Let's see, I think it was last summer, it would have been late in the summer - August. Maybe it was actually in the fall though? Anyway, that's probably irrelevent. We'll go with Fall.
Last Fall God began telling me he wanted me to pray more. Well, not just more - he wanted me to learn something about prayer and relying on him. I became convicted to pray for one hour each day. (Let me just say that I believe noone should pray or read their Bible a certain amount because they have to. Guilt is not God's method of motivation. But God had worked me up to this stage and it lined up with my spiritual gifts.) I knew that's what God wanted but it was a big step. A big commitment. So I avoided it. Of course, that makes sense.
Funny thing - I chose to freeze my spiritual walk (I wasn't avoiding God I just wasn't doing that specific prayer thing) and everything else just froze too. My coaching business was going nowhere, despite it being my primary focus. I'd visit my mentor and each month I'd vent my frustration about not knowing what to do. God was silent when I asked for the next step. Each and every month (seriously folks - this was a repeated occurance) she'd ask me what the last thing God told me to do was. And each and every month I'd say "Pray".
"A good friend once told me," she said while drinking her Tim Horton's (that's a major donut/coffee shop in Canada for you American readers), "that whenever God seems to stop talking you should go back to the last thing he told you to do. He's either waiting for you to obey or you are trying to move on too quickly. That advice always helps me when I get stuck."
The rest of the time we'd discuss why I wasn't just praying. (I think they call this a Fruedian slip - I just accidentally typed "wasting" in where that sentence says "wasn't".) Every month we'd repeat the cycle.
Fast forward to today. Or, well, last month. Eventually God gave up on nagging me (what's the point, not like I was listening) but then last month the conviction started again. Along with a conviction to control the amount of time I was spending on the forums. So I bought an egg timer. Actually, I had my husband buy an egg timer. For the last month I've been incorporating an hour of prayer into my routine. i.e. I miss many days, hit many days, and don't always get a full hour in, but I'm training myself and soon it will be more hit than miss. I finally obeyed the last thing God told me. I'm sure God would put that exact amount of emphasis on the word finally - if not more!
So that's the background for today. This morning I was lying on my couch praying. Talking to God. Minding my own business. When God says to me, "Why aren't you writing?" (I'm sure some of you are thinking "What exactly does she mean when she says when God says?" That's a whole other post! But suffice it to say it was that "still small voice")
"Weeelllllll....." I personally think the question was rhetorical because I didn't answer, but I did get a lecture. (Ok, now I know you are really curious about the "hearing God" thing.) I won't go into details on the lecture, just let me assure you, God has been convicting me about writing again for some time and I keep putting it off. Yesterday my husband had to go to work, my son spent the day evenly divided between the television and putting together models in his room. I had the entire day to myself (something I've been repeatedly telling myself I am in need of lately) and I spent it on the internet and watching TV. What is wrong with me? (I think that is God's point exactly!)
Back to the point... What was my point?
At some point God reminds me about the prayer lesson - you won't go forward without going back to the last thing God told you to do (or the last thing you know he told you for sure). And I, being oh so smart, reply, "Oh yes, you told me to pray. I'm still working out the kinks on that one. It's not time for the next thing."
"What, did you think this is some kind of punishment. That you have to do a penance of prayer before you can move on? You are doing what I told you to do and now I'm telling you to do something new. Write." What? You mean, I don't have to have this praying one hour a day thing down perfect? I just had to set out to accomplish it? I just had to obey to the best of my ability. I hadn't realized it until he said it, but yeah, I had thought I needed to do some kind of prayer penance. Three months of hour praying and I'll give you the next step.
"You do realize that you are in disobediance to me." God told me to write (yes, I admit he did, I'm just avoiding it), and I'm not writing. Uhhh... Put that way, I guess I am in disobediance. See I was looking at it more from the "That's scary and a big step and I'm not sure if I'm ready to go there yet" point of view and not so much from the "I'm not doing what you told me to" point of view. But on the point of technicality I'd have to say that He's got me there.
What did I take away from this mornings prayer time? I think it's time to make a rough schedule and plan some regular writing sessions into my week. I also came away with an urgent need to blog this out. Are you doing the last thing you know God told you to do? Or are you in "I'm not sure if I can accomplish that all on my own and maybe this isn't quite the right time anyway and am I even sure this is God telling me to do this" mode?
All right, all right. I worte. Happy now?