I was taking a mythology course in school. One of my last assignments was to write my own myth. It turned out okay, but it could have been better. Anyway, if you want to read it, here it is. Oh, one last thing: Most of the ideas for the storyline came from two of my friends, Piano_girl and Samurai.
The Feast of the Beavers (an explanatory myth)
Note: Many of the words were misspelled purposely.
A long time ago, in the year 239 B.C., there lived a peasant named Clarence. When he was a young boy, Clarence would have dreams, in which the village's princess would visit him. As he grew older, Clarence fell in love with the princess, who returned his affections. The only thing preventing their happiness was an evil monster who plagued that village in which they lived. Every able-bodied man was required to fight. And Clarence was more than able-bodied. In fact, he was the strongest man in the village. For this reason, he was sent alone on a quest to kill the monster. The night before he departed, Clarence received no dream from his princess.
The next morning, the young man left, with nothing, other than his sword and a heavy heart.
Clarence walked for several miles before resting by a stream. He bent over the edge to take a drink and, as he rose, he was shocked to find an old man standing beside him! "Who are you, old man?" demanded Clarence. In answer, the old man threw his head back and released a strange cry. Suddenly, millions of beavers(yes, I said beavers) came running at a hundred miles an hour toward the pair. Clarence screamed.
"Nooooooooooo!!!"
About 2 feet from the old man, the beavers came to a startling halt. Then, they looked up at the old man patiently, awaiting his next command. The old man turned to Clarence.
"Like it?" he asked. "I came up with that call myself. They can't resist it. And I'm gonna teach you how to do it, too. Don't just stand there like a Nimrod; tell me what you think!"
"I think you're a lunatic!" cried Clarence. "Who are you?!?"
"I'm yur fairy godfather, who'd ya think?" replied the elderly gentleman, gleefully.
"Uhhhhhhhhhh...", was all Clarence could muster.
"You really are a Nimrod, ain't ya?" cackled the fairy godfather.
"I don't believe in fairy godfathers," Clarence said finally.
"Yeah, well, I didn't believe in love-struck idiots. And, yet, here ya are."
"I don't like you."
"Too bad, 'cause yer stuck with me." laughed the fairy godfather. "Now, shall we be off?"
"We?!?" repeated Clarence. "No, no, no, no, no, there isn't going to be any 'we'. There is you, and there is me. And I am going to defeat the monster. So I can't be held back by some nutty old guy. Goodbye."
"But...but...when am I gonna teach ya how to beat the monster and win the fair princess's hand?" stammered the fairy godfather.
Clarence froze. The princess? How did he know about that?
"Um...princess? What princess?" inquired Clarence, innocently.
"Let me refresh yer memory, little man," replied the godfather, and he proceeded to whack Clarence repeatedly with a stick that was lying beside the stream.
"OUCH! Hey, what are you trying to do to me?!?" yelled Clarence.
"I'm refreshing yur memory!" the godfather yelled back. "The princess is the gal you been in love with since you was a kid! The one who used to visit ya in yur dreams! Remember now???"
"I remember, I remember!!" Clarence cried. "Stop it before you give me a concusion!!!"
The fairy godfather promptly ceased his assult.
"Oooooooooooooohhhh..." Clarence moaned, holding his head in his hands.
"Now, let's git goin'. You done gone and wasted our entire afternoon."
"Yeah, whatever."
So, Clarence and his fairy godfather started off, together, on their journey.
By the next day, Clarence had taken just about all he could take from the old man. First, he was whistling. Then, he was singing. Off key, no less. Finally, the fairy godfather had resorted to telling bad jokes.
"Hey, what do ya get when you cross a..." he began again.
"Must you torment me like this?" Clarence interrupted.
"Yeah, if I'm ever gonna teach ya 'bout patience, stupid. Now as I was saying..."
"What does patience have to do with aything? I'm going to fight a monster."
"AS I WAS SAYING..."
"Fine. Hey, what was that?"
The fairy godfather strained to hear. "What?"
"That rustling noise. There it is again!"
"Oh, that be the next part o' yur training."
"What is it? What is it? What is it?" Clarence begged to know.
"Patience, grasshopper."
"Don't call me that, old man."
Well, things continued in this fashion for several days. Finally, the godfather revealed what was producing the noises Clarence was hearing.
"It's the beavers," whispered the fairy godfather.
