upon a Mother's Day full page, full colour ad in Straits Times on Friday 4th May, 2007. Its headline was :

"Who said mothers have to look like, well mothers?"

What do  mothers look like? And what's wrong with looking like a mother? Ah!!! Mothers must look horrible since no one wants to look like them!!!  

Quick - what do you see in your mind when you hear the word "mother"? Someone plump, unfashionable and maybe even a little fierce?

Ok, so there is the stereotype look that typifies mothers - well, unless your own mother was one hip babe, then maybe you won't think so.   And that look (and behaviour that goes with it) would be what scares most women off being mothers and worse still, SAHMs! It is the look of a "huang lian po". The woman who has let herself go - in terms of looks (frumpy, dowdy) and behaviour (naggy, critical, myopic - only interested in domestic, not current affairs).

So there are a few issues that makes mothers unattractive physically.

1. Sloppy and Dowdy and Frumpy
I will say here - as I wrote recently in "Dont Get Sloppy" on my Building Up Moms website - don't get sloppy or dowdy or frumpy just coz you are a mom now! I won't repeat myself here. Go read it for yourself. There is even a free Makeover printout that you can use at the end of the article . And did I say it is FREE?

Basically, you don't need to be a fashion plate but you don't need to look like you are about to collapse either! Granted there are some days you will feel and look like you are going to collapse. But that shouldn't be a daily affair. And if it is, please look into my Home Management section on how to get a grip on the various chores that you need to handle so that you won't be overwhelmed by it!

2. Being overweight
Most of us do pile on a few (?!) kilos during our pregnancy that we find difficult to get rid of post partum. (But please do not diet during a pregnancy or when nursing a baby!!!) Losing those unwanted kilos does get a wee bit easier if you breastfeed though!  We need to work on that losing all that unwanted weight off. This is a health issue. There is no need to weigh XX kg But there is a need to be not overweight. It is just not healthy!

Losing weight is tough because it is mostly a discipline issue!  Stop gorging on snacks and you'll be able to lose those fats fast! There is no need for any drastic dieting (a no-no when nursing) or paying thousands of dollars to a slimming centre. You took 9mths to pile the weight on, you'll need at least the same amount of time (usually more!) to take them off. Lose it any faster and you get stretch marks galore and flappy skin!

3. Dressing Style
No, don't worry, I am not going to suggest that you follow fashion fads so that you will look attractive!  If you are comfortable with a certain look and most importantly, your dh likes that look, please continue! But I am talking about those who live in shapeless, dull and unattractive clothes that do not flatter their body shapes.

After birthing, our bodies would have changed shape - like it or not. There are a few who manage to retain or regain their pre-pregnancy bodies - good for them! But most of us mere mortals, don't!  So please do not squeeze into your pre-pregnancy clothes when they no longer fit! It is not only unflattering, it can be downright immodest when your body shape (and bulges) are clearly outlined for the whole world to see! Yucks! Nor is this an excuse to continue living in your maternity clothes!

Dress in a way that flatters your body shape. There is no need to spend hundreds of dollars. Just a few classic pieces accented by a few fashion pieces is more than enough.

As an aside : Then there are some who swing to the other extreme. And this is the image often seen in the media. Mothers are pressurised to look like women who have not borne and birthed a child. To look like a 20yr old slim and lithe girl. Not the woman she has blossomed to.

Again, this is a subtle hint that motherhood is not that great a thing to embraced (see my post on Getting Moms Back Into the Workforce). We do not accept or want the changes that childbirth bring about and try to deny that it happens. The barren women and her body shape is what captivates our eyes. The image presented is that of a women still sexually attractive (and available?!) to the other sex. Still a "good catch" as it were. Why else the showing off of lots of skin (thighs, shoulders, back, tummy and especially cleavages) in tight and revealing clothes?

But there is a problem - mom is no longer available! Now there is nothing wrong in being sexually attractive - to our own husbands! But not to the whole world! And if she wishes to present a sexually atrractive image to the world, she has to ask herself why? See post on God Looks At Our Hearts, Man Looks At Our Appearance.

So there you go, may we all go out to change the world's perception of mothers as unattractive this Mother's Day! Let us show them that we ENJOY our motherhood and are not ashamed of our fertile and fruitful bodies! Lol!

Happy Mother's Day!

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We also stock Christian books for Men, Women, Children and the Family at 
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I must however state upfront that we do not rush to see a doctor at the slightest sniffle. This has been the result of having parented and lived through many coughs and colds. Plus the fact that I personally do not like seeing doctors, as my dh will attest to.

