Well, I may have missed the deadline (we'll see!) but I can't help but think about this little problem I have.  You see, while most people have a tendency to have to learn to say "no" to their children, I've noticed that I have a hard time saying "yes".

Even when I was married, it was hard to do.  After all, I want to raise strong, intelligent young women who don't whine the first time their husband has to work overtime unexpectedly or when their birthday is forgotten.  I want daughters who will be like me, who will "suck it up", go about their business, and discuss any issues as calmly as they can when the time is right.

I want to raise self-reliant girls who are capable of running a household, excelling in a career, and everything else they need to do, whatever their paths may hold for them.  I don't want them to be big crybabies who can't kill their own spiders (one of the things I loathe most about singlehood, frankly), balance their own checkbooks, change their own oil, or tell when a saleman is trying to pull the wool over their eyes.

I want daughters who will submit to a good man because he is a good man, because he assumes a position of leadership and because he can be respected by them, not because someone tells them they "have to".  When life brews stormy weather, I want my girls to batten down the hatches, put on their life jackets, and do what needs to be done to keep their family afloat.

All this means I don't want to raise some wussy little girls who shriek when they see a fly or teens who stand in shock when a boy makes a move that is unwanted and inappropriate.  I want my girls to say NO and mean it with all their hearts, and I want them to back it up with any and all forces necessary.  I want them to stand their ground when someone questions their patriotism, their faith, their family, and I want them to do it intelligently, calmly, and politely.  I'm not just raising little tomboys; I want my girls to feel good about keeping themselves clean, presentable and attractive. 

So I say no.  No, you may not have that toy.  No, you may not do that.  No, you may not say this.  No, we aren't going there.  No, that's not in the plan.  No, you aren't allowed to do that, say this, go there, see them, act like this, eat those, touch that...

I say no way too much.  And I realized that, in always being the disciplinarian and always being in charge, I never have the opportunity to delegate.  As a single parent, I don't have the chance to play "good cop" to somebody else's "bad cop" lines.  I'm always the bad cop.  And it's not fun for me, my daughter, or my step-daughter (when she's here).

So you know what I've started to realize?  My Kidling needs to work on being more disciplined...but I need to work on being less disciplined.  My Kidling needs to learn to do more around the house (she did just turn 5, after all, and her older sister was much more helpful at this age...but much less free-spirited), and I need to learn to do less.

So I've started to say yes.  "Yes, you may feed the dog.  Thank you for helping."  "Yes, you may sweep.  Thank you for helping."  "Yes, you may play with those blocks in the office while I work."

It may not be done well...but it's done, and she tried.  She may brush the dog for me in the kitchen (leaving a pile of dog hair that needs to be swept up, rather than outside, where the birds would pick it up for their nests and the wind would blow it away), but she tried.  She tried to surprise me by helping; she tried to help me by brushing the dog who was shedding everywhere anyway; she really did try.

She did it to help me, with a servant's heart, in submission through love for me; she did it to prove she is capable and self-reliant in her own newly-five ways.

Did she make a mess?  Yes.  Did she think she was helping?  Yes.

I really need to focus on saying YES more.