"Excuse me?" questioned a surprised Clarence.
"The beavers have been makin' the noises ya been hearin', boy. Hee hee hee!"
"Beavers."
"Yup."
"Beavers?"
"Uh-huh. You know, the ones who almost tackled ya a few days ago. They's gonna be our secret weapon. Ain't ya excited?"
"(ahem) Yes, well..."
The old man, again, threw back his head and released that wierd cry. A quivering went through all the surrounding trees. The ground shook, and the beavers burst through the trees and charged at them! Again, the beavers managed to stop right at the fairy godfather's feet.
"Ooooooh, Deja vu," said Clarence.
"Mmhmm. I promised to teach ya how to do the call, and now I'm gonna," said the godfather, excitedly.
"Okay..."
And so, the fairy godfather fulfilled his promise.
However, they were bound to come to the monster's lair before long. The night before they arrived at their destination, Clarence, once again, dreamed about his princess. She told him that she was being forced into marrying one of the village elders, a frightfully old man who was known for his cruelty. Clarence was stunned. He awoke to find himself without the princess and...without the fairy godfather!
By morning, the old man wasn't back yet. Clarence couldn't figure out were he'd gotten to. Stupid, crazy, old geezer, Clarence thought. If he doesn't get back soon, I'll have to go by myself. After a while, Clarence realized that he was supposed to defeat the monster and rescue the woman he loved on his own! That was what the fairy godfather must have been preparing him for!
Clarence arrived at the monster's lair early that evening. He looked around. It was lonely without the fairy godfather, even if he was the most annoying creature that ever walked the face of the earth. Well, thought Clarence, this is what he prepared me for so...
"Wait!!!" called a familiar voice. Clarence turned to see the fairy godfather running toward him. "What do ya think yer doin', boy?!?" demanded the fairy godfather, once he caught up.
"I'm going to defeat the monster alone. Isn't that what you wanted me to do?" asked Clarence, surprised.
"No, I was preparin' you to be patient. I ran down to the drug store fer some Preparation H, and when I got back, you had already left. Ya haven't learned anything at all!"
"You mean," began Clarence, "that I don't have to fight the monster without you?"
" Of course not, knuckle-head! We don't gotta fight the monster. The beavers do it fer us." stated the fairy godfather. "And you may have the honor of summoning 'em."
So Clarence, for the first time, put his training into practice and let out the most amazing beaver call ever uttered by a human being. Beavers came crashing through the trees and bushes; they leapt out from behind rocks and stumps, sweeping into the opening to the monster's lair. The moster's terrible cries and shrieks could be heard for miles around. And then, there was silence. The beavers came trotting out of the lair, triumphantly.
"Well, I guess that's it. See ya, Clarence," said the fairy godfather. With that, he turned and began to walking away.
"Wait!" called Clarence. "What about the princess?"
"Oh, yer gonna have to handle that one yurself. I got one piece of advice, though."
" 'Use the beavers'?"
"Nope, 'use the short-cut.' If you woulda taken the short-cut in the first place, we coulda had all o' this finished by dinner time. Bye." And he was gone.
Clarence looked back down the way he had come. Then he looked in the direction the fairy godfather had pointed. There was, indeed, a short-cut. So, Clarence took the other path. He found himself back at the village in about forty minutes.
He looked around. Everything was covered in flowers, and the inhabitants of the village rushed to greet him. They told him about a wedding that was to take place that afternoon: the princess's wedding! Clarence knew that he had to rescue her; he just wasn't sure how. Then, he remembered the beavers.
Once again, he performed the almost-magical beaver call. The beavers came from far and near to fulfill Clarence's wish. He pointed to the elder who was to be the princess's suitor. Immediatly, the little creatures were upon the wicked man. He shrieked incoherently for a time before running out of the village. The village elder was never seen again.
The villagers were stunned. They began thanking Clarence for his brave deeds: killing the monster and getting rid of the elder who had, in fact, been cruel to them all. But Clarence refused to take the credit for these actions.
"These," he declared, pointing to the beavers, "are the real heroes. They defeated the monster and scared the elder." Then, Clarence, who was made an elder in the cruel man's place, declared that day to be the "Feast of the Beavers."
The End
Please tell me what you think. And if you have any comments or corrections, I'd love to hear them.
P.S. Linkin Park is great writing music. | 