This is strictly our experience and I am sharing what has worked for us. Please do not take this as medical advice! Pray and ask the Lord what you should do. Just do not let fear rule your mind.

For infants – strictly breastfeeding has been a wonderful lifesaver. No, it is not a magical cure-all nor am I implying that breastfed bbs do not fall ill. They do and not only that, when they are not the 1^st born, they tend to catch more germs from their older sibling/s and at a younger age! But they do recover faster and the duration of their coughs and colds tend to run its course faster even without medication. The only problem is that when they have a congested nose, they can’t nurse comfortably because they need to breathe through their noses. So a mild antihistamine or nose drops administered shortly before their nursing session helps. Nursing them in a slightly more upright position also helps.

But a fever is something not to be trifled with, especially, for infants below 3mths. While we need not panic over every small illness our baby catches, we need the Lord's wisdom and discernment to know when we should see a doctor without any delay. A high fever is something that needs immediate attention, especially when it occurs after vaccination.

For toddlers and older children, we tend to panic even less  As long as the child is still active and coherent, we tend to let the illness run its natural course. We may or may not medicate to treat the symptoms, but a trip to the doctor’s is usually unnecessary.

What we do do is give an increased dosage of chewable Vitamin C. For my older children who are more cooperative  I will also give them garlic pills/liquid drops. You need them to be cooperative coz the smell is quite off-putting! Lol! I, myself, will increase my dosage of Vitamin C and garlic for my breastfed baby as these will pass through to the baby via breastmilk.

Diet wise, we will eliminate all milk and dairy products when they have lots of phlegm/mucous as I believe milk and diary increases mucous production. This of course does not refer to breastmilk. As a breastfeeding mama, I will abstain from milk and dairy products from my diet. Cutting out sugary stuff also helps to boost everyone's immune system.

I personally believe that drugging our bodies with medication over common illnesses does not benefit our bodies in the long run. On the contrary, building our immune system up is beneficial in the long run. We now hear of too many diseases that are becoming resistant to the drugs that used to work. And many new-fangled diseases have no cure! Doctors are only able to treat the symptoms and hope that the body is able to fight the infection on its own. But how can it do that unless we 1^st look after it?

As mothers we do have much responsibility to make sure our children are eating properly as much as we are able to. By this I mean that while we need to strive to provide proper nutrition as much as it is possible, taking into consideration our finances, family dynamics and food availability.But there is no need not be held hostage by guilt if we are not able to provide hormone-free, organically grown food. 

Remember, God is still in control. He can turn anything we eat healthy! But we mustn’t use this as an excuse to feed our children junk food every day. Let us not worry unnecessarily but to keep praying for our family's health.

In Part 1, I wrote about how we as parents, often create unnecesary work and stress on ourselves when we rush our children to grow up before they are physically ready. But on the flip side, there are parents who hold back their child from achieving the next developmental milestone.

 Don’t Grow Up!- Lifeskills

So you have parents who push for starting solids, dropping naps and potty training early. And yet you have parents who do not let their child feed, walk, dress, themselves!

They say their child doesn’t know how to. But most times it is because they didn’t let the child do it when they child showed signs of readiness and then missed that window of opportunity. The child may wish to feed himself but mum doesn’t allow it coz it makes a huge mess. So mum dissuades child from doing so and in that process, misses the opportunity to teach him how to do it properly. 

Same with dressing themselves. And walking by themselves.

You see, every time a child wants to do something himself, it slows us down. So we take over and soon, he loses interest in being independent. These lifeskills are important for them to learn as soon as possible because it gives them a sense of achievement and it allows a mum with a baby to focus on the baby!

Many times people wonder how we manage to bring all 5 children out, especially to a food court or hawker centre. Then you see people gawking at the children, marveling that all are able to feed themselves. Allow your child to learn these very basic lifeskills and going out will be so much more pleasant.

Don’t Grow Up!- Bottle Feeding

The other pet peeve I have is when I see older children (above 2yrs old) drinking milk from a milk bottle! Or worse, drinking water/juice from a milk bottle!!! (I must say here that my parents allowed me to drink from a milk bottle till I was past 5 or 6 or 8?!?!?! They can’t remember. Their comment was that I only did it when I was home.)  Despite my bottle feeding background, I still think that it is highly inappropriate for an older child to be doing that – at home or out. The child should be taught to drink from a cup with a spout/straw or direct from the cup.  

Many times, we rush our children to “grow up” before they are ready to and create unnecessary work (and stress!) for ourselves  And yet, at other times, we hold back our children so that they are unable to progress. Aren’t parents funny creatures

 Grow Up!- Food

Many 1^st time mums are eager to start their babies on solids when they are not ready. It is an oft heard complaint – “Help! My baby refuses to eat his cereal/porridge! What should I do?”

