Posted in Homeschooling the Only Child

Having an only child may seem like a rarity in the world of homeschooling.  Newspapers and articles profiling homeschooling families seem to focus on large families, homeschooling teens down to twos.  I don't have statistics for this statement, but families with multiple children do seem to be the homeschool *norm.*

 

However, there are families with only children that homeschool - possibly more than you think.

 

Recently on one of the discussion boards I frequent, someone posted an "Am I alone?" query about homeschooling only children.  Amazingly, about 30 people responded to her, which was many more than I had expected.

 

One of primary issues one encounters is the old question about socialization.     Even people who are unfamiliar with homeschooling can look at a family of six or more and assume that socialization probably does occur in such a group. 

 

But, once these same folks hear about homeschooling an only child, the lack of contact with same-age peers seems to border on abuse in their minds!  Not only will this dear child not have a sibling - and often people want to know why this is the case - they then believe we are depriving her of the next best thing by not sending her to a brick and mortar school. 

 

I won't go into a huge diatribe here on the whole socialization issue.  My only advice is to develop a thick skin on this subject, read a few articles, develop an appropriate response, and move on.

 

In homeschooling an only child, whatever resources you can budget for homeschooling only has to cover one student.  This can be a huge positive, because it may seem like you have "limitless" funds to use to teach one student.

 

There is a hidden downside to this, however.  That comes when you find that the program, workbook, or whatever doesn't really fit your child as you'd anticipated.  Then you are left with either making it fit, reselling it in a used curriculum sale, or giving it away, plus you'll have to replace it, if it's a core subject. 

 

In the multiple child family, both the initial purchase and the second option can be passed down to the next child/ren in line - they might work for them and therefore more likely justifies their cost. 

 

An expensive curriculum, divided by three children, seems less of a luxury then when the same amount is spent on one.

 

If you are compelled to justify this type of expense accounting to yourself, consider comparing the costs to the typical private school tuition.  Suddenly, the extra $50 for a new math program because the first one didn't work seems pretty cheap for a customized educational experience!

 

And, as I've discovered, there are so many book, curriculum, and activity choices out there for homeschoolers that it's hard to not want to try them all.  With just one child, that's simply not possible.  (Actually, it's not possible with multiple children either, but the options do increase to some extent I should think!)  Yet, I find that there's always the question of "how can we add this neat program, too, and not overwhelm our child?"

 

I recently re-read a book entitled My One and Only: The Special Experience of the Only Child  by Ellie McGrath (1989).  The author focuses specifically on the experiences of only children as found in various forms of research, interviews, and her own personal memories. 

 

McGrath finds that the need for an only child to succeed, be the best, to "do it all" stems from their hyper-awareness of their position as the only offspring.  This often far overshadows the potential of being spoiled. 

 

I really identified with this portion of McGrath's findings.  Growing up I had more lessons, toys, and parental time available *all* to myself than most of my friends. 

 

But, while I was also the sole object of my parents' praise, the same went for criticism. 

 

I was *very* aware that my being a girl meant my father didn't have a son and I tried hard to make up for that.  Not that I had to - he was thrilled to have a daughter - but because it just didn't seem fair to him in my young mind. 

 

I felt that I had to succeed at the piano, dance, violin, clarinet, and vocal lessons that were provided, because neither of my parents had had those luxuries provided to them when they grew up. 

 

If there was anything about the book that struck me as entirely "on target," and yet came as a surprise, it was the observation that only children have a tendency toward naivety when it comes to dealing with others.  Their earliest experiences are primarily with adults who tend to deal straight with them, thus they come to expect this same equality of behavior from everyone they encounter, even children.

 

Only children who are homeschooled are spared the playground/bus bully.  But the potential to push them, or for them to push themselves as they get older, may be greater because they are the center of the educational process. 

 

I don't know if this can be changed.  Much like birth order in the case of multiple children, or genetic heritage, these issues just come with the territory at birth.

 

In our homeschool, however, I am making the effort not to "overcompensate" for the lack of siblings for our daughter by over-doing the outside activities.  I've established the guideline of only two "lesson" or group activities at a time, preferably different types of activities at that. 

 

We say "no" to outside social functions if our week has been terribly busy.  We don't feel compelled to go to the library each and every week.  And I don't allow myself to feel guilty about these things.

 

We're still relatively early in our homeschooling journey but, thus far, it's been a positive experience.  Parenting an only child brings its own gifts and burdens and homeschooling only adds to both of those. 

 

But researching, connecting with other parents homeschooling only children, and discussing these issues can dispel some of the myths and confirm your choices as you set about this special experience.