Posted in Beginning the homeschool journey

It's inevitable that the homeschool child, and parent, will encounter questions, especially once the child appears to be of "school age." 

 

Of course, school age is a vague term.  Some folks consider pre-school to be the first step toward a Harvard education and will ask the parent of a three-year-old why s/he isn't in school. 

 

But it's almost unavoidable once a child reaches six or seven that the questions will come. 

 

No matter how strong your conviction is toward homeschooling, what your logical, well-considered, and researched opinions are, some questions will just create that "deer in the headlights" sensation.

 

Or, as in my case, you become totally tongue-tied.*

 

Under the heading of "forewarned is forearmed" - or at least a chuckle for some - here are a few FAQ's that seem to be popular supermarket check-out pop-quizzes for the homeschooled:

 

1. Do you have to report your child's progress to anyone?  This is a variable-answer question, depending on where you live.  In our state the flat answer is "no."

 

But the "real" answer is yes.  Everyday I assess my child and her progress - not just once a year.  I can see what she understands, what she needs help with, and where we can move ahead or add more materials.  My daughter's progress (or lack thereof) is obvious to me on an ongoing basis and I'm responsible for helping to rectify any problems - regardless of what type of school setting she is in.

 

The intent of standardized testing - the typical form of "reporting" a child's progress where required - is to provide data to the schools, to the teachers, and (maybe) to the parent. 

 

However, it's very rare that the results of a homeschooler's standardized testing actually surprises a parent.  Usually the surprise is a very positive one in that the student does better than expected on topics that have not been covered in their studies (for whatever reasons).  If a student has trouble with spelling or test-taking, that is often something the homeschool parent is already aware of and working to address.

 

But, when I answer "no" to the above question based on the legality of where I live, this then creates even more questions, like:

 

- Then how do you know if s/he is on grade-level or not? 

 

Well, I'm setting the standard.  If I need help, finding out what our local public schools are teaching first graders is relatively easy information to obtain.  And I can assure you that every school district in the country has differing objectives for each grade level across the board.

 

When Kate is a successful college student, will it matter that we did third- grade history in fourth grade, or second-grade language arts in first?  Hardly.

 

OR the question becomes a generalized "concern" along the lines of:

 

- That's scary, because there could be children out there that aren't really getting an education. 

 

Here's where being tongue-tied saves my skin, because I want to ask the questioner if they've really examined some of the "products" of our public school systems lately. 

 

Otherwise, there's no real way to answer this concern.  I can't defend *all* homeschoolers everywhere - and that's not my burden.  It's a dead-end question and not meant to further positive discussion.

 

2.  Where do you find materials?  or a variation of this Do you buy your materials from the school system? 

 

I give thanks regularly for the internet with its plethora of homeschool resources - and I share this thanks with those asking these questions.  I've discovered that these questions are usually prompted by the curious, rather than the nosy, and deserve a brief and gentle response. 

 

This can also, depending on the questioner, be a more gentle way of asking if you have a clue as to what you are doing.  Surely, if you are using the *same* materials as the public schools, then you have some guidance on how to use them.  Or, if not, you are using a "packaged curriculum" that guides you in some way.

 

I try hard not to go into details with my answer (we do *not* used a packaged curriculum), unless I'm fairly certain that the question is based out of honest curiosity rather than a negative bias. 

 

3. How do you know how to teach all those subjects? 

 

I *love* this question, especially as we're currently teaching first grade, though it was even better in Kindergarten! 

 

I usually mention something about how, "Well, first grade math isn't that complicated," or "There are great books about teaching reading with phonics," my enthusiasm shows, and the questioner starts to smile.  Where the conversation goes after that is then their problem. 

 

But, this question will become more interesting as my daughter matures.  And I'm still considering how to respond.  One thing I do hope to make part of the answer, however, is that I'm not "teaching subjects" but inspiring her to learn - and that she can do with any subject at any age. 

 

4. How long are you going to homeschool him/her? 

 

Ahhh, the intensely personal question.  Is it really their business?  (No.)  And does it matter to them in the least?  (No.)   I'm not entirely sure what *is* the intent of this question.  I usually try to respond on a case-by-case basis as it's often not the first question asked during a conversation.

 

Probably the best answer I've heard to this is "as long as we feel that homeschooling is the right decision for our family."  It keeps the answer flexible, personal, and inarguable. 

 

Unless the questioner really is looking for an argument and then it's a lost cause. 

 

5. What about those "basic skills" that can only be learned at school?  How will your child learn to survive in the "real world?"

 

This is a "socialization" question again, but one that can really hit hard on the homeschool parent because it does strike close to the reasons that some parents choose homeschooling.  Many of them do choose to shelter their children from some aspects of our society - especially when these children are younger and unable to develop a mature response to these issues.

 

My favored response to this is that the "real world" is not age-segregated, with recess breaks for socializing with age-only peers, who all arrive each day on time together. 

 

Which is usually encountered by "How will she learn to deal with bullies or know what is right and wrong?"

 

The last time I checked, there were plenty of opportunities to witness poor choices, bad behavior, and bullying, in both the real world and via mass entertainment. 

 

Rudolph was bullied; the Grinch was a bully.  You don't even need prime-time HBO for these two.

 

And, since when is our family not the real world?  Sometimes I act badly - and I have to fess up and apologize.  My daughter sees unfairness in the way people treat each other and in the way her friends occasionally act.  There are bullies in church groups, scouts, dance class, and on the park playground. 

 

Finding poor behavior isn't the problem.  But raising children who know and are able to respond properly is best done through strong parenting skills and the modelling of correct behavior as often as possible.

 

Six year olds are not fully socialized and don't have much to teach other six year olds on the subject!

 

 

6.  But what about the prom?  and variations on this question.

 

Go ahead - laugh!    I've had this question asked of me not once, but twice! 

 

It's a variation on the socialization question, but more specifically addressed to the needs of high school students.  Since my daughter is in first grade, I did laugh out loud - both times.

 

I realize it's rude - I guess my twelve years in public school didn't socialize me properly.  And I had dates to three proms, too.

 

Socialization is, by far, *the* most asked question.  Check my links on the right for discussions on this topic and ways other suggest or choose to handle it. 

 

No doubt there are other questions that will arise.  Some may even reach the top of my chart! 

 

If all else fails, and finding a suitable answer in a hurry just doesn't happen at that moment, there's always this old standby:

 

"Excuse me, but would you pass the bean dip?" and change the topic.

 

I'm told this works...maybe I should try it sometime. 

 

 

*I've decided that becoming tongue-tied in these instances is often an act of guardian angels - my usual, unconsidered and sarcastic wit is not appropriate if left ungaurded...