My solution is simple – leave it! Really! If the baby is exclusively breastfed, he really needs no solids till he is at least 6mths old. Except my 1^st born, all the other children have refused to eat any solids till they were 8 to 10mths old. I think they are pretty smart but then I am biased  Seriously though, babies are all very smart if we would only let them listen to their bodies and not rush them till they are ready. They will eat when they are ready. Just coz some book/expert somewhere says we need to start solids at 6mths does not mean your baby needs to! Then there are doctors who insist that solids need to be started because baby is growing as per what the growth chart says!  

If a baby is exclusively on breastmilk and peeing 6 – 8 diapers a day of clear or light yellow urine and is generally happy and developing well, I would say – ignore the growth chart! Remember, breastmilk is a perfect, well-balanced meal in itself. Which baby cereal can compare to that?

I have also read that a baby who instinctively refuses solids is acrtually protecting his body from introducing possible allergens into his body! Now isn't that smart? 

But then you have these new mums stressing themselves out, pouring over recipes and trying to find a perfect cereal or porridge meal to feed the baby. She cooks/purees/freezes…..only to discover that baby spits out everything he is fed! No wonder she is frustrated! Lol!

Relax!!!

In the 1^st year, baby’s main meal should be breastmilk only. Food introduced in the 1^st year should be introduced just to let baby taste it. Of course if you have a baby that loves food, then great! But this is for mums who are angsting over their baby’s lack of interest in solids.

Grow Up!- Naps

My children, except my 1^st born, all dropped their morning naps by the time they were 15, 16mths max! I had one who dropped her nap at 12mths! I always marveled and envied friends whose children seemed to require lots of sleep! Lol! These mums often wonder why their children sleep so much?! And they try to “help” their child sleep less!

Why oh why???? 

Children – most anyway – need lots of sleep! A lot of behavioural problems happen when children are sleep deprived. Temper tantrums, sudden meltdowns, spacing out, hyperactivity to name a few that I have personally observed in not just my own children but children in general. I am sure you can google “sleep deprivation” for its side effects.

Again, this creates unnecessary stress and work for the parent. You have to either deal with the annoying behaviour or think up activities to keep them awake.

Grow Up!- Potty Training

Honestly, potty training ranks #1 on my least of most unfavourite things to do as a mum! All because of my 1^st experience with it. I often view it with some dread and lots of stress.

With my 1^st born (always the guinea pig ) I was under the impression that he was ready to trained just coz he was almost 2. Was I wrong or was I wrong??? There was mess after mess to clean up and this lasted almost one whole year! In between that was a battle of wills. Yucks! I promised myself that I will never do it that way again!

Then, he showed me how pleasant it would be when he announced to me that he did not want to wear his night diapers. I was actually horrified and tried change his mind! Lol! He told me that he would wake me up should he need to go in the middle of the night. It was with much reluctance that I agreed. But guess what? He only had one or two (my memory fails me!) in that one week. He was totally dry after that week!

Ahhh!!!!!

That was it. No need to stress about it anymore.  For the other children, I just waited for them to be ready. No, they didn’t show any of the “readiness” signs that the books/experts said they are to exhibit to show that they are ready. I just waited till they turned at least 2.5yrs or better still, 3yrs old. (If your child shows signs of readiness and you want to potty train him,lease go ahead!)

I would tell them where to go when they need to go and that was it. #2, #3 and #4 all went to the potty by themselves after that one day when I told them what to do. Big businesses and small businesses. There were expectedly, one or two accidents in the 1^st week and none at all after that! And surprisingly, they also went dry overnight that same week! It was totally amazing to me who had so much stress the 1st time round. Lesson learnt!

PS : I know all about EC (Elimination Communication) and think it is a great idea. But it just will work for us.

Part 2 will deal with parents not letting their child/ren grow up.

Then we had our first born. And we decided that I would stop work and look after him. Ok – housework was still manageable. But oops! I suddenly realized that my lack of culinary skills was a hindrance to my mothering duty! How was I supposed to provide nutritious meals for my baby when I haven’t had the slightest clue about cooking???

Major panic!!! Lol!

I read books, books, books and more books and watched those cooking shows on tv! I started to cook now – but only for the baby. Our own meals were catered. My lunch was often soup – noodle soup, pasta soup, vermicelli soup…..But after a while, we couldn’t stomach the catered food. So I attempted to cook dinner as well. Oh man! What a challenge!  I didn’t know how to buy meat (you mean there are different cuts?!) and especially fish (what fish is that???) from the wet market. I often chickened out and bought the pre-packed stuff from the supermarket.

Fast forward to 5 children later. Cooking is STILL a huge challenge. But it isn’t as daunting as it was 8.5yrs ago. I still do not like to cook but can whip up edible dishes.

Looking back, there were so many things I should have learnt before the children came. (Actually I should have learnt them when I was young.) I missed that window of opportunity – mostly coz I thought we wouldn’t want any children! And now I have had to learn many new things on the job. Not pleasant nor easy when you have many other things on your plate.

So my advice to those who are wanting to start a family or who have only 1 child at the moment – learn and practice all those cooking and housekeeping skills now! And when you have those children, teach it to them EARLY!

But it can be done. If I can cook for a family of 7 (me who didn't even know how to cook rice with a rice cooker!), and can even have guests over occasionally, so can you.

Have you heard the one that goes, “Oh my child is not naughty. He’s just a very active boy who’s very curious about the world.” All this said with pride in the voice J Meanwhile, this wonderful child is jumping on your brand new sofa and trying to hit your child next to him with a toy. When told to stop by his mum, the child does not even acknowledge his mum’s presence, much less her instructions.

Or the other one that goes, “Oh my daughter is just a very focused child,” when mum can’t get the little girl to leave the toy store.

Lively and active? Focused? Yes! But both children are also a very disobedient children. Whether a child is active, lively, spontaneous, focused or not is not the point. Any child who disobeys his parent’s instructions is exhibiting disobedience! Period. When mum says “stop” or “come”, the child has to do it. And this is preferably when she says it the first time.

People from my parent’s generation often excuse brattish behaviours as that of a child merely being a child. Yes he is and that’s why we as parents need to train such foolish behaviours out of them, The Bible clearly tells us “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child.” Proverbs 22:15. Remember that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23. That’s right, ALL. That includes the cute and innocent looking baby you hold in your hands.

As parents, it is our duty to teach our children self-control as early in their lives as possible so that when they are adults, they would struggle less with saying NO to their flesh. Not that they won’t struggle but they will struggle less having had more years of practicing the discipline of denying themselves. Also, such children are indeed a blessing not only to their parents but to those around them. 

Start young and it becomes easier! One more tip – train your first born well coz the children that follow after him will look to him as a model – either a good one or a bad one.

Remember – whether your child is an active one or not is not the point. He must still obey you when you give an instruction.

I haven't read the actual survey conducted by the Singapore Children's Society (SCS) but the headline in the papers was provocative enough :) In view of the recent posting I did on using the rod (http://homeschoolblogger.com/MamaLim/219390/), I thought I should address this article.

Do I regret posting what I did? No, I don't. I stand by what I said. But if you remember, I also mentioned in the same posting that, "I would also prefer to turn to other methods of disciplining when they are older as it is no longer effective and can damage your relationship with your child when done beyond 10yrs of age."

Reasoning would be one of the many alternative methods then. The other would be the removal of privileges. But bear in mind that reasoning would only be effective in a child able to reason. A 2yr old may seem like he understands reason but he does not. He does not have the mental, emotional nor spiritual maturity to fully comprehend reasoning. He probably does not even remember what he did wrong if you discipline too long after the misdeed was committed!

A young child needs to learn immediate obedience. Once he has proven that he is a responsible child, the "reins" so to speak can be loosened. As the child matures physically and mentally, we, as parents, should take even more time to explain their misdeeds to them. Sometimes, they are really clueless about why they are being disciplined. They need to know and understand why they are wrong. Otherwise, they will feel that you are being unreasonable and that they have been wrongly disciplined.

For my older children, I will ask them what they did wrong before I discipline them. Then I ask them what should their discipline be. With the younger children, I tell them why they are wrong and I dish out the discipline :)

So yes, I agree that reasoning has a place when disciplining children. But no, it should not be used as the sole source of discipline. And it should not even be used when the child has not displayed maturity. I have deliberately not given a specific age because every child matures at a different rate. You will have to be the judge of whether your child is mature enough to be reasoned with. Remember, do not use reasoning - or shouting for that matter :) - as an easy way out. If the rod needs to be used, use it. Do not shy away from it.

Remember : "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." Proverbs 23:13-14 His soul is at stake!

In our house, we do :( Or rather, I do. Why does it happen? This usually happens when I let things slide. Yes, shouting is not caused by the children. It is caused by the parents. Do I hear howls of protest? Lol! Why do I say that, since it totally incriminates me?

