My “Writing Camera” practice:
Here is how it works!
Mrs. Marlow gives me a dead sentence which I am
supposed to turn into an exciting paragraph.
So here it goes!
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Before: It rained all week during out camping trip.
After: Thunder roared, and wind shook the tent.
“who’s idea was it to come camping in Washington?”
Bill griped, “yours” Maria reminded him. The sound of the
rain pelting the tent had been a constant companion this
past week. By now everything was soaked, even the food.
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Before: Katie saw a scary sea creature at the aquarium.
After: “Mommy look out!” Katie screamed “it’s going to
eat you!” people turned to stare at the frightened little girl
who pointed to the shark. “don’t worry honey,” her mother
soothed “The shark is trapped behind the glass.” The
monster seemed to smirk at her from behind the glass as
Katie further down the aisle.
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Before: As I entered the cave, I found the object of my
Search- the lost treasure of the Ancients.
After: as the stone was rolled away I saw the entrance to
The hidden cave. It was pitch black and dripping with water.
There were spiders everywhere and it looked like the door
would close at any minute. I hurried down the tunnels
avoiding the giant spider webs, suddenly there was a huge
drop-off . using a vine we swung across the riveen barley
making it. As we came around the bend in the tunnel, I saw it!
The object I had searched for since I was 10 , the lost
Treasure of the Celts. The cheast was so large and heavy
that it had To be lifted by 4 men. The treasure was made up
of gold and silver coins & jewelry made of rubies of
emeralds. It was beautiful and worth several millon dollars
but we donated it to museums across the country.
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Hope you have enjoyed my souped-up paragraphs!
Please feel free to leave a comment! | 
Posted by 
A few vivid words to give readers a sense of this scary shark could be added (how big? razor-sharp teeth? Black, lifeless eyes?). But the dialogue did create a feeling of panic. :-)
The only dead word I found in the Ancient Chest scene was "beautiful." But since, just before using that word, you described the gold and silver, I'll let the beautiful stand! The "lifted by 4 men" was perfect to tell me how heavy it was. Much better than the dead word "heavy" written by itself. You did super. Keep it up!!!!!!!!!!