Posted in Homeschooling the Only Child

Something came to me today from the McGrath book that I'd entirely forgotten, until it played out this afternoon.

One thing McGrath mentioned was that "only children need time alone" and if that time doesn't come easily, they will make it. 

Seems I should know this well enough, since I myself stay up until the wee hours of the morning on alternating nights, just to putz, read, stitch, or whatever.  I've often found myself looking forward to an evening of grading papers (when that was part of the regimen), if only to be alone and not have to talk to anyone.

Therefore, I shouldn't have been surprised by the conversation in the car this afternoon, on our way home from a homeschool group event.

It was "Beach Day" held at our friends' house to celebrate the end of the school year.  We were invited to the event to meet some of the folks from a homeschool group that is not our "regular" group.  So, aside from our friends' two children, Kate didn't know anyone else there.  And there were, maybe, 15 other children. 

All went well, until a surprise thundershower started the water-balloon fight just a bit earlier than planned!  Then we all scurried to pack-up and head out as everyone was drenched, not just those in bathing suits with water balloons in hand! 

In the car on the way home, I asked Kate what she had liked the best about the event.  Top on the list was the water balloon fight, seconded by the box turtle that our friends had found recently.  No surprises.

Her least favorite part, however, was that she and her good friend "R" had not been "able to have a conversation!"  There were just too many other children and activities around for that. 

Despite my explanations before we went that this was a group event, including new people, at our friends' home, Kate still expected to be able to have one-on-one time with people she knows and cares about. 

She had fun with the other children, certainly, played games with them, shared lunch, and worked on the treasure hunt team.  But the one-to-one aspect wasn't there, which is what she's used to on a daily basis with myself, or on other play dates we arrange.

Additionally, when we got home, Kate needed her "alone time" too.  She was quite pleased to listen to an audiobook while I took a shower and continued to play alone for some time after I returned to the living area.  It seemed to be much needed time for her to process the day, the events, all the people and activity. 

I think it's easy to fall into the trap that only children need to socialize in the same way as children with siblings.  The dynamics of a group setting are different, radically different for the only child, from day-to-day events. Respect for the only's need for one-on-one time or, at the very least, alone time after the event, can go a long way, it seems, to making these occasions enjoyable and less stressful.