If we have trained our children to first-time obedience consistently, we will eliminate much reason for shouting. What is first-time obedience? Simple - when I give an instruction, it is to be obeyed immediately. I do not have to say it again and again and again. Ask yourself (and myself) why do we shout? We shout because our instructions are not being obeyed and we get irritated or frustrated.

Eg. Scenario A : "Pack up your toys when you are done playing with them." Child packs them all up. There is no need to shout. Life is pleasant. Scenario B : same instruction is given. Child ignores instruction. Mother repeats instruction with voice slightly raised. Child continues to ignore and may even walk away from the toy area. Mother now gets agitated. Tone changes. Voice gets louder. Finally she yells. Child then obeys and packs up the toys. Mother is upset and child is unhappy at being shouted. The home setting is not peaceful.

What is happening? Mother has allowed shouting to be a method of gettting the child to obey :( This then becomes a habit in this household. The child learns Hmmm...I can just ignore mum till I hear her shout. Then I know she means business.

What should be happening? Once instruction is not obeyed, the child must be disciplined immediately. He will quickly learn that first-time obedience is required of him. There is now no need to shout :)

Can this really happen? YES!!! So why have I gone back to shouting? Simple. I have become lazy!!! Instead of disciplining immediately when the child does not exhibit first-time obedience, I had chosen to use my voice. I had chosen to repeat my instructions when it wasn't necessary. When the child did not obey, I had chosen the easy way out by shouting at him. And then to top it off, I blamed him for making me shout at him!

What needs to be done now? I need to go and remind the children that I expect first-time obedience and they will be disciplined accordingly when they do not obey. And I need to be consistent!

Now to go and walk the talk, eh? :)

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." Proverbs 23:13-14

Yes, we use the rod. Or in local terms - the cane :) A cane here in Singapore, is a thin , flexible rattan "stick", no thicker than 0.4cm. This is the only thing we use. Not belts, not rulers, not wooden spoons, etc... This instrument can inflict a lot of pain with little damage. Just a welt on the flesh that fades within a day if administered at the buttocks or upper thighs.

We have always used the cane from child #1. But what's important is HOW spanking/caning is done. Contrary to popular belief, spanking will not lead to child abuse if used correctly. It also does not lead to violence in a child or a child that seethes with inward anger. All these indicate that the punishment has not been dealt out correctly.

You may be thinking, "Huh? There's a correct way to spank?" Yes! The book, "Spanking - Why? When? How?" by Roy Lessin was a great help in learning the correct way to administer the punishment. Another helpful book is Preparation for the Toddler Years by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo. More details are given in their Growing Kids God's Way book as well.

I don't have the time nor space to write in details about the hows and whys of spanking/caning. I strongly recommend getting copies of these books to fully understand how it should be done. When done incorrectly, it will backfire on you.

Here, I can only give you the main principles :

1. don't cane in anger

2. always explain why the child is being caned.

3. follow up with hugs after an apology is given

4. issue is then not mentioned again since apology is accepted.

5. there is no need to rain blows on the child. Usually 1 or 2 strokes of the cane is enough. You should also not be chasing the child around the house to cane him.

These are to me, the basic principles when disciplining with a cane. We mainly use it when the issue of disobedience comes up and not for everything under the sun :) It is a very effective tool in disciplining a young child not able to fully reason and who needs to understand that when daddy or mama says "no". They mean "no".

So what about the popular "time out"? We don't use it. We may ask the child to go and sit down and think about his misdeed but it is never used as a punishment. Why?

To me, time out does not teach a child to obey because he has to. Instead, it teaches a child that if he misbehaves, he gets left out of the activities that are happening around him, or that he wants to do. So he learns that if he wants to do what he wants to do, then he'd better heed mum's instructions. Highly self-centred motivation. :(

What about being caned? Doesn't it teach the child that he'd better obey coz of pain? Oh yes! But disobedience does lead to pain and grief. There is a price to pay for disobedience. And it is separation from God. And we want to teach this to the child as early as possible.

But when the price of disobedience is a "what's-in-it-for-me" thought, then the child grows up to be even more self-centred than he naturally is. He would have the same question in his mind when God calls him. "Hey God! What's in it for me?" Not something we would like to encourage.

So there you have it. Disagree with me all you want. But this is how we do it in our home. The beauty of it is that if used correctly and consistently, spanking tapers off quite significantly by the time they are 4 to 5 and ceases when the child is about 8. The "peak" is when they are 2 and 3 yrs old. I would also prefer to turn to other methods of disciplining when they are older as it is no longer effective and can damage your relationship with your child when done beyond 10yrs of age.

