I have to say, I'm really enjoying God is No Laughing Matter (Julia Cameron). I've barely even cracked the spine but it seems to be one of those books that's fallen into my lap at the perfect time and place. I love when that kind of thing happens!
The change in my devotional time (we'll keep calling it that for the sake of clarity) began when I started asking myself questions. Why am I doing this? Why am I doing it like this? Seeing as I'm getting nothing out of this but stress and guilt, who am I doing this for? (That, it turns out, was the key question.)
I'm not sure why, but we seem to think that we do devotionals for God. As if his life just doesn't go on if we don't show up for our fifteen (distracted) minutes a day. Oh yes, I'm sure my reading that two paragraph blurb and listing off my grocery list prayers was a real blessing to him.
But actually, it was a comment my husband tends to make that started opening my eyes. He'd say to me (after a week or two of not "having time" for devotions): "Did you do your devotions today? Well you need to. You are acting like a ---." (I should point out my husband doesn't swear except in extenuating circumstances, that should indicate how badly my behavior changes.)
Wait... I needed to do devotions because it changed the way I behaved throughout the day? That would mean that devotions are for my sake not God's!
In that case, why am I reading these stupid, wishy-washy books that say nothing at all? Why am I settling for someone else's model? Why am I telling myself I have to do this or can't do that? I trashed my former "Devotional Model" and began to rebuild mine based on the effectiveness of various things. Basically, I experimented.
First, I decided what I wanted to accomplish in that time. What was my goal? I wanted time to slow down, to plant my feet firmly down, to find what can best be called my "center" (which to my mind is really touching my soul to God's Spirit in me). I wanted to come out of that time feeling strong, peaceful, and confident. Ready to "take on the day" as they say. I didn't set goals of meeting God etc... because I knew that would have to happen for me to acheive the goals I had set.
I started by stopping doing certain things that felt heavy, or like obligations. I stopped (gasp) reading the Bible. I read it if something came to me, or I had a question, but I didn't read it simply because I was supposed to. Recently I've started reading it more often, but only because there's a drive in me to do so, not because I'm supposed to.
I do read books during this time. I'm reading one devotional book (I know, I'm a hypocrite) called Praying the Name of God (Spangler). I don't always like the angle of her devotionals but learning the various names of God and their scriptral refrences has taught me a lot about God himself - which is why I'm reading it. I ignore the flimsy devotionals and write directly in the book when I have comments on the others. I'm also currently reading God is No Laughing Matter (Cameron) at the same time. Like a devotional book it's written in short chapters (several pages rather than paragraphs though) and it even has suggested activities and things to think about at the end of each chapter. I like this because it's not sugary sweet "Christian" fare. I find I get good results if something forces me to look into myself each day. Sometimes I'll read an entry in Sparkling Gems of the Greek (Renner) - even though it's dated I completely ignore that and read whatever I want to, and only when I want to. I use that book more for study than devotions.
When I'm done those books I'll probably add in new books. I'm hoping to get Cover to Cover to replace the Names of God book. I try to have one "Christian" book and one "Self-development" book, that system has the most effect for me.
But don't be deceived - reading isn't all I do during this time. That would be too easy. Too snap-the-book-shut-brush-the-dust-off-your-hands-and-move-on. I do a lot of thinking during this time. I either sit downstairs near a window and stare out it aimlessly or I sit in my library with my lovebird (Pomegranate) out of her cage. I talk to God about what I'm reading, what's been happening in my life, or some thought I'm developing/studying. This "thinking" runs a lot like a normal conversation. My relationship with God has gotten much more personal and intimate during this time. I almost never use this time to pray for anything or anyone. This time is meant for me and so I talk to God about many things but never ask or demand anything of him (except maybe answers!).
I also try to write Morning Pages during this time. Morning pages are my meditation, along with breathing, I try to take time most mornings to kneel and breath. The breathing calms me down and that's when I start to turn my mind towards God and what will happen today. The Morning Pages are assigned homework for The Artist's Way program and the most effective tool for creativity ever. I write at least three pages almost every day. I write what I've been thinking about in my time. I write what I'm pondering for my business. I write all the things swirling in my head and questions I'm looking for answers to. I write my worries and doubts. I dump all this on the page in any given day. I may not do the pages at the same time as the rest of my devotions, but it's a rare day I don't have this time or do the pages. Not because I have to, or am supposed to, but because I just cannot have a really good day without this time for me and God.
Once I changed the time to meet ME, to accomplish my goal of feeding me, believe it or not, it actually began to serve God too. But that might have just been because I was showing up. For years God has told me he wants me to spend an hour a day with him. I would try and eventually give up. I just couldn't fill that hour; not with the old "devotional/prayer formulas". Now that my time is catered to me, and follows no system but what I need that day, I never fall short of an hour and have actually passed the two hour mark. (My husband says, "Are you ever coming out of there." on weekends.) And you know what, I hardly even notice the time. Often I'm sad to leave my quiet room and join the real world.
Interactive means that activity goes on between us. Not just me waiting for you to act. Or me doing all the action. No, it's meant to be a teetor totter effect; I push up, then you push up to get me back down to the ground. The idea of interactive books, interactive TV, interactive video games has dulled us to responsive action (in my opinion) and that's reflected in our devotional times. There's no room for God to act, we've left before he started to speak (or talked the whole time and he couldn't fit a breath in edgewise). I forced my mornings to allow for a little interaction - I needed it, otherwise I become a ---. Ask my husband.
I say if your devotions aren't doing anything for you but adding guilt and stress to your life, toss them out. Experiment with something new. Decide what you are trying to accomplish and then figure out how to accomplish it - on your own terms. It was all this thinking about the purpose and meaning of "Devotion" that began me down this particular path of my journey. I'm thinking I can't be the only one who wondered about this. I once read a book where the author said if you aren't able to make time for your devotions it's because you aren't hungry enough for them. I agree, I think that's very true. But I also think it's true that you might be starving for steak and forcing yourself to eat pasta because you "should", or maybe you don't even know there is steak available. So you begin to skip meals, it's still true, you aren't hungry for pasta. Toss the pasta. What are you hungry for? Eat that instead? Be hungry and eat!
I really liked this quote and thought it was applicable:
For myself, a practice of three pages of morning writing is an effective meditation practice. At noon I walk my dogs, and in late afternoon I bike-ride, an invaluable time.
"Dog walking! Bike riding! What does that have to do with spirituality?" one of my intellectual friends snorts derisively. He can understand my practice of Moning Pages - after all, those are work. What he can't understand is the notion of scheduled recreation being part of the spiritual path. He does not look squarely at that word "re-creation". -- Julia Cameron, God is No Laughing Matter Try changing the box! Order from a different menu!