Food for thought! :)

I think anyone who has more than the common 2 children family, anywhere in the industrialised, developed world will get stares. And here in Singapore, where the birth rate is a dismal 1.24 per home, having 5 children, 8 & under, invites many jaw dropping, sometimes very rude stares. We often get the "Are they all yours?" question & once a couple even took a bet to see if the children were all ours!!!

So why do we have so many children? Afterall, the attention is not welcomed :) And no, I do not particularly like children. Remember, I started out not wanting to get married or have children :)

1. Children are God's rewards.

Sons are a heritage from the Lord,

children a reward from Him.

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior

are sons born in one's youth.

Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.

They will not be put to shame when they content with their

enemies in the gate. Ps 127:3 - 5

Children are little blessings that the Lord sends down to us! We almost never say no to blessings of a fatter bank account or a bigger house or a bigger car. But how many times have you seen people shrink back in horror (mock or otherwise) when you ask them if they would like to have more children? What does this say about society & its view on children? Children are not blessings. As someone wrote in our local newspaper recently, children are often viewed as a liability, not an asset. I do not deny that the little people are hard work! That is a fact. But the work you do for them & on them has eternal repercussions. Working at the office does not :)

The Bible clearly say that children are blessings. But many, in today's world, Christians included, do not see them as such. In fact barreness is celebrated! But when viewed through the eyes of scriptures, barreness is a curse from the Lord! Not something to covet.

2. God is the one who opens & closes wombs.

We did not start out being quiverful. (The term "quiverful" is used when families trust in the Lord to plan the number of children they have & the space between them.) Like all intelligent & practical couples,(grin) we were going to have the lovely perfect 2-child family. And lo & behold, when we had 1 boy & 1 girl, everybody told us that we can "close shop". But as I was pregnant with my 2nd child, I came across an email group that discussed being quiverful. It was a strange & alien concept to me. Afterall, God gave us brains, right? So why should we throw away our brains & let God lead & plan our lives? And remember, I did not particularly like children & have never been one to coo & ahh over babies. We definitely did not want a large family. Two is more than enough, thank you!

And yet, something about the quiverful philosophy spoke to me & I shared it with dh. We came to the same conclusion. We say we that we trust God, that He is in control & He knows best. We put our lives into His hands & yet here we are trying to control our own fertility. (Do we actually have control over our fertility???) And what does that say about our faith in Him? If we say that the Bible is right, that children are blessings & rewards from God, then why are we saying NO to more babies?

For me, there was only 1 reason why I was saying no - selfishness. Having more than 2 babies would inconvenience me even more than what I was dealing with! Children are hard work. Having more babies meant that I would have to postpone many of my dreams - to do what I like & when I like. And to be thin!!! Lol! Like I said, they were selfish reasons. :(

So in an act of faith, we decided to take God at His word & trust God to plan out the number of children He has for us & even the spacing of the children. It has been an exciting adventure as we were then very quickly blessed with 5 children in 7yrs!

Is it easy? Nope! The faith walk is never easy & we thank God that He knows how weak our faith is & is ever so gracious to meet us at our level. We freely admit that sometimes we worry that we could have 12 children or more at this rate till I hit menopause! Especially on those days when everything that can go wrong, goes wrong. :( But this line of thought is presumptious & boastful. It may or may not happen.

May this challenge you if you are thinking about having another child but think you are being impractical. Following God does not seem practical. What He calls us to do may not seem wise. But whose standards are we following when we say something is impractical or unwise? God's? Or the world's system?

So yes, they are all ours!

If you are a SAHM you may wonder if you should return to the workforce & "help" with the family finances so that you can afford to go on more holidays, buy a bigger house, send your children to more enrichment classes so that they can "fulfill their potential" :) If you are a WOHM you may wonder if you are scarring your child/ren for life by leaving them with strangers for 8 - 12 hrs each day & missing out on all their developmental milestones.

If you are a homeschooling mum you wonder if are teaching all that your child needs to know. Should you be using a unit study curriculum or a textbook style curriculum. You may even feel guilt ridden that you don't read enough to your children like what all the "experts" tell you you must. And so the guilt trip goes on seemingly, unendingly.

So how does one get off the guilt trip train? :) This is what I do. And you should all know this by now :)

PRAY!

Ah!!! You know that already, right? As all good Christians should know, we need to pray & ask God our father for help & guidance when we are confused & at a loss. But what are we praying for?

Pray to know God's call on your life We need to pray for God's call on our lives so that we can't be put on a guilt trip.

Take for example - you have decided to stay home. Your well meaning mother however, thinks it is a waste of your talent & education. Afterall, anybody can look after the baby, right? :) She may mention how well you were really doing in your job or how much money they had to scrimp & save to out you into university. You start feeling guilty. You feel guilty for wasting your education, you feel guilty that your poor dh is slogging his guts out so that you can stay home.....But wait! You know that this is God's call on your life. Get off the guilt trip! In the world's eyes, you may be indeed wasting your life away, being stuck at home. But remember, Obedience is better than sacrifice. 1 Sam 15:22

We need to be sure about God's call in our lives because there will be many times we will face obstacles & hardship. Then we will start to doubt if we heard God correctly. We will be tempted to throw in the towel & follow the crowd.

But when we are sure about God's call on our lives, we cannot be put on a guilt trip! We are obeying God. The road taken may be narrow & less popular but we are walking in obedience to His call.

Remember, there are many good things to do on this earth. But what does God want you to do? Don't do things out of guilt. But rather do things in obedience to His call.

This is love for God : to obey His commands. And His commands are not burdensome. I John 5:3

What is God's call on your life? Don't get caught on a guilt trip!

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a soliatry place, where he prayed." Mk 1:35

Jesus, the Son of God, God Incarnate, prayed. How much more should we then, sinners, saved by grace, pray?

King David, a man after God's heart prayed, "In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation."

That's what we should do too! Set aside time with the Lord, talk to Him & wait in expectation for His reply.

"But I hardly have time to even shower!' you protest. Yes, it is so easy to push our Quiet Time with the Lord out of the way when we are busy or running behind schedule. I know because I have done it countless of times. But in the end, I could have saved myself much heartache & foolishness if I had sought out the Lord before rushing headlong into the urgent but unimportant tasks that require my attention.

I have learnt the hard way that indeed, the busier I am, the more I need to spend time with the Lord. Yes, I do pray throughout the day but those prayers are usually the "Please help me, Lord!" type of prayer :( A dedicated special time with the Lord is different.

I have found that when I do that, my perspective on things changes. Sometimes immediately but usually slowly. Looking after many young children is tiring & draining. Where am I going to find what I need to nourish & care for them when I, myself, am burned out? Jesus himself told his disciples who were so busy ministering to the needs of the people to, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." Mk 6:31b

How I have done my Quiet Time over the years have changed. When I had 1 child who took 2 naps a day, I would do my chores during his 1st nap & then my Quiet Time during his 2nd nap. Then, I would take my own nap. When I had 2, 3 & then 4 children, I would wake up after the early morning nursing session (usually 5am) to do my Quiet Time. Thereafter, if I felt really sleepy, I would go & lie down for a short nap. If not, my day would start from 5am. Then, I would really need a nap by mid-day! :)

I really much prefer it this way because I could start my day right with God. I liked to sit & pray, read the Bible & journal down what God was saying to me. However, I had baby #5 who would wake up many times a nite & still is waking up at least once a nite. I just couldn't stay awake after the 5am nursing session! So I had to change my Quiet Time to the afternoon when the children are doing their quiet play time just before they napped.

There are many days that I just don't feel like doing my Quiet Time because I am just so tired & all I wanted to do was sleep! So I have this little deal with myself. I tell myself that I can nap after I have finished reading my devotion passage or scheduled chapters of the Bible. On those days, I would just read - real quick, i must confess - & pray a short prayer. Then I would crash out :)

What do I use for my Quiet Time? Well, this has also changed over the years. I used to depend very heavily on devotionals esp during those days when I had 4, aged 6 & under. My dh used to tell me that those devotionals were not meat! They were too simple for me. But I told him - better to have read something from God's Word, even if it is someone else's interpretation of it, then to read nothing at all.

Milk they may be, but God has used those devotionals to speak to me many, many times over!

Currently, I am on a Daily Bible Reading Plan (http://www.home-school.com). I have to confess that I have never read through the whole Bible! So this reading plan came to me at the beginning of the year at the best time! I love it!

I strongly encourage you to set aside time to be with the Lord. Even if it is just 10minutes a day. We don't have to spend 2hrs on our knees just so He will hear us. He knows which season our lives are at.

Just a warning - if you have not done this before or have not done this in a long while & would like to start, satan is not going to be pleased. Expect warfare. Put on your full armour of God & stand firm! Eph 6:10- 18

The direct links to the articles are as follows :

What About Me? Part 1

An excerpt - How much work should we have to do? Can I expect to have personal time to do what I want to do? What about taking care of me? What does Scripture have to say that would apply to these types of questions? As I made my study, I looked for verses that indicated I was entitled to fun, entertainment, relaxation, or some kind of focus on me. I wouldn’t have minded finding some Biblical admonition for this propensity of my flesh. I have to admit I was disappointed, but not surprised, not to be able to discover any verses that applied. I found many verses that had to do with being a servant, dying to self, and taking up my cross. However, I didn’t find one verse that mentioned or even alluded to fun, entertainment, or relaxation.

What About Me? Part 2

An excerpt - I am also not saying we can’t do anything we enjoy. Instead I am asking that we consider our focus. Is our purpose to make it through the work so we can “play,” or is our purpose to love our families by serving them? My heart’s desire is that what I am doing as a homeschool mom and homemaker is what I enjoy doing the most – that it is what my heart craves doing.

What About Me? Part 3

An excerpt - Rather than the feelings and disappointment that go with not having quantities of leisure time, I would like to suggest that we embrace the workload we have with diligence, determination, and joy. We are told that everything we do we are to do as unto the Lord. “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men” (Colossians 3:23). It is hard for me to justify time spent in personal pursuits as being done unto the Lord if there is still serving of my family to be done.

What About Me? Part 4

An excerpt - "Many Christian publications do not address this and continue to mislead us by trying to put a Christian face onto the message of the popular culture. I find that when 'I want time for me,' I am often sorely lacking in my time with Him. As you know, when our eyes are on ourselves, they can't be on our Lord. When I am abiding in Him, my deep needs are truly met in sweet communion with Him..." Mom E

What About Me? Part 5

An excerpt - When I begin to think that I "have to have" time for my own pursuits or that I "need" to get away for time alone, then I am likely to experience self-pity when I don't get that fun or individual time. Jesus said I am to die to self, not fuel it. I am not saying that we will never have time for relaxation or ever be able to pursue something of personal interest to us, because we will. However, when that becomes my purpose in life and my daily goal, I am frustrated and unhappy.

So - what about me time? :)

Honestly, I do not understand why these women feel this way. Let's examine some of the points commonly raised by those who feel this way :

Boredom Well, I suppose one can get bored doing the same stuff over & over. But don't working mums face the same thing too? In every job you do, there's always a part of it that is routine & requires very little brain power. And so this is where I put housework :) But even then...for those who think that housework is a brainless job, I will put to you that you haven't tried doing a proper job :) Why else are good maids & part time helpers so hard to find? You do need brains to plan out how exactly you can work efficiently. Slipshod work - sure, anyone can do that. But housework done efficiently & properly - ah! that takes skill! Once mastered, of course you can go on auto-pilot.

Baby Talk makes your brain turn to mush. Well, in the 1st place, why engage in baby talk?! Talking to your child in complete & proper sentences is good for you & for baby :)

All I do is face the 4 walls & the baby. Ok - I don't get this when the person infront of me complaining is a mother of 1 or 2. When I had 1 child, we went out almost everyday. Either shopping , taking a bus ride, swimming, library, the playground or structured playdates at Gymboree. And when we go out, we would invariably meet other mother-child pairings & strike up a conversation which may or may not lead to friendships! Going out with toddler & baby is a little more tricky but still very doable. My own track record was to go out with 4 children (at that time ages 6 & under) while heavily pregnant with #5 on public transport :)

BTW if breastfeeding is your excuse to stay stuck at home, I'd say invest in a few pieces of nursingwear! When I had David, I didn't know nursingwear existed but I still went out with him. When I had Sarah, I found Moms in Mind, an online Singaporean nursingwear retailer. Oh! I was in heaven! I could even nurse in a dress! :)

I don't want to talk about baby all the time. In this day & age of internet connectivity, there are so many forums to participate in. I don't think this is a valid excuse. Join a forum in your area of interest & talk all you want to like-minded people.

I am wasting my diploma/degree/expertise/etc...Are you really? I think as a mother, we hold an amazing assortment of "jobs" at any one time. Doctor, nurse, dentist, manager, chef, housekeeper, author, poet, singer, psychologist, pastor.... :) And if you homeschool, your even your IT expertise comes in handy!

All I am saying is thinking that your education is "wasted" implies that you don't need any brains to be a mummy! That anyone can take your place as a mother. Hey! I guess that's why most women have little/no qualms about putting their child/ren in childcare while they go out to do the important job of working :)

So no, I don't think staying home & not working has made my brains go to mush. I have been home since 1999. I had worked as a magazine feature writer, a public relations excutive in a PR agency & a fashion house and with an advertising agency. Yes my brains don't work the same way it used to when I was working but like it this way. It is more important for me to be thinking about how to train & guide my little arrows for the Kingdom of God then to worry if there's going to be any press coverage on the new product that has been